ROCKTRON

(TITLE APPEARS: “WAITING” SEVERAL ANNOYING SECONDS GO BY WITH THE SOUND OF A BLENDER IN THE BACKGROUND)

ZORAK: A

MOLTAR: E

BRAK: IIIIIIIIIIIIIII

BLACK WIDOW: O

METALLIS: (DROANS)

LOKAR: Oh do I have to? Fine, very well…and sometimes Y.

(BACK TO THE “WAITING” title)

LOKAR: (V.O.) If you ask me it’s entirely insensible.

(OPENING THEME & TITLES)

TANSUT: (V.O.) Rock and roll everyone. This is Tansut welcoming you to another mediocre episode of Space Ghost Coast to Coast. Tonight’s guests include actor Christopher Walken. And that’s it. (AWKWARD SILENCE) What? I told you it was mediocre. (VERY MONOTONE WITH A TOUCH OF SADNESS) Anyways… Space Ghost.

SPACE GHOST: (INVISOS IN) Greetings citizens, and welcome to my show.

ZORAK: Your show?

SPACE GHOST: Yes Zorak, my show. You aren’t starting trouble again are you?

ZORAK: Ah, go chase yourself.

SPACE GHOST: Tonight, on my show

ZORAK: (FROM THE BACKGROUND) BLA!

SPACE GHOST: We have popular actor Christopher Walken. (TO ZORAK) He’s got ears you know? Hey Zorak, you don’t have ears, why is that?

ZORAK: I’m a moron you mantis.

SPACE GHOST: (LOOKS ON CONFUSED)

ZORAK: (WITH BIG EYES)Eh, Slight error. (THEN BACK TO HIS NORMAL, EVIL SELF) I’m a mantis you moron. Our ears are on the inside.

SPACE GHOST: Ah. It’s … ah … a little…

ZORAK: What?

SPACE GHOST: Oh, Oh nothing. I was…I was gonna say…

ZORAK: What?

SPACE GHOST: oh…ah… weird, it’s just a little… weird. And I still don’t buy it.

ZORAK: Why don’t YOU have ears then?

SPACE GHOST: I don’t have ears?!?!?! (TO HIMSELF) Is that true, Tad? Are these rugged good looks marred some how? Am I really "earless"?

ZORAK:(TAUNTING) Space Ghost has no ears. Space Ghost has no ears.

MOLTAR: What’d I miss? I was in the can, doing my thing.

ZORAK: Our friend, Space Goof has no ears.

MOLTAR: No kidding? How about that?

ZORAK and MOLTAR: (LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY AND EVILLY OUT LOUD)

SPACE GHOST: Alright, yes laugh it up the both of you. Go on, it’s funny.

MOLTAR: (LIFTING A HAND TO HIS EAR) What’s that Space Ghost, I can’t ear you?

ZORAK and MOLTAR: (CONTINUES LAUGHING)

SPACE GHOST: (SADDENED)

ZORAK: Friends, Romans, Space Ghost led me your ears…oh wait!

ZORAK and MOLTAR: (STILL WITH THE LAUGHING AND THE EVIL)

SPACE GHOST: (FEELING DOWN) Just play me to the desk. (INVISOS TO THE DESK)

(ZOARK AND MOLTAR LAUGHING CONTINUES, DROWNING OUT THE SOUND OF SOMEONE HITTING RANDOM KEYS ON A KEYBOARD)

BRAK: You shouldn’t feel bad Space Ghost. You don’t look that stupid without ears.

ZORAK: Ahh, what’s the Council of Doom doing here?

SPACE GHOST: Good golly, Miss Molly. (LOOKS OVER AT THE COUNCIL OF DOOM) Oh yes, they wanted to be on today. They are looking for a new member and thought this Christopher Walken chap would be perfect for the job.

ZORAK: You don’t say.

SPACE GHOST: I do say.

ZORAK: Then don’t breathe.

SPACE GHOST: Fine. Moltar, let’s do this thing.

MOLTAR: What’d you say? I was watching a re-run of Designing Women. That Delta Burke really gets my juices...

ZORAK: Moltar!

MOLTAR: I mean I was watching the game…dude. It was a killer.

SPACE GHOST: Moltar shhhhush.

MOLTAR: I know, I’m sorry. (PUSHES LEVER)

(MONITOR LOWERS)

SPACE GHOST: Bonjour Citizen Walken, and how do you do?

ZORAK: How now, brown cow?

SPACE GHOST: Zorak! It’s not nice to call our guest a cow, even a brown one.

CHRISTOPHER WALKEN: That’s alright. I have been called worse.

SPACE GHOST: Worse than brown cow?

CHRISTOPHER WALKEN: Much worse.

SPACE GHOST: Can you say them on television?

CHRISTOPHER WALKEN: Oh yes.

SPACE GHOST: (LOOKING ON IN ANTICIPATION) Well? Are you going to share or do I have to drag it out of you.

CHRISTOPHER WALKEN: Oh no. I’m not. You can if you want to.

SPACE GHOST: HA HA, You are supper nutty. I like that.

CHRISTOPHER WALKEN: Well thank you, Space Ghost. I kind of like you.

SPACE GHOST: Well that’s good Chrissy, (LEANS FORWARD) because these guys here don’t respect me.

CHRISTOPHER WALKEN: I can see that.

SPACE GHOST: Why, just minutes before you got here they were making fun of me because of my ears. Can you imagine?

CHRISTOPHER WALKEN: No I can’t. You know…

SPACE GHOST: They had the gull to say I didn’t have ears. Isn’t that silly?

CHRISTOPHER WALKEN: I didn’t know you had ears. Where do you keep them?

(ZORAK, MOLTAR, AND THE COUNCIL BEGIN LAUGHING)

SPACE GHOST: (SHOCKED) Chris! I am shocked and appalled and shocked. Why I’m all three. How could you?

ZORAK: Good one Walken.

SPACE GHOST: (TO ZORAK) Oh stop.

CHRISTOPHER WALKEN: You know Space Ghost, you could get implants. They have those nowadays.

SPACE GHOST: Implants?

CHRISTOPHER WALKEN: Sure, I know the doctor that can do it. I’ll give you his number sometime.

SPACE GHOST: Implants hummm…(TRAILS OFF)

(DISSOLVE TO: Beach occupied by some bikini-clad womens and Space Ghost with big, obvious false ears.)

WOMENS: Hi, Space Ghost!

SPACE GHOST: (SMILES STUPIDLY)

(DISSOLVE BACK TO SET)

SPACE GHOST: (DAY DREAMING)

CHRISTOPHER WALKEN: (STARING AWKWARDLY AT SPACE GHOST)

MOLTAR: Should someone tell him he’s on?

ZORAK: Let’s not, I like him better this way. Nice and shutted up.

LOKAR: He’s unneeded anyway. Walken we have a bit of a proposition for you.

CHRISTOPHER WALKEN: Shoot. I’m all ears.

(THEY ALL CRACK-UP ONCE MORE)

ZOARK: All ear! That’s rich.

LOKAR: Umm yes, quite delightful. All right Walken lets dispense with the pleasantries and this mindless banter shall we?

BRAK: Let’s get down to brass tax.

LOKAR: Walken, it’s quite a rarity however we are offering you a position on the Council of Doom.

TANSUT: What do you say?

CHRISTOPHER WALKEN: I’m game. What do I have to do?

LOKAR: The only stipulation is you must answer some inquiries for us.

BRAK: And remember to be evil.
LOKAR: Yes, I should say so. Now for each incorrect answer you will be killed.

BRAK: Are you ready?

CHRISTOPHER WALKEN: Of course not.

BRAK: Good. Do you like puppies?

CHRISTOPHER WALKEN: What do you mean, to eat?

BRAK: Oh good answer. You get one thousand points.

TANSUT: My turn, my turn. Do you have any hidden, evil powers?

(CHRISTOPHER WALKEN SMILES AS HIS EYES GLOW RED)

TANSUT: That’ll do.

LOKAR: I must say you are looking on the up and up old boy. One last question before we welcome you aboard. You call yourself an actor, finish this quote…(CLEARS HIS THROAT) “I’m going off the rails of a crazy…”

(EVERYONE IS WATCHING IN ANTICIPATION)

CHRISTOPHER WALKEN: …Train?

(EVERYONE CHEERS)

BRAK: HOORAY! I have a chair saved down here for you...