Birthday girl

I lie with my face in my pillow
and womder why i dont have a clue
as to why im crying
when i think of you

My thoughts are filled with suicide
and a release from the pain
someone tell me if this normal
or am i just insane?

I thought i had found the love
that ive been looking for
but is it really love
or just another shutting door

i feel that no one loves me
even though i know they care
im just scared of being lonley
even more so when their there

my life has been so painfull
and i know i have made it so
i guess im scared to change it
maybe its to late i just dont know

i hate my life and what iam
and what im scared ill grow to be
i just hope i can make it through
im so young ,today eighteen