Christine: Hmmmmm... Who do I need for this?... Exotica can be Rafiki, Munkustrap can be Mufasa...
{others come in, not knowing what Demmy Chris is up to.}

Bombalurina: Uh-oh... What's she naming people off for this time?!

Munkustrap: The Lion King, I think.

Alonzo: In that case, I suggest we run while we can.
{All cats run towards the door, but Demmy Chris cuts them off}

Christine: Not so fast! You're here to be in my play, so that's what you're going to do! {bolts the door, and scoots a chair up in front of it, then sits down.}
Ahem, now, the cast:

Rafiki: Exotica
Mufasa: Munkustrap
Sarabi: Demeter
Zazu: Alonzo
Scar: Macavity
Young Simba: Pouncival
Young Nala: Sillabub
Shenzi: Rumpleteazer
Banzai: Mungojerrie
Ed: Tumblebrutus
Timon: Admetus
Pumbaa: Asparagus
Simba: Rum Tum Tugger
Nala: Bombalurina
Lionesses: Jellylorum, Jennyanydots, Victoria, Cassandra
Other Hyenas: Jemima, Etcetera, George, Victor, Plato, Coricopat, Tantomile

Christine: Okay, now, everyone knows their parts, so let's get on with the play!

Bombalurina: {jabs Exi in the side} You start, dipweed.

Christine: {whispering evilly} Ssssssshhhhh! Do you want to blow the PG rating of this thing?!?!

Bombalurina: {mumbles and grumbles but eventually shuts up}

Exotica: {Getting bored, wants to get it over with, sings as horribly as she can:}
FROM THE DAY WE ARRIVE ON THIS PLANET
AND BLINKING STEP INTO THE SUN
THERE IS MORE TO SEE THAN CAN EVER BE SEEN
MORE TO DO THAN CAN EVER BE DONE
{by now she's horribly off key, and Christine can barely keep from exploding}

Christine: All right Exi! If it hurts you that much, we'll just have to torture Alonzo instead!

Alonzo: What?!?!

Christine: We're skipping to the "Morning Report," and you would've known if you'd paid attention.

Alonzo: {Horribly off pitch just like Exotica}
IT'S AN HONOUR AND A PRIVILEGE, A DUTY I PERFORM
WITH DUE SENSE OF DECORUM AND WITH PRIDE
WITH DEVERENCE AND GREAT RESPECT, VERY MUCH THE NORM
PLUS A HINT OF SYCOPHANCY ON THE SIDE...
TO LAY BEFORE MY RULER ALL THE FACTS ABOUT HIS REALM
TO FILL HIM IN ON ALL THE BEASTLY NEWS...

Munkustrap: {By now just as annoyed with off key singing as Christine is} Yes, yes, Lonzo. Get on with it!

Lonzo: {grinning because he accomplished his stupid goal of annoying every cat within hearing distance}
IN ORDER THAT HIS MAJESTY STAND STURDY AT THE HELM
AWARE OF ALL THE FAUNA'S LATEST VIEWS

Munk: {terribly annoyed, as is almost everyone else} Lonzo! The morning report!

Lonzo: Yes "Sire". The morning report.
CHIMPS ARE GOING APE, GIRAFFES REMAIN ABOVE IT ALL,
ELEPHANTS REMEMBER, THOUGH JUST WHAT I CAN'T RECALL,
CROCODILES ARE SNAPPING UP FRESH OFFERS FROM THE BANK,
SHOWED INTREST IN MY NEST EGG BUT I QUICKLY SAID "NO THANKS"
WE HAVEN'T PAID THE HORNBILLS, AND THE VULTURES HAVE A HUNCH
NOT EVERY ONE INVITED WILL BE COMING BACK FROM LUNCH
THIS IS THE MORNING REPORT
GIVES YOU THE LONG AND THE SHORT
EVERY GRUNT, ROAR, AND SNORT,
NOT A TALE I DISTORT
ON THE MORNING REPORT!
What kind of a song is this?!

Christine: Shut up.

Lonzo: Can we skip it?

Christine: {sarcastic}Never.
On to the Lioness hunt.

Lionesses: Do we have to?

Christine: No, I guess not. That song isn't really relevant to the plot anyway. Okay, Pounce. This is your song. I think you'll like it.

Pouncival: I doubt it...{sings}
I'M GONNA BE A MIGHTY KING, SO ENEMIES BEWARE

Lonzo: I'VE NEVER SEEN THE KING OF BEASTS WITH QUITE SO LITTLE HAIR.

Pounce: I'M GONNA BE THE MAIN EVENT, LIKE NO KING WAS BEFORE!
I'M BRUSHIN' UP ON LOOKIN' DOWN, I'M WORKIN' ON MY ROAR!

Lonzo: THUS FAR A RATHER UNINSPIRING THING.

Pounce: OH I JUST CAN'T WAIT TO BE KING!
NO MORE SAYIN' "DO THIS"

Lonzo: NOW WHEN I SAID THAT...

Sillaub: NO MORE SAYIN' "BE THERE"

Lonzo: WHAT I MEANT WAS...

Pounce: NO ONE SAYIN' "STOP THAT"

Lonzo: WHAT YOU DON'T REALIZE...

Pounce and Silla: NO ONE SAYIN' "SEE HERE"

Lonzo: WELL NOW, SEE HERE!

Pounce and Silla: FREE TO RUN AROUND ALL DAY!

Lonzo: THAT'S DEFINATELY OUT...

Pounce: FREE TO DO IT ALL MY WAY!!!

Lonzo: I THINK IT'S TIME THAT YOU AND I ARRANGED A HEART TO HEART

Silla: KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE RETARDS FOR A START!

Christine: {smacks herself over the head}

Lonzo: IF THIS IS WHERE THE MONARCHY IS HEADED, COUNT ME OUT!
OUT OF SERVICE, OUT OF AFRICA, I WOULDN'T HANG ABOUT!
THIS KIT IS GETTING WILDLY OUT OF WING!

Pounce: OH I JUST CAN'T WAIT TO BE KING!

Christine: Enough of that. I like the next song better.

Rumpleteazer: OOOOOoooohhh! I get some of the limelight!

Mungojerrie: Yah!

Christine: Shut up and sing.

Mungo: HE CALLED US SLOBBERING!

Rumple: SAID WE WERE MANGY

Mungo: DID I HEAR STUPID?

Tumble: HUH?

Mungo and Rumple: TELL US AGAIN, GEE!

Mungo: IT'S SO INCREDIBLE

Rumple: THAT YOU'RE SO RUDE

Mungo: WHEN YOU'RE SO EDIBLE

Mungo and Rumple: WHEN YOU ARE FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

Mungo: This is sickening!

Christine: I don't care. Sing it anyway.

Mungo: IT'S TIME TO CHOW DOWN.

Mungo and Rumple: CHOW DOWN.
CH-CH-CH-CH-CH-CHOW DOWN!

Rumple: I'M CHOMPIN' AT THE BIT, BABY!

Mungo: MY STOMACH'S ON THE GROWL, SON!

Mungo and Rumple: CHOW DOWN! CHOW DOWN!
YOU'VE BOTH BEEN INVITED ON A DATE, TWO COURSES HANDED TO US ON A PLATE
WE'LL HAVE YOU RAW, WON'T BE LONG TO WAIT
SEEIN' YOU'RE ALREADY TOASTY BROWN!
CHOW DOWN! CH-CH-CH-CH-CH-CHOW DOWN!

Mungo: YOUR RIBS ARE LOOKIN' SO TASTY!...

Bombalurina: Enough of that... please.

Demeter: I think I'm gonna be sick!

Christine: All right, we'll skip to They Live in You.

Munkustrap: {groans}

Lionesses and various other cats: INGONYAMA, NENGW' ENAMABLA...{this is repeated throughout the song}

Munkustrap: NIGHT!
AND THE SPIRIT OF LIFE CALLING
MAMELA...
AND A VOICE...
WITH THE FEAR OF A CHILD, ASKING
MAMELA

WAIT!
THERE'S NO MOUNTAIN TOO GREAT
HEAR THESE WORDS AND HAVE FAITH
HAVE FAITH

THEY LIVE IN YOU!
THEY LIVE IN ME!
THEY'RE WATCHING OVER
EVERY THING WE SEE
IN EVERY CREATURE
IN EVERY STAR
IN YOUR REFLECTION
THEY LIVE IN YOU
Say there's no more! I'll die if there is!

Christine: There is nothing wrong with it!

Munk: Then you try singing it.

Christine: Next song!

Macavity: Oh joy. I was hoping we wouldn't get this far...

Christine: Too bad, now sing!

Macavity: I NEVER THOUGHT HYENAS ESSENTIAL
THEY'RE CRUDE, AND UNSPEAKABLY PLAIN.
BUT MAYBE THEY'VE A GLIMMER OF POTENTIAL
IF ALLIED TO MY VISION AND BRAIN.

I KNOW THAT YOUR POWERS OF RETENTION
ARE AS WET AS A WARTHOG'S BACKSIDE
BUT THICK AS YOU ARE, PAY ATTENTION!
MY WORDS ARE A MATTER OF PRIDE
IT'S CLEAR FROM YOUR VACANT EXPRESSIONS
THE LIGHTS ARE NOT ALL ON UPSTAIRS
BUT WE'RE TALKING KINGS AND SUCCESSIONS
EVEN YOU CAN'T BE CAUGHT UNAWARES!

Now this is a role I could like...

Christine: I don't care. On to the next song.

Macavity: No fair!

Christine: You think I care?

All: NO!!!!!!

Christine: Right. Now, we'll skip to... umm... "Rafiki Mourns."

Exi: {sarcastic} Oh boy.
MADI AO! {SPILLED BLOOD}
LEKA SEVETE CHIA HO OELE SEBATHA {TRY COURAGE SO THE BEASTS MAY FALL}
MO LEKA QEME O TSABA HOA {THOSE WHO DEFY MOUNTAINS ARE IN TRUTH COWARDS}
LEBO HALENG HA O BUE KA LE HA {EVEN IN ANGER, YOU DO NOT SPEAK AGAINST WRONG}
{she repeats the last line, but I'm too lazy to type it}
OH, OH, HALALA HUMBA HEH HEH HEYA HEEYAHEE
HALALA HUMBA HEYA HEEYAHEE
HALALA HUMBA HEH HEH HEYA HEEYAHEE
HALALA HUMBA HEYA HEEYAHEE

Exi and Lionesses: HALALA HUMBA HEH HEH HEYA HEEYAHEE
HALALA HUMBA HEYA HEEYAHEE
HALALA HUMBA HEH HEH HEYA HEEYAHEE
HALALA HUMBA HEYA HEEYAHEE...

Christine: Good job! For once... You guys can take a break. Be back in ten minutes, or else!