My Stoner Jokes:
A
stoner called the fire department and said "Come quick my house is on
fire!" The fireman asked, "How do we get there?" The stoner says
"DUH, the big red truck!"
A
stoner walks into an appliance store and asks the owner, "How much for that
TV set in the window?" The owner looks at the TV set, then looks at the
stoner, and says, "I don't sell stuff to potheads." So the stoner
tells the owner that he'll quit toking and will come back the next week to buy
the TV. A week later, the stoner comes back and says, "I quit smoking pot.
Now, how much for that TV set in the window?" And the owner says, "I
told you I don't sell to potheads!" So the stoner leaves again. He comes
back a week later and says, "How much for that TV?" The owner says,
"I'm not going to tell you again, I don't sell to potheads!!!" The
stoner looks back at the owner and says, "How can you tell I'm a
pothead?" The owner looks back and says, "Because that's a microwave."
A
stoner wants to learn about ice fishing. So he gathers all the necessary
equipment and goes to the nearest frozen ice. About 20 feet out he cuts a hole
in the ice. "There's no fish there!" booms a voice. The stoner shrugs
and moves out another 50 feet and starts to cut another hole. "There's no
fish there either!" booms the voice. The stoner shouts, "Is that you
God?" "No," says the voice, "I own the fucking ice
rink!"
A
stoner is standing in front of a pop machine when a man walks up behind him. The
stoner puts his money in the machine, pushes the button, then takes the pop out
and sets it on the ground. Again, the stoner puts his money in the machine,
pushes the button, and takes the pop out of the machine to set it on the ground.
This goes on for about 5 minutes before the man waiting to get something to
drink says,
"What the HELL are you doing?!?"
The stoner turns around and says,"Duh! I'm WINNING!"
A
stoner walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:
---------------------------------------
Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
Hand Job: $10.00
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Checking
his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one
of the three exceptionally-attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking
group of men.
"Yes?" she asks with a knowing smile, "May I help you?"
"I was wondering", whispers the man, "are you the one who gives
the hand-jobs?"
"Yes", she purrs, "I am."
The man replies "Well go wash your fucking hands, I want a cheese
sandwich!"
A
stoner walks into a 7-11 and says to
the guy behind the counter, "Got any weed?" The man says, "No, we
don't," so the stoner leaves.
The next day the stoner comes back and says, "got any weed?".
The man behind the counter once again says, "No, I told you yesterday, we
don't sell weed here," and with that the stoner leaves again.
So the stoner comes back the next day and says, "Hey, got any weed?"
The man behind the counter says, "Look, asshole, I told you twice already
we don't sell any fucking weed in here. If you come in here again and ask for
weed I'm gonna nail your fucking feet to the floor you fucking burnout!" So
the stoner leaves.
The next day the stoner comes back and says, "Hey, got any nails?"
The man behind the counter says, "No."
So the stoner says, "Got any weed?"
The
stoner went to a bar. He hasn't had any nookie in awhile. He saw this chick
leaning on the cigarette machine in a dark corner and decided to talk to her.
Hey baby I know this is a little forward but I don't get out much so I'm willing
to take a chance. Why don't me and you go to your place and get stoned, maybe
cuddle and make a little whoopee. She looked up at the stoner and said - I cant
right now, I'm on my menstrual cycle. The stoner scratched his head and thought
for a second - it's ok I'll follow you, I'm on my Honda.
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