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(Crystal's house)

(Most of the kids are drunk, Crystal too)

(Crystal steps up on a table)

Crystal: HELLO!!! MY NAME IS CRYSTAL AND I WANT TO SING A SONG ABOUT ERIC CARTMAN.

WOULD YOU PLEASE PLAY "LARGER THAN LIFE" WITH BACKSTREET BOYS, WENDY?

(The song starts to play.)

(Crystal stumbles a little.)

Crystal: (Singing)

He may eat a lot

And may rip on all faggots

Alright

But let me tell ya now

There are prices to be fat

Alright

All of his free time

Keeps eating more

Oh Ms. Cartman

Can't you see?

That your son is fatter than an eight-year-old shall be

Before he's so fat he die

Stop serving him pie

Cuz that makes Cartman a fat f**k.

Watching TV all day

F**k is stuff he always say

C'mon

Will he ever grow up?

Or will he die before this party stops?

All of his free time

Keeps eating more

(The crowd is now cheering like on a real concert)

Oh Ms. Cartman

Can't you see?

That your son is fatter than an eight-year-old shall be.

Before he's so fat he die

Stop serving him pie

Cuz that makes Cartman a fat f**k.

Ooooh....

That's right

All of his free time keeps eating moooooooooooooore! Yeah!

(Solo)

Oh Ms. Cartman

Can't you see?

That your son is fatter than an eight-year-old shall be

Before he's so fat he die

Stop serving him pie

Cuz that makes Cartman a fat f**k

Yeah

Everytime he's down

Yeah

He can't get up a-again

Yeah

Cuz that's what makes him a fat f**k!

Oh Ms. Cartman

Can't you see?

That your son is fatter than an eight-year-old shall be

Before he's so fat he die

Stop serving him pie

Cuz that makes Cartman a fat f**k!

Yeah

Fat f**k!

Yeah Yeeeeeah

Oh Ms. Cartman

Can't you see?

That your son is fatter than an eight-year-old shall be

Before he's so fat he die

Stop serving him pie

Cuz that makes Cartman a fat f**k!

Crystal: Thanks! I wrote this song to a very especial fat friend of mine, the fat f**k, Eric Cartman.

(She jumps down)

(The crowd cheers, except Cartman, naturally)

Kyle: Uh, Crystal?

Crystal: (Hopefully) What Kyle?

Kyle: Uh forget it.

Crystal: (sadly) 'Kay...

Clyde: Hey! Look what I got! A bottle of Champagne from 1912!

Let's open it!

(The cork flies and smacks Kenny right in the face)

Kenny: (Ouch!)

(He rubs his nose)

(Kenny runs upstairs)

(Pan to Stan and Wendy - They're making it out!)

Stan: This is fuuuun...

Wendy: Yeah!

Stan: Ow...I don't...

(Pukes all over Wendy)

Stan:...feel so good.

Wendy: Ew! EWWW!

Stan: Sorry.

(Pan over to table - Bebe strips!)

(Kenny comes from upstairs.)

Kenny: (GUYS! LOOK WHAT I FOUND!)

(He holds some porno-magazine in his hands)

(Stan, Cartman and some other guys runs over)

Stan: Is there any picture of Cartman's mom?

Kenny: (Yeah! Here is one when she does an Double vaginal!)

Cartman: You guys are so immature!

Stan: Well, at lest we aren't fat f**ks!

Kenny: (Yeah, I read somewhere that guys that is too fat can't have sex cuz they can't find their dicks.)

(Laughter)

Cartman: I'll kick your ass!

(He punches Kenny in the face)

(Kyle walks over to them.)

Kyle: What's going on?

Stan: There's some pictures of Cartman's mom in one of Jason's porno-magazines.

Kyle: Ew.

Stan: Yeah.

Kyle: Hey, remember that time we saw that scheisse-video with Cartman's mom? That was so totally gross.

(The fight stops)

Cartman: Screw you guys, I'm going home.

Stan: Yeah...

Kenny: (I don't remember that)

Stan: You were dead.

Kenny: (Oh.)

(Pan to Wendy and Crystal)

Wendy: Stan puked at me after making it out with me.

(Bebe walks by; she only wears the underwear)

Bebe: Whoopee! Great party, Crystal!

(Bebe faints in front of them.)

(Pan to outside the house)

(Pip sneaks 'round the house)

(A typical Backstreet Boys - ballad (God, I hate those!) plays)

Pip (singing)

Oh why

Did I

Fall in love with you

I can't help myself

It's true

I wished you loved me

Like I love you

(He looks into the house and see Crystal dancing with Kyle)

Crystal, Oh Crystal

I have a dream

A dream of you and me

Oh Crystal

Why can't you see?

I wished you loved me

Like I love youuuuu

Oh Crystal

Please say you love me too

Oh Crystal

I wish you did

(Kyle and Crystal dancing tighter)

I wish that guy were me

I wished it were you and I

But a dream is a dream

And dreams don't come true

I wished you loved me

Like I love you

(The music fades out)

Cartman: That was the crappiest shit I have ever heard. It sounded like Backstreet Boys.

Pip: O 'allo, Eric. Having a splendid time?

Cartman: Whatever frenchie. So you're in love with Crystal?

Pip: Oh my, you heard my song?

Cartman: Yes. And I still think that was the crappiest shit I have ever heard.

Pip: Oh my.

Cartman: ANSWER MY QUESTION, FRENCHIE AND STOP THAT "OH MY"-THINGY, IT'S FREAKING ME OUT!

Pip: Well actually, Yes.

(Cartman gets an evil grin)

Cartman: Revenge is sweet. Crystal Roberts, you just wait. (Laughs evilly) Sweet.

(Pan to inside the house)

(Cartman walks up to Crystal)

Cartman: Hey, Crys, can I use your phone? I don't feel so good and I want my mom to pick me up.

Crystal: Sure. It's in the kitchen.

(He leaves.)

(Kitchen)

(Cartman pick up the phone)

(He looks at the freezer - a note with a cellphone-number is written on it is hanging on the door)

Cartman: Sweet.

(He dials the number)

Mrs. Roberts: Hello?

(Cartman makes his voice deeper)

Cartman: Hello, Mrs. Roberts.

Mrs. Roberts: Who are you?

Cartman: My name is *ahem* Mr.Gorschensowa.

Mrs. Roberts: Hello Mr.Gorschensowa. Why are you calling me?

Cartman: You see, there's a party going on in your house. You got a daughter which name is Crystal, right?

There are many drunken children, so you better hurry.

Mrs.Roberts: Oh my God! We're coming as soon as we can. Thanks for calling.... Mr?

Cartman: Gorschensowa.

Mrs. Roberts: Mr.Gorschensowa. It was nice of you to call and tell me about this.

Cartman: That was nothing. We have to think about our children's future.

Mrs. Roberts: That's right.

Cartman: Good evening.

Mrs. Roberts: Good evening.

(He lays down the phone.)

Cartman (His normal voice again): SWEET!

(He picks up the phone and call his mom)

(Somewhere on the road, a long way from South Park)

Mrs. Roberts: I can't believe she had a party without asking us!

Mr. Roberts: Calm down Honey, maybe it isn't that bad. Maybe that Mr.Gorshensowa was lying.

Mrs.Roberts: He better was! I'm going to ground her until she is 18 if it's true!

(Zoom at her face - she looks totally pissed off)

(Back at the party.)

(Kenny lies at floor, looking uncounsius.)

Stan: OH MY GOD, THEY KILLED KENNY!

Kyle: YOU BASTARDS!

(Kenny sits up, looking confused)

Kenny: (Where am I?)

Kyle: You're at Crystal's house.

Kenny: (Ow. My head hurts...)

(His head explodes in the front of them.)

Stan: Oh my God, they killed Kenny!

Kyle: You bastards!

(Crystal walks up to them)

Crystal: What happened?

(Takes a zip of the champagne.)

Crystal: Hi there you funny little pink elephants...haha! Hey, wait there, elephant!

(She runs after the elephant, but we don't see what she is running after.)

Kyle: Dude...

(We hear a car drives up.)

Crystal: Uh-Oh.

(The door opens)

(Next day)

Crystal: Aw, mom do I have to clean the livingroom?

Mrs. Roberts: Yes or else I'll ground you until you're 18.

(Crystal starts cleaning up)

Crystal: This is superweak.

(Later, when she have cleaned up the whole house)

Mrs. Roberts: I hope you learned something about this whole experience.

Crystal: Yes.

Mrs. Roberts: What?

Crystal: That I won't invite Clyde again.

Jason (O.S): CRYSTAL! THERE IS SOME GUY ON THE PHONE!

Crystal: I'LL TAKE IT IN THE KITCHEN! (Thinking) I hope it's Kyle, god let it be Kyle.

(She picks up the phone)

(The screen split, Pip is the lower half)

Pip: 'Allo, Crystal.

Crystal: Pip?

Pip: Yes, it's me.

Crystal: Why are you calling me?

Pip: Uh, I wonder if you wanna eat dinner--

Crystal: NO! Leave me alone, Pip!

Pip: Right-o.

The End

(Credits)

("That makes Cartman a fat f**k" starts to play again.)