(Playground)

Wendy: So you're ready to PAAAAAAAARTY tonight?

Crystal: YEAH!

(Pip walks up to them)

Pip: 'Allo, Crystal. 'Allo, Wendy!

(Crystal and Wendy talks about the party, try not to notice Pip)

Pip: Say, girls, do you know what party everyone seems to talk about?

Crystal: Shut up Pip.

Wendy: Yeah. Just go away.

Pip: Right-o.

(He walks away)

Crystal: I hate to admit it, but sometimes I feel sad for the frenchie.

I mean he never bothers me or stuff. He is just too, you know, uh...

(Sees Wendy's confused stare) Aw, Screw him anyway.

Wendy: That's better. I was wondering what the hell that got into you for a sec.

Crystal: So, you help me get ready for the party after school?

(Crystal's house)

(Wendy wears a black shirt and purple pants and a black skirt over the pants.)

(Crystal wears a pink shirt and black pants)

(The song "Dancing Queen" plays)

(Wendy and Crystal open the door about 20 times and Crystal looks nervous all the time.)

(As they open the door, the livingroom starts to fill with kids from the school.)

(The song fades out)

(Doorbell)

Crystal: Oh no! What if it is they?

(Bites her lip)

Wendy: Crys, you said that 20 times now. It's probably not they.

(They opens the door)

(It's Kenny)

Kenny: (Hi Crys! Hi Wendy!)

Crystal: Hi Kenny.

Wendy: Hi Kenny.

Kenny: (Has the other guys showed up yet?)

Crystal: No.

Wendy: We're waiting for Stan and Kyle.

Kenny: (Don't worry, they will come. Which room is Jason's room, anyway?)

Crystal: Upstairs second to the right.

Kenny: (Ok)

(He runs upstairs)

Crystal: Hey! No! You can't go in there! KENNY! KENNETH McCORMICK GET YOUR ASS OUT OF THERE!

(We hear Kenny's pervert giggle)

(Doorbell.)

(Wendy opens it)

(Stan's house)

(Stan and Kyle are about to leave.)

Sharon: Be careful and nice to that little girl...was it Christine?

Stan: Crystal. Bye mom.

Kyle: Bye Mrs. Marsh.

Sharon: Bye boys.

(They leave.)

Sharon: Oh no! Did I tell them to look out for cars and not talk with strangers?

Randy: Calm down, Honey, nothing is going to happen with them.

(Main street)

(The boys are walking down the street.)

Stan: Dude! Why does always mom's say:  "Be careful" or "Don't talk with strangers."? Do they think we will if they don't say that?

Kyle: I don't know dude. Probably.

Stan: That's pathetic. It's that their meaning of life, tell their children what to do or not do?

(Crystal's house)

(The boys stand outside of Crystal's door.)

(The door opens.)

Crystal: Hi Stan. Hi Kyyyle. (Smiles at him)

Kyle: Uh, hi, uh, uh, Crystal.

Wendy: Staaaan, are we going to kiss tonight?

Stan: I don't know, Wendy.

Wendy: Hey, you didn't throw up!

Stan: I didn't?

Wendy: Let's kiss to celebrate!

(They try to kiss, but Stan pukes.)

Wendy: Ew!

Stan: (mumbles) Sorry.

Wendy: That's ok. Wanna dance?

Stan: Ok.

(They leave)

Kyle: Uh, Crystal.

Crystal: (Looks hopefully) What, Kyle?

Kyle: I don't know how to say this...

(Doorbell)

(The door opens, and Cartman comes in)

Cartman: Where is the food?

Crystal: Hi Cartman.

Cartman: Hi. Where is the food?

Crystal: In the livingroom, dummy!

(He leaves.)

Kyle: Uh, Crystal...

Crystal: Yes?

Kyle: Uh, forget it.

(Livingroom)

(Some kids are dancing at the floor)

(Clyde comes out from the kitchen)

Clyde: HEY GUYS! LOOK WHAT I FOUND!

(He holds up some bottles of beers.)

Crystal: Dude! Don't take those!

(Clyde opens it and takes a zip)

Crystal: Oh no! They're gonna find out we got a party now!

Kyle: Relax, Crystal. They won't find out.

Crystal: If you say so.... Wanna dance with me?

Kyle: Sure.

(Pip's room)

Pip: Why God? Why did you make my life miserable?

Why did you make Crystal hate me?

Why did you make me like her?

WHY? YOU COCKSUCKING ASSHOLE, WHY?

(A light, like the one in "Are you there god? It's me, Jesus" appears at the sky and comes into Pip's room.)

(God, as he looked in that episode, appears in front of Pip)

God: My child, Crystal doesn't hate you.

Pip: (Hopefully) She doesn't?

God: No, but that doesn't mean that she likes you.

(Pip sinks)

Pip: Why do you make the other chaps in school hate me?

God: My child, the life isn't a dance on roses.

You see, Eric got a problem with people that rip on him becuz he's fat. And Kenneth got a problem with dying all the time. Stanley pukes at the girl he likes, and Kyle's mom is a stupid bitch. Crystal has a wetting-problem and Wendy has a jealousyproblem. Tweek drinks too much coffee. Everyone has a problem, but you can't give up. I didn't make those problems up, what happens, happens.

Pip: Thanks God. I didn't know that before you tell me.

God: That's all right, my child. But don't call me a "Cocksucking asshole" again, Please. If you do I have to make your life even worse.

Pip: I'm dreadfully sorry about that, God. I was upset and couldn't control myself.

God: I'll forgive you, my child. That's the way the Lord spoke and then he returned to heaven.

(He becomes a flash again and returns to heaven)

Pip: Gosh, that sure was an unusual experience.

End part 2