SHAMPOO'S QUEST
A BAILESUCOM Game
by JOHN WALTER BILES
Asleep
You float in the misty void of sleep.
>WAKE UP
You open your eyes. You are lying in a nice bed with purple covers.
There is a duck sleeping on your head.
>SLAP DUCK
The duck squawks and flaps off to one corner of the room. It gives you a
wounded look.
>IGNORE DUCK
You ignore the duck.
>GET BREAKFAST
You are still in bed.
>LEAVE BED
You get out of bed. Your bedroom is fairly spartan, with a bed, a window,
a weapons rack, a closet, and a duck.
>IGNORE DUCK
You continue to ignore the duck.
>GET BREAKFAST
There is no breakfast in this room.
>LEAVE ROOM
How do you want to leave the room?
>THROUGH THE DOOR
This sentence no verb.
>LEAVE ROOM THROUGH THE DOOR
Which door?
>LEAVE ROOM THROUGH THAT DOOR
Which door is that?
>LEAVE ROOM THROUGH THE NEARBY DOOR
You are near two doors.
>GO HALLWAY
You cheer the hallway on.
>SMACK PARSER IN HEAD FOR BEING ANNOYING
You smack the parser. OWW. This doesn't get you out of the room, though.
>GO INTO HALLWAY
Something is quacking at you, but you ignore it and walk into the hallway.
The hallway is a fairly normal boring hallway, with doors to your room,
the laundry room, Cologne's Room, and the kitchen.
>WHO AM I?
Your name is Shampoo. Your favorite color is Purple. Your quest is to
get Ranma to marry you.
>HEALTH
You feel a bit fuzzy-headed, but are otherwise in tip-top condition. Oh,
you are also hungry.
>CHECK HEAD
You have a head.
>SHAKE HEAD
It rattles.
>WHY DOES HEAD RATTLE?
You have no brain.
>GET BRAIN
No one has left a brain lying around the hallway.
>GET BREAKFAST
Perhaps you should go to the kitchen.
>GO TO THE KITCHEN
You walk into the kitchen. It is well equipped, with three cabinets, a
nice cooking space countertop, two ovens, a microwave, two refrigerators,
an ice cream maker, a vegematic, and a complete set of ginsu knives.
>MAKE BREAKFAST
You fix yourself some nice pork ramen for breakfast along with an apple.
You are no longer hungry.
>GET BRAIN
Not being cannibals, you do not keep brains in the kitchen.
>MARRY RANMA
If it was that easy, the series wouldn't have lasted 37 volumes, now would
it?
>WHERE IS RANMA?
You do not see Ranma.
A Duck enters the room.
>IGNORE DUCK
You ignore the duck.
Something you are ignoring is quacking.
>GO RESTAURANT
You cheer on the Restaurant.
>GO INTO RESTAURANT
You enter the Nekohanten's main dining room. The walls are lined with
screens depicting traditional chinese landscape art. There are many round
tables surrounded by chairs, and a curtain separates the dining chamber
from the antechamber to the outside. Another door, next to the cash
register leads into the kitchen. There are several windows.
Cologne is sitting by the cash register, preparing for the day's work.
Cologne stares at you.
There is a splashing noise inside the kitchen.
>STARE AT COLOGNE
Cologne is a withered old troll with long white hair who hops around on a
stick and manipulates people.
Cologne whaps parser.
Oww.
Cologne is still staring at you.
>COLOGNE, WHY STARE AT ME?
"Because you're stark naked, Great-Granddaughter. Go get dressed."
Mousse comes out of the kitchen.
Mousse stares at you.
>SLAP MOUSSE
You slap Mousse. "Why are you hitting me, Ranma?" he asks.
>MOUSSE, I AM NOT RANMA.
Mousse puts on his glasses. "Oh, SHAMPOO!" He runs forward and hugs you.
>TAKE COLOGNE
Cologne blinks as you pick her up.
>HIT MOUSSE WITH COLOGNE.
Mousse passes out.
>DROP COLOGNE
Cologne hits you for using her as a weapon. "That was rude!"
>APOLOGIZE
You say, "Shampoo sorry. Didn't have weapon to beat Mousse, so used you."
"That's fine. Go get dressed."
>GO GET DRESSED.
You cheer on Get Dressed. He thanks you.
>GO TO BEDROOM
You walk through the kitchen and hallway to your bedroom.
>ENTER CLOSET
You are inside your closet. You have many outfits here
>GET CLOTHING
You grab a nice purple flowered wrap-around and some comfortable pants.
>PUT ON CLOTHING
You are now dressed.
>GET BRAIN
You don't keep brains in your closet.
>LEAVE CLOSET
You are in your bedroom.
>ENTER HALLWAY
You go to the hallway
>ENTER COLOGNE'S ROOM
You enter your great-grandmother's bedroom. She has a table, and two
chairs, a TV (on the Table), a bookcase full of books, a closet, a bed, a
weapon rack, a window, and a life-sized poster of FABIO.
>LOOK FABIO
What a hunk.
>TURN ON TV
The TV is showing the 'Wizard of Oz'.
>WATCH TV
The movie is showing the scene where the Wizard of Oz gives the Scarecrow
some brains.
>TAKE BRAIN
It's only a TV Show
>ASK WIZARD FOR BRAIN.
It's still only a TV show.
>BEG WIZARD FOR BRAIN
Geez, your head really is empty.
>BEAT PARSER WITH A STICK
You don't have a stick.
>DAMN
Who do you want to damn?
>DAMN PARSER
You try to condemn the Parser to hell. However, you do not have the keys
to heaven and hell.
>TAKE KEYS
St. Peter refuses to give you the keys.
>KILL ST. PETER
You try to kill St. Peter with your bare hands. He pours a bucket of
water on you and you turn into a cat. Then he goes back to the gates of
Heaven.
>FIND HOT WATER
There is hot water in the kitchen.
>GO KITCHEN
You cheer on the kitchen.
>GO TO KITCHEN
You enter the kitchen.
Mousse is here.
Mousse pours hot water on you.
You transform back to a human.
Mousse glomps you.
>POUR WATER ON MOUSSE
You'll get wet too.
>MALLET MOUSSE
You are not Akane.
>HIT MOUSSE WITH FIST
Mousse passes out.
>GO TO COLOGNE'S ROOM
You go to Cologne's room.
>LOOK BOOKCASE
It is full of books. A few titles catch your eyes, 'The little big book
of Amazon Magic', 'The Wizard of Oz', 'How to win your man through magic
and trickery', 'PATLABOR MANGA, Volume 1'.
>READ THE WIZARD OF OZ
This is a story about Dorothy, a girl from Kansas who is carried to the
land of OZ by a tornado. While there, she meets a scarecrow who wants a
brain, a tin man who wants a heart, and a lion who wants courage.
Together, they defeat an evil witch and the Wizard of Oz helps them each
get what they want, even though he is a fraud. Dorothy then uses the
ruby slippers to return home by clicking her heels three times and wishing
she was home.
>FIND TORNADO
Cologne does not keep Tornadoes in her room
>READ THE LITTLE BIG BOOK OF AMAZON MAGIC
This book is too long to read all of it at one sitting. You find a spell
for making tornadoes. You need a black cauldron, a quart of okonomiyaki
sauce, a gallon of Coca-Cola, a cat's whisker, and a big spoon. Mix
ingredients, then say 'Sim Sim Salabim'.
>TAKE BOOK
Which Book?
>TAKE THE LITTLE BIG BOOK OF AMAZON MAGIC
You take the book.
>GO INTO KITCHEN
You go to the kitchen.
>FIND CAULDRON
You have no black cauldrons.
>FIND OKONOMIYAKI SAUCE
Ukyou probably has the nearest supply.
>FIND BIG SPOON
You find and take a big spoon from the silverware drawer.
>TAKE CAT'S WHISKER
There is no cat here.
>THROW WATER ON MOUSSE.
Mousse turns into an unconscious duck.
>TAKE CAT'S WHISKER
Since when did ducks have cat whiskers?
>THROW WATER ON ME
You turn into a cat.
>TAKE CAT'S WHISKER
OWW! You pluck a whisker.
>INVENTORY
You are carrying:
Cat's Whisker
There is clothing on the floor.
There is a big spoon on the floor.
>GET HOT WATER
You splash yourself back to normal.
>TAKE ALL
Clothing: Taken.
Big Spoon: Taken.
Duck: Taken.
Glasses: Taken.
>DROP DUCK
You drop the duck. He wakes up and quacks.
>IGNORE DUCK
You ignore the duck.
>GO OUTSIDE
You leave the Nekohanten, ignoring Cologne who tries to tell you
something.
Masaki Street
You are outside on a north-south street. The Nekohanten is nearby to the
west.
People are staring at you.
>LOOK ME
You are butt naked.
>WEAR CLOTHING
You get dressed and people stop staring.
>GO TO UCCHANS
You walk north to UCCHANS.
Ucchans
You are inside Ukyou's okonomiyaki shop, which is set up in the
traditional style with long tables with firepits in the middle to keep
toppings warm. There is a long griddle against one wall and a curtain
separating the back room from the dining room.
Ukyou is here.
Ranma is here.
>LOOK RANMA
Your hunky, if somewhat clueless husband is eating a pork okonomiyaki. He
is of medium height, with black hair gathered back in a pig-tail. He is
wearing a red-satin jacket and black pants.
>LOOK UKYOU
Your bitter rival is wearing her usual okonomiyaki seller's flowered wrap
around and black tights. She is carrying a giant spatula. She is
shmoozing up to Ranma as usual. She fires daggers at you from her eyes.
>DODGE DAGGERS
You are not hit.
>GLOMP HUSBAND
You glomp onto Ranma, who stammers incoherently.
Ukyou hits you with her spatula.
>ASK UKYOU FOR OKONOMIYAKI SAUCE
"YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO ASK ME FOR SOMETHING WHILE YOU ARE GLOMPING MY
FIANCEE?"
Ukyou hits you again with her spatula.
>HEALTH
You are starting to get a head-ache.
>LET GO OF RANMA
He goes back to eating his okonomiyaki.
>ASK UKYOU FOR OKONOMIYAKI SAUCE
"Not until I get an apology!"
>APOLOGIZE TO UKYOU
Ukyou stares at you as if you were possessed, then gives you a quart
container of Okonomiyaki sauce.
>RANMA, WHERE IS BLACK CAULDRON?
"Since when did I have a black cauldron?"
>UKYOU, WHERE IS BLACK CAULDRON?
"Wasn't there one in that book we read in school?"
Ranma replies, "Yeah, it was called the Black Cauldron, I think. But
it gets destroyed. Maybe you should go to CAFAM, Shampoo."
>THANK RANMA
"Glad to help." Ranma continues eating his okonomiyaki.
>THANK UKYOU
Ukyou stares at you as if you were possessed. "Are you feeling okay?"
>HEALTH
You have a headache.
>UKYOU, I HAVE A HEADACHE
"Here, have some aspirin." Ukyou gives you some aspirin.
>EAT ASPIRIN
You need some water.
>ASK UKYOU FOR WATER
Ukyou gives you some water.
>EAT ASPIRIN
You take two aspirin.
>GO TO CAFAM
You take a bus across town to CAFAM.
CAFAM
You stand before the eighty checkout stations at the front of Cafam.
Like all checkoutstations everywhere, there are magazines, many of them
with the word "sex" somewhere on the cover, in racks intended to cause
impulse buying.
On the other hand, most stores don't have magazines in sixty different
languages, some of them unpronounceable by humans. There are also snacks
for sale, ranging from Snickers bars to Lembas to brightly glowing spheres
of light.
The clerks appear to be the usual mix of bored teenagers, college
students, senior citizens, middle aged people, and horrors from beyond
space and time down on their evil luck.
They accept cash, credit, gold, human flesh, checks (with two forms of
non-sanity loss causing ID), traveller's checks, fropazes, gems, houses,
lead, and churches as payment.
A friendly CAFAM security man in full power-armor stands near the
door, for your protection of course. The exit doors, tantalyzingly near
to you are huge glass doors that slide open as you approach. Magic?
Technology? Evil Spirits? You decide.
The rest of the store spreads out from here. The roof rises quickly
to thirty feet in height. Is that a dragon you see flying somewhere out
there? The walls stretch out into the mist...distance?
You can see this store is truly vast. Big. Huge. DANG HUGE. Oh
yeah, it's kinda large, ya know. Hundreds of aisles run off into the
distance.
Nearby, stands a small shack, home to your one hope for survival--The
Cafam Guides. Juan Valdez and his mule leads this brigade, dedicated to
helping YOU find where you're going, getting there, and getting back,
possibly even alive.
He provides free coffee too.
>BUY BLACK CAULDRON
You have to find it first.
>FIND BLACK CAULDRON
You find the store 'Area Map'. Black Cauldrons are on Aisle 3003.
>GO TO AISLE 3003.
You begin walking towards Aisle 3003. Three hours later, you are not
there yet and you are getting hungry.
>LOOK
AISLE 1001--FROZEN FOODS
You are in Aisle 1001. It is very cold here. You see frozen fishsticks,
a 'Marie Callender Chicken Fried Steak Dinner', and frozen Mermaid Flesh.
>TAKE ALL
Frozen Fishsticks: Taken.
Marie Callender Chicken Fried Steak Dinner: Taken
Frozen Mermaid Flesh: Taken.
>EAT FISHSTICKS
They're frozen.
>COOK FISHSTICKS
With what? The fire from your eyes?
>FIND OVEN
You trudge to Aisle 1100. You are hungrier. There are microwave ovens
here.
>COOK FISHSTICKS
None of the ovens are plugged in.
>PLUG IN OVEN
You plug in an oven.
>COOK FISHSTICKS
You cook the fishsticks.
>EAT FISHSTICKS
They are yummy and good, but you burn your mouth.
>GO TO AISLE 3003
You trudge onwards and reach Aisle 3003
Aisle 3003--Cauldrons
There are hundreds of cauldrons here of every shape and size.
>TAKE BLACK CAULDRON
The small one or the big one?
>THE SMALL ONE
The small one what?
>TAKE SMALL BLACK CAULDRON
You take the small black cauldron.
>INVENTORY
You are carrying:
Small Black Cauldron
No Tea
Marie Callendar Chicken Fried Steak Dinner
Frozen Mermaid Flesh
Some Aspirin
Quart of Okonomiyaki Sauce
Cat's Whisker
Mousse's Glasses
Big Spoon
The Little Big Book of Amazon Magic
Clothing
No Brain
Desire to marry Ranma
>DRINK NO TEA
Okay, you don't drink any tea.
>TAKE BRAIN
This is the Cauldron Aisle.
>GO TO BRAIN AISLE
You don't know where it is.
>FIND BRAIN AISLE
With what?
>USE THE LITTLE BIG BOOK OF AMAZON MAGIC
It doesn't know where the brains are kept here either.
>ASK CLERK
What clerk?
>FIND CLERK
You wander the aisles and eventually find a clerk.
>CLERK, WHERE IS BRAINS?
"Normally, you find brains inside your head." He smiles at you. He is
black haired and somewhat cute, wearing a CAFAM uniform.
>CLERK, WHAT AISLE FOR BRAINS?
"Oh, you want to buy a brain?"
>CLERK, YES.
"I'm sorry, we don't sell brains except to licensed physicians."
>GET LICENSE
"You have to go to the state board of medical examiners for that, and
they're closed until next month due to an outbreak of bubonic plague.
Would you like to buy a pocket fisherman instead?"
>TAKE POCKET FISHERMAN
The clerk gives you the pocket fisherman.
>LEAVE STORE
You can't leave without paying for your purchases.
>PAY FOR PURCHASES
The checkout clerk says, "You don't have any money? How do you plan to
pay for your purchases?"
>LOOK CHECKOUT CLERK
He is a young man with spiky black hair who keeps staring nervously at
your breasts. His name tag reads, "Momonari Junta"
>OPEN SHIRT
The young man turns green and vomits behind the counter.
>CLOSE SHIRT AND LEAVE STORE
You cover your breasts and leave while he is distracted.
OUTSIDE CAFAM
You are standing on Calle 100, outside CAFAM.
>GO HOME
You are currently in Bogota, Colombia. How do you plan to get back to
Japan?
>MAKE TORNADO
You need Coca-Cola for that
>FIND COCA-COLA
There is a Coca-Cola truck passing you on the street.
>TAKE COCA-COLA
The Coca-Cola is inside the truck.
>FOLLOW TRUCK
The Truck stops at a small corner store after about a five block drive.
>WAIT
The Truck driver opens the back and carries two crates into the store.
>TAKE COCA-COLA
You take a crate of Coca-Cola.
Ryouga arrives. "Can you tell me how to get to the Tendo Dojo? Oh, hi,
Shampoo."
>POUR WATER ON RYOUGA
What water?
>POUR COCA-COLA ON RYOUGA
Ryouga turns into a sticky, sugary pig.
>TAKE RYOUGA
What Ryouga?
>TAKE P-CHAN
You take P-chan.
>MAKE TORNADO
You pour all the ingredients into the pot and stir, then chant, "Sim Sim
Salabim!" A huge tornado erupts from the cauldron and blows you high into
the sky. You tumble through the clouds, then land head first onto a
witch. The witch dies as your thick skull collides with hers.
The Yellow Brick Road
You are lying on the green grass next to a yellow brick road which runs
east and west.
There is a dead witch here.
There is a knocked out P-chan here.
>LOOK DEAD WITCH
She is wearing Ruby Slippers and a Pointy Hat. She has a big warty nose
too.
>TAKE WITCH'S HAT AND SLIPPERS
You take the Ruby Slippers and the Pointy Hat.
>WEAR HAT AND SLIPPERS.
You put them on, discarding your old slippers.
>TAKE P-CHAN.
Taken.
>TAKE WITCH'S BRAIN
That's really disgusting. Besides, you crushed it.
>EAT WITCH'S BRAIN
Raw? Ewwwww. Are you sure you want to do that?
>COOK WITCH'S BRAIN
Look, give up on the brain, okay?
>INVENTORY
You are carrying:
Ruby Slippers
Pointed Hat
P-chan
Half-Empty Case of Coca-Cola
Pocket Fisherman
No Tea
Marie Callendar Chicken Fried Steak Dinner
Frozen Mermaid Flesh
Some Aspirin
Mousse's Glasses
Big Spoon
The Little Big Book of Amazon Magic
Clothing
No Brain
Desire to marry Ranma
>GO EMERALD CITY
Haven't we used this gag enough times?
>EAST
You walk east. P-chan wakes up.
Outside the Emerald City
You stand at the gate to the Emerald city. There is a small window with a
funny looking man sitting inside the window. There is a rifle lying
against the wall inside his booth. He says, "Hello. Why have you come to
the Emerald City?"
>MAN, I WANT A BRAIN
"I'm sorry, I don't have an extra."
>MAN, I WANT TO SEE THE WIZARD
"Ahh. That I CAN help you with."
The gate opens.
>GO TO THE PALACE
You enter the emerald city, a vast crystal wonderland, though rather
excessively green for obvious reasons. You soon reach the palace and are
ushered into the throne room of the Wizard of Oz.
Throne Room
You are in the vast palatial throne room of the Wizard of Oz, who appears
to be a huge glowing head with a booming voice. "WHO DARES INTRUDE UPON
MY SANCTUM!"
>WIZARD, I AM SHAMPOO
"And I am OZ, the GREAT AND TERRIBLE!"
>WIZARD, PLEASE GIVE ME A BRAIN
"Could I interest you in a pocket fisherman instead?"
>INVENTORY
You are carrying:
Ruby Slippers
Pointed Hat
P-chan
Half-Empty Case of Coca-Cola
Pocket fisherman
No Tea
Marie Callendar Chicken Fried Steak Dinner
Frozen Mermaid Flesh
Some Aspirin
Mousse's Glasses
Big Spoon
The Little Big Book of Amazon Magic
Clothing
No Brain
Desire to marry Ranma
>SHOW WIZARD MY POCKET FISHERMAN
"Oh. Right. Well, if you will get rid of the Wicked Witch of the East,
I'll give you a brain."
>WIZARD, WHERE IS WICKED WITCH?
"In the East, like I told you."
>EAST
You walk into the wall.
>GO TO EAST
You walk into the wall.
>LEAVE EMERALD CITY
You walk out of the emerald city. Circling it, you can see yellow brick
roads leading north, south, east, and west.
>SAVE GAME
You save the game.
>EAST
You walk east into a field of Poppies. The road runs east and west.
>EAST
You walk east into a field of Poppies. The road runs east and west.
You are getting sleepy.
>EAST
You walk east into a field of Poppies. The road runs east and west.
You are getting very sleepy.
>DROP P-CHAN
P-chan immediately falls asleep.
You can barely stay awake.
>DRINK COCA-COLA
You guzzle down some coke. Now if you can just hold out until the
caffeine hits you.
>EAST
You walk east into a field of Poppies. The road runs east and west.
You can barely manage to move at all.
>DRINK MORE COCA-COLA
You guzzle down some more coke.
You pass out.
>WAKE UP
You are asleep from the magic poppies.
>WAKE UP, DAMMIT!
There is no one here named Dammit.
>CRY
You cry in your sleep.
You are eaten by a grue.
Game over
>RESTORE
You stand outside the Emerald City. Yellow Brick roads lead in all four
directions.
>DRINK COCA-COLA
You guzzle down some coke.
>P-CHAN, DRINK COCA-COLA
P-chan guzzles down some coke.
>WAIT
Time passes.
>WAIT
Time passes.
>WAIT
You start to feel a caffeine rush.
>EAST
You walk east into a field of Poppies. The road runs east and west.
>EAST
You walk east into a field of Poppies. The road runs east and west.
>EAST
You walk east into a field of Poppies. The road runs east and west.
>EAST
You walk east into a field of Poppies. The road runs east and west.
>EAST
You are walking through a yellow forest. The road runs east and west.
There is a yellow kettle here.
>SAVE
Game saved.
>TAKE YELLOW KETTLE
Taken.
>USE KETTLE ON P-CHAN
You pour hot water on P-chan, who turns into Ryouga. "Where are we?"
>RYOUGA, WE'RE IN OZ
"Right. Can you take me to the Dojo?"
>RYOUGA, FOLLOW SHAMPOO
Ryouga follows you.
>EAST
You go east. You are standing outside a huge creepy looking evil castle.
There are Winged Monkeys here.
>KILL WINGED MONKEYS
You attack the winged monkeys with your bare hands. They flock all over
you and carry you off.
>KILL WINGED MONKEYS WITH SPOON
You crush the skull of three winged monkeys with your spoon. They die.
You fall and splatter all over the ground.
*** You have died ***
Game over
>RESTORE
>TAKE YELLOW KETTLE
Taken.
>USE KETTLE ON P-CHAN
You pour hot water on P-chan, who turns into Ryouga. "Where are we?"
>RYOUGA, WE'RE IN OZ
"Right. Can you take me to the Dojo?"
>RYOUGA, FOLLOW SHAMPOO.
Ryouga follows you.
>EAST
You go east. You are standing outside a huge creepy looking evil castle.
There are Winged Monkeys here.
>OFFER NO TEA TO WINGED MONKEYS
They stare at you in confusion.
>RYOUGA, KILL THE MONKEYS
Ryouga uses the Shishi-Hokodan and blows up three of the monkeys. The
rest swarm both of you and carry you off.
>ENJOY THE RIDE
Has Nissan been giving you kickbacks?
You and Ryouga arrive at the Wicked Witch's chambers.
Wicked Witch's Chambers
This is a dark and gloomy throneroom of EVIL like millions of others,
world-wide. Been there, done that.
There is a Wicked Witch of the East here.
There is a bucket of water here.
There is a Complete Beatles Anthology here.
>SAVE
Game saved.
>KILL WICKED WITCH WITH SPOON
You bash the wicked witch in the head. She turns you into a newt.
>BITE WITCH ON ANKLE
You bite the wicked witch on the ankle. She steps on you. SPLAT.
*** You have died ***
Game over
>RESTORE
>TAKE BUCKET
Taken
The wicked witch cackles. "I'll kill you and your little pig, P-chan,
too!"
>WITCH, I HAVE NO P-CHAN
The wicked witch looks confused. "Uh..well, er..."
>RYOUGA, KILL THE WITCH
"Why? What has she ever done to me?"
>RYOUGA, SHE IS HOLDING AKANE CAPTIVE
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS!" Ryouga Shi-shi Hokodans
the witch. The witch turns Ryouga into a newt.
>POUR WATER ON WITCH
The Witch melts. "Noooo, I'm melting....."
>TAKE COMPLETE BEATLES ANTHOLOGY
>INVENTORY
You are carrying:
Complete Beatles Anthology
Empty Bucket
Yellow Kettle
Ruby Slippers
Pointed Hat
Empty Case of Coca-Cola
Pocket fisherman
No Tea
Marie Callendar Chicken Fried Steak Dinner
Frozen Mermaid Flesh
Some Aspirin
Mousse's Glasses
Big Spoon
The Little Big Book of Amazon Magic
Clothing
No Brain
Desire to marry Ranma
>DROP EMPTY CASE
Dropped.
>TAKE NEWT
Taken.
>SEARCH ROOM
You also find a Portable CD Player powered by Magic.
>TAKE PORTABLE CD PLAYER
Taken.
>POUR HOT WATER ON NEWT
It gets wet.
>RETURN TO EMERALD CITY
You go back to the Emerald City.
>GO TO WIZARD
You return to the Wizard's throne room.
>SAVE
Game Saved.
Throne Room
You are in the vast palatial throne room of the Wizard of Oz, who appears
to be a huge glowing head with a booming voice. "WHO DARES INTRUDE UPON
MY SANCTUM!"
>WIZARD, I AM SHAMPOO
"And I am OZ, the GREAT AND TERRIBLE!"
>WIZARD, PLEASE GIVE ME A BRAIN
"Could I interest you in a pocket fisherman instead?"
>WIZARD, I KILLED THE WICKED WITCH OF THE EAST.
"I won't believe it unless you play 'Strawberry Fields Forever' for me.
She has the only copy in Oz."
>PUT COMPLETE BEATLES ANTHOLOGY IN CD PLAYER
Done.
>PLAY STRAWBERRY FIELDS FOREVER
Nothing happens.
>TURN ON CD PLAYER
You turn it on.
>PLAY STRAWBERRY FIELDS FOREVER
o/~Strawberry Fields forever...o/~
The wizard says, "Right." You hear the sound of hands clapping and you
are grabbed by the Wizard's cybertechs. The last thing you see is the gas
mask closing over your face.
>AM I DEAD?
You drift in a drugged haze as the wizard's cybertechs go to work on you.
>WAIT
You wake up.
Wizard's Chop Shop
You are in a clean green room full of surgical equipment and crystal
cyberware. There is an exit nearby.
Cyberdoc is here.
>LOOK ME
There is now a faint surgical scar circling your head. You feel like a
genius. Also, your left eye has been replaced with a green crystal
duplicate. The LED readout on it currently says, "Brain awaiting
Activation"
>ACTIVATE BRAIN
Your mental command activates your brain, which is a crystal enchanted
computer with a 20000 Gig hard drive, 2 Gigs of Ram, and a magical modem
that operates at 3.5 * 10 ^6 Baud. Currently, it is loaded with OZ/2
Operating System. It awaits your command.
>BRAIN, HOW DO I MARRY RANMA?
'Initiating Program. Will report when ready'.
>GO HOME
How do you want to go home?
>CYBERDOC, CAN YOU HELP RYOUGA?
"I don't see any Ryouga."
>CYBERDOC, CAN YOU HELP NEWT?
The cyberdoc installs a cybertail and retractible claws on the newt.
>CYBERDOC, CAN YOU TURN NEWT INTO A HUMAN?
"Cybertechnology has its limits, Miss Shampoo."
>CLICK HEELS THREE TIMES.
Click. Click. Click.
>SAY THERE IS NO PLACE LIKE HOME.
Poof.
You are back in your bedroom.
>INVENTORY
You are carrying:
Cyber Eye
Portable CD Player
Newt
Complete Beatles Anthology
Yellow Kettle
Ruby Slippers
Pointed Hat
Pocket fisherman
No Tea
Marie Callendar Chicken Fried Steak Dinner
Frozen Mermaid Flesh
Some Aspirin
Mousse's Glasses
Big Spoon
The Little Big Book of Amazon Magic
Clothing
Crystal Cyber Brain
Desire to marry Ranma
>USE CYBER EYE
You examine the room with your cyber eye. The LED readout identifies five
potentially dangerous weapons in the weapons rack: A sword, a bow, two
bonbori, and a chaingun with flamethrower attachment.
>TAKE ALL WEAPONS
You are carrying too much stuff.
>GO TO KITCHEN
You are in the kitchen. Mousse is still unconscious on the floor.
>PUT FROZEN MERMAID FLESH IN REFRIGERATOR
Done.
>PUT MARIE CALLENDAR DINNER IN REFRIGERATOR
Done.
>PUT BIG SPOON IN DRAWER.
Done.
>PUT MOUSSE'S GLASSES ON MOUSSE
Done.
Mousse wakes up. "SHAMPOO!" He glomps you.
>HAND NO TEA TO MOUSSE.
"A gift from my darling Shampoo!" He goes into a rhapsody of joy.
>CONSULT BRAIN
Still processing Marriage request.
>HAND POCKET FISHERMAN TO MOUSSE
Mousse goes into a DOUBLE rhapsody of joy.
>MOUSSE, GO CATCH ME SOME FISH
Mousse runs off to catch you some fish.
Mousse has left.
>REFILL YELLOW KETTLE
You fill it with water and heat it.
>GET GLASS
You take a glass from the cabinet.
>GO TO MY BEDROOM
You go to your bedroom.
>SAVE
Game saved.
>DROP PORTABLE
Dropped.
>DROP COMPLETE
Dropped.
>DROP NEWT
Dropped.
>TAKE ALL WEAPONS
Sword: Taken
Bow: Taken
Bonbori: Taken
Chaingun with flamethrower attachment: Taken
The newt gets lost.
>INVENTORY
You are carrying:
Sword
Bow
Bonbori
Chaingun with flamethrower attachment
Glass
Cyber Eye
Yellow Kettle
Ruby Slippers
Pointed Hat
Some Aspirin
The Little Big Book of Amazon Magic
Clothing
Crystal Cyber Brain
Desire to marry Ranma
>GO TO RESTAURANT
You go out to the restaurant. It is full of customers.
Cologne is here.
"I need you to waitress, Shampoo."
Your Cyber Eye LED reads out: Response options: 1. Okay
2. Bite me.
3. I'm off to date with
Ranma.
4. Mow down Cologne
with Chaingun
Option #3 recommended.
>COLOGNE, I'M OFF TO DATE WITH RANMA
"Oh, in that case, have a nice time!"
>GO TO DOJO
You go to the Tendo Dojo.
>SAVE
Game saved.
Your Cyber Eye LED reads out: Response options: 1. Crash through wall.
2. Crash through door.
3. Knock on door.
4. Mow down passersby
with chaingun.
Option #3 recommended.
>KNOCK ON DOOR
Kasumi answers the door. "Hi, Shampoo. Ranma is in the dojo, practicing
with his father."
>THANK KASUMI
"You're welcome."
>GO TO DOJO
You enter the Tendo Dojo proper. It is a long hall with some kanji and
the family shrine on the wall.
Ranma is here.
Genma is here.
Your Cyber Eye LED reads out: Response options: 1. Make Love to Ranma.
2. Glomp Ranma.
3. Say Hello to Ranma.
4. Mow down Genma
with chaingun.
Option #4 recommended.
>MOW DOWN GENMA WITH CHAINGUN
A hail of bullets sends Genma running for the hills.
Genma has left.
Ranma says, "Thanks, Shampoo. He was really starting to annoy me."
>CONSULT BRAIN
Marriage program still running.
>RANMA, HOW ARE YOU?
"I'm feeling pretty good. Kinda hungry, though."
>SAVE
>OFFER TO TAKE RANMA ON DATE
"Do I get fed?"
>YES
Yes what?
>RANMA, YES.
"Right. Let's go."
Akane enters.
"Ranma, what are you doing with Shampoo?"
>MOW DOWN AKANE WITH CHAINGUN
You smear Akane all over the wall. Ranma goes berserk. "YOU KILLED
AKANE!"
>RANMA, OBSTACLES ARE FOR KILLING.
"Right." Ranma shouts, "ROARING LION BULLET" and blasts you with ki.
Your chaingun explodes, killing you.
*** You have died ***
Game over
>RESTORE
>OFFER TO TAKE RANMA ON DATE
"Do I get fed?"
>YES
Yes what?
>RANMA, YES.
"Right. Let's go."
Akane enters.
"Ranma, what are you doing with Shampoo?"
>AKANE, SHAMPOO TAKE RANMA ON DATE
"RANMA NO BAKA!"
Akane mallets Ranma, knocking him out, then runs off crying.
>TAKE RANMA
Taken.
>SAVE
Game saved.
>GO TO NEKOHANTEN
On your way to the nekohanten, you encounter Kodachi in the street.
"HOHOHOHO! What are you doing with Ranma-sama?"
>KODACHI, SHAMPOO TAKE RANMA ON DATE
"No, I will!"
Kodachi charges you, hurling gymnastics pins.
>ACTIVATE TARGETING SIGHT
Your cyber eye targeting sight is activated.
>SHOOT PINS WITH BOW
With precision targeting, you shoot down every pin.
Kodachi stuffs a bouquet in your face. You pass out.
>GET UP
You are unconscious.
>WAIT
You are eaten by a grue.
*** You have died ***
Game over
>RESTORE
>GO TO NEKOHANTEN
On your way to the nekohanten, you encounter Kodachi in the street.
"HOHOHOHO! What are you doing with Ranma-sama?"
>ACTIVATE TARGETING SIGHT
Your cyber eye targeting sight is activated.
"Well? What are you doing?"
>FIRE FLAMETHROWER AT KODACHI
Kodachi yelps and leaps out of the way.
>SHOOT KODACHI WITH BOW
Using your targetting eye, you lock onto Kodachi and fill her full of
arrows. Obstacles are for killing, after all.
>TAKE BOUQUET
Taken.
>GO TO NEKOHANTEN
You arrive at the Nekohanten, and Cologne guides you to a table, then
revives Ranma. "What kind of Ramen would you like?". Ranma orders some
beef ramen.
>ORDER PORK RAMEN
Cologne brings you pork ramen and Ranma some beef ramen. He eats like a
maniac.
Mousse has arrived.
Mousse brings you a lot of fish. "It worked great, Shampoo!"
>SMILE AT MOUSSE
Mousse is so happy he passes out.
Ranma laughs.
>EAT
Eat what?
>EAT RANMA
This is not a lemon story.
>EAT RAMEN
Which Ramen?
>EAT BEEF RAMEN
"HEY!" Ranma defends his food.
>EAT PORK RAMEN
You eat the pork ramen. It is yummy and good.
>SAVE
Game Saved.
Ukyou has arrived.
Ukyou storms in. "Ranchan, why are you eating with this HUSSY?"
>GIVE FLOWERS TO UKYOU
"Uh, thanks." She sniffs the flowers and passes out. Ranma blinks, then
goes back to his food before someone can steal it.
>CONSULT BRAIN
Program almost complete.
Your Cyber Eye LED reads out: Response options: 1. Make Love to Ranma.
2. Glomp Ranma.
3. Offer Ranma more
food.
4. Mow down Cologne
with chaingun.
Option #3 recommended.
>OFFER RANMA MORE FOOD
"Sure!" Ranma gets another beef ramen.
>CONSULT BRAIN.
Program complete. You suddenly realize you are completely wasting your
time chasing Ranma. The best you can manage after all you've gone through
today is to get him to eat some food with you. Really, you'd be much
better off marrying Mousse.
>SAVE
Game Saved.
>DROP DESIRE TO MARRY RANMA
Dropped.
It lands on a passing newt. This could be trouble.
The newt gets lost.
>WAKE MOUSSE
Mousse wakes up and glomps you. "SHAMPOO!"
>WAKE UKYOU
Ukyou sits up. "Whaaa?"
Akane runs in. "RANMA NO BAKA!" She charges Ranma with her mallet. "How
dare you date Shampoo!" She chases Ranma around the room. Ukyou goes
after him too.
>MOUSSE, BRING ME BUCKET AND SPOON
Mousse runs and gets the bucket and the big spoon from the kitchen.
>GRAB AKANE
You grab Akane.
>PUT BUCKET ON AKANE'S HEAD
"Hey, I can't see!"
>STRIKE BUCKET WITH SPOON
Akane's head becomes the clapper to the bucket bell. She rings her way
out the door and passes out.
Ukyou is still chasing Ranma.
>KISS MOUSSE
Mousse passes out from joy.
>WAKE MOUSSE
Mousse wakes up.
Ranma and Ukyou are staring at you.
>MOUSSE, WILL YOU MARRY ME?
"YES!" Mousse dances for joy. Ranma and Ukyou faint.
Cologne frowns. "I forbid it!"
>MOW DOWN COLOGNE WITH CHAINGUN
You spread Cologne all over the wall.
Game over. You win!
152 out of 156 points.
--
John Walter Biles : MA-History, Ph.D Wannabe at U. Kansas
ranma@falcon.cc.ukans.edu
naru@sailormoonfan.com
rhea@tass.org
http://www.tass.org/~rhea/falcon.html
"But I wonder whether people who ask God to interfere openly and directly
in our world quite realise what it will be like when He does. When that
happens, it's the end of the world....For this time, it will be God
without disguise; something so overwhelming that it will strike either
irresistible love or irresistible horror into every creature. It will be
too late then to choose your side...That won't be the time for choosing;
it will be the time when we discover which side we have really chosen,
whether we realized it before or not. NOW is the our chance to choose the
right side. God is holding back to give us that chance. IT won't last
forever. We must take it or leave it."
--C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity, final paragraph.
(
geocities.com/tokyo)