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Compared to A Story of Fate, this excerpt from Ku-Ling's book was more challenging to translate. There are many terms that sound natural in Chinese, but sound awkward when translated to English. Nonetheless, it was a good learning process. Feel free to send me any comments if you feel there are inaccuracies in the translation.
 
  And That Was How Love Began
by Ku-Ling (attrib)
Translated from Chinese by K.H. Goh
(Original Chinese transcript)
 
       
 

Singlehood may not be such a novel idea after all.

Being single does give one more freedom, but freedom comes with a price -- loneliness. Not everyone enjoys being alone all the time. There are times when we need others to share our happiness with, and there are times when we need others to share our grief with.

There are a few reasons why one choose to stay single: financial independence, personality independence and emotional independence. What is independence? Independence is to need without having to depend on. A single person needs to have company of the opposite sex, but does not depend on it.

Every relationship boils down to one word: Compatibility. One does not need to be handsome or pretty to be compatible with others. There are people who are very compatible with those around them, and everybody likes them. Which is why it is more important to cultivate one's character and make oneself compatible with others, than to maintain one's good looks. A person with good looks but no self-confidence tends to behave self-consciously and fidget about. In contrast, a plain-looking person with self-confidence can exude more poise and natural beauty.

 

 
 

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Friends Before Lovers

Before becoming lovers, you must first start out as friends so that she can know you better, understand your character, realize your strengths and feel something for you. Then there is a chance for your relationship to develop.

The world is not just divided between black and white -- there are many grey areas in between. Once you come into contact more often, you shall discover each other's strengths and develop fondness for each other. Such is the natural process of developing a relationship.

Do not believe in "love at first sight" or "only one (lover) for life", for they are unrealistic and impractical. We do not need such relationships.

Some people describe relationships as picking pebbles on the beach, where everyone picks the one he or she likes. Once you find the pebble you like most, take it home and treat it well, as it shall be your only one. And remember, you are not to return to the beach again. (Always believe: I have found the biggest and most beautiful one for me and myself only.)

It's Not How Good He Is, It's How Good He Treats You

Suppose there is someone who is so good that you give him 100 points, but he only returns you 30 to 40 points or less. And there is another whom you give only 70 to 80 points, but he gives you everything he has. Which one will you choose?

Everyone is born with a fair share of qualities. No matter how good you are, in others' eyes there will always be another person better than you. You may not be able to be "the best" one, but you can become the one that treats him "the best". Many guys can say, "I may not be the best man there is, but I am the man who treats you the best." The same goes for girls, too. Everyone can do that.

What matters most in any relationship is not how good he is, but how good he treats you. Of course if you meet someone who is good and treats you well and is true to you, then you can entrust your happiness to him.

What today's women need to consider before marriage should be whether you love him, whether he loves you, whether he is true to you, whether there will be any pressure or happiness living with him, not what he has.

True Love is Hard to Find

It is hard to find someone you truly love and can truly spend the rest of your life with. That is why when you find that someone with the potential, do not let go of that opportunity. You don't lose anything if you fail, as you had none to begin with; but if you succeed, it could be the happiness for a lifetime.

If because of your shyness or your fear of the unknown future, that you miss the only chance of true love in your lifetime, then it would be a great pity. You must take action, and voice out your feelings. The man who despises a woman for making known her feelings to him is unworthy to be called a man.

Moreover, happiness is much more important than pride. It is more than worthy to exchange a moment of pride for a lifetime of happiness. Be brave and say out the words in your heart, it does you no good to hide them inside. Do not lament that your time has not arrived yet. There are opportunities everywhere, but they come and go. And if you do not grab them when they come, once they go they are lost forever.

Most women focus on the emotional aspects of a relationship, while men tend to focus on the physical aspects. A man must not only know how to be loving, he must also learn to be responsible to the woman he loves. He must learn to divert his energies and thoughts from other women and focus them on the one and only woman he loves. Also, the "strong and silent" type is no longer in vogue anymore. A man must learn to speak nice and sweet words to humour his loved one and make her feel loved.

Men give love to get sex; Women give sex to get love.

A Relaxed Happy Relationship Lasts Longer

A relationship that is painful to maintain is a short-lived relationship. We are but normal human beings, desiring love that could bring us happiness and joy.

For any relationship, it is the journey that matters, not the destination. Why? Because there is no destination. What do you consider as the destination? Marriage? The "happily ever after"?

We do not use the result to determine the value of a relationship. We also do not use the duration to determine its value. In a relationship, anything that has happened is of value. Every second that goes by is of value and worth preserving.

Marriage is the greatest gamble of our lives. Not only do we have to live together with another person for the rest of our lives, we also have to show the worst and ugliest side of ourselves to the other party. It is so different from courtship. During courtship, we could take two hours to preen ourselves and show the other party our most loving and tender nature for only a period of time. In marriage it is impossible to remain at our best and most passionate all the time.

Hence marriage is a great gamble which requires much preparation, planning and confidence before you place the bet. Even then you could still lose. If you know before betting, that you do not love the person wholeheartedly and do not foresee yourself living with him or her, then you have already lost.

Never force yourself to marry for any reason other than love. The true value of a relationship does not lie in what you can get from the other party.

The Three "Don'ts"

1. Don't marry in haste

Marriage may be wonderful, but that is not a good excuse for marrying in haste. What destined to be yours, will be yours.

2. Don't fear commitment

Both parties need to put in a lifetime of effort to make a relationship work. You do not just wait for a wonderful relationship to drop on your lap; you have to find a person you love to create, develop and maintain that wonderful relationship together with you.

If you have not thought making yourself a good man worthy of another's love, then you shall also not find a woman worthy of your love. No bad men has ever found a good woman to love; only the pitiful ones are stuck with them. Similarly no bad woman has found a good man to love her, too.

It takes both parties to make the relationship work. The chance of success would only be high if both of you are prepared to commit yourselves and make it work.

3. Don't give up

Whenever you encounter setbacks in life, whenever you feel dejected and hurt, there is one person who would unconditionally stand on your side. Only he or she could give you the support, encouragement, solace, and strength to face the world again. Things that your parents and best friends cannot provide enough of, but only the love in your life can supply in abundance.

Love is the only precious thing in life, and the only thing worth fighting for. So long as you have your loved one by your side, you shall have the motivation and courage to face what life has in store for you.

   
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