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Friends Before Lovers
Before becoming lovers, you must first start out as friends so that she
can know you better, understand your character, realize your strengths
and feel something for you. Then there is a chance for your relationship
to develop.
The world is not just divided between black and white -- there are many
grey areas in between. Once you come into contact more often, you shall
discover each other's strengths and develop fondness for each other. Such
is the natural process of developing a relationship.
Do not believe in "love at first sight" or "only one (lover)
for life", for they are unrealistic and impractical. We do not need
such relationships.
Some people describe relationships as picking pebbles on the beach, where
everyone picks the one he or she likes. Once you find the pebble you like
most, take it home and treat it well, as it shall be your only one. And
remember, you are not to return to the beach again. (Always believe: I
have found the biggest and most beautiful one for me and myself only.)
It's Not How Good He Is, It's How Good He Treats You
Suppose there is someone who is so good that you give him 100 points,
but he only returns you 30 to 40 points or less. And there is another
whom you give only 70 to 80 points, but he gives you everything he has.
Which one will you choose?
Everyone is born with a fair share of qualities. No matter how good you
are, in others' eyes there will always be another person better than you.
You may not be able to be "the best" one, but you can become
the one that treats him "the best". Many guys can say, "I
may not be the best man there is, but I am the man who treats you the
best." The same goes for girls, too. Everyone can do that.
What matters most in any relationship is not how good he is, but how good
he treats you. Of course if you meet someone who is good and treats
you well and is true to you, then you can entrust your happiness
to him.
What today's women need to consider before marriage should be whether
you love him, whether he loves you, whether he is true to you, whether
there will be any pressure or happiness living with him, not what
he has.
True Love is Hard to Find
It is hard to find someone you truly love and can truly spend the rest
of your life with. That is why when you find that someone with the potential,
do not let go of that opportunity. You don't lose anything if you fail,
as you had none to begin with; but if you succeed, it could be the happiness
for a lifetime.
If because of your shyness or your fear of the unknown future, that you
miss the only chance of true love in your lifetime, then it would be a
great pity. You must take action, and voice out your feelings. The man
who despises a woman for making known her feelings to him is unworthy
to be called a man.
Moreover, happiness is much more important than pride. It is more than
worthy to exchange a moment of pride for a lifetime of happiness. Be brave
and say out the words in your heart, it does you no good to hide them
inside. Do not lament that your time has not arrived yet. There are opportunities
everywhere, but they come and go. And if you do not grab them when they
come, once they go they are lost forever.
Most women focus on the emotional aspects of a relationship, while men
tend to focus on the physical aspects. A man must not only know how to
be loving, he must also learn to be responsible to the woman he loves.
He must learn to divert his energies and thoughts from other women and
focus them on the one and only woman he loves. Also, the "strong
and silent" type is no longer in vogue anymore. A man must learn
to speak nice and sweet words to humour his loved one and make her feel
loved.
Men give love to get sex; Women give sex to get love.
A Relaxed Happy Relationship Lasts Longer
A relationship that is painful to maintain is a short-lived relationship.
We are but normal human beings, desiring love that could bring us happiness
and joy.
For any relationship, it is the journey that matters, not the destination.
Why? Because there is no destination. What do you consider as the destination?
Marriage? The "happily ever after"?
We do not use the result to determine the value of a relationship. We
also do not use the duration to determine its value. In a relationship,
anything that has happened is of value. Every second that goes by is of
value and worth preserving.
Marriage is the greatest gamble of our lives. Not only do we have to live
together with another person for the rest of our lives, we also have to
show the worst and ugliest side of ourselves to the other party. It is
so different from courtship. During courtship, we could take two hours
to preen ourselves and show the other party our most loving and tender
nature for only a period of time. In marriage it is impossible to remain
at our best and most passionate all the time.
Hence marriage is a great gamble which requires much preparation, planning
and confidence before you place the bet. Even then you could still lose.
If you know before betting, that you do not love the person wholeheartedly
and do not foresee yourself living with him or her, then you have already
lost.
Never force yourself to marry for any reason other than love. The true
value of a relationship does not lie in what you can get from the other
party.
The Three "Don'ts"
1. Don't marry in haste
Marriage may be wonderful, but that is not a good excuse for marrying
in haste. What destined to be yours, will be yours.
2. Don't fear commitment
Both parties need to put in a lifetime of effort to make a relationship
work. You do not just wait for a wonderful relationship to drop on your
lap; you have to find a person you love to create, develop and maintain
that wonderful relationship together with you.
If you have not thought making yourself a good man worthy of another's
love, then you shall also not find a woman worthy of your love. No bad
men has ever found a good woman to love; only the pitiful ones are stuck
with them. Similarly no bad woman has found a good man to love her, too.
It takes both parties to make the relationship work. The chance of success
would only be high if both of you are prepared to commit yourselves and
make it work.
3. Don't give up
Whenever you encounter setbacks in life, whenever you feel dejected and
hurt, there is one person who would unconditionally stand on your side.
Only he or she could give you the support, encouragement, solace, and
strength to face the world again. Things that your parents and best friends
cannot provide enough of, but only the love in your life can supply in
abundance.
Love is the only precious thing in life, and the only thing worth fighting
for. So long as you have your loved one by your side, you shall have the
motivation and courage to face what life has in store for you.
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