Okay, this page is dedicated to my whining and sniveling about how lousy my military career is going. I've included it mainly so that any privates in my command can get really scared that this deranged loser is in charge of them. Yep, yep, yep, yep...
`Ray for our system of promotions! (They mainly happen from fornication. I'll explain later.)
Something just reminded me of the struggle to make sergeant in the real army. I've got a bitter taste from that.
(Not to mention I was thrown out 08 DEC 96. Honorably tossed out, but booted nonetheless. A concurrent receipt thing- they didn't want me in ROTC and in the National Guard.)
It took 7 years to make the cutoff for E-5. I wasn't promoted by them because I didn't screw up enough. Military folks know the deal: Fornicate up and you move up, except they don't use the term fornicate. (See, and you thought I wouldn't get around to explaining it. See how wrong you are? Now just wait another line or two and I'll tell you why my birthday is an EXTREMELY mystical day.) Actually there's a story (excuse) for the 7 years as well, but I've sat here whining and moaning long enough.
Anyway, I had to leave the army. I hated to do it, but feel pretty certain that they don't miss me. To quote an anonymous soldier in my unit...`Eick who? I don't think we have an Eick in this unit.' Ha ha! These guys are such kidders. *Sigh.* I miss `em already. The good times; me, Bilko, and O'Rourke kicking back at the pub... Oh well. Life goes on.
Besides, on May 18th, I was commissioned with immediate active duty as a 2LT. Hahaha! Tremble and obey, lowly peons!!! I'm back!!!
Oh yes, I'll be Artillery (Redleg!) for 2 years then branch into the Signal Corps.
`You can talk about us, but you can't talk without us.'
Yes, seeing how these were both my prior service MOS's, nobody was really surprised to see that I was branched into them. (Not to mention I requested them too...)
So where have I been, where am I going, and what am I doing? Good question. I wish I knew. So far I have the following.
August 2, 1998 to February 1, 1999: Fort Sill, Oklahoma - attended the Field Artillery Officer Basic Course, and watched a hawk making lazy circles in the sky. I also saw a batcjh of deer blown up on the artillery range, but we try not to talk about that much.
February 8, 1999 to January 22, 2000 : Korea!!! Hooray! Hooray! I don't feel the slightest bit depressed anymore! Just the memory can make me smile.
February 1, 2000 to April 15, 2000 : Fort Gordon, Georgia for the Signal Corps transition course, where I ate lots of raw goober peas.
June 8, 2000 to June 7, 2003: Camp Zama, Japan - odd. I was supposed to be a platoon leader in Kuwait, but I find myself in the S3 shop (can't get out of that place, I guess) in Japan. At least I found a batch of Shonen Knife cds I was looking for. And I eventually got out of the 3 shop- I'm running the LCC now. (Actually, the warrant officer runs the place, I just stand around and look confused.)
For 5-6 months after that: Fort Gordon, Georgia for the Signal Officer Advanced Course where I'll try the goober peas, boiled this time.
For several weeks after that: Fort Leavenworth, Kansas - I'll either be in a military school or imprisoned there. Both events are equally likely.
Afterwards, who knows? Kuwait (finally) or Turkey would be nice... or back to Korea!
But there I was (NO POOP!) in Tongduchon, South Korea, at Camp Casey, `working' as an FSO (in the mighty mighty HHB battery 1/15th Field Artillery) for an Armor company (Delta 1/72 Armor... We rule the night!). What's an FSO? I'm sorry, that information is not available for your security clearance at this time. At your service!
Sigh, that year has ended already. Time to go!
Well, I was promoted to First Lieutenant, which means I'm paid roughly 3 times more than what I deserve now. And my current assignment? Did you see what I have written up there for `would be nice'?
Badda Bing, Badda Boom!
Stop looking, it isn't there. It's a few lines up.
I'm in The Land of the Rising Sun- Japan! Hooray!
First there was a stop over in Georgia to further my edjumakashun. (Only 75 days, as you can see I didn't need much.) Then I was off to Camp Zama, Japan. Really looked forward to it. If you read the Shonen Knife and the Anime sections of the page, you'd know that already! Anyone want to visit?
I'm here with HHD 78th Signal Bn. It's like no unit I've ever imagined. They laughed at me when I asked how often we go to the field.
Hey, at least I got out of the S-3 shop. I've been moved to the LCC, and am now the LCC commander. (Regardless of what the warrant officer in there thinks, I'm actually in charge. Sigh... does ANYONE out there understand warrant officers?)
Whoops, botched up the battalion USR pretty badly. They promoted me to captain. See, I knew I'd get the hang of that promotion stuff.
But your question remains, "Mr. Eick, how do you like the army?"
Please, lets not be so formal. No need to call me Mr. Eick, call me sir.
"Sir Eick, how do you like the army?"
So I'm British now?
"Sir, how do you like the army?"
Much better. I like it a lot. Thanks for asking, and I recommend it to everyone. Really!
(And sometimes the suckers listen. I got two of my brothers to join either active duty, the national guard, or both.)
Yes, they're still on speaking terms with me.
Click here to return to the main page. And why were you so nosy about my personal/professional life anyway? Gee, I hope I'm not violating some OpSec rule...
Updated 12 Apr 02. Or do you want that DD/MM/YY ?