Ranma 1/2 & Yuu Yuu Hakusho

The Invasion

by Sionna Klassen

A quickly written and extremely silly fanfic shamelessly taking advantage of 
two characters who are or are mistaken for girls half of the time...if you 
think this blasphemous, stop reading right now. If you have a strong stomach, 
read on...and don't say I didn't warn you...

Part 1

        It was early afternoon on a bright spring day. The sun beamed down on 
Furinkan High School. Birds sang in the trees, their songs mingling with the 
sounds of students chattering as they gathered into a huge unruly mass at one 
particular section of the school grounds. The reason for the crowd was the 
annual championship volleyball tournament, and this year Furinkan was matched 
with another high school named Meiou, which was all the way from the other side 
of Tokyo.
        Akane clambered over several people as she left her seat in the 
bleachers. She'd arrived early and was currently thanking her lucky stars for 
that. The seats had filled up so fast that they were completely gone an hour 
before the game was supposed to start. Then her sisters and friends arrived, 
and Akane's skill at defending her saved seats earned her many compliments. 
        She managed to escape from the bleachers without a scratch, and 
quickly trotted up to Ranma where he was standing on the sidelines. She glanced 
at the other team, and then stopped and did a double-take. There was a *girl* 
on their team?
        Akane looked closer at the figure facing away from her, long red hair 
pulled back into a ponytail that hung down to her waist. Then the girl turned, 
and Akane caught sight of huge green eyes set in a fine-boned face - but the 
body that went with the face, although slim, was definitely not feminine. Akane 
blinked. That was the most bishonen guy she had ever seen. She had been 
absolutely certain he was a girl until he turned around. 
        "Hey, Akane," Ranma said to her as she approached. Then he glanced at 
Ryoga and Kuno, who were also warming up. "Man, I wish they'd managed to get 
themselves kicked off the team by now."
        "Ryoga doesn't even go to this school," Akane said. "How did he manage 
to get on the team?"
        "No idea. He always gets lost on the way to practice, too, but the 
coach keeps him on the team anyway." Ranma shrugged again. "Beats me. I'm 
surprised he managed to find his way here for the tournament."
        "How *did* he do that?" Akane wondered, then looked at the other team 
again. "They must be pretty good to have gotten this far," she said. "Do you 
think we'll win?"
        "No problem," Ranma said with complete confidence. 
        Akane wasn't so sure.

        "Hey, Kurama!" Kuwabara shouted and waved. "Good luck!"
        "Baka!" Yuusuke elbowed him in the gut. When Kuwabara turned, fist 
raised, Yuusuke berated him, "Don't call him Kurama in public! That's his youko 
name, remember? His human name's Shuichi Minami!"
        "Oh, right." Kuwabara frowned. "I keep forgetting that."
        Sitting behind Yuusuke, Kuwabara's older sister Shizuru rolled her 
eyes. She loved her brother dearly, but she was well aware that he was an 
idiot. She lit a cigarette and inhaled the smoke, watching all the students. 
        "Do you think our team will win?" Yukina asked innocently, sitting on 
Kuwabara's right. Yukina said everything innocently. It was impossible for her 
not to - she just radiated innocence like an incandescent lightbulb. Yuusuke 
was used to seeing her in a blue kimono, and it was strange to see her wearing 
human dress. 
        Keiko sat on Yuusuke's left, holding Pu in her lap. Pu looked like a 
blue bird, sort of, except with long floppy ears instead of wings. Pu was 
watching the proceedings with interest. Keiko looked at Yuusuke. "That other 
team looks pretty good, Yuusuke."
        Yuusuke shrugged. "What do you want me to do, place bets? I don't know 
who'll win." He grinned. "But our team will if Shuichi can do anything about 
it."
        "Don't those two look an awful lot alike?" Keiko asked, pointing at 
two dark-haired boys who were on the Furinkan team. "Maybe they're twins or 
something."
        "They sure don't look like they like each other," Kuwabara said as the 
two of them started snarling at one another. 
        "That's good for us," Yuusuke said with a smirk. "Division within the 
ranks!"

        "You jerk!" Ryoga snarled. "Brushing Akane off like that! Don't you 
ever learn?"
        "Ryoga, you idiot, the game's about to start! We don't have time for 
this!" Ranma shouted.
        Both of them looked up as Kuno's shadow fell across them. "Yes, fight. 
When the two of you have disposed of each other, only I, Tatewaki Kuno, shall 
be left to marry the beauteous Akane."
        Ranma and Ryoga simultaneously punched him into the ground, then 
looked at each other in surprise that they'd actually cooperated on something. 
Argument abandoned for the moment, they walked toward the net as Kuno slowly 
levered himself up from the ground. 
        "That did not hurt, Ranma Saotome," he said quietly, but no one paid 
attention.
        
        The game was fierce. Ranma, Ryoga, and Kuno were all determined to do 
the best, all wanting to impress Akane. But the other team was just as good as 
theirs, and so the score remained locked at a tie for point after point. The 
audience cheered wildly whenever an impressive move was made - which was often, 
as Ranma, Ryoga, and Kuno pushed themselves to their limits and the other team 
matched them perfectly. Especially the redhead whom Akane had noticed earlier. 
        Sweat trickled down the side of Kurama's face. His hair was damp and 
his shirt was sticking to his chest. He hadn't pushed himself so hard in 
months, and he was in better shape than most of his team. They were almost all 
completely exhausted. 
        It was some consolation to see that the other team wasn't in much 
better shape than they were. The tie had to be broken somehow. There were only 
thirty seconds left on the clock. Kurama wiped sweat from his face and tensed 
as the ball was slapped into the air again. As it descended toward the net, 
Kurama batted it back up and over. It was immediately returned. 
        
        The ball kept bouncing over the net, neither side managing to 
penetrate the other's defenses. Then Kurama saw an opportunity, and he took it, 
smacking the ball onto the other side of the net.
        Three seconds.
        The ball fell toward the ground.
        Two.
        Ranma lunged, reaching out to try and slap the ball back up.
        One.
        A ray of light sliced straight through the ball and it exploded into a 
puff of burnt rubber and foam padding.
        "Unnh!" Ranma landed heavily on the ground. "What the...?" He looked 
up, and his mouth dropped open. On the other side of the net, Kurama looked up 
as well, and was almost as stunned, although not quite. He was accustomed to 
seeing unusual things. He was originally, after all, from the demon world, and 
had plenty of experience with spirits and monsters.
        But...a *flying saucer*?
        
        The flying saucer, garishly painted in horrendous clashing colors, 
settled slowly to the ground. A door opened and a gangplank extended from the 
ship, from which the aliens descended. They assembled at the base of the 
gangplank and attempted to strike intimidating poses.
        They were really quite disappointing.
        They might as well have been ordinary humans, with the exception that 
they would have to have been colorblind. Every piece of clothing seemed to have 
been carefully chosen to clash with every other present. They looked like a 
four-year-old's fingerpainting disaster. It was nauseating just to look at them.
        "Who the hell are you?" Ranma demanded, getting over his shock and 
bouncing to his feet. "And why'd you destroy our ball?"
        One of them, apparently the leader judging from the enormous amount of 
gold braiding on his clothes, stepped forward and flared his robes around him. 
"People of Earth," he announced in perfect English, "We have come for your 
women!"
        "Huh?" Ranma asked, not understanding a word. His puzzlement was 
mirrored on most of the faces present, although Kurama understood him.
        The leader frowned when he realized that no one had understood him. He 
turned to another alien. "I thought you said we were going to land in 
Washington, D.C.," he said, still in English. "This is the language the humans 
speak there, isn't it?"
        "It appears there was a slight miscalculation, captain," the alien 
replied.
        "Oh. Where are we, then?"
        "A place called Tokyo, in the nation of Japan."
        "Are their women suitable?"
        The alien looked around. "It appears there are no major physiological 
differences. They should be compatible."
        "Excellent. Retune the translator to whatever language they speak 
here." He turned back to the assembled students, and struck another pose. When 
he opened his mouth again, a burst of static came out which suddenly resolved 
itself into Japanese. "People of Earth, we have come for your women!"
        "What?!" Ranma demanded. "No way!"
        Kuno drew his sword. "Fear not," he called in Akane's direction. "I, 
Tatewaki Kuno, shall protect you from these blackguards!"
        "Get real, Kuno." Ranma shoved past him. "Scram, jerks!" he yelled. 
"You interrupted our game!"
        The captain's face turned a particularly unpleasant shade of reddish 
purple. "No one talks to the soldiers of Zazlfrx that way!" He drew what looked 
like a cane from somewhere in his robes. "If you will not hand over your women 
peacefully, it seems we must fight you for them! Take them, men!"
        With a roar, the entire crowd of aliens ran forward, and pandemonium 
ensued.

        Mousse planted himself in front of Shampoo. "Fear not, Shampoo. I'll 
protect you!" 
        "Shampoo no need protecting!" Shampoo retorted, shoving him out of the 
way. As one of the aliens ran at her, she leaped over his head and let him 
crash into Mousse, who hadn't seen him coming. She dusted her hands and was 
promptly grabbed by another alien coming up behind her. She shrieked and 
struggled as he started carrying her off toward the ship.
        "Shampoo!" Mousse yelled, whirling to fling chain weapons from his 
sleeves at the fleeing alien. He hopped nimbly over them and kept running. 
"What the--?" Mousse quickly gave chase, but the dust flying everywhere was 
caking on his glasses and he couldn't see a thing. Shampoo and the alien were 
quickly lost in the fighting crowd. 
        "Shampoo!" Mousse yelled, to no avail.

        "Yuusuke!" Keiko screamed as an alien in pink and green tried to grab 
her. She scrambled back and threw Pu into the air. Pu quickly flapped his ears 
and got out of range of the fight, cooing nervously. Yuusuke punched the alien 
in the face.
        "Stay away from her!" he said.
        The alien got up, rubbing his face and grimacing. "You force me to use 
drastic measures, human!"
        "Huh? What're you--"
        The alien whipped out what looked like a pinwheel.
        Yuusuke started laughing. "You have *got* to be kidding."
        The alien twirled the pinwheel and fireworks went off inside Yuusuke's 
head. "Wow," he said, watching the explosions of light. "Pretty." Quietly he 
slid to the ground. 
        "Yuusuke, you *idiot*!" Keiko screamed as the alien carried her off.
        Yuusuke lay smiling on the bleachers, not hearing a word.

        Ukyo slammed her spatula into an alien's head, but another three came 
after her. "Hey!" she yelled, twisting and trying to stay out of the aliens' 
grasp. "I could use some help over here!" She hit another alien with her 
spatula. "Hey! Anybody?!"
        One of the aliens blocked her blow and tore the spatula from her 
grasp. "Uh-oh," Ukyo said, surrounded. 
        "HELP!" she shrieked at the top of her lungs, her voice still drowned 
by the noise, as the aliens grabbed hold of her and started running back to 
their ship. "Hello? Is anybody listening?!"

        Shizuru was busily beating an alien into the ground when another one 
grabbed her from behind. She slammed him down too and jumped on him. Kuwabara 
grinned. No one was going to carry his sister off. He stood in front of Yukina, 
determined to protect her. Yukina hid behind him, brown eyes wide as she 
watched the battle. Everything was so confused, it was hard to tell what was 
going on. Clouds of dust were everywhere. "Hey, Urameshi!" Kuwabara called, but 
got no answer. 
        He looked for Shizuru again, but she had disappeared. "Hey, what the 
hell--?"
        Yukina cried, "Kazuma-san!" as an alien picked her up without 
difficulty and carried her off. Kuwabara ran after him, yelling and cursing. 
         "Come back here!" he 
yelled. 

        One of the aliens was chasing after a particularly luscious-looking 
Earth girl when what looked like a wall of flame blocked his path. He yelped 
and withdrew hastily, but quickly noticed that there was fire behind him, too. 
He was trapped in a circle of flames. He started to rummage through his 
clothes, looking for something to put it out, when a figure walked through the 
flames unharmed and stopped inside the circle. The alien stared at it.
        It was a short Earthman - or at least it looked like an Earthman - 
except that he was on fire. And it didn't seem to bother him at all. He had 
black hair that stood up in spikes and was wearing a black cloak. "Uh, hi," the 
alien said. "This is all very impressive." He gestured to the flames. The 
sprinklers turned on, trying to put out the flames, but the water only hissed 
and evaporated and had no effect on the fire whatsoever.
        "I didn't ask for your opinion," the Earthman replied, drawing a 
sword. He paced forward and the circle of fire contracted at the same time. The 
Earthman smiled unpleasantly. 
        "Help?" the alien asked timidly.

        Akane pulled out a wooden mallet and hit one of the aliens over the 
head with it as he tried to grab her. Next to her, Kasumi said, "Oh!" as an 
alien swung her over his shoulders. Nabiki, less composed, kicked and hollered 
as another alien grabbed her and ran off toward the ship. 
        Akane started to run after them, yelling at the aliens to stop. 
"Akane!" she heard a yell, but she ignored the voice and kept running, with the 
result that she didn't see another alien before he grabbed her. 
        "Akane!" Ranma dodged through the crowd of people, his eyes fixed on 
the alien, who was easy to see, dressed mostly in fluorescent orange and green. 
He leaped into the air, landed in front of the alien, and dropped into a 
defensive position, blocking the way to the flying saucer. "Let Akane go 
*now*," Ranma ordered. "Or I'm gonna have to hurt you."
        "Akane!" Suddenly Ryoga charged out of the melee and skidded to a stop 
next to Ranma. "Out of the way!" he said, pushing Ranma aside. "I'll save you, 
Akane!"
        "What?" Ranma demanded, pushing back. "Move it, jerk!"
        "Akane!" Kuno appeared from the dust and drew his sword. "Release her 
or I will be forced to give you a severe thrashing!"
        The alien had been staring at them all this time. Then he laughed. 
"You three are ridiculous," he said. 
        "Shut up!" Ranma said. "And let go of Akane!"
        "Sorry, can't do that. We need all the women we can get."
        "I wasn't giving you a choice," Ranma said, and lunged. The alien 
skipped back and lashed out with a kick, which Ranma would have dodged easily 
if Kuno hadn't tripped him up. "Hey!" Ranma fell right into the path of the 
alien's outstretched foot, which sent him plowing backwards into Ryoga. 
        "Ranma, how dare you!" Ryoga attacked him.
        "Ryoga, quit it! Hey!!" Ranma got an idea and yelled, "Do you want to 
save Akane or not? If we don't save her, who's gonna do it? *Kuno*?"
        "AAH! What a horrible thought!" Ryoga let go of Ranma, and the two of 
them tore off toward the ship, leaving Kuno behind where he'd fallen in the 
dust after one kick from the alien.
        "RANMA!!" Akane yelled backwards, even though she was twisted so she 
couldn't see Ranma and Ryoga giving chase. "If you don't hurry up and get me 
out of this I'm going to--"
        "I'll save you, Akane!" Ryoga cried heroically, leaping forward. He 
got within a foot of the alien, reaching out to grab the alien's clothes, Ranma 
just behind him, when the sprinklers turned on.
        A small black pig fell to the ground. Ranma ran on, not even slowed by 
the sudden blast of cold water. "Come back here!" she yelled, still chasing the 
alien who had Akane. "Get back here *now* or I'll--"
        An alien grabbed her. Ranma flung him off and kept running.
        "A difficult woman!" the alien called to the others. He got back up 
and chased after Ranma, followed by three other aliens.
        Ranma was almost at the ship. She could see the alien taking Akane up 
the gangplank... "Oh no you don't!" she yelled, and was about to leap forward 
and tackle the alien when four of them tackled *her*.
        "Hey! Let me go! LET GO OF ME RIGHT NOW, YOU CREEPS!!" Ranma shrieked 
and fought as the aliens dragged her the last few feet up the gangplank and 
into the ship.
        
        The ship lifted slowly off the ground, the wind from its engines 
banishing the clouds of dust. The playing field and bleachers were strewn with 
confused and slightly damaged Earthmen, but there were no signs of any women in 
the area. "Mission accomplished, Captain," the first officer said. "All of the 
Earth women have been taken onto the ship."
        "Excellent. Take us out of the atmosphere and set course for home."
        "Yes, sir," the first officer said, pleased. As the coordinates were 
set, the ship slowly rising into the clouds, the officer asked, "What shall we 
do with the women, sir?"
        "Leave them in the cargo hold - safely locked up, mind you. Some of 
them were being exceedingly difficult, and we don't want any trouble."
        "Yes, sir. But shouldn't we organize them in some fashion to make 
distribution easier?"
        "You want to try?" the captain asked, pointing to the science officer, 
who had several scratch marks on his face and neck. "And that wasn't the worst 
of them. It took four of our men to handle the girl with the red hair."
        "I see what you mean, sir," the first officer said, and didn't ask any 
more questions.

        "Akane," Kuno moaned, pushing himself up out of the dust, which was 
rapidly turning into mud from the sprinklers. He watched the ship rise into the 
sky.  he thought to himself. 
        A thought struck him. "Where is the pig-tailed girl?!" he demanded, 
rising to his feet. 
        One of his classmates looked at him. "They got her," he said, pointing 
at the ship.
        It was exactly as Kuno had feared. "Curse you!!" he shouted at the 
sky. "Is it not enough you take the first love of my life, must you take them 
both?!" Tears of passion ran down his cheeks. "I will pursue you to the ends of 
the galaxy, my loves! I will not rest until you are safe with me where you 
belong!!"
        A large panda held up a sign at Kuno that read, [Do you have a spare 
spaceship handy?]
        "Akane," Soun Tendo cried softly in the background. 

End of Part 1

----------------------------------------------------------

Author's Notes: Characters are shamelessly plundered from the anime series 
Ranma 1/2 and Yuu Yuu Hakusho, created by Rumiko Takahashi and Yoshihiro 
Togashi. No infringements of any sort, including of anyone's sanity but my own, 
are intended. Partial credit (blame?) for this story goes to my younger 
brother, for being willing to play out this plot in a role-playing game. 
Further thanks to Kristin Huntsman (she knows why), Kevin Luna for allowing me 
to borrow large chunks of his Ranma collection, Aaron Arce for the same favor 
except with Yuu Yuu Hakusho, and John Blankenship for proofing this story. 
Comments can (and *should*) be mailed to tardis@cats.ucsc.edu, because I like 
receiving comments and get very disheartened when I don't get any.
And a warning to you YYHNMLers: There *will* be cameos in this one... I'm just 
not saying who or where. Keep reading... :)

----------------------------------------------------------

Ranma 1/2 & Yuu Yuu Hakusho

The Invasion

by Sionna Klassen

Part 2

        "Are you okay?" Kuwabara asked, pulling Yuusuke to his feet. 
        "Yeah...I think so." Yuusuke shook his head, trying to clear it, then 
looked around at the devastated playing field. Lost and confused students were 
wandering aimlessly, crying over their respective loves. 
        "Ruth," someone called. "Ruth, where are you?"
        "What happened?" Yuusuke asked.
        "The aliens kidnapped all the women," Kuwabara said, looking like a 
depressed basset hound. "They got Yukina-san..."
        "And Keiko!" Yuusuke gasped. He looked up as Pu flapped down slowly to 
land on his head. "Some help you are," he said sourly.
        Pu meeped miserably.
        Yuusuke reached up and plucked Pu off of his head, holding him in one 
hand. He looked around. "Shizuru, too? I wouldn't have thought *anybody* could 
carry her off."
        "Neither did I," Kuwabara said. "I think they ganged up on her."
        "Probably," Yuusuke said with a sigh. He saw a duck sitting in a 
puddle made by the sprinklers, a pair of glasses lying forgotten in the dirt. 
The duck seemed to be crying.  Yuusuke thought, and looked the other 
way.
        He saw flames dying down around a black figure, who had a sword in its 
hand which was currently being used to threaten one of the aliens. "Hiei!" 
Yuusuke cried, and ran forward.
        Hiei didn't look at him. "I want...information," he said to the alien, 
smiling nastily.
        The alien was scared out of his wits. "Okay," he said. "What do you 
want to know?"
        Others were starting to notice that one of the aliens had been 
captured. Quickly they gathered around, watching as Hiei asked, "Where is that 
ship going?"
        "To our home planet," the alien said. "Zazlfrx."
        "What are they going to do with the women when they get there?"
        "Distribute them among the most worthy."
        "Wait a minute," Yuusuke said. "Why'd you kidnap them anyway?"
        "Oh, it's such a sad story," the alien said, starting to cry. Kuwabara 
bonked him on the head. 
        "Quit it!" he said. "Tell us the story already!"
        "Okay," the alien said, sniffling. "There are no women left on our 
planet."
        "How'd that happen?" Yuusuke asked.
        "Just...there were no girl babies anymore," the alien said. "We don't 
know why. The last generation of women has died out, and we need more to keep 
our race going."
        "How many people are there on your planet?" Yuusuke asked. "A hundred 
girls isn't going to be enough."
        "No, there are six hundred people on our planet," the alien said. 
"Only one out of every six men will get a wife."
        "Six hundred--?! Just how small is your planet?!" 
        "Uh..." the alien thought about it for a long time. When Yuusuke was 
ready to punch him he finally said, "The size of your moon."
        "Why didn't you just say so?" Kuwabara demanded. 
        "That took advanced mathematics!" the alien said defensively. 
        Yuusuke interrupted. "Never mind. How do we get there?"
        "You can't, you don't have a spaceship."
        "But if we could get one, could you show us the way?"
        "Yes..." the alien said slowly, "but why would I..." He stopped as 
small flames began to flicker along Hiei's arms. "Never mind."
        "Good," Yuusuke said. He looked around. "Somebody want to guard this 
guy to make sure he doesn't go anywhere?"
        "I will," a young man with black hair said. He looked damp, but that 
might have been from the sprinklers. He was wearing a yellow bandanna, and 
Yuusuke recognized him as one of the Furinkan volleyball players. He glowered 
at the alien. "He won't get away from Ryoga Hibiki!"
        "Good," Yuusuke said, and walked a few steps away, following Hiei. 
"Now where the hell are we going to find a spaceship?"
        "Hey, Hiei," Kuwabara said. "I didn't know you were here. I didn't 
think you'd watch the game."
        "Game?" Hiei asked. "What game?"
        "The volleyball game!" Kuwabara said in irritation. 
        "I wasn't watching any game," Hiei said.
        "You jerk! Kurama was playing, you know, you could have at least--"
        "Hey, wait a minute," Yuusuke said suddenly, looking around.
        "Huh?" Kuwabara looked at him. "What's up, Urameshi?"
        Yuusuke looked around, scanning the entire area, but he still didn't 
see what he was looking for. "Where's Kurama?" he asked.
        "You don't suppose..." Kuwabara started.
        "No," Yuusuke said flatly.
        "But isn't it possible..."
        "*No.*"
        "But..."
        "*NO!*"
        
        The door shut with a clang. Ranma sat up from where the guards had 
flung her to the floor, rubbing her head. She looked around, and her mouth 
dropped open in amazement.
        The room was crammed full of women.  Ranma thought, stunned. She picked herself up and asked 
uncertainly, "Akane?"
        Akane pushed through the crowd toward her, but Shampoo and Ukyo got 
there first, hurling themselves at Ranma so violently that Ranma went crashing 
to the floor again. 
        "Ranma, thank goodness you're here! What are we going to do?" Ukyo 
wailed, drowning out whatever Shampoo was trying to say. Shampoo tried to shove 
her away, without success. 
        "Hey! Get off me!" Ranma tried to push them both off, and saw Akane 
giving her the evil eye. "Uh-oh."
        "What do you think you're doing, you hentai?!" Akane demanded. "We've 
all been kidnapped, we're being dragged off to who-knows-where, and you're busy 
*flirting*?!" She pulled out her wooden mallet again. Ukyo and Shampoo promptly 
got out of the way.
        
        "Yukina, Keiko, are you all right?" Shizuru asked, dropping to her 
knees beside the two girls, who were sitting on the floor. Keiko nodded.
        "H-hai, Shizuru-san," Yukina replied, although a little uncertainly. 
"Where are they taking us?"
        "Beats me," Shizuru said with a shrug. "Either they're real aliens, in 
which case we're going to another planet, or they're not."
        "Another planet?" Yukina asked in confusion.
         "Uh...kind of like the 
Makai," she said, trying to explain it in terms that Yukina would understand. 
"Another world far from Earth."
        "Oh, I see," Yukina said. She glanced behind Shizuru and smiled. "Oh, 
hello!"
        Shizuru turned to look behind her, just as Kurama dropped to his knees 
next to them. She said automatically, "Hi, Kurama," before her brain caught up 
with her. She stared at him. "Wait a minute--"
        Kurama sighed. "Yes."
        Shizuru couldn't help herself; she started laughing, and quickly tried 
to smother it. "I'm sorry," she gasped, but the resigned expression on Kurama's 
face only made her laugh harder. "I'm sorry, I know it isn't funny, but I can't 
believe they--!" She dissolved into giggles, and Keiko tried to stifle her own 
laughter behind her hand. 
        "Why not?" Kurama asked, resting his chin on the palm of his hand. "I 
think the entire Furinkan high school already mistook me for a girl. Why 
shouldn't the aliens do it too?" 
        Yukina looked puzzled. Shizuru asked, trying to be more serious, "Have 
you ever thought of cutting your hair?"
        Kurama attempted to imitate one of Hiei's *looks*. "No," he said. "I 
like it long. Even if it does cause problems like this every now and then." 
        Keiko asked, "Do you think they're really aliens, or is all this some 
kind of elaborate prank?"
        "Pretty weird prank," Kurama said with a shrug. He paused, then 
continued slowly. "No, they're real. We've left Earth."
        "How can you tell?" Keiko asked. She thought she could see a glitter 
of gold in his eyes, and suddenly he seemed very old to her. 
        He grinned. "I can tell," he said. "Youkai are good at these things." 
He wiggled his fingers at her, and Yukina giggled. 
        "So how do we get back?" Shizuru asked.
        "We'll have to escape, take over the ship, and get them to fly us 
back," Kurama said. 
        "Oh, is that all?" Shizuru demanded.
        Kurama smiled and walked toward the door.

        Kurama stopped as he saw what looked like a vicious cat-fight boiling 
in front of the door. Most of the girls surrounding the fight were watching it 
with a kind of distant interest. The fight abruptly broke apart, resolving into 
two girls. One had short, dark hair and brown eyes, wearing the green dress 
that Kurama recognized as the school uniform for Furinkan High. The other had 
red hair in a pigtail, and was wearing Chinese clothes. The dark-haired girl 
seemed to have emerged as the winner of the fight. She glared down at the 
pig-tailed girl, frowning. "What do you have to say for yourself, Ranma?" she 
demanded.
        The other girl was in a battered heap on the floor, but she recovered 
amazingly quickly. She sat up and complained, "Geez, Akane, can't you do 
something useful like beat up the guards or something? Then at least we could 
get out of here."
        "Oh," Akane said, as if the idea had never occurred to her. Then she 
put her hands on her hips and said in irritation, "But the guards are 
*outside*. How are we supposed to get them in here?"
        Kurama cleared his throat. 
        Akane looked at him, and her eyes widened in recognition. "Oh," she 
said. "You're--" Then she stopped. "But you're not--" 
        Kurama shrugged. "They don't know that. What if we tell them they made 
a mistake?"
        "What are you talking about?" Ranma demanded sourly, picking herself 
up. 
        Akane ignored her. "Do you think it would work?"
        Kurama shrugged. "We won't know unless we try, will we?" He walked to 
the door and tapped on it. When there was no response he knocked harder.
        "What do you expect us to do, open the door?" one of the guards, 
presumably, asked from outside. 
        "I hope so," Akane said. "You've made a mistake. There's a guy in 
here."
        "What? Impossible. We wouldn't make a stupid mistake like that."
        "A guy?" Ranma asked quietly, frowning. She looked down at her chest. 
"Akane, no way are they gonna fall for that."
        Akane ignored her again. "It's true. Come on inside and check."
        "You girls promise you'll behave?" the guard said.
        "Of course," they chorused. 
        "If we had some hot water then maybe..." Ranma said, but everyone 
ignored her this time. 
        The door opened just wide enough to admit two guards. "So where's this 
man we've supposedly collected?" one asked, his gaze sweeping right over 
Kurama. Kurama stepped forward. 
        "Here," he said.
        The guard started laughing. "That's a pathetic trick! What made you 
think we'd fall for it?" 
        Kurama sighed and pulled off his shirt.
        The guards immediately shielded their eyes, attempting to allow the 
misguided woman some feminine modesty. But it only took a moment before they 
couldn't resist any more, and carefully peeked from behind their fingers. 
        The guards dropped their hands, looking bemused at the distinctly 
unfeminine chest before them. Not quite believing what they saw, they reached 
forward, almost as one, and touched Kurama's chest, realizing as they did so 
that he really was a man, and they had indeed made a terrible mistake.
        Immediately they panicked. "What will the captain do to us?!"
        The instant they became distracted, Kurama shouted, "Now!"
        Everyone within fifty feet leaped on the guards. 
        "There," Kurama said to Shizuru as they squeezed through the gap in 
the door. "That wasn't so hard."
        An alarm went off.
        "Damn," Kurama muttered.
        "Don't you know by *now* not to speak too soon?" Shizuru demanded.
        Ranma finally managed to squeeze through the door, having been blocked 
off from seeing everything by a press of girls. "Where's this guy?" she 
wondered, looking around. She still didn't see who the guards had been talking 
about.
        "Quick, split up!" Kurama called to the girls. "Cause as much trouble 
as you can!" Immediately a group of girls sprinted off down one corridor. 
Kurama picked another, essentially at random and hoping for a youko's good 
luck. "Shizuru, where's Keiko and Yukina?"
        "Here, Kurama-kun," Keiko panted, squeezing through the door. Yukina 
was right behind her. 
        "Come on, let's go this way," Kurama urged, and the four of them ran 
off. 
        Akane yelled, "Wait!" and ran after them. 
        "Akane, what are you - oh, geez!" Ranma ran after her. "Akane!"

        "You realize, of course, that it's completely impossible," the alien - 
whose name was apparently Exing Ped - said smugly. "You humans couldn't 
possibly build a ship that would get you to Zazlfrx."
        Ryoga hit him. 
        "Ow!" Exing complained, glaring at Ryoga. "Well, it's true!"
        "I hate to admit it, but he may be right," Yuusuke said. "How the hell 
are we supposed to build a spaceship? We don't even know where to start."
        Botan appeared behind him without warning, flourishing a large, 
rolled-up tube of paper. "Yes we do, Yuusuke!" she cried cheerfully, startling 
him. He yelled and whipped around, glaring at her. 
        "Botan, where the hell did you come from?"
        "Actually, I got some good souls last time," she said. "I haven't been 
to hell in about a week." She held up her tube of paper. "I've come to help you 
out!"
        "Who is this?" Kuno asked, appearing mysteriously behind Botan. He 
looked at her curiously. 
        "Botan," Yuusuke said shortly, then returned his attention to her. 
"How is a piece of paper supposed to help us out?"
        Kuno continued watching, scrutinizing the tall girl with blue hair and 
pinkish eyes. She was wearing a tight leather jacket and jeans that left little 
of her figure to imagination. She seemed completely innocent of her effect on 
Kuno, waving her roll of paper enthusiastically. 
        "Such boundless energy and innocence," Kuno murmured to himself. "The 
carefree beauty of the cherry blossom. How amazing."
        "Ta-daa!" Botan said, unrolling the paper with a flourish. It seemed 
to have a set of schematics on it. "Plans for the Reikai Spaceship!"
        After everyone had picked themselves up again, Yuusuke snatched the 
plans from her. "You've got to be kidding," he said. "Reikai Spaceship?"
        Botan pouted. "It works," she said indignantly. "Or it will after we 
build it."
        Koenma appeared behind Yuusuke, looking solemn and important, which 
always worked better in his adult body than his baby one, despite the 
ever-present pacifier in his mouth. He nodded sagely, ignoring Yuusuke's 
annoyance at Koenma's successful attempt to startle him. "The Reikai Spaceship 
can get to any planet in the galaxy in a few hours," he said, then yelped as 
Yuusuke hit him over the head. 
        "Hey! What was that for?" he demanded irritably. 
        Yuusuke grumbled, "Jerk, sneaking up on people like that." Then he 
forgot about it, frowning at the plans. "We'll need a lot of raw materials," he 
said. 
        A panda which had been lurking in the vicinity held up a sign that 
held only a large red arrow, pointing at Kuno.
        "Hmm?" Kuwabara looked at him. "You rich or something?"
        Kuno regarded him as if he was no more significant than an ant. "Yes, 
peasant. I shall provide the necessary materials, that we may build the 
spaceship and rescue the fair Akane and the pig-tailed goddess!"
        "A goddess wouldn't need rescuing," Ryoga muttered sourly. He frowned 
to himself. "We'll see who rescues Akane, Ranma Saotome. I will prove myself 
worthy of her love and show her that you are nothing but a useless coward!"
        "Are you quite finished?" Hiei asked acidly from next to him. Ryoga 
looked up and realized that he had been shouting, and everyone was staring at 
him. Immediately his face distorted from the incredible embarrassment. 
        
        Kurama skidded to a halt as the corridor ran into an intersection. He 
paused on the corner, looking at a map on one wall. There was a large red dot 
at one of the intersections, a label above it reading something in alien 
letters.
        "What does it say?" Shizuru wondered.
        Kurama shrugged. "'You are here'?" he hazarded. "Which means the 
bridge, or whatever, would be..." He traced the map with his finger for a 
moment, then nodded. "This way," he said, turning left. The others followed, 
hearing angry yells behind them and what sounded like combat. 

        "Ranma! Ranma honey! Where are you?" Ukyo hit a guard over the head 
with her spatula, sending him crashing to the floor, and scanned the confused 
crowd of girls and neon-colored aliens. 
        "No! Ranma Shampoo husband! Shampoo find first!" Shampoo jumped on an 
alien's head as he tried to grab her, then looked around for Ranma. She didn't 
have any better luck than Ukyo, though. 
        "Ranma," she said piteously.
        Ukyo glanced at her. "Shampoo, this is gonna sound really weird, but I 
think we should cooperate to find him."
        Shampoo looked at her for a moment, head cocked, then she smiled and 
nodded. "We find Ranma - then we fight for him! Shampoo like!"
        "Great! Let's go!" The two of them tore through the remaining guards 
and ran off down the corridor together, both yelling "Ranma!"

        "Yoo hoo... oh boys..." Nabiki called sweetly. Two guards turned to 
look at her, confusion written all over their faces. Nabiki smiled at them and 
blew a kiss. "Over here," she invited, giving them a seductive look. 
        They eagerly came forward, and Nabiki and Kasumi hit them neatly over 
the head with frying pans.
        "Did we *have* to do that?" Kasumi asked, looking down at the guards 
with concern. "I hope they're not hurt."
        "Kasumi..." Nabiki sighed and gave up. "Never mind. I'm sure they'll 
be fine. We have to find Akane, remember?" She turned to walk away, and ran 
straight into two more guards.
        "Or, maybe not," she said, just before one picked her up and carried 
her back toward the cargo bay. Nabiki sighed. 
        "Oh dear," Kasumi said from the other guard's arms.
        "Oh well. Akane can take care of herself, right?"

        Akane slammed her fist into a guard's face, then turned to look for 
Ranma. "Ranma, where are--"
        Ranma's fists moved at blinding speed, sending one of the aliens 
flying into the wall. Akane saw Kurama dodge a grab and lash out with a kick 
that sent his opponent sprawling. "Look out!" he called to her, warning her in 
time to punch another alien in the stomach. 
         Then Akane forgot her question in the 
face of another, as another three guards popped up out of nowhere. 
        A woman with long brown hair stomped on a fallen guard and turned to 
Kurama. "Kurama!" she yelled. "We can't all make it! Head for the bridge!"
        "Shizuru--" Kurama protested, then broke off as another alien lunged 
at him. He rolled backwards and kicked him away, then flipped back to his feet. 
        "Let's go already!" Ranma shouted, grabbing Kurama's arm. "She's 
right! If we don't get this ship turned around, what good is it gonna do to 
beat all these guys up?!"
        Kurama nodded and broke free of the melee, running into the empty 
corridor. Ranma looked over her shoulder at Akane. 
        "Go on, Ranma," Akane said with a smile.
        Ranma grinned back and shouted, "You shouldn't have any problem 
beating all those guys, tomboy!"
        "Hey - what do you mean by that?!" But Ranma was off and running. 
Akane yelled angrily after her, "Ranma no BAKA!!"
        She started pounding furiously on the guards again. 
        "Bakabakabakabakabakabakabakabaka....!"

        "Wow," Botan said, looking at the pile of raw materials lying on the 
soggy playing field. "That was fast."
        "To work, knaves!" Kuno shouted, gesturing with his bokken. "We must 
complete the ship to rescue the pig-tailed goddess!"
        "Hey!" Ryoga demanded. "How come we have to do all the work?"
        "Yeah, we don't know the first thing about building spaceships!" 
Mousse complained, attempting to wash mud off his glasses with what remained of 
a kettle of hot water that the panda had been spotted carrying earlier.
        Koenma sighed. "Humans," he muttered.
        "Hn. I've been saying that for years," Hiei said, appearing suddenly 
next to Koenma. 
        Koenma started at Hiei's arrival, which made Hiei smile. Hiei's smiles 
were not the nicest things to look at. Koenma turned back to the construction 
site, if it could be called that considering that no construction was currently 
going on.
        It didn't look as if it would be anytime soon, either, from the way 
everyone was arguing with each other. 
        Koenma went up to Kuno and snatched the plans from him, walking away 
and frowning at them. Kuno spotted the blue-haired girl and took his chance to 
approach her. 
        He took her hand. Botan blinked at it, charmingly confused. Kuno put 
on his most winning smile. "Greetings, beautiful one. I would date with you."
        Botan's eyes widened, and she stared at him with what Kuno chose to 
interpret as incredulous joy, but was actually closer to complete embarrassed 
shock. Her face turned bright red, and she stammered, "Well, I - that is, I--"
        She looked around for anyone to rescue her, and she discovered that 
the closest person around was, unfortunately, Hiei, who had his back turned.
        
        "I - I can't," she said uncomfortably. 
        "What? Why?"
        "I - well, you see - that is - umm, I can't explain, but I really 
can't go out with you--" Botan broke off with a gasp as Yuusuke slammed Kuno 
into the ground. 
        "You jerk," Yuusuke growled. "I heard you whining about two girls 
already! What do you need a third for?!"
        Botan took her chance to escape and hid behind Hiei, which was quite a 
feat considering she was at least six inches taller than he was. He twisted his 
head to look at her. "What the hell are you doing?!" he demanded.
        Cat ears appeared on Botan's head, and she looked meek. "I'm sorry, 
Hiei, but--" She broke off again as Kuno was suddenly upright. 
        Kuno looked at Hiei. "So, that is the way of things. I understand. You 
believe you have a prior claim on her."
        "Listen to me, idiot," Hiei said. "I don't want her. In fact I don't 
want her anywhere *near* me. You can *have* her."
        "Hiei!" Botan squeaked in protest. 
        "And now you insult me by expecting me to fall for such an obvious 
trick!" Kuno pulled out his bokken. "I will fight you for her!"
        Yuusuke punched him again. Looking down at him, he said, "I wouldn't 
believe one person could be so stupid if I wasn't seeing it with my own eyes. 
Listen, you jerk - Botan doesn't want to go out with you. Can't you give up?"
        From his contorted position, Kuno replied, "I see. So you want her as 
well." 
        "Nani?!" Yuusuke looked shocked, then furious. "BAKAYARO!!" he yelled. 
"I didn't say that! How stupid *are* you?!"
        Kuno shot back to his feet. "It does not matter if you are two or two 
hundred, I will fight anyone who dares to attempt to come between me and my 
glorious blue-haired girl!"
        Hiei said, "I don't believe it. Someone with less intelligence than 
Kuwabara."
        "SILENCE!!" Kuno shouted, brandishing his bokken. "Fight me!"
        "I don't believe this," Yuusuke groaned.

        Two guards pelted down a corridor, terrified out of their wits. 
"Help!" they yelled desperately. "Save us! She's insane!"
        A peal of crazed, maniacal laughter echoed from the corridor behind 
them, just as a green rhythmic-gymnastics ribbon snapped forward from the 
darkness and caught both of them, tangling them up into a messy, 
brightly-colored knot. They cringed in terror as the wicked laughter came 
nearer, until a young woman with black hair in a brown-and-white school uniform 
stepped into view, still laughing.
        "You should have known better than to attempt to defeat the rising 
rhythmic-gymnastics star of St. Hebedeke School for Girls, she who is known as 
the Black Rose, Kodachi Kuno!" Kodachi announced as the two guards trembled and 
agreed with her wholeheartedly. 
        Then Kodachi pulled a black rose out of nowhere and smiled. "However, 
you are fortunate. I have decided to be merciful today." She dropped the black 
rose next to them and bounced off down the corridor, black petals swirling in 
the air with her psychotic laughter. 

End of Part 2

----------------------------------------------------------

Author's Notes: Yes, more fighting, and more silliness in general. However, 
the next piece might be more even. Maybe. No promises. 100 extra points to 
anybody who can spot all the references I made in this chapter... :)

----------------------------------------------------------

Ranma 1/2 & Yuu Yuu Hakusho

The Invasion

by Sionna Klassen 

Part 3

        The Zazlfrxian ship, speeding rapidly through space to its home 
planet, was suddenly rocked by an explosion. A chunk of the hull tore off and 
fell back toward the Earth, one solitary figure in a dress clinging to it, long 
purple hair floating everywhere in the zero gravity.
        "Papa-san?" she wailed miserably, although the cry had no sound in the 
vacuum.
        

        "Status?" the captain asked.
        "The hull breach is sealed off, but I think we lost the one girl who 
was punching through all the walls. Most of the other women have been returned 
to the cargo bay," his lieutenant said, checking the screen. "There are still a 
few making trouble, though. In fact, two of them were spotted coming this way."
        "Well, why weren't they stopped?" the captain demanded. 
        "Uh - apparently the crewmen who attempted to stop them were defeated 
almost immediately."
        "What kind of soldiers man this ship?!" the captain demanded. "If 
those women dare invade the bridge, they will not fare so well!"
        The door burst open and a crewman came running in. He opened his mouth 
to yell something, but only got as far as "Captain!" before the door burst 
inward off its hinges and fell on him.
        Valiantly he continued, although his voice was weak and muffled 
underneath the door. "Intruders on the bridge, sir..."
        Ranma lowered her fist and stomped over the door into the bridge, 
ignoring the muffled complaints from under the door. She glared at the aliens 
and demanded stridently, "Turn this ship around RIGHT NOW, you jerks!"
        "Oh, no," the science officer whispered, touching his clawed face. 
"It's the red-headed girl!" He ducked under the computer bank and hid.
        Kurama followed Ranma through the door, with a little more 
consideration for the hapless alien underneath it. The navigational officer 
looked at him and tried to follow the science officer's example.
        "B-both redheads?" the captain whispered disbelievingly, then turned 
his head to look as a crewman leaped up and saluted. "Yes, Lieutenant Spoon?"
        "We can't possibly win against both of them, sir. Permission to run 
and hide."
        The captain flushed angrily. "Denied!" he snapped. "They're only 
women! Take them back to the cargo bay where they belong!"
        "Are you *sure* you want to do that?" Ranma asked lazily, giving 
Lieutenant Fork N. Spoon an evil grin.
        He paled, turned tail, and ran.
        "SPOON!!" the captain roared, but the lieutenant kept running. The 
captain turned back and saw that the bridge crew was sneaking en masse toward 
the door. "The next man who runs will be shot for insubordination!" he 
hollered, turning purple with rage. The crew quickly slunk back to their places 
with their tails between their legs.
        "You guys are pathetic," Ranma said scornfully. Kurama only leaned 
against the wall and laughed softly, watching the frightened crew.
        The captain stood up and faced Ranma and Kurama, glaring angrily at 
them. "How dare you attempt to humiliate me in front of my crew?" he shouted. 
"I, Captain Sosumi, won't stand for it!"
        "Wonderful," Ranma muttered. "He sounds like Kuno. Who writes this 
guy's lines?"
        A door no one had noticed opened in the wall, and a girl with long 
brown hair poked her head through it. "Guilty!" she said cheerfully, then 
ducked back through the door with a wave. The door immediately vanished.
        Everyone looked at each other in confusion, then decided to pretend 
that nothing had happened. Kurama stepped away from the wall. "What do you 
intend to do about it?" he asked the captain. "I assume being reasonable and 
taking us back to Earth is out of the question."
        Captain Sosumi pointed at Kurama and said impressively, "I challenge 
you to single combat! If you win, I shall return you to Earth. If I win, you 
shall become my obedient wife - forever! Do you accept my terms?"
        To Ranma's surprise, Kurama reddened. "There's a little problem with 
that arrangement," he said quietly.
        "Nonsense!" the captain said. "Will you fight me?"
        Kurama sighed. "Do I have a choice?"
        "It's your only chance to get back to Earth," the captain warned.
        "All right," Kurama said. "I'll fight you."
        "Excellent!" the captain said, turning with a flourish. "Men - prepare 
the cargo bay and assemble the crew! You shall all witness my victory!"
        The crew looked dubious, but only saluted and got to work. Captain 
Sosumi glanced at the woman he had just challenged, admiring her large emerald 
eyes and the way her hair fell liquidly to her waist.  He smiled. 

        "Are you sure about this?" Ranma whispered to Kurama, following her 
from the bridge into the corridor. Kurama leaned on the wall outside the door 
and closed her eyes. Ranma allowed her voice to rise once the door had shut 
behind them. "If you lose, we'll all be stuck with these jerks! I don't want to 
marry some alien creep! Hell, I don't want to get married at all!"
        Kurama looked up, green eyes glittering. "I'm not going to lose."
        Ranma blinked in surprise at Kurama's quiet vehemence. "What's with 
you?" she said finally. "I mean, sure, I wouldn't want to be his wife either, 
but at least *you're* a woman."
        Kurama looked at her. "No, I'm not."
        Ranma frowned. "You can't have fallen into the Spring of Drowned Girl 
too?"
        "I don't know what you're talking about," Kurama said. "But I'm not a 
woman. Here - see for yourself." She took hold of Ranma's hand and put it on 
her chest.
        Ranma felt her skin heating up to about 900 degrees and knew that her 
face was turning a particularly interesting shade of red. She went rigid in 
shock, and then fell over completely as her fingers told her that Kurama was 
definitely not a woman.
        Kurama looked down at her in bemusement. "I thought you were supposed 
to be a martial artist," he said.
        "I got a little distracted," Ranma said blearily from the floor, and 
Kurama chuckled. Then abruptly Ranma shot to her feet and looked closely at 
Kurama's face. "Man, I should have known better. But even I thought you were a 
girl. Maybe it's the hair."
        "I *like* long hair," Kurama retorted, settling into a crosslegged 
position, leaning against the wall. Ranma followed suit, and Kurama gave her a 
curious look. "What did you mean, 'Spring of Drowned Girl'?"
        "Ah, it's all my stupid pop's fault," Ranma said. "We were on a 
training mission in China and we went to this place called Jusenkyo - Cursed 
Springs. You fall into a spring, you get turned into whatever drowned in it."
        "Oh." Kurama looked intently at Ranma. "So you used to be a man?"
        "If I had some hot water I'd still be one," Ranma said sourly. "Cold 
water turns me into a woman, hot water turns me back into a man."
        "You were on the volleyball team," Kurama said suddenly.
        "Right," Ranma said. "Only some idiot turned on the sprinklers and I 
got grabbed."
        Kurama thought for a while. "At least the captain didn't challenge 
you."
        "What?" Ranma asked. "Hey, I could beat him no sweat, even if I am a 
girl!"
        "That's not what I meant," Kurama said, shaking his head. "I have an 
advantage he doesn't know about."
        "What's that?" Ranma asked.
        Kurama only shook his head and chuckled. "Watch the fight and you'll 
find out."

        Kuno rushed forward, attacking with his bokken at top speed. Over a 
hundred blows hit Yuusuke in rapid succession -
        Or at least, that's what was supposed to happen. Yuusuke blocked or 
dodged every one of them with ease, and as Kuno stared, stunned, a black 
fleeting shape appeared in front of him. He just had time to make out Hiei's 
features before he was gone again, so fast Kuno couldn't see him move.
        His bokken fell apart into neat slices on the ground.
        Hiei didn't even look as if he'd moved, except that he was now 
standing two feet to Botan's left so that he didn't shield her anymore. She 
realized this and let out another squeak, running back to hide behind him 
again. He glared at her. 
        Kuno blinked at the pieces of his bokken, then looked back up at 
Yuusuke. Lightning flashed in his eyes.
        "Give up yet?" Yuusuke asked insolently.
        "You... you're just like that arrogant Ranma Saotome! I must teach you 
a lesson, insolent dog!" Kuno ran forward bare-handed. 
        This time Hiei did not deign to get involved as Yuusuke and Kuno 
wrestled with each other. Besides, it would spoil Yuusuke's fun. He started to 
walk away, but was startled as Botan grabbed him from behind in a hug.
        "Thank you for protecting me, Hiei--"
        "I was NOT protecting you! Let go of me!" Hiei snarled, twisting free 
of her grip. He glared furiously at her, bristling like a very angry cat. 
        Kuno seized the back of his collar.
        "Nani--?!" Hiei yelped as he was dragged into the fight.
        Botan watched with wide eyes, then frowned. She nodded decisively and 
made her oar appear, then took a firm grip on it and raised it over her head, 
biting her lip. If she hit Hiei, he would do a LOT worse than just kill her - 
well, technically she was dead already, but she studiously ignored that fact. 
She brought the oar down as hard as she could -
        Right on Kuno's head. She breathed a quick thanks to Enma-sama that 
she'd hit who she was supposed to.
        That seemed to take care of Kuno for good. Yuusuke got up and 
complained, "What did you do that for, Botan? I was just starting to enjoy 
myself!"
        Hiei looked up at her, obviously blaming her for everything that had 
happened to him within the last six years. If Botan's successful attack on Kuno 
had mollified him in the slightest, he didn't show it. 
        "Botan!" Koenma yelled to her. "Are you finished fooling around?"
        "But it wasn't me, Koenma-sama, it was Kuno--" she started, but he 
interrupted her.
        "Whatever. Stand back."
        Mystified, Botan did as she was asked, moving away from the pile of 
raw spaceship-building materials that was still lying untouched in the middle 
of the playing field. Yuusuke dragged Kuno away by the arm, and Hiei flickered 
out of sight. 
        Once everyone was out of range, Koenma's eyes narrowed in 
concentration. A flickering blue aura of power roared up around him, blowing 
dust into everyone's eyes. Kuwabara stared at Koenma. "What the hell? He does 
have powers after all?"
        Yuusuke watched in amazement as the blue light built up, then arced 
forward and hit the pile of raw materials with a thunderous crash, melting the 
sheet metal into slag. He barely noticed as Pu landed on his head, watching the 
light. "Pu!" the blue creature said happily.
        Koenma stood surrounded by a blue storm of power, directing all his 
attention at the pile of materials, which were starting to fit themselves 
together into a distinct shape. Even Hiei looked sort of impressed. 
        Within five minutes, it was finished. The blue light faded. "Voila," 
Koenma said, pointing. "The Reikai Spaceship."
        Then he fainted.
        There was a long pause, then finally Mousse spoke. 
        "He didn't do what I think he did... did he?"
        The entire crowd of people stared at the spaceship in dismay.

        Kurama stood slightly to the left of center of a giant circle drawn on 
the metal floor of the cargo bay. Captain Sosumi stood facing him, not ten feet 
away. The crew had all gathered to watch, and were sitting on 
hastily-improvised bleachers around the circle. Ranma had beat up a few crewmen 
and then had been allowed in to watch without further comment. Kurama spotted 
her quickly, despite the array of near-blinding colors that filled the 
audience. What surprised Kurama was catching sight of Shizuru, Yukina, and 
Keiko. Probably Shizuru had gotten them in the same way Ranma had. Kurama 
remembered the reputation she'd gathered at the Ankoku Bujutsukai, and smiled. 
Even the youkai hadn't wanted to mess with Shizuru.
        Captain Sosumi seemed to be posing for his men. He announced, "The 
rules are as such: The first one to be knocked out of the ring, or down for ten 
seconds loses. Does that suit you?"
         Kurama decided. At least they were familiar rules. 
"Fine," he said. "But don't we need a referee?"
        The captain looked around. "Lieutenant Spoon!" he announced. "I shall 
give you the opportunity to make up for your previous cowardice. Come referee 
our fight."
        "Yes, sir," Spoon said immediately, clambering from the bleachers and 
into the circle. He glanced at each of them and then shouted, "Begin!"
        Captain Sosumi moved first, rushing forward. Kurama easily dodged as 
the captain attempted to hit him or kick him, all with a complete lack of 
success. Kurama got behind him and tripped him, making him fall flat on his 
face.
        But the captain didn't stay down for more than a second. He bounced 
back to his feet and glared angrily at Kurama, his face flushed. Kurama smiled 
inwardly. The captain was so easy to enrage - making him lose his temper would 
certainly help him lose the fight, even if Kurama didn't use any of his plants. 
Which he didn't want to do unless he had to.
        The captain lunged again, and once again Kurama simply avoided the 
blows. His refusal to fight back infuriated the captain even more, but there 
was a glint in his eyes as he struck at Kurama again -
        Kurama dodged the blow and realized that he was being forced close to 
the edge of the ring. Instantly he changed his tactics, sweeping the captain's 
feet out from under him with an outstretched leg. As the captain fell again, 
Kurama put more distance between himself and the edge of the ring.
        The captain got back up and stood staring at Kurama, his red face 
beginning to get closer to purple.  Kurama thought. He considered the captain, and decided, 
        Then he frowned. The captain had a strange expression on his face. 
        The captain took out a gun and fired.
        
        Kurama dodged the bolt of energy that flew at him from the gun, but 
felt a prickling on the back of his neck that warned him that the danger wasn't 
past. He twisted aside as the energy-bolt came after him again, twisting and 
turning in midair like something alive. Kurama flung himself to the ground, 
barely avoiding it, then rolled aside and to his feet again as it turned on him 
again. It seemed to be getting faster, more agile, with every second that 
passed.
        He saw the captain moving out of the corner of his eye, and ducked 
under another blow, getting the captain straight into the energy-bolt's path.
        It twisted around him.
         Kurama thought, just before the blast of energy 
hit him dead-on, flinging him backwards. He hit the ground and skidded to a 
stop, gasping for breath. Oddly enough, the impact hadn't hurt, just knocked 
the wind from him -
        He levered himself up on his elbows, looking at the captain, who was 
smirking at him. "The weapon's programmed to only hit you," he said.
        "That's not fair," Kurama protested as he got to his feet.
        The captain pointed it at him again. "I don't see why not. We use 
these all the time." His finger tightened on the trigger.
         Kurama thought, tearing a rose from his 
hair. It was time to get serious.
        The captain looked surprised at the flower's appearance, but then he 
smiled. "You offer me a rose? Could it be you feel for me the same way I feel 
for you? Do you wish to admit defeat and become my wife?"
        "Not a chance," Kurama retorted, and snapped the rose out. "Rose 
Whip!" In his hand the rose stretched and shifted, turning to a whip covered in 
wicked inch-long thorns. He glared at the captain, taking another rose from his 
hair. "Well, are you going to move?"
        The captain looked hurt. "It pains me that I must treat you this way, 
beloved, but you give me no choice." He fired the gun again.
        Kurama flicked the rose at the energy-bolt. Before it hit, the rose 
fell apart, the leaves and petals whirling in a cloud that struck the 
energy-bolt from all directions. Instantly it exploded.
        Kurama gave the captain a cold look as he stared flabberghasted at 
Kurama. "Care to try something else?" Kurama invited.
        The captain tossed the gun aside and pulled out a laser-sword instead. 
He ran forward, brandishing the energy-blade.
         
Kurama swung the whip and lashed it around the captain's ankles, sending him 
crashing to the floor again. Then Kurama tossed a seed on the floor next to 
him, making it explode into a twisting mass of vines that wrapped the captain 
up securely. He struggled against the vines, hopelessly entangled.

        Watching the fight, Ranma stared in absolute shock. "How the hell does 
he do that?"
        Then she caught sight of something - just a tiny flash of movement, 
but it was enough to warn her. But Kurama had his back turned, he couldn't see -
        "KURAMA!" Ranma screamed at the top of her lungs, leaping to her feet. 
"BEHIND YOU!"
        The crewman sitting in the lowest bleacher flung the metal object 
directly at Kurama.

        Kurama heard the cry and tried to dodge, but it was already too late. 
Something metal hit the floor next to him with a clang, and a cloud of noxious 
purple smoke exploded around him. He choked and staggered, his body going numb 
almost instantly. He crumpled to the floor, coughing weakly as the cloud slowly 
dissipated. 
        There was total silence from the audience. 
        The captain shook off the limp vines and got back to his feet. Spoon 
counted aloud, his voice distant in Kurama's ears. "Six... Seven..."
        Kurama looked up at the captain and whispered, "You *cheated*..."
        The captain looked affronted, but then he smiled again. "I couldn't 
bear the thought of being deprived of your beauty forever. I know, it wasn't 
exactly fair, but a man in love does desperate things. Perhaps one day you will 
be able to forgive me... my wife."
         Kurama thought, and then passed out.
        
        "Ten! The winner - Captain Sosumi!"
        The crew cheered, sounding more relieved than anything else. The 
captain waved his hands for silence, and then addressed the assembled crewmen. 
"Men - this is indeed a joyous day for our world. The last obstacle to the 
successful fulfillment of our mission has been overcome. Yet," he cautioned, 
holding up his hands to prevent any premature response from the crew, "We must 
not allow hostility to cloud our future happiness." He bent and lifted Kurama's 
limp body into his arms. "In that noble spirit, I shall take my former opponent 
as my wife, to cement the bonds formed between the planet of Zazlfrx and the 
planet of Earth!"
        With that, he bent his head and kissed Kurama.
        The audience erupted in spontaneous applause, with the exceptions of 
Shizuru, Keiko, Yukina, and Ranma... who were all watching in total shock.

        An hour later, a scream of utter horror reverberated from the 
captain's quarters. 

End of Part 3

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Author's Notes: Anyone who thinks I'm having WAY too much fun with this story, 
raise their hands. Yup, thought so. By overwhelming vote, I'm told to stop 
having fun. Unfortunately for you, I refuse. As no one seems interested in 
reference-spotting (Is that like camel-spotting?), I suppose I'll have to go on 
making them alone. Somebody get me that rubber chicken!

And I also refuse to make sense. 

----------------------------------------------------------

Ranma 1/2 & Yuu Yuu Hakusho

The Invasion

by Sionna Klassen

Part 4

        "Koenma, wake up!" Yuusuke said angrily, shaking him. "You screwed up!"
        "Whaa--?" Koenma opened his eyes and blinked, trying to push Yuusuke 
away. "What is it?"
        "What the hell were you thinking, you idiot? You built the ship all 
wrong!"
        "What are you talking about?!" Koenma demanded angrily. "I did *not*, 
it's all there just like in the schematics--"
        "But there's no engine!"
        Koenma went white.

        Captain Sosumi sat at the table in the mess hall, staring at the blank 
white surface, lost in his miserable thoughts. A cup of food-machine coffee 
slowly cooled and then congealed on the table, untouched, as he brooded.
        He'd accepted the red-haired man as his wife before the entire crew. 
How could he possibly admit to them that he'd made such a monumental mistake? 
He would surely lose the respect of his entire crew forever. But how could he 
get out of the marriage without letting them know?
        The coffee started to move on its own. He ignored it, still closing 
out the world completely. There had to be a way to shove the man onto someone 
else. He had to reject him, but do it in a way that wouldn't make anyone else 
suspect the truth.
        
        The coffee evolved a few appendages and started to consider exploring 
the world beyond the cup of its birth.
        Captain Sosumi thought for another few minutes, but still found no 
answer. He returned his attention, at least partly, to the mess hall, looking 
around at his crew. They had no idea why he was so unhappy-looking, of course. 
Most of them were pretending not to notice him, taking quick glances in his 
general direction before looking away. 
        The coffee crept out of the cup, gained sentience and started 
pondering the philosophical implications of restricting one's worldview to a 
table; then caught sight of Captain Sosumi and decided in one ecstatic moment 
that it had found God.
        Captain Sosumi overheard one crewman berating the food machine. "Hot, 
plain tomato soup!"
        Considering that he had heard this particular crewman make the same 
request a dozen times before today, and each time he made it the food machine 
somehow got confused, Sosumi could understand his resentment. 
        
        The coffee, which had decided to name itself Plotz, begged its God for 
sustenance in the famine, unable to find food on the unforgiving plain of the 
table. When the god refused to reply, it angrily declared itself an atheist 
just before it expired, dissolving back into the primordial substance from 
which it came. 
        Captain Sosumi sighed, resting his head in his hands. 
        He noticed that his coffee appeared to have somehow spilled, and 
picked up the cup to get more. 
        As he approached the food machine, he noticed another crewman peering 
into it. He pulled back and sighed. "Look, it's very, very simple. All I want 
is a cup of tea."
        "What is the problem, ensign?" he asked.
        The crewman looked at him. "Is there *any* tea on this spaceship?" he 
asked.
        "I don't know," the captain said thoughtfully. "Why?"
        "Every time I ask this machine for tea, it spits out some kind of 
foul-smelling glop. Then it tells me I'm getting upset and makes the floor 
vibrate to calm me down."
        "Tired nerves and muscles are quickly soothed by gentle floor 
vibrations," the food machine suddenly said as the floor began to vibrate. 
        "Just stop it will you?!" the crewman shouted at the machine.
        "Hmm," Sosumi said, frowning at it. "Maybe it's malfunctioning. We 
*did* get it secondhand."
        "If it ever worked at all," the crewman muttered. He tightened his 
grip on his towel and walked away.
        Captain Sosumi decided he didn't want coffee after all, abandoned the 
food machine and the still-vibrating floor in front of it, and walked out of 
the mess hall, steeling himself for the inevitable entrance into his quarters. 

        As he was walking down the corridor, he halted in puzzlement. "I 
thought all the women had been rounded up," he said to the guard approaching 
him, a girl slung over his shoulder.
        "I'm NOT a girl! Let me go!" the girl hollered, twisting to try and 
look at the captain. She was dressed in one of his own crew uniforms, which 
explained why she hadn't been discovered before. She was certainly lean, and if 
she'd hidden that long pinkish hair of hers she *might* have been able to pass 
for a boy...
        He sighed. "Not *another* one who claims to be a man!"
        "We seem to have run into an awful lot of those, sir," the guard 
agreed.
        "I AM a man! Put me DOWN!" the girl insisted.
        Captain Sosumi said, "Put her with the others. I'll be in my quarters 
if I'm needed."
        "Yes, sir," the guard said, and walked off, with the girl beating on 
his back and head in an attempt to make him let go. 
        "I'm NOT a woman and I can prove it! Let me GO!" As they vanished 
around a turn, Sosumi heard one last yell. "I'm never leaving Greenwood 
again!!!"
        He sighed as he approached his quarters, then opened the door and 
peeked carefully inside. 
        His mouth dropped open.

        "No engine!" Mousse wailed. "How are we supposed to rescue Shampoo in 
a ship without an engine?!"
        A gnarled wooden staff hit him over the head.
        "Ow!" Mousse whirled, looking for the person who had hit him, then 
finally saw a shape that was so tiny he knew immediately who it was. 
        "Oh, so you're here," he said sourly. "What do *you* want?"
        "Shampoo was supposed to be back at the Nekohanten two hours ago. What 
have you done with her?" Cologne demanded.
        "Me?!" Mousse said indignantly. "I didn't do anything! It was the 
aliens who kidnapped her... uh..." Mousse suddenly realized how silly he 
sounded and stumbled to a halt.
        "Kidnapped by aliens?" Cologne said acidly. "Don't you think that's a 
little farfetched?" Then she turned to look at the Reikai Spaceship. "Good 
heavens. What is *that* monstrosity?"
        The ship, which looked like some kind of indescribable polygon, sat on 
the muddy grass and gleamed in the light, looking ridiculously pleased with 
itself for a ship that was missing a vital component. Several people, including 
Genma Saotome and Soun Tendo, were peeking in through the hatch, investigating 
the ship's interior. Yuusuke was still berating Koenma, off to one side. 
        "Supposedly the ship that will let us follow the aliens," Mousse said. 
"Except the guy who put it together forgot the engine."
        "It's not a Reikai ship, is it?"
        Mousse looked at Cologne in surprise. "How'd you know that?"
        She snorted. "Typical inefficiency. I'll fix this." She started toward 
Yuusuke and Koenma. 
        "Hey, what? How could you possibly--?" Mousse frowned and followed 
her, curious. 

        "Hmm. Impressive, isn't it, Tendo?" Genma asked, looking at the 
spotless plastic and chrome interior of the spaceship, which looked like 
something out of a science fiction movie, except without much in the way of 
visible technology. A few blinking lights flashed cheerfully, but that was all.
        "Very, Saotome. Upon looking on this ship, you would never guess that 
it is missing so vital a component."
        Genma clenched his hands into fists, tears beginning to run down his 
face. "Oh, how terrible! To be so close to rescuing my son, and yet prevented 
by a foolish error on the part of a boy!" 
        "How unfair life is," Soun agreed. 
        "This is ridiculous!" Ryoga hollered. "I can't rescue Akane in a ship 
without an engine! How could he make such a stupid mistake?!"
        Botan whacked him over the head with her oar. "How dare you be so 
disrespectful to Koenma-sama!" she said angrily. "He did his best! It's not his 
fault if the schematics don't have an engine on them!"
        "Wait a minute... even the schematics don't include an engine?" Soun 
asked.
        "No," Botan said, blinking at him. 
        "What kind of idiot designs a ship without an engine?" Ryoga asked 
from roughly the level of their feet.
        "A very clever idiot," Cologne said from behind, startling everyone 
and causing them to jump three feet. She walked under them and continued toward 
Koenma and Yuusuke, chuckling at her success.
        "What the heck does she mean?" Ryoga wondered.
        
        "You're going about this entirely the wrong way, you know," a scratchy 
voice said from behind Yuusuke.
        "Huh?" He turned around and saw a tiny, wizened old woman behind him, 
leaning on a gnarled wooden staff. "What are you talking about?" he demanded.
        She gestured at Koenma. "He built the ship exactly the way he was 
supposed to."
        "Yeah, I *know* there isn't an engine in the schematics, but--" 
        She bonked him over the head. "I'm not finished! The ship doesn't need 
an engine!"
        Everyone appeared in a crowd around them, staring at her. "*Nani*?!" 
they all demanded. 
        "This is a Reikai ship," Cologne explained, as if to very small and 
exceptionally dull-witted children. "It doesn't run on fuel, it runs on 
spiritual energy. You should have known that," she said to Koenma.
        "But we're still stuck, aren't we?" Koenma asked. "This isn't the 
Reikai, there isn't a whole lot of energy just floating around. And I already 
spent everything I had to put the ship together."
        "You think you're the only one around here with reiki?" she asked. "If 
we get desperate, there's always him." She pointed at Yuusuke.
        "Hey, what's that supposed to mean?!" he demanded. 
        "You mean we can get there after all? That's great!" Ryoga said. 
"Let's go!" 
        "He can power the ship, you said?" Genma asked, and when Cologne 
nodded they all pounced on Yuusuke and dragged him off toward the ship. 
        "Hey, let me go!" Yuusuke yelled angrily.
        "Wait a minute!" Botan said, blocking the way to the ship. "If Yuusuke 
spends all his power flying the ship, we won't have his help when we get there! 
We need everybody who can fight that we can get, right?"
        "Hmm. She has a point," Soun said. They let go of Yuusuke, who got to 
his feet and glared at them all before nodding to Botan. 
        "Thanks, Botan."
        "We have to get there somehow..." Genma mused. 
        "She has plenty of reiki," Cologne offered, pointing her staff at 
Botan.
        "Um...." Botan backed up a few steps. 

        "Koenma-samaaaa," Botan wailed, tied firmly to the flat bottom, 
clearly marked with a minus sign, of a giant battery that was set upside down 
into the floor of what would normally have been the engine room. 
        
        "Okay," Ryoga said, sliding into the pilot's seat. "How do you fly 
this thing?"
        "And where's Zazlfrx?" Yuusuke asked Exing Ped, who was sitting on the 
floor, still guarded by Hiei. 
        Koenma leaned over to explain the controls to Ryoga, when Genma yanked 
him out of the pilot seat. "What do you think you're doing, boy?! If *you* fly 
the ship, we'll wander around lost for *years* and never find Zazlfrx!"
        Ryoga's face burned with shame. Quietly he trudged off to some other 
part of the ship to be miserable. Mousse took Ryoga's place in the pilot seat, 
and turned to a confused Koenma. "Ryoga has the world's worst sense of 
direction," he explained. "He got lost trying to find the lot behind his house 
once. I'll fly the ship."
        "Uh - okay, whatever." Koenma explained the controls to Mousse 
instead. 
        
        Slowly and majestically, the shimmering Reikai Spaceship lifted off 
the ground, surrounded by clouds of steam that was created by a special 
subsidiary ventilation system for effect since the ship created no exhaust. It 
rose through the clouds, tearing them on its sharp edges, then freed itself of 
the cloying atmosphere and escaped into space, making a noise that sounded 
oddly like a happy meow.

        Captain Sosumi's quarters were completely filled with plants. 
        He stared for a moment longer, absolutely stunned.  Carefully he moved into the jungle, brushing 
aside waving stems and leaves. 
        He waded through the thick plants for a while, stopping every so often 
to try and catch some sound, but the only noises were the ones he made. Even 
when he thought he could catch a glimpse of red in the overwhelming expanse of 
green, it always turned out to be some kind of huge flower. 
        Sosumi was starting to get frustrated. "Where are you?!" he demanded.

        Kurama sat still within the plants, smiling to himself. There was no 
way the captain was going to find him. Currently he was on the opposite side of 
the room from Kurama, and he was making so much noise that Kurama could track 
his every move just by listening. 
        "Where are you?!" the captain finally demanded angrily. 
        Kurama remained silent, but his smile broadened into a grin.  He waited until the captain started moving around 
again, then crept stealthily toward the door, any slight sounds he made covered 
by the captain's noisy passage through the leaves. Of course, it helped that he 
could simply make the plants move out of his way. He hadn't missed the fact 
that Sosumi had forgotten to lock the door, and that meant he could get out of 
here. He wasn't about to just wait out the rest of the voyage to Zazlfrx locked 
in the captain's quarters. 
        "Perhaps we can be reasonable about this," the captain said in a 
wheedling tone. "Obviously I do not want the rest of the crew to find out 
you're not a woman. If you can just stay in here until we get to Zazlfrx, I can 
give you anything you want. I'm a rich man..." His voice trailed off. "Hello? 
Are you listening?"
         Kurama was almost 
at the door. He moved another few paces forward.
        "I know you're in here!" the captain said. "You couldn't have gotten 
through that locked door--" Suddenly he broke off. "The door!" he gasped, and 
started pushing his way violently through the plants, trying to reach the door 
so he could lock it.
         Kurama flung himself out the door, not bothering to 
try and hide from Sosumi anymore. The captain saw him run, and yelled something 
incoherent which seemed to serve the purpose of setting off the alarm.
         Kurama raced down the corridor, leaving the captain tangled in 
plants in his quarters. He was rapidly trying to figure out the best place to 
hide when his escape route was suddenly cut off ahead by the arrival of several 
guards in the standard eye-hurting uniforms. He skidded to a stop. 
        "Get him!" Captain Sosumi yelled from his quarters, his voice somewhat 
muffled. Then he remembered that he didn't want anyone to know Kurama wasn't a 
girl, and quickly changed pronouns. "Get her!"
        The guards didn't seem to notice. They regarded Kurama warily, 
remembering what he'd done during his fight with their captain. Kurama decided 
to take advantage of that, and pulled another rose from his hair. They 
immediately pulled back.
        The captain crawled through the door, dragging himself forward against 
the pull of about four dozen vines wrapped around his body. "Get her you 
idiots--" he gasped, then lost his grip on the floor and vanished back through 
the door again with a yelp.
        Kurama eyed the five guards. "I seem to be rather badly outnumbered," 
he said with a sigh, putting the rose back and relaxing his stance. "So much 
for that idea." He watched as most of the guards relaxed, thinking that he had 
decided to be reasonable.
        All except for the leader, who took out one of those energy guns that 
Sosumi had used during the fight. He aimed it at Kurama but didn't fire. No one 
moved.
        With the exception of Captain Sosumi, who was dragging himself out the 
door again, his face twisted with the effort. "Get - these - plants - off - 
me," he gasped angrily. In response a giant flower came through the door and 
bopped him on the head, scattering golden pollen everywhere. Sosumi sneezed, 
lost his grip again, and disappeared even faster than before as the plants 
yanked him back through the door instantly. Kurama couldn't help but smile.
        After another moment's hesitation, the guard with the gun announced, 
"Well I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to shoot you."
        "I had the feeling you might," Kurama sighed, shrugging.  
he thought wryly, 
        A flare of light blinded him as the gun went off.

        Captain Sosumi suddenly shot out the door as the hold of the plants 
suddenly weakened, their web falling apart into limp stems. He crashed into the 
opposite wall of the corridor and sat up slowly, rubbing his head. 
        The guard commander approached him, putting his gun away. "Are you all 
right, sir?"
        "Fine, fine," Sosumi said irritably. 
        "Sir..." The crewman bent down and said quietly, "Might I suggest you 
cancel the wedding? She certainly is proving to be less than cooperative."
        Sosumi sighed and said plaintively, "I had no idea women were so 
difficult." He looked at Kurama, lying asleep on the floor as if he'd never 
caused any trouble at all, with unfeigned regret. (Although the regret was for 
the fact that Kurama wasn't actually a woman, since Sosumi could put up with a 
wife being difficult... but he couldn't very well marry a man.)
        "I know she made an agreement with you, sir, but she doesn't seem too 
inclined to honor it. I think you'd better call off the wedding and find 
someone else; after all, you are the captain. You're too important to the ship 
to be put in danger."
        Sosumi looked back at the mess of plants, several feet deep, that 
filled his quarters.  he 
wondered.  Breathing a silent thanks at his sort-of-good 
fortune, Sosumi said, "You're right, Commander Bracelet. The wedding is 
canceled."
        Bracelet looked relieved. "What should I do with her, sir?"
        "I think you'd better lock her in the brig so she won't make any more 
trouble," Sosumi said. 
        "Uh... we put the other redhead in there, sir," Bracelet said. 
"Apparently she was very upset about the outcome of the fight."
        "Umm. Well, I believe I'll come with you, and see if she's ready to be 
reasonable." Sosumi thought about the other redheaded girl. Now that he thought 
about it, he recalled that she was rather pretty as well... and in fact, she 
certainly had more attractive curves than Kurama did...

        "Stupid idiot hentai jerk--" With every word, a punch or kick struck 
the metal of the door, slowly making a rather large dent in it.
        "--what the hell does he think he's doing?!" Ranma yelled furiously, 
finishing with one last punch that deepened the dent by another three inches by 
itself. After that she stood still, panting. The Zazlfrxians had decided she 
was too dangerous to lock up with the other women and had put her in a separate 
room which seemed to be a featureless metal cube, which would have been driving 
her crazy with boredom except that she was so pissed off. Even after venting 
her frustrations on the door, she had still failed to break out. "Man I wish I 
was a guy right now," she muttered, and dropped into a crosslegged position on 
the floor. "Why's there never any hot water around when I really need it?"
        Her angry thoughts returned to Captain Sosumi.  She growled to herself. 
         she reluctantly 
realized. 
        Then her eyes narrowed as a plan occurred to her. 
        Just as she got the idea, she got a chance to implement it. The door 
shuddered, then opened slowly and jerkily, a bit damaged by Ranma's blows. The 
captain stood outside, looking at her with a slightly suspicious look on his 
face.
        "If you're prepared to be reasaonable, I'm prepared to let you out of 
there," he said. 
        Ranma made her eyes go all dewy and glommed onto him in a fairly good 
imitation of the way Shampoo always glommed onto *her*. "Reasonable?" she said 
breathily, staring adoringly into his eyes and trying very hard not to gag from 
the sheer amount of sugar she was exuding. "I can't possibly be reasonable 
around such a handsome man!"
        "Er..." The captain turned bright red, then said uncertainly, "You're 
not... angry?"
        "Of course not," Ranma said. "How could I possibly want to go back to 
boring old Earth when I've found the man of my dreams!"
        "Oh - oh, I see. Of course, my men were mistaken - I see it now, you 
were jealous of my bride-to-be." Ranma wisely kept her mouth shut in response 
to that one, and Sosumi continued, "As it happens, she has proved herself 
totally unsuitable to be my bride." He clasped her hands, practically glowing 
with happiness, and said, "I was blind to miss your devotion. Now you shall be 
rewarded. I shall take you as my wife instead."
        Ranma realized abruptly that her plan had worked a little better than 
she'd expected.

End of Part 4

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Author's Notes: 

Blue canary in the outlet by the light switch
Who watches over you?
Make a little birdhouse in your soul.

                        --They Might Be Giants

----------------------------------------------------------

    Source: geocities.com/tokyo/9849