The stone that stood in his path didn't have a chance. A swift kick was
all it took to launch it to God-knows where. Granted that it wasn't a
very large stone, but... it felt good. Since it was almost anatomically
impossible to kick himself in the ass, the stone was a good enough
substitute.
His long legs quickly brought him to the edge of the pier, the sound of
gentle waves lapping at the wooden supports somewhat calming his beating
heart. His ears felt hot..so hot. And although the sun was slowly
descending towards the horizon, his eyes burned. He looked up, squinting
at the reddish orange orb that seemingly floated so effortlessly in the
reddening sky. The sun's heat was soothing, strangely calming his hot
skin. It was the sun, actually that made him feel so hot, he thought.
Nothing else, just the sun.
He looked away, towards the sea. The water seemed to stretch forever,
looking so cool and calm in the distance. No one would have guessed that
underneath the surface was a whole different situation, a world so
savage and cruel that the human world would pale in contrast.
He closed his eyes and tried to imagine being there, under the water,
surrounded by cool, cool sea water...
I WILL NOT CRY!
He clenched his teeth and took a deep breath of the cool sea air.
Opening his eyes, he turned his sad gaze again upon the waters that
camouflaged so much turmoil, trying to lose himself in the lazily
rolling waves, wishing and willing himself to as calm as the sea seemed
to be.
It did not work. His vision began to blur...
* * *
"..."
I couldn't say anything. I couldn't hear anything.
Just his voice. His gentle, quiet voice...
"...Kaasan.."
What did he say? WHAT DID HE JUST SAY?
I focussed my gaze on his eyes, his beautiful green eyes. He has his
father's eyes...so kind, so trusting..
I had fallen in love with those eyes...
My son has his father's eyes. My..(choke)..son..
"...Kaasan...I'm sorry.."
What did I do wrong?
* * *
Her beautifully serene face seemed to lose its animated liveliness. She
had just looked at him, as if she had not caught what he had said.
"...Kaasan..", he said, reaching for her small hands, suddenly still on
the table top. He knew she would be surprised..Hah!..shocked to hear his
revelation. But she was strong and he knew she could take it. He had
kept it to himself for so long, and it hurt so much to know that there
was something he could not share with the one woman in his life that he
would have readily died for. It was time and he knew that it was now or
never. He could not go through life knowing that he had lived a lie. And
she meant too much to him to make her a part of that lie.
He thought she was strong enough..
"...Kaasan...I'm sorry.."
She pulled her hands from his gentle grip, tearing his heart as she did
so.
A single tear had formed on the inner corner of her left eye. The sight
of that single tear rolling down her left cheek was like a knife that
stabbed at his heart, twisting and pulling as it went deeper and deeper,
hurting him like nothing had ever hurt him before. That single tear that
slowly made its way down to her chin carried with it a million screams
that he could never give voice to. The tear coalesced into a tiny drop,
holding within it the happy childhood memories that he had shared with
this woman, the beautiful peals of laughter he gave her and that she
gave him, the love of a thousand romances that could never be equal to
the unconditional love and trust she had given him.
That single tear fell and shattered into a thousand minute,
insignificant droplets as it fell to the ground. That single teardrop
said everything that she did not.
As he traced its journey, he felt his heart break, a pain so subtle yet
so strong. That single tear had gripped his heart in a vise and squeezed
it dry. And the pain it wrought was endless.
He had thought that she was strong enough...He was wrong.
* * *
She looked into his eyes and saw his pain as a tear escaped her eyes.
The initially hopeful face had turned apprehensive as he started to tell
his story. That apprehension had turned to disappointment and regret
when he saw how she reacted.
And now, his gaze held pain in its bottomless green pools.
She wanted to tell him not to go as he stood up and turned away. He had
taken her hands but she had pulled away, suddenly and unconsciously,
revulsed at what he was doing and, at the same time, revulsed at what
she was doing. She wanted, willed him to touch her again but he did not.
She saw the tiny flinch he gave when she pulled away, as if she had
physically slapped him.
And now, he was walking away...
"...Shuuichi.."
* * *
The breeze blew his hair into his eyes, making them sting. He had pulled
his hair out of the neat ponytail that he usually kept it in when he
goes for these special teas with his mother. Now, his scarlet locks
tossed and turned as the gentle wind tugged playfully at his hair, the
sun's twilight rays bringing out the red-gold highlights that few ever
notice. He preferred his hair like this, free and unfettered, as though
it had a life of its own, without a care in the world. If only life were
that simple...
He knew that he could never face her now. Her rejection of what he was,
what he is , was as clear as if it had been splayed across a fifty-foot
billboard for all the world to see. When he had decided to tell her of
his real life he had dared to hope that she would understand. Little did
he realise that sometimes, even blood ties were not strong enough.
His lips curved slightly as a cynical smile accompanied a slight snort.
For all his brains and supposed beauty, he felt like the sorriest excuse
for a human being. Shiori deserved better than me, he thought. What had
possessed him to shatter her world? What had made him dash her hopes and
expectations? Why was he what he is?
*Why me?*
Sitting at the edge of the pier, he took off his shoes and dipped his
toes in the rising waters. The tide was almost fully in but he still had
to reach down to touch the water. Once in a while, a wave would come in
and wet the cuffs of his jeans, making him smile. Once in a while, a
salty teardrop would fall and lose itself in the churning wetness.
* * *
She had discovered this little village with Shuuichi's father. This was
where he had proposed to her and this was where they would always go to
on their anniversaries. It was a special place for special memories.
After Shuuichi had moved out on his own, this was the perfect place for
their weekly tea meetings. Oh, they could have gone to somewhere nearer
to home, but this was *their* place. She had loved it as a young girl.
She had loved it as a wife and as a mother. And her son had grown to
love it almost as much as she had.
As she walked, she couldn't help smiling as she remembered the
precocious little boy who would find such joy in everything he saw
around him. With her, he had been like a babbling brook, forever
questioning and trusting in whatever answer she gave. Now she could
understand why he seemed to inwardly smile at some of the answers she
had given so long ago. Her little son had seemed so curious about other
people and why they did what they did. She had thought it was childish
inquisitiveness. Now she knew that it was more than that. After all, he
*is* more than what he seemed to be..
Her steps finally brought her to the one place she knew he would be.
Mothers knew these things. A sad, wistful smile escaped her lips when
she saw the slender figure sitting at the end of the pier, seeing the
grown man he had become but also seeing the little boy he was, the
little boy who was still there and who will always be there.
Her boy.
Taking off her heels, she walked silently on the wooden surface, the old
wooden planks worn smooth with age and use. Her heart ached when she saw
his slumped shoulders, knowing what he felt and hating herself because
she had made him feel like that. Her hand reached out to touch a lock of
his wild, red hair, giving his head a gentle stroke. She smiled when he
gave a little gasp and turned to look at her. Her smile turned sad when
she saw the unbelieving look in his eyes. 'Did I do that?' she thought.
* * *
*She was here!*
His mind had been so preoccupied that he had failed to notice her gentle
reiki coming behind him. She lowered herself gracefully to sit beside
him. He shifted slightly to accommodate her, not knowing what else to
say or do, afraid that whatever he did would chase her away.
His breath caught in his throat when she looked up at him and smiled.
Her arms went around his waist and she rested her head on his shoulder
as she gently hugged him, silently conveying her acceptance.
As he hesitantly put his arm around her shoulders, hugging her, gently
at first, then fiercely with both arms, a single tear fell from green
eyes, this time full of hope and relief.
* * *
A lone white seagull flew up from a nearby post. It skimmed above the
waves and flew higher toward the setting sun.
And Kurama's heart soared with it.
* * * * * * * * *
All Yu Yu Hakusho characters belong to their own respective copyright owners! Not me! I just do this to make people happy!