The Yu Yu Boys' Lemon
By Shirin (1998)
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Standard YYH disclaimers apply.
This was a silly fic based on a personal challenge that originated from the YYHFFML. Yes, another challenge fic.
And I sooo want to write a lemon....
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Kuwabara and Yusuuke were sitting in the room, feigning polite interest in the clutter that covered the varnished wooden floor, and failing miserably. They looked around, noting the shelf that was filled to overflowing with books on miscellaneous subjects, none of which looked like they had been touched in the last century or so.
Over in a corner, trying to look intimidating and impressive (and also failing miserably!), was a stack of lecture notes, conveniently shoved under a table so that it would not sully the eyes of the room's sole inhabitant. An owner who was sorely absent at the moment.
Much to the boys' relief.
Kuwabara: Woi! Yusuuke! What are we doing here anyhow?
Yusuuke: I don't know! I was just going to watch that show on the telly when WHOOSH! I'm here.
Kuwabara: Who did this?
Yusuuke: I suppose it's another fic writer.
Kuwabara: Oh, one of those again, huh?
Footsteps echoed down the hall.
Yusuuke: Sounds like she's coming.
Kuwabara: How do you know it's a she?
Yusuuke: They're always 'shes', Kuwabara! When was there ever a he?
Kuwabara: Well, there was this guy, John something...and then...
Fic Writer: Hah! You're here!
Kuwabara: Aaaargh! It's her! Why didn't you tell me it's her?!?
Yusuuke: Oi! Kuwabara! What do you mean? You know this person?
Kuwabara: Yes! She's the cruellest, craziest fic writer in the ningenkai!
Yusuuke: She is? What did she do?
Kuwabara: She made me clean her computer!
Yusuuke: ..........
Fic Writer: And you made a mess of it, Kazuma no baka! And after that you
still managed to drip blueberry filling all over the keyboard!
Kuwabara: Heh! It was an accident, Shi-chan. I can always clean it again.
Fic Writer: No way! The last time you did that, you erased my files!
Kuwabara:
Yusuuke: Shi-chan, why are we here?
Fic Writer: Ah Yusuuke! I need your help. Hmm...I need all of you actually.
Where's Hiei and Kurama?
Kuwabara: Ah, those two are always disappearing off somewhere together. I
wonder what they get up to?
Fic Writer: Ho!Ho! That's what we all want to know, right? Yusuuke, lend
me that youkai whistle you got from Botan.
Yusuuke: Eh! This is Reikai property! I can't just let anyone use it, you
know.
Fic Writer: I'm not anyone! I'm a fic writer! We have certain privileges.
One of them being...
Kuwabara:
Fic Writer:
Hiei:
Fic Writer: What?!? You were here all along? Where's Kurama?
Kurama: Here!
Fic Writer: Humph! Talk about having demons under the bed!
After a few minutes of calming down the situation (and several band aids,
scoldings, glowering glares, curses and all around youkai goodness), the
four main characters of YYH were seated on the floor of the room, each with
a pen and notebook. All were looking up at the dark-haired girl who was pacing
around the little circle of anime bishounen (minus one!) with her hands behind
her back, and her face screwed up in deep thought.
"This is what I need you to do," she said, stopping for the effect (and the
fact that going around in circles was making her dizzy). I have been challenged
to do the unthinkable, the undoable, the most difficult thing I can ever
hope to do and I *really* need your help, guys."
"Hn!" The small fire demon muttered, loud enough for everyone to hear. "It's
your problem. Why bring us into it?"
"Because you guys are the one who started this whole mess!"
"US?!?" The four boys shouted. The girl started to frantically shush them
up before they woke up the entire household.
"Can't you guys be a bit louder? I don't think the whole neighborhood heard
you," she remarked sarcastically.
"What do you want us to do?" Kurama asked.
"Ah! The ever polite and accommodating Kurama! My hero!" the girl gushed,
little hearts appearing in her eyes.
"I need you to.."
"No!"
The girl looked at the figure who had uttered the two-letter word. Hiei.
"What?"
"I said, no."
"Hiei!"
"No!"
"Shut up!"
"No!"
"You haven't even heard what it is yet!"
"No!!!"
"Fine! Where is that thing...?" the girl mumbled as she switched on her trusty
laptop, tapping furiously at the keys.
"What?" Hiei asked, his curiosity piqued.
"Talya-san's Ultimate Fanfic Writer's Attack."
"Aaargh! Alright! Alright!" Hiei screamed, turning SD and hiding behind a
surprised Kurama.
The girl grinned malevolently, and suspended the computer. She turned to
the waiting foursome and plopped down beside them.
"I want you guys to write a fanfic."
Sounds of relief filled the room as numerous mushroom clouds puffed out of
the boys' mouths and several pails of sweatdrops wet the floor.
"That's all???" Yusuuke crowed, puffing out his chest. "I can do that, no
problem."
"So can I! I, the Great Kuwabara Kazuma, will write a fanfic to end all fanfics!
A fanfic that will detail the virtues and strengths of the Great Ku -" Suddenly
the Great Kuwabara Kazuma did not look so great as he was turned into a pancake
by the other three grinning boys.
Again, a few moments respite was needed to regain law and order in the room
(plus they had to mop the floor! And peel the Great Kuwabara Kazuma pancake
off the floor.)
Again, the group settled down to discuss this mission of missions.
"I want you to write a lemon."
Suddenly, several spherical objects started to roll around on the floor as
the boys' eyes fell out of their heads. Several facefaulting moments later,
hell broke loose in the room.
"A LEMON????"
"You want WHAT?"
"Hmmm...I can do that."
You could hear the snapping of vertebrae as everyone turned to look at Kuwabara.
He was already humming to himself and scribbling notes in his notebook.
Sweatdrops appeared on everyone's heads, except that of the humming orange-topped
boy.
"See Hiei? Kuwabara can do it. Don't tell me you can't?" the girl taunted
the blushing Hiei.
"Hn!" Hiei grumbled but he sat down and picked up his pen and paper.
And promptly turned SD.
"What? Hiei! Don't turn SD! How can you write a lemon when you're SD???"
the girl screamed at the blinking little fire demon. Hiei only looked at
her with big round eyes, blinking innocently.
"Oh Hiei! I love it when you do that!" Kurama squealed, glomping on SD Hiei,
and in the process, turning SD himself.
"Kurama-sama! Not you too! Waaaaa!" the girl wailed.
SD Hiei and SD Kurama started to chase each other around the room, screaming
with tiny SD voices. The girl could not help but smile, making gushing sounds
of contentment at the sight of the two SD youkai running around in her bedroom.
(Could a fan ask for more?
SD Hiei suddenly stumbled on his little, stumpy feet and fell over. SD Kurama,
who had been closely chasing SD Hiei bumped into the small bundle and also
fell over. The two of them rolled into Yusuuke who was so surprised that
he too, turned SD.
The dark-haired girl facefaulted.
Now there were three SD boys rolling around on her bedroom floor! (Was this
an idea for a yaoi fic or was this an idea for a yaoi fic?)
Just as the said fic writer was getting up to switch on her laptop, the last
boy, who, mercifully (?) hadn't turned SD looked up and loudly announced:
"I'm finished!"
He waved around the notebook in the air, doing a little jig around the room.
As though on cue, the other three YYH boys de-SD'd and stood up.
"I guess our job is over, ne?" Yusuuke grinned. "Time to go, guys."
"Ja ne, Shi-chan!" Kurama waved and Hiei scowled. The four disappeared back
to YYH land, leaving a flabbergasted fic writer clutching a notebook filled
with Kuwabara's handwriting.
"Oh, well," she sighed, resigned. "At least, I got ONE lemon out of them."
She settled down to read the precious lemon.
"...is yellow and sour. It grows on a shrub-like plant. I like lemons. Especially
when they are used to make lemon meringue pie and..."
"KUWABAAAAARAAAAA!!!!!!"
********** THE END ? ******************