My Life, My Love

By Shirin (1998)


(Standard Disclaimers Apply.)

  

"Yuusuke, it's so beautiful."

Keiko sighed as they walked along the banks of the Ashiya River, her hand resting lightly in the grasp of the larger hand of the boy walking beside her. It was the Sakura Matsuri, the season of the cherry blossoms and all around her, tall cherry trees hung heavy with their colorful bounty, laden with the sweet-smelling blooms that people have come to associate so strongly with Japan, and with the Ashiya River.

The couple walked in silence, both slightly in awe of the beauty that nature so generously gave; both thankful for a small respite in their otherwise hectic lives; both afraid that a single deviation from their path might suddenly bring on another assignment, another host of enemy youkai, another unwanted separation.

"For once, Yuusuke," Keiko smiled, "you had a good idea."

"For once?" The dark haired boy asked, his face surprised, yet with a twinkle of mischievous taunting dancing merrily behind the large, dark eyes. "I have lots of good ideas!"

"Hai! But none of them planned," Keiko giggled. This was a side of Yuusuke she loved, the side of him that taunted her good-naturedly and accommodated her own sarcastic brand of humor without patronising her. The side that was tender and reflective. The side that was caring and unselfishly loving. The side of Yuusuke that she knew was hers.

The boy's hand squeezed hers tightly, enveloping it in a warmth that was both comfortable and secure, yet possessive. She squeezed Yuusuke's hand back, relaying that she knew.

She was his, as he was hers.

And they walked some more, bathed in the easy silence born of a long acquaintance, and love.

 

****

 

"Anou!"

The girl's hands flew to cover her mouth, a reflex action that was actually ineffectual as nobody would have heard her exclamation anyway, even if she were to stand right beside them. She could have shouted her lungs out but no one would - could - hear. Just as no one could see her.

Except for the special ones, the ones that made her job what it was. The spirits of the dead that were her responsibility.

Botan's eyes flew wide open as she saw the little toddler scooped up by the old man, saved from a watery end to a life hardly begun. The child's fate had been written. She would die today, drowned in the beautiful, blue waters of the calm river, overshadowed by majestic trees adorned with pink and white crowns. Today, the sakura blossoms would have waved the child goodbye.

But the Fates were fickle. In a blink of an eye, the Fates had shown that they too, may have a conscience; that they too may have pity.

For the child lived.

And it was loved.

Botan could not help smiling when she saw the toddler's mother hug the child to her breast, crying with a desperate joy, all the while looking at the child's saviour with eyes that told of unspoken gratitude. The old man's deed that day could never be repaid, no matter how much money the woman had, no matter what the woman did. For the gift of life is immeasurable - priceless - and is only given with love. And yet, the blue-haired ferry girl thought as she watched the scene, so many threw it away. So many appreciated it so little. So many children - gifts of God - were spurned by man's thoughtlessness and hate.

Botan sighed, flipping back a loose lock of blue hair that had fallen over her eyes, aggravating the tears that have already welled up there. She gripped the handle of her oar, pulling it upward to ascend once more to the heavens, to the Reikai, happy that today she would return alone.

And happier that the soul she left behind was in the care of loving arms, and would have a chance to grow and blossom.

She would have to have a talk with Koenma, she thought. It would not do for the Fates to always pull stunts like these - spiritual false alarms, so to speak. The Reikai ferry girl chuckled. This was a happy time. There were no wars, and deadly, widespread diseases have mostly been wiped out by man's technology. There was less of the hustle and bustle of days gone past, when the Reikai had been on their toes every second of the day, ferrying and processing souls. Oh, the Reikai was still busy, but there is less urgency now, less desperation.

But...

Botan's smooth brow wrinkled in a frown, her lips pulled into a little pout. But now, she reflected, the deaths were different. They were more complicated and many were needless. Back then, life and death had been simple. People died because it was their time, as the Fates had written them, as God had decreed. Now, so many spurned God's gift of life, rejected that most precious gift. And so many died by another's selfish hand, victims of needless violence and carelessness. Perhaps that was why the Fates were more fickle now, Botan mused as she turned her oar away from the river bank. Perhaps they too wondered whether the life thread that they cut would in turn, somehow, cause the destruction of so many others.

But that was something she would never know. The Fates were mysterious creatures, and even if she could, Botan had no wish to know the reasons behind their actions or decisions. Her job was enough of a heartache already, without knowing the reasons why.

The oar cut through the air easily, and Botan turned her face toward the setting sun, enjoying the warmth of the sun's radiance. Today, the warmth was soft and happy and she could not repress a small laugh of utter delight from escaping her lips. Today she was happy and everything she saw would also, by default, be happy. She knew that this was a weakness on her part, for nothing could ever be completely happy. No one could be completely good. But today, if only for today, she could pretend. Tomorrow would take care of itself.

As she flew, Botan looked down upon the river, noting the speckled motes of light dancing on the water's surface, glinting like tiny diamonds - intangible precious stones. Yes, man had been given so many wonderful gifts. Yet so many did not appreciate them. So many did not realise that life's greatest pleasures need not come with a price tag. But yet, there were those who did, Botan knew. There were people who knew the value of nature and appreciated its beauty like she did.

Like that couple over there, she thought, espying a solitary couple walking along the bridge spanning across the river.

A small inner tugging pulled her attention closer, and Botan gave in to her curiosity, wondering what type of people would share her love for nature's beauty at that moment. She flew in the direction of the bridge, high above the couple that now stood in silence, gazing at the setting sun. And as she came closer, she knew.

And somehow, deep inside, she was glad that it was him.

 

*****

 

"Oh, look!" Keiko sighed delightedly, pointing towards the cherry trees. Where before the afternoon sun had shone upon radiant blossoms, now the darkening evening had picked out a different kind of radiance among the blooms. Tiny speckles of light blinked and danced among the blossoms. Points of faerie light flitted across the darkly tinted leaves, highlighting the soft blush of delicate petals that obscured most of them during this time of the year.

"Fireflies!" the brown-haired girl gushed, clasping her hands under her chin, leaning her head slightly to fall against the strong frame of her companion.

Yuusuke smiled at the little-girl quality of his partner's delight. For all her strength, for all the hardness she portrayed, his Keiko was just a plain old romantic at heart. He placed his arm around her shoulders, pulling her body closer to his, revelling in the contrasting sensations her presence evoked. She was strong yet weak, hard yet soft, brilliant yet naive.

But she was Keiko.

And he loved her.

"Keiko," Yuusuke called softly as he looked at her face, still so enraptured by the aerial ballet of the fireflies.

"Umm?" she murmured absently, not turning.

Yuusuke placed his other hand under her chin, curling his fingers around the pointed apex of her face, bringing her gaze to focus on his own. She looked back at him with wide, wondering eyes. Eyes trusting yet with a hint of suspicion.

"What is it, Yuusuke-kun?" she asked, her voice as soft as her eyes, melting into his consciousness and wrapping him in its warm security.

Slowly, Yuusuke placed a tender, tentative kiss on her slightly open mouth. And as he pulled away, he felt her lips open in surprise, even as he heard her soft exclamation. A flush stole over his face and he was glad for the dimness of the evening, as it would not do for anyone to see that Urameshi Yuusuke could blush. But a quick, nervous glance at Keiko's downturned face revealed that he was not the only one.

Quickly, Yuusuke shoved his hand into his jeans pocket, fumbling for the tiny object that was the sole purpose to bringing Keiko all the way from Tokyo to Ashiya. He had wanted the moment to be just right, and had waited for weeks to catch the blossoms that Keiko so loved. And by chance the school trip had brought them to the city where everything seemed to click into place. His fingers clutched at the circular object and his fingers curled around it, feeling the coldness of the metal even as they transferred his own warmth to it.

And his heart.

"Keiko," the dark-haired boy whispered, pulling up the girl's hand from where they lay, clasped loosely on the railing of the bridge. She turned to him, her dark gaze boring into his own. And as he drowned in those limpid pools, he saw the questioning look in them turn to surprise when he slipped the ring over her finger.

"Yuusuke!"

 

*****

 

Botan sniffed.

He had done it. He had finally done it. And while it broke her heart, it also made her happy. Yuusuke, she thought as she watched the tableau unfold below her, had finally taken the plunge and was finally out of her hands.

It had been only a few months since she had first met him, and yet those first few days were enough to show her that here was a soul worth saving, worth giving back to the world of the living. And in those first few meetings, that soul had called to hers and she had fallen.

Yet she knew, even as she fell. She knew that he would never be hers. For his heart had already been claimed, although he might have denied it vehemently at that point in time. And she knew then, as now, that his heart would be kept safe in Keiko's arms, in the embrace of Keiko's love. And she knew now, even without fighting, that the better woman had won.

The blue haired ferry girl swiped at a trickling drop of moisture that flowed down a cheek and smiled. From her position she could see the two lovers kiss, highlighted by the setting sun on the Ashiya River and she could not help but wish the moment could last forever. As the couple's kiss deepened, Botan felt a warmth creep pleasantly across her face and a sudden feeling of embarrassment that made her turn her head. It was a tender moment meant for two, and she had no right to intrude.

With a last parting glance, Botan sped away, leaving the two to enjoy their own company in a rare moment of peace. Yuusuke had given his heart to Keiko, even as Keiko had given hers to him. But the boy would never know that in his hands, he held two hearts, not one.

For what he saw as friendship, Botan would always view with love.

 

~owari~

 

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