Stupid Criminals
Stupid Criminal # 1
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A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and mentioned that
there was a car phone in it. The policeman taking the report called
the phone and told the guy that answered that he had read the ad in
the newspaper and wanted to buy the car. They arranged to meet,
and the thief was arrested.
Stupid Criminal # 2
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Drug Possession Defendant Christopher Jansen, on trial
in March in Pontiac, Michigan, said he had been searched without
a warrant. The prosecutor said the officer didn't need a warrant
because a "bulge" in Christopher's jacket could have been a gun.
Nonsense, said Christopher, who happened to be wearing the same
jacket that day in court. He handed it over so the judge could see it.
The judge discovered a packet of cocaine in the pocket and laughed
so hard he required a five-minute recess to compose himself.
Stupid Criminal # 3
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Oklahoma City-Dennis Newton was on trial for the armed robbery
of a convenience store in a district court when he fired his lawyer.
Assistant district attorney Larry Jones said Newton, 47, was doing a fair job of
defending himself until the store manager testified that Newton was the
robber. Newton jumped up, accused the woman of lying, and then said, "I
should have blown your head off." The defendant paused, then quickly
added, "if I'd been the one that was there." The jury took 20
minutes to convict Newton and recommended a 30-year sentence.
Stupid Criminal # 4
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R.C. Gaitlan, 21 walked up to two patrol officers who were showing
their squad car computer equipment to children in a Detroit
neighborhood. When he asked how the system worked, the officer asked him for
identification. Gaitlan gave them his drivers license, they entered it into the
computer, and moments later they arrested Gaitlan because information on
the screen showed Gaitlan was wanted for a two year old armed robbery in
St.Louis, Missouri.
Stupid Criminal # 5
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A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and
demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the
cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the
counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but he
refused and said "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The
robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him
because he didn't believe him. At this point the robber took his driver's
license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over, and
agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag.
The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly
called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got
off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.
Stupid Criminal # 6
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A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the
startled first bandit shot him.
Stupid Criminal # 7
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A Charlotte, NC, man having purchased a case of very
rare, very expensive cigars insured them against fire
among other things. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of
cigars and without having made even his first premium payment on the
policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company. In his
claim, the man stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires."
The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had
consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The man sued.... and won. In
delivering the ruling the judge agreeing that the claim was frivolous,
stated nevertheless that the man held a policy from the company in which
it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it
would insured against fire, without defining what it considered to be
"unacceptable fire," and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than
endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted
the ruling and paid the man $15,000 for the rare cigars he lost in
"the fires." After the man cashed the check, however, the company had
him arrested on 24 counts of arson. With his own insurance claim and
testimony from the previous case being used against him, the man was
convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and sentenced
to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.
Stupid Criminal # 8
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A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the
branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all yur muny in this
bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller,
he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call
the police before he reached the teller window. So he left the Bank
of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few
minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and,
sumising from his spelling errors that he was not the brightest
light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup
note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he
would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. The Wells Fargo
teller then called the police who arrested the man a few minutes
later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America. (
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