Affirmation

By Yai-tzu Hin

Warning: No part of this story or cast of characters may be reproduced in any form without written permission of the author, Yai-tzu Hin. If you do, dogs will wake you at 3:00 am in the morning, your hair will go gray at an early age, all you pens will run out of ink at the most inconvenient time, and your computer will always freeze up in the middle of the best part of a fic.

“This isn’t too bad.” Yatsurugi said as he sat across from Psyche. The androgynous angel sipped its cup of herbal tea.

“Considering that Eros cooked it, I’m amazed that it hasn’t crawled away.” Eros shot his lover a dirty look.

“My cooking is fine.”

“Yatsurugi’s is better.” Psyche replied sticking out its tongue. Keien wanted to hide behind his physics book.

“I haven’t had to cook the mortal way in nearly seventy years.” Eros stated defensively. Psyche chuckled and stirred more rice about the plate.

Yatsurugi looked from Eros to Psyche and back. Quickly he ate his dinner, dumped his plate in the sink and headed for his room. The last thing he needed was to get between a lover’s spat. Keien simply grabbed his plate and followed Yatsurugi.

“I thought you’d finished your physics homework.” Yatsurugi said as he sat down on his bed.

“I have to finish reading this chapter.” Keien stated. Yatsurugi stared at Keien. It had been two days since he’d woken up and been told that all his angelic powers had been transferred to Keien. It was a bit strange for both of them. Yatsurugi was used to doing certain things with his powers that he couldn’t do anymore. Now he couldn’t sense when Keien was coming down the hall or if he didn’t feel well. Instead he had to rely on body language and be startled like everyone else when someone unexpectedly entered a room. Kayumi and Hades had dropped by briefly to say that they’d learned nothing so far about how to reverse it. Other than that, they hadn’t had any visitors.

Thank goodness, Yatsurugi thought.

“For what?” Keien asked.

“Oh, that we haven’t had any unexpected visitors.” Yatsurugi replied making a mental note to safeguard his thoughts more carefully. He kept forgetting Keien could now read his casual thoughts if he didn’t put up mental barriers.

“Yeah. It’s been so quiet, except for Eros and Psyche.” He shrugged and went back to reading his book and eating.

“Keien?”

“Hai.”

“Can I see them?”

“See what?” Keien inquired around a mouthful of rice.

“Your wings.” Keien arched an ebony eyebrow.

“You want to see my wings?”

“Yes. I want to know what they look like because they’re probably the same if you were ‘reborn’ as an angel.”

“Oh.” Keien relaxed just like Eros had shown him and let the power flow through him. Two tiny black wings appeared and grew until they encompassed his him in their darkness. White tips with speckles running up the primary feathers made them look like the exact opposite of Yatsurugi’s. Yatsurugi noticed this and wondered what it meant.

“You’ve got the oddest look on your face.” Keien said as he shook out the wings. They flexed out and down, long primary feathers touching the carpet.

“I just never pictured you with wings before.” Yatsurugi partially lied. Green eyes fell and Keien turned away towards the window.

“You didn’t think I’d ever be an angel?” Keien asked, his throat tightened as he waited for the answer.

“No, it wasn’t that.” Yatsurugi insisted realizing he’d inadvertently hurt Keien’s feelings. “I just never thought I’d see you with them while you were mortal. I was hoping that after your death you would choose to be an angel and we could be together again.” He walked over and put his arms around Keien’s shoulders. He leaned his entire body against Keien’s back and hugged him tightly. “From the moment I met you, I knew that I’d always be with you. As you grew up, I slowly began to realize that I wanted to be with you forever. I wanted to allow you to see me so often, but I never had the courage until that night you tried to kill yourself. I couldn’t bare to see you go to Hell because of the suicide.”

“I would have gone to Hell?”

“Hell isn’t what you think it is. It is a place of learning. It’s only torture if you wish it to be. For those souls that do wrong, they are sent there to review their lives and to learn how to do things differently next time. People who believe they’ve done wrong send themselves to Hell where we attempt to help them, but most remain for sometime in prisons of their own making. Suicides tend to torture themselves over and over, lost in their own misery. It takes decades to get them out, sometimes centuries. I didn’t want to see you in a prison of your own making.” Tears threatened to spill from his eyes as he relived that moment of anguish when he’d seen Keien with the knife poised to extinguish his life. Keien reached up and held onto his hand.

“Don’t cry. Because of you I began to live again. When Dante attacked me all I could think about was living and seeing you again. I don’t want to die by my hands or anyone else’s. I’ve finally come to terms with myself. Every time I have been faced with a dilemma, I ran and thought that things would be better if I were gone. Like when I first told my parents I was homosexual or when Suiichiro left. Now, thanks to you, I believe that if I were ever faced with a dilemma of that sort again, I’d live through it. I never want to put my loved ones to suffer.”

“Oh, Keien.” Yatsurugi said in a hushed voice full of unspoken emotion. He nuzzled Keien’s neck. “I love you and I don’t want you ever to forget that.”

“I love you too and I’ll protect you from now on.”

“Arigatou.” Yatsurugi smiled at Keien. They stood in the light of the fading sun, speaking volumes without saying a word.

“Aisaku-san? Are you feeling all right?” Meiko asked as she sat down across from him. She had joined them in the university’s Student Union Building for lunch.

“I’m all right. Why do you ask?” he answered picking up a fork. Tasting the salad, he immediately realized it needed more dressing. Keien passed him some before he had a chance to ask.

“You just look a little paler than normal, that’s all.”

“Oh,” Yatsurugi muttered as he drizzled dressing on. “I was sick this weekend. Food poisoning, so I’m not surprised I still look pale.” Meiko nodded and bit into a slice of pizza. Chewing thoughtfully, she watched her brother and his boyfriend. Something was going on and she knew it. The question was what? They’d both been very quiet this morning and she’d like to know what for. When she’d talked to Haruka the other night, she’d been acting a bit odd too. Dammit! What is going on? She thought irritated that her family wasn’t sharing the truth. What? Do they think me too stupid to deal with it? And she’d seen that guy again that morning. The one Yatsurugi, Keien and Shinji had warned her away from. God, he was cute.

He’s not your type, a small voice in the back of her head told her.

You’re probably right, she answered.

“Meiko? Are you going to eat the pizza or just sit there holding it?” Keien asked. Meiko blinked, then put down the pizza. Keien watched her with concerned eyes.

“I’m fine, I was just thinking about something.” She said hurriedly when she recognized the look her brother was giving her. “Really Oniichan, don’t worry about it. I have this test coming up and I’m afraid I’m going to fail.”

“You won’t.” Yatsurugi stated confidently. “You always do well.”

“Yeah, well, this one is a killer. It’s worth one third of my grade.”

“Ouch.” Keien said wincing. “I hate tests like that.”

“Me too.” Meiko told him. “Anyway, did you guys hear about Kayumi’s boyfriend?” Keien and Yatsurugi rolled their eyes at the same time. Taking it as a sign they had, Meiko leapt into her thoughts on him. “He’s got an odd name, Hades. Isn’t that some sort of Roman or Greek name?”

“It’s Greek.” Yatsurugi said. Meiko waved her hand.

“Anyway, since I’m sure you two have met him, I want to ask what you think of Kayumi dating someone younger than she is?” Keien choked on the water he’d been sipping.

“YOUNGER? Nani?”

“Yeah, Hades is younger than Kayumi.” Suddenly Meiko wasn’t sure. “Isn’t he?” Yatsurugi tried to keep from laughing.

“Hades may look young, but he’s older than Kayumi.” Yatsurugi said while Keien cleaned off his shirt. “It’s some sort hormonal condition that makes him look young.”

“Oh. I didn’t mean to insult, it’s just I found it a bit strange.”

“I know.” Keien assured. “I felt the same when I first met him too.”

Liar, Yatsurugi thought openly. Keien flashed him a smile. You’re being obnoxious. Keien’s smile widened.

Meiko looked again at the two men and shook her head. Whatever was going on, she probably didn’t want to know. They’ve made up some sort of code, she decided. With that figured out, Meiko returned to her lunch.

Sitting in the far corner sipping tea, a tall man with pale blond hair and sherry colored eyes watched them.

Yatsurugi rolled over. It had been a long day for him. He lay in his bed with the lights off, but he couldn’t sleep. Being completely mortal was more draining than he thought and he couldn’t even imagine how Keien was coping. Eros and Psyche took turns teaching him basics of control, but if Dante attacked again, Yatsurugi didn’t want to think about it. Instead he curled up and huddled in his covers. What if Dante comes after me instead of Keien? I have no defense, I’d be dead. Yatsurugi trembled slightly at the thought of dying again. He wasn’t sure how many lives he’d had before he’d become an angel, he’d never bothered to check. Now he wondered. What was it like to die? He couldn’t remember. Shifting position again, one word floated to the forefront of his mind. Weak.

“I’m weak now.” He whispered into the darkness. The full gravity of his situation came tumbling down on top of him. “I don’t want to be weak. I don’t want this cold and empty feeling where my angel powers were.” Powerless, he was powerless to do anything. When up against an angel, he’d be killed. This must be how Keien felt when I first battled Dante, he though miserably. Burying his face in his pillow, Yatsurugi attempted to wipe the tears that were sliding down his cheeks. He didn’t know when they had started, but they had.

From the living room Keien suddenly felt anxious. He didn’t understand the sensation, except that he suddenly needed to be next to Yatsurugi. He got up and left without a word to Eros. The angel looked startled and made a move to follow him, but Psyche touched his sleeve and shook its head. Quietly Eros sat back down.

Keien opened the door to Yatsurugi’s room and slipped in. The lights were off and Yatsurugi was tucked up in bed. Yet Keien knew something was wrong. The anxious feeling propelled him across the room. He was only a few feet away when he heard Yatsurugi sniffling.

“Yatsurugi?” Keien said in a hushed voice. The form shifted and Yatsurugi brought his head up. Long lavender strands hung in his face; his eyes were reddened and full of tears. Wiping his nose with his hand, Yatsurugi sniffed once.

“Keien? Shouldn’t you be out…” His words were cut off by Keien pulling him up in a tight hug.

“I can’t explain it, but I know you’re in pain.” He whispered.

“It’s a trait all guardian angels have. A connection with their charges.”

“Yatsurugi.” Keien felt the waves of emotion cascade from Yatsurugi into his own mind. He held him tighter.

“Keien.” Yatsurugi choked as more tears spilled down his cheeks. “I don’t know if I can deal with this. I feel so weak. How am I supposed to protect you with out my powers?”

“It’ll be all right. It’s my turn to protect you remember?”

“But you shouldn’t have to! I’m the guardian angel.”

“Currently I am.”

“I feel so empty, powerless, useless.”

“You’re not useless.”

“Yes I am! I’m not an angel.”

“Neither was I. You know, it’s not easy knowing you live with an angel. There were plenty of times I felt useless to you. Yet I know I’m not, you know why?”

“Why?” Yatsurugi asked.

“Because love is one of the greatest powers of all. And everyone has that power.”

“I’m acting childish aren’t I?”

“No, you can’t remember a time when you weren’t an angel. It’s expected that there will be adjustments. Everyone goes through times when they feel useless.” Yatsurugi snuggled up against Keien’s chest, burying his face in his shirt.

“Thank you Keien.” Keien kissed him on the forehead. Then gently wiped away Yatsurugi’s tears. His hands traced his cheekbones, then moved down along the jaw. Yatsurugi lifted his head as Keien began softly kissing his closed eyes. Their mouths met and tongues entwined, engaging in a game of tag.

“Do you think Eros and Psyche will notice if I don’t come back?” Keien asked, parting so he could breath.

“They’re angels of love, I think they won’t care.” Yatsurugi replied, slipping his hands around Keien’s back and drawing him closer. “Besides, I’m sure they’ll use the time well.”

“So will we.” Keien said sultrily before his mouth became occupied again. Yatsurugi let out a low moan; then they blocked out all other thoughts save one.