On My Own
by Yukiko-chan
This fic can also be fond at http://www.oocities.org/yukiko_08/onmyown.html
And now I'm all alone at night, nowhere to go, no one to turn
Without a home, without a friend, without a face to say hello to
(Hiei is walking in the busy streets of Tokyo. Hiei is staring at the floor, his hands on his pockets. He stares at one of the people that were walking on the same street, and snorts at the stranger. Then he stares at the house in front of him.)
And now the night is here, I can make believe he's here Sometimes I walk alone at night when everybody else is sleeping
(He jumps up to the window of Kurama, and the room is dark and empty. Pain stabs Hiei's chest. Then an image of Kurama welcoming him appears, then suddenly disappears like a sudden mirage.)
I think of him and then I'm happy with the company I'm keeping
The city goes to bed, now I can live inside my head
(Hiei sits down on the windowsill, and remembers his koibito. He remembers their passionate lovemakings, their kisses, their love, the tears that Kurama had shed long ago...then suddenly disappears like salt when it dissolves in water. Then tears start streaming down Hiei's cheeks.)
On my own, pretending he's beside me
All alone, I walk with him til morning
(Kurama smiles at him and hugs him tight. Then Hiei wakes up, knowing that it was another dream.)
Without him, I feel his arms around me
And when I lose my way, I close my eyes and he has found me
(Hiei hugs himself tight, and sobs silently. Then he remembers when they play and he usually runs away from Kurama. Then Kurama appears from behind Hiei and kisses him. Hiei tries to stop the tears from falling, and tries to at least run away from the past, but he isn't sucessful.)
In the rain, the pavement shines like silver
All the lights are misty in the river
(Hiei walks in the rain and doesn't care if his clothes get wet. He stares at the pond in the park, where he and Kurama usually stayed in the evening alone.)
In the darkness the trees are full of starlight
And all I see is him and me, forever and forever
(He stares the pond, and the vision of Kurama is reflected in the water. Hiei gets a pebble and throws it at the river, that causes it to disappear. Then he stares at the stars, and remembers that certain twinkle in his kitsune's eyes whenever they meet each other.)
And I know it's only in my mind
That I'm talking to myself and not to him
(Hiei's silent, and wishes if he and Kurama hadn't met that day, or if they hadn't met in that certain place, the accident shouldn't have happened. Hiei pounded his fists on the floor loudly , causing his hands to bleed. Then he falls to the ground in pain.)
And although I know that he is blind
Still I say, there's a way for us
(Hiei washes the mud from his face, and notices that his eyes are puffy. Then he sees a bush of roses just across the lake. He slumps his shoulders in sorrow, and gets guilty why he didn't get to save Kurama from harm.)
I love him but when the night is over
He is gone, a river's just a river
(He remembers clearly how Kurama had died. They were walking hand in hand, and when they were going to cross the street, Hiei was about to get hit by a speeding car until Kurama pushed him and the last thing he knew was that he screamed Kurama's name and there lay Kurama, dying in his own pool of blood. Hiei picked him up, and carried him to the other end, then caressed Kurama's face. Then Kurama told Hiei his last words, "Ai shiteru..." then died in his arms. Then Hiei screamed Kurama's name, and cried silently.)
Without him, the world around me changes
The trees are bare and everywhere the streets are full of strangers
(Hiei stares at everyone in his surroundings, and they glare at him like an outcast. The leaves in the trees are bare, and the leaves surround Hiei. Hiei misses Kurama's terribly, and hates himself for letting Kurama die just like that.)
I love him but everyday I'm learning
All my life I've only been pretending
(Hiei goes to Genkai's Temple and greets Yukina with a forced smile, trying to hide the pain away from his sister. But Yukina knows better. And before she knew it, Hiei was crying on her shoulder, telling her how he misses Kurama and all, and how his heart hurts. Yukina tries very hard to comfort him, but no avail.)
Without me, his world would go on turning
A world that's full of happiness that I have never known
(Flashback: When Kurama was still alive, he was very happy and felt lightheaded. That was the first time he had smiled to anyone, and that was the first time he knew how to love. And now, that person is gone, and he feels like part of him died as well. Then Hiei walks into a garden, full of roses, and in the center lay a tombstone with the name engraved, "Shuiichi Minamino". Hiei bites his lip gets a rose from one of the bushes, and picks the one with the most thorns. Then Hiei looks at the grave for the last time.)
I love him...
I love him...
I love him...but only on my own
(Then you'll see blood dripping onto the ground, then Hiei falling on the ground, dead, still holding onto the rose. Hiei killed himself by using the biggest and sharpest thorn on the rose to cut his wrist. Then you'll see a smile on Hiei's face, and his face pale. Then the grave and Hiei's body is surrounded with rose petals.)
^Fin^
Disclaimers: These characters aren't mine and they are owned by Yoshihiro Togashi-sama, Weekly Shounen Jump Comics, Studio Perriot, and the other companies that I don't know who own them.
The song isn't mine either, it is "On My Own" from Les Miserables sung by Eponine. I hope you enjoyed this fanfic!
To ask for the complete lyrics, to flame, to complain, to comment, to suggest, or to just say that this fanfic is really nice, E-mail me!