A man suspected his wife of seeing another man so he hired a famous Chinese detective to watch and report any activities while he was gone.  A few days later he recieved this report:

Most honorable sir:

You leave the house.  I watch House.  He comes to house.  I watch.  He and she leave house.  I follow.  He and she get on train.  I follow.  He and she go in hotel.  I climb tree look in window.  He kiss she.  She kiss he.  He strip she.  She strip he.  He play with she.  She play with he.  I play with ME.  Fall out of tree.  Not see.  No fee.