The remaining eight of the fellowship bed down for the night, Agagorn clutching the Evenstar
pendant, Boromir holding the Horn of Gondor (don't be pervy!), and Gimli, grasping his
favorite teddy bear, Melnarf, to his chest. All the hobbits are sleeping like a pile of
puppies. Legolas has gone completely camoflaged under the leaves and twigs, knowling full
well that Legolas + more elves = more chances of a psychotic fangirl incident. The Lady
Galadriel comes skipping by, on her way somewhere. She gets to the edge of the clearing,
and looks back. No one is following her. Angrily, she goes back, kicks Frodo in the head,
and wanders off again.
FRODO: (groggily) What the? (notices the hobbits piled on top of him) Why do they insist
on sleeping like this?
The little hobbit crawls out of the puppy pile, after a long while, considering Sam's
hooked himself to his Master's ankles. He looks up to see. . . Galadriel, walking around
naked?! No. . . just a trick of funky Elven lighting. He detatches himself from Sam, and
decides to go try his smoothest of moves on the pretty Elven chick.
He smirks as he sees her filling a hobbit sized bathtub for him. Smoothing his hair, he
runs up to her, unbuttoning his shirt.
FRODO: Hey, babe.
GALADRIEL: Hello again, little man. (notices the shirt) Um, you might want to keep that
on. This is a G rated fic.
Grumbling, the little hobbit realizes there is no romance in the air, and decides he must
start taking growth hormones to become insanely tall enough to win the heart of an elf maiden.
GALADRIEL: (swirling a hand in the water) Would you like to take a look?
FRODO: What will I see? Previews for Return of the King?
GALADRIEL: (sighing) One could only dream. . . Even the wisest cannot tell. For the mirror
shows many things. Things that are pretty, things that are elven, and some things that have
not yet come to pass. . . (softly) like Legsy returning my love. . .
FRODO: What?
GALADRIEL: (sweating, a very un-Elfy habit) Uhhh. . . I said, like eating crepes for
breakfast! We Elves know how you hobbits like crepes!
FRODO: But, it sounded like you said. . .
GALADRIEL: (snarling) Just look in the mirror!
Frodo looks into the mirror and gasps in horror. After a moment, his head tilts quizzically
looking into the bowl. What does he see? Well, obviously something too, too disturbing to
discribe. . .
FRODO: (confused) But. . . but Boromir doesn't fight with a spatula. . . and this
Wormtongue guy? Who is he, and why is he wearing a floor show costume from Rocky Horror
Picture Show? And. . . this! Gimli doesn't even bend that way!!! Ewwwww!
GALADRIEL: I know what it was that you saw. . (muttering) sick little hobbit. (again,
to him) For it is also in my mind. It is what will come to pass if you don't. . . heh
heh. . . give me the ring.
FRODO: If you ask me, I will. . . hey! (looks at her suspiciously) You're not supposed to. . .
GALADRIEL: You offer it to me freely. What a smart little man you are! I do not deny that
my heart has greatly desired this. As I have desired. . . (oddly, the elf starts to drool,
walking slowly towards Frodo, her hand outstretched.) In the place of a Dark Lord, you
would have a QUEEN! (She towers over the young hobbit, glowing with a spooky, unholy light.)
NOT DARK, BUT BEAUTIFUL AND TERRIBLE AS THE SLASH WRITER! TREACHEROUS AS THE ONES WHO CAMP
OUT TO WATCH THE MIDNIGHT SHOWING OF A NEW MOVIE! STRONGER THAN THE GRIP OF ONE HOLDING THE
LAST RENTABLE COPY OF THE EXTENDED EDITION OF FotR! LEGOLAS SHALL LOVE ME AND OTHER FANGIRLS
SHALL DESPAIR! MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! *snort* (She becomes normal again, and breathes
heavily, as though trying to catch her breath.) Okay, so hand it over.
FRODO: Um. . . (slowly backs away) I really think that would be a bad. . .
RI: (ripping off Galadriel mask to prove she is a crazy, freakish fangirl) C'mon. . . it's
not like you need it. . . and I do! To prove to Legolas he wants to come to my house, be
beautiful, and bake me muffins in a ruffly apron. . . (starts to drool more) and
handcuffs. . . (closes in on him)
FRODO: Then I know what I must do. It's just, I'm afraid to do it.
RI: Give it up, midget!
FRODO: (angrily) You give me no choice. (screams) SAM!!!
In the darkness, Sam's eyes open, flashing red. In a flash, he has ran to his master's
side, and, upon seeing the threat, jumps on top of the fangirl, and starts to maul her.
She screams, as Frodo smiles at Sam, and makes his way back up to sleep. He tucks himself
back into bed, and closes his eyes.
FRODO: It's good to be the Ringbearer.
tbc
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