Disclaimer: Berusaiyu no Bara & Lady Oscar © ® All Rights Reserved Ikeda
Productions 1972-1973, Tokyo Movie Shinsha Co. 1979-1980.
No One Else But You (Oscar in Normandy)
Louise De Valois (giuseppet@iranet.it)
translated by Anna de Jarjayes
Well, I am finally here. I really need vacations. I don't understand
anything anymore. What has happened is incredible! I thought I was able to be
a man, but found that I am not. That I couldn't be. Indeed, for I had fallen
in love with a man, the most beautiful and the furthest for me: Fersen! I
thought I was strong, but no. I even gave in to the temptation of dressing as
a woman for him.
For a moment, while dancing with him, I believed that he could be
interested in me. What a mistake! He hadn't recognized me. Maybe he did
afterwards... but then he told me I was just a friend to him. I thought I was
brave but ran away.
One month later, I thought all was forgotten... never! He had the
courage to visit me and relate all that!
He told me; "If I understood what kind of woman you are...maybe...us.
..today..."That was stupid! That was so humiliating for me!
If you can't love me, why are you trying to comfort me with useless
compliments? I ran away for the second time, silencing him. Our friendship is
over now.
I had also sworn fidelity to my Queen, but now have to bid her a
final good-bye! It would be impossible for me to live near them. I don't want
to command the Royal guards. What could I do in the future?
And...André. He upset me. During twenty years, he had been my servant,
nothing else but a servant to me.
No, that's not true: he has always been my best friend, my only
friend! He had always been under my command, to protect me, to save me, to
comfort me--the only one with whom I sometimes shared my thoughts.
But I couldn't have imagined what was happening in his heart! Even
that night, as usual, he told me what he thought of me, but so cruelly that
he made me angry.
"A rose would never become a lilac!"
He dashed, in that one moment, the efforts of all my life, he threw
down my official mask of a man. You are so nasty André! You never believed I
could be a man, as my father ordered. You shouted at me one day...."Stop and
be a woman Oscar!".
I didn't understand. You may have laughed at my behavior, but had
always been by my side. That evening, beside myself, I slapped you and you--
who used to answer my rude motion--you took me into your arms and kissed me!
I hadn't understood what happened when you threw me on the bed, tearing my
shirt and exposing my chest. I was astonished, angry and frightened. I didn't
know what to think I didn't know anymore what you would do with me! I cried
bitterly, because I felt defeated, misunderstood, betrayed--even by my best
friend, the only one I trusted. Those terrible moments ended with those
surprising words:
"Excuse me Oscar, I lived twenty years with you and during this time,
I only thought about you. I love you Oscar, I have always loved you".
That was even more astonishing for me. I went on crying all night
long. So this was the reason you never accepted I was a man! Now, I
understand all your attentions, your affection for me, your presence at my
side, even if you considered my fathers' desire as madness! I am sure you'd
never reveal that secret because you are a servant and I am a noble. You know
well that nothing could happen between us: it could never have neither a
wedding, nor a live story.
Moreover... you know my love for Fersen... I am sure of that. You
know I dressed as a woman only for him, that I suffer for him, that I left
the Royal guards for him.
You risked your life and lost your left eye to save me! I understood
your suffering, increased by my "I will not need of you now".
I know well what it means to love without being loved in return.
However, you hide your feelings...or even...I try not to see them. Life
brings us surprises sometimes! I desired that Fersen love me as you do.
Now, I said adieu to you. I can't go on with you in my orders--it
would be taking advantage of your feelings, knowing they would never be
returned. I hope you can be happy with another woman, one who would
appreciate your noble soul better more than me...
And me, I'll try to begin a second time. To live as a man, even if I
failed-- having fallen in love with one...yet I also failed as a woman with
Fersen...He knew only my male side and wondered why God made me a woman.
No one ever knew me as a woman.
No one else but you, André...to whom I told adieu.
END (
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