Love,
a Beautiful Misunderstanding
By: Neo-Queen
Serenity
E-mail:
serenausako@hotmail.com
Webpage:
http://www.oocities.org/Tokyo/Shrine/6436
It all started
when we were both young and silly.
He and his family were best friends to my own. He and I, as the only child of both
families, usually spend our time together while our parents had their afternoon
tea. Unfortunately, our friendship
did not progress as well as they had hoped. He was almost my number one
foe. Wrestling, scratching, and
pinching were our usual wars, we staged fights one after another. Furious was I each time, I almost wished
that I didn’t have to be friends with him.
He was such an irritating, proud and ignorant boy whom I nearly wished
never existed.
We’d scream, wail
and accuse each other about everything at the top of our lungs, until our
parents could come over to drag us apart.
Under their disappointed face, we’d sob out an unwilling apology. I didn’t understand why I loathed him
so, even now, that part of my childhood was still a mystery. Maybe with of our close ages we children
possess this competitiveness in our nature, or perhaps that we both tried to
charm each other using the wrong method?
I don’t understand, I really don’t.
But I hate him, for leaving painful bruises and cuts on my hands and
knees, for calling me "crybaby" and "brat". I complained to my parents with such
pitiful wails, yet they only gave me an uncommon explanation, it will all change
when both of us grow up. I was too
little to understand what they really meant at that time.
He and I both
went to school later, actually we were in the same class. I never talked with him much,
conversation in school rarely exist between him and I. He had his own best friends, as I had my
own. Only when we both met at home,
endless wars would break
forth. Our parents were so
disappointed with our violent behavior to each other, according to them, we
should be best friends just like them.
Time flies, and
we are now different from what we were yesterday. I am not that silly girl any more and he
is no long an awkward boy. I seemed
to be separated from my own family, and past life when I left, alone to a
totally strange city far down south, to begin my college education. From there, he seemed to disappear from
my life and fade into the busy streets of my hometown. We were both away. Unlike other friends, we had no letters,
nor any phone calls. The story
between us seemed to end right there.
Another 5 years
passed me by and I carried home with me, my hope and longing for a fresh new
start. There I was united with my
family once again, and I had the chance to have a glance at him for the first
time in 5 years. We no longer
fight, both are now mature and polite adults. We could sit happily by our own parents,
listening and keep peace. All wars
we fought in the past forgotten, I no longer consider him annoying. We rarely talk though, time has
separated us for 5 years and we are now timid and afraid to speak up. Silence was in between us.
What startled me
was how much he had changed. That
irritating and ignorant childhood foe whom I loathed to hate, was replaced by a
charming, handsome young man. Age
stored me with beauty and knowledge I had never even considered in my past that
I could end up where I am today.
Time gave him wisdom and charm, his handsome features certainly would
make him the prince charming of many.
I longed to have conversation with him, to learn what had been going on
with his life while I was away.
From his fine humor that displayed, I wished that I was his friend. Yet
stubbornness existed in my nature, I lack the bravery to put down my dignity and
to become a friend with my former enemy.
It was a little
later when I found out from my parents secret discussion that they wanted us to
fall in love and get married. They
hoped that way ever since we were nothing but little kids, they wished that one
daywe would finally stop the fighting and start liking each other. They
hoped...
I was stunned and
shocked. So this was what they
planned long ago. But I had to
admit, he and I would make a stunning couple. From what I heard of his chatting
with my parents, I could tell that he’s my kind. If, only if we were friends...
My stubbornness came back to haunt me once more. How could I, the girl who accused him
and hated him long ago, fall in love with him now? Wouldn’t this give him too
much pride and satisfaction? He’d
walk away, gloating like he did in the past, leaving me with tears and a broken
heart. He never cared. Thinking of this, his charm and grace
suddenly lost all of their color, I bite my lips and made my painful decision. I
can’t love him, I can’t, I just can’t...
I undoubtedly
think he heard the news from his parents are the same time. Both in our mid 20’s, our parents were
right, perhaps it is time for us to find someone to love and settle down. But why him? I vowed to myself, if there is someone
to capture my heart, I will make sure he’s not him. And he seemed to keep his
distance as well, we were both avoiding each other...
One day,
something unexpected happened. He
brought home with him a beautiful young girl, and claimed that she was his
girlfriend. She was his classmate
in college. Sitting across from the
couple in their living room, I witnessed the whole scene. She was beautiful, gentle and lady
like. She just sat there with him,
her hand in his, looking so lovely and peaceful. Yeah, she has the right to sit beside
him, she has every reason to gaze at him that way. He’s hers. Witnessing his dark gaze filled with
love and happiness, I sat there silently, my heart twisting in agony and
pain. Isn’t this what I wished for?
To have him out of my life forever, as soon as possible? No...but my heart was suffering. What shocked me was that I actually
cared about him. HIM? My number one foe, the person whom I
swore to hate? So confused and
dazed, I excused myself outside, away from the perfect couple. My worthless tears shedding the moment I
stepped through their door. My
vision blurring like madness, my thoughts were tangled in a huge mess. This is
ironic!
The following
week was dark and mournful, I endured it in great depression. I worked my way through piles of
overloading paperwork, in hope to release by emotions from this mechanical
process of working. A college
friend came over and invited me to dine with him. I wasn’t so much in the mood of dealing
with anyone, but being polite, I reluctantly agreed.
We ate in an
uncomfortable silence in a restaurant close to my workplace. There, he whispered
his confession of love. According
to what he said, he had taken notice of me ever since we became friends, and he
was in love with me. Another confusion hit me right on. I haven’t figured out my
feeling for him and here is "him"?
He begged me to give him a chance, even the slightest one. So out of my mind, staring at his face
full of hope, my mind went numb. I
agreed.
The following
weekend, I introduced proudly to my parents of my "beloved." They were shocked, but they welcomed the
young man. Sitting stiffly on the
couch, my eyes focused on him. He’s
stunned to meet my "him", hurt was apparent in between his dark gaze. I don’t understand why he’s hurt, it was
obvious that he has her. I felt
much light hearted and the taste of revenge was truly sweet.
It was not until
two days later that both of our families attended a birthday party of a close
friend. He brought her with him, so
did I attended with "him." He was
remarkably handsome that day, dressed in his perfect tuxedo; she was his angelic
princess, so beautiful and the queen of his heart. I tried my best to be happy, even just
appear to be happy as I am dying inside.
I thought I could be satisfied with my college friend, but so silly was
I, that I can't. My eyes trailed
behind him everywhere on the dance floor, gazing longingly at the girl with in
his arm. I sincerely prayed that I
was her. Watching him swiftly
leading her pace, I sighed helplessly at my own partner. It was when I realized that I cared
about him much more than I actually wanted to admit, way more than I actually
know, more, way more...
How silly was I
to believe that life is a game of love and hatred, how stupid was I to believe
that love can be easily replaced? I
was an idiot. But what was I
suppose to do? He’s not mine to
have anymore, neitherwas he mine to begin with. Whirling and dancing, I could feel his
intensive gaze on me, too afraid to look and find out its meaning, I concluded
that they held nothing but criticism and disgust. The dance ended and my friend
proposed. My hand was shaking with
despair and fear. Can I actually
throw away what I hoped for and live with a total stranger that I don’t even
care about? But I really don’t have
the guts to tell him, it was painfully obvious that he loves her and not me.
Fearing to admit my failure in love, I took the ring, my heart froze to
cold. Fate was never on my side, so
I let it be...
5 months later,
my wedding day arrived. To my
surprise, he attended with his parents, no one by his side. He’s sad and quiet, as if mourning for
something he had lost. I had my
beautiful satin wedding gown, and those beautiful roses I dreamed to have
before. My friend commented on how
beautiful I looked that day, but I wasn't happy, I can’t. As I walked toward the alter, I felt as
if I am walking toward grave and death.
For each step I took, I am further away from him... When I passed him by, he was gazing at
me directly in the eyes, something unnamable glimmered in between those
darksapphires. I didn’t know what
he wanted to say, but all was too late...
I stood
emotionless by my husband-to-be. To me, the holy process seemed surprisingly
dull. All the joy I dreamed of this day, they were all gone. Because, standing by me, he was not my
loved one... Seeing that beautiful wedding band sealing on my fourth finger, I
wanted to run away and cry. I was
an idiot.
At the wedding
dance, I numbly sat by myself. No
music, nor laughtertraveled through my head, nothing. My world was complete chaos. Suddenly he appeared, and led me to the
dance floor. To my astonishment, he
was kind and gentle. He was
handsome, tall and everything I ever wanted, yet that night, he was not
mine. Even though, I let dream to
take over, and imagined that this is our wedding. The song ended, reality crashed in. He slowed down his pace and look down at
me, tears glimmered in his eyes.
Confused, I didn’t know why he has to cry. For me? For himself?...But his
next words were enough to make me regret for the rest of my life.
"You know...I
hated you, you were such an irritating and brat like girl. I cursed my parents for forcing me to be
your friend, because I don't even like to be around you. But I don’t know...why destiny made me
feel so attracted to you. You
changed, I can see. You’re no
longer the annoying girl I knew.
You changed too much that you turned my hate into love. So madly in love was I to you, that I
can even pretend to have my best friend in college to play my loved one, just to
see if you cared. You...but you
showed up with him, I finally realized that you’re not mine, not mine to have in
this life time. May be it’s all fate, your heart is not mine to keep...I just
want you to know, I no longer consider you as my enemy.I want you to understand,
out there, there is a person who loves you and always will. I wish you happiness..."
How sad and
ironic it was for him to wish me happiness. He was the only one that can give me
happiness in this life... His eyes
quivered, his deep and sensual voice cracking with emotion. He whispered all his confession, with me
standing numbed and stunned by the impact of thisrevelation. With that, he
turned and left, gone from my life, forever...
So this was how
he thought about me, this was how things should have been... I just threw away
my happiness for nothing. He loves
me? Why didn’t I realize it sooner? Why can’t I see?! Why didn’t he tell me so? Only if he had done it sooner... But all
was too late! TOO late... I shut my
eyes, tightly. Until tears gashed down like floods of salty liquid.
The
End.
Neo-Queen Serenity's Crystal Tokyo was originally established on August 18th, 1998.
It is owned and operated by Neo-Queen Serenity
