Getting off work!
If it is all the same to you I won't be coming in to work. The voices
told me to clean all the guns today.
When I got up this morning I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac.
I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it.
I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back
an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time
continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was
able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source
exactly e*log(pi) clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my
dog on the snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in
late, or early.
My stigmata's acting up.
I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss,
who fired me for not showing up for work. OK?
I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have
that deadline to meet...
I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the Food Giant.
Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and,
hey, how about them Skins, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I
help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling.
Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.
I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come
to work knowing my employee records may now contain false
information.
The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me this
jaw restraint so Iwon't bite things when I am startled.
The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.
I prefer to remain an enigma.
My mother-in-law has come back as one of the Undead and we must track
her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her eternal
peace. One day should do it.
I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my house
is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange
for helicopter transportation.
I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian.
I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates.
My wife makes more money than I do, so I have to stay at home with our
sick son.
I refuse to travel to my job in the District until there is a commuter tax.
I insist on paying my fair share.
I'm feeling a little disgruntled this morning. You want I should come in?
I can't come in because the deadline is Monday and so far I only have seven
different fun things to do with a barrel of snot.
(
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