DISCLAIMER: Rurouni Kenshin characters (c) Watsuki Nobuhiro, Shueisha, Sony
Entertainment and whatnots. I am borrowing characters, not making any money
out of this and not worthed suing. I'm a poor student interested in writing
stories to make others happy... so...
This fic is not yaoi. It is spoilerfull. The first chapter already spoils
you into RK manga 16, next, I am going to spoil you into RK manga 18...
I'm having difficulties piecing what I wrote together... ^^x
Viva forever, everlasting
I'll be waiting: like the sun
Live forever, for the moment
Ever searching: for the one...
~ Viva Forever by The Spice Girls
Chronicles of a Rurouni
Part Six: Searching for that one forgiveness
There was silence in the room. But there was no gloom. It was a mere
respect of feelings Kenshin provided as Soujirou proceeded to close his
story with the tears that well deserved to roll. He gacked, and moved his
right hand to shield his wet eyes from sight. Then, inside, he cried. He
cried... like the night it happened to this night he was recalling the
events... he could do nothing but weep in despair of his uselessness...
*Will he forgive me? Himura-san? Will he ever... forgive me?*
It was a question he might as well have asked, yet unspoken it drew
the same impression upon Kenshin. All this while, his large, violet eyes
glinted of experience. While Soujirou took his time to regain his composure,
Kenshin alone, was deep in ponderment.
He knew... he knew the pain Soujirou had to go through. He knew this
was no ordinary heartbreak, to watch the one you loved so much slip away in
front of your own eyes...
... to lose the one you loved... forever... because of a mistake...
How Kenshin himself dealt with all those pains he himself
experienced he never wanted to know. He knew that surviving it was as
painful as experiencing it himself... it tore at his heart when he first
asked himself the big, "why"?
It pained him so much when he first shouted her name... into
futility, when he knew he could never reach her again, could only caress her
softly in his arms until it hit him. It tore at his heart, sliced at his
veins, wrecked up his stomach... when he called, again and again, for her to
return... that it was all a nightmare...
... that she would say she loved him too...
Kenshin's own lower lip trembled, which he knew he would never be
able to stop now. For his large unblinking eyes that had remained thus till
now, the tears were starting to clam up his sense of sight, blurring it
beyond anything which could be seen within five metres...
One rolled off, beyond his control anymore, and dropped with a soft
splat onto the wooden, polished boards of the room.
Lifting his hands, blurred with the gaze of the extra coat of tears
on his eyes, Kenshin examined himself.
He was crying.
What were these tears for?
Who?
There was no denying that he was crying for the first woman he had
loved so dearly, the one he had wanted to protect to his own downfall... but
for so long, for so, so long, his tears could never be called upon no matter
how much he willed himself to.
He was crying for Soujirou.
Soujirou belonged rightfully to the future, the new life, the new
era he had fought hard to try build up. Yet the boy had chosen to live in
the ways of the old... in spite of all Kenshin was unsure of in the past, he
knew he had a slight clue now.
Soujirou did not want to live in a world where his own ideas had
already been prepared for him. Those born into the new era would, but
Soujirou wouldn't want that... he wanted his own life... to taste the fruits
of happiness and bitterness by himself so that he knew what to do and where
he stood...
Except this time, bitterness for Soujirou was painfully unnecessary.
Kenshin was crying for Soujirou and himself.
And through the tears which flooded the memory of the events so many
moons ago, Kenshin smiled... almost forcibly through his trembling lips. He
brought his hands back to the floor and lifted one to place on Soujirou's
still weeping head.
"My child, I have a story to tell you..."
"... something that happened so long ago..."
Something... that has left their eternal scars on me...
And, in all SASS tradition;
S
P
O
I
L
E
R
(for manga 18 and up...)
S
P
A
C
E
(Just had to ruin the atmosphere hadn't I? ^_^x Live with it: The writer of
this fic is insane, long-winded, and doesn't have an inkling of an idea why
she has written quite such a boring fic...)
(ANYWAY)
She was beautiful.
She was the most beautiful lady I had ever had a chance to meet up
with until that point of my existence. But then again, how many ladies had
I had a chance to meet?
She first appeared on that night, that one bloody night when my mind
and my entire pillar of strength was dissolving into confusion. I was
deranged and near the brink of insanity where there would be no return, when
she appeared in my life with the smell of fresh, white plums...
I whirled around, determined to seal the mouth of whoever had saw
this Hitokiri Battousai do a deed. But when I saw her... when I saw her...
... I just couldn't.
If anything hadn't horrified me enough until then, I could say that
I was horrified, myself, to find a lady, so pure and so innocent, all
drenched in the blood of which I myself had spilled... it was a horrible
sight to behold, something I knew I never wanted to see again...
... something, which compelled me to catch the girl when she fell.
And from then on, it was a confusing relationship between the both
of us.
Her very mystic beauty, the ice-cold character and the stubborness I
knew even I could not hope to triumph over, captivated me. No matter how I
refused to show how I felt in the midst of all the civil uprisings, I know,
very clearly, how I felt towards her.
I knew she was special.
But how special, I was not to find out myself. I knew still, that
during my Hitokiri Battousai days where a line as thin as this strand of
hair was separating my consciousness from my sub, my insanity from what was
sane. Somehow, someway or another, she tipped the line, I knew I wanted my
sanity... I knew I wanted to live...
In those days where war was a everyday thing, where every morning we
would have to pick the pieces and start all over again, this was not a
common thought... at all.
Life went on as usual, my sword went drinking as usual, until that
one fateful day when our headquarters were attacked and razed to the ground,
during the height of the civil war. My home was gone, everything too... the
Ishinshishis had lost all they could depend their ideals on.
So, I thought, had I.
I was a shadow assassin, not known to the world and never can be. I
knew nothing, I could do nothing now that the head was gone. What was I, a
mere hand to do without it?
Maybe, I thought, the new era I tried so hard for would never come
to place...
I was told to lie low for a while. I knew I had to, for I could do
nothing else, having done nothing else all those time too, other than let
the gleam of my sword strike fear into all in the Ishinshishi's ways... and
by that time, when my boss told me that 'a young, married couple' was more
convincing than 'a single, young man', I knew that this marriage was, at
least to me, more than just a convenience.
I was certain, she was special, to me.
That air of mysteriousness, of the touch-me-nots continued all the
way through our marriage into the winter of that year, when we lived in a
quiet, peaceful countryside farming area on the outskirts of Kyoto. But
somehow, in one way or another, I learnt the meaning of true happiness,
living so peacefully, so joyously with her...
... my wife... finally someone I knew I could hold close.
But would she allow me close? She was, just as her surname Yukishiro
rendered, pure icy. I knew I was happy with her, but I did also wondered if
she was happy with me... I could gather things about her that she loved
children, that she was a neat and organized wife, so very good in everything
except... smiles...
And one day someone from her life came into ours.
The day her brother came and left, everything changed. She... talked
to me. Something I never thought would happen, but she did. Everything about
her past, she just gleaned through all she could without breaking down and
told me enough to let me know that...
... I wanted to protect her now... forever...
The night she cried into my arms, the night I told her everything
about myself and vice versa, I knew... that she would leave an impression so
deep in my heart, I would find it hard to let go now. Her smile, was so
warm, so full of fascination. She captivated me... I had to protect her: I
wanted to.
But I wondered if my feelings towards her was obligation or...
something else...
And the very next morning, she went. She left me in an empty house
wondering what I had done wrong, why would she want to leave... until the
letter came. They kidnapped her. I didn't care who, and I didn't care how,
all I did care was, I wanted her back.
I had lived with her for so long, I had just promised to protect her
happiness... how could everything just break down like that? So without
properly considering what I should do, I dressed, took my daisho and went
after the Yaminbou.
They would pay for using her against me.
And they did pay.
Almost all of them became part of the kekkai they took pride in. One
by one they broke down my abilities until I was left with nothing but the
sense of smell. What help would that be? What help indeed?
What help was the sense of smell until the final move which I
thought I would die wielding, gave me the smell of beautiful, white plums?
Would if have been better not to know?
Not to know that you consciously, knowingly slashed at the one you
promised never to kill... ?
Why?
What was in for her?
What did she get for dying for me?
I couldn't stop crying... when she reached up to touch my left
cheek, to touch the freshly embedded cross scar which she had just
contributed a mark on... I knew I would cry forever...
... inside...
I was losing her. And when I did, I knew that I had failed. I had
utterly failed as a husband, as a human, as a man.
I... I...
"... I love her. I still do... I still wonder how we would have
turned out indeed, if given a different time and situation." Kenshin closed
his furrowing eyes, and heaved the gigantic one he knew he would never be
able to let out if not now. In front of him, Soujirou stared, listening
intensively with the utmost care and consideration.
Himura-san himself had been through times harder than himself, and
yet he handled it brilliantly... if he never told, no one, indeed would know
how Himura-san hid the immensely heart-breaking secret within the one,
strong will he had.
Why, Himura-san, are you telling me all these?
Kenshin broke into a smile.
"Why I am telling you all this, Soujirou," the red haired man looked
at his subject, "is because I want you to know.
"We have both been through that one hard time in period where we
watched our most beloved one, the one we wanted to protect so much, just
slip away, right in our very arms. We both know the feeling of self-hate,
self-abhor and self-shame... we have both been confused as to how we should
deal with the situation...
"And while I went back to killing in hope that the new era, which
now had the price of my wife Tomoe's blood on it, would come, soon; you went
back to roaming the land, searching for an ideal you knew now had Raikouji
Chitsuru's life on the block."
Kenshin stood up and walked to the doors, sliding one open to reveal
the night, calm and cool with the few blinking stars greeting our two
rurounis.
"We both know we would succeed. The heartache involved was too great
for us not to succeed."
He stepped away from the door so that Soujirou could feel the cool
night breeze chilling his skin and numbing his flesh. The young boy looked
out at the skies, the dark, dark skies with all it's shimmering glories, the
rare bright whites dotted plaintively throughout the dark terrain.
"You, Soujirou, will find your ideal." Kenshin smiled in the
darkness of the room, feeling the young rurouni's undivided attention
nonetheless not seeing. Slowly, he raised his hands to showcase the shining,
trembling lights in the stars outside in the clear skies.
"They're all there."
Soujirou's bright, piercing eyes directed attention to whatever was
outside. Curiously twinkling blots of whites greeted him.
"In the stars, twinkling every night. In the skies where the lamp of
day clads us in perspiration, when the wind grazes us and the snow cools us
down..."
Suddenly, Soujirou could feel his hearts focusing. Suddenly, his
journey seemed much more interesting...
"When these, and more you have experienced, you will find that the
ideal you have seeked so hard and sacrificed so much to get, will be in your
grasp. Grasp it tightly, Soujirou. If not for yourself, for Chitsuru, and
all those who love you for what you ever were, are and ever will be."
Kenshin's silouetted stood by the door, staring out at the stars
just as Soujirou was. That both of them had just related the most painful
experiences in their lives and now were smiling for the future and a gone
but never to be forgotten past...
"So it is so..." Soujirou's eyes were brimming with tears of mixed
origins. He was happy and sad at the same time, his heart ached and rejoiced
all at once. Yet he was not confused, for he had a very clear focus on what
he would do now.
Kenshin took a step back and turned his head to face the smiling
Soujirou. His smile, itself, was pure and sincere.
"May you, one day, find a Kaoru-dono as I have..."
"I will, Himura-san... I know I will..."
There was a pleasant, sweet pause, before Kenshin came to the
realization that there was something of the utmost importance to be
discussed with Soujirou. By the time Kenshin was about to open his mouth,
Soujirou had stood up and was readying himself to exit the room.
"Thank you, Himura-san." The young boy smiled, as sweetly as he
could have ever; and ever so sincere in it. "Then I shall take my leave
now."
"Ah, just wait for a while..." Kenshin reached out to try to lightly
grasp Soujirou's elbow, which instead, due to the dark, grabbed onto a piece
of fabric instead.
Soujirou turned around to acknowledge the previous call, and in the
event tore his hand further apart from Kenshin, who happened to be grabbing
onto the loose bandage fluttering around in dangles.
The bandages fell apart...
Some kind of a doctor Megumi is eh?
The still coolness of the night merely intensified Kenshin's
horrified expressions when his eyes laid sight on what should have been kept
from him. Soujirou kept his face hidden, ashamed of having hid the injury
from Kenshin, and feeling terribly guilty in his trapped conscience.
When he finally looked up, Himura-san's alarmed stare was focused on
him. "Soujirou," he started, "what happened to your hand?"
Soujirou contemplated hiding his hand away by folding down the
sleeves of his gi, but now that Himura-san had seen it, it really made no
difference whether it was hidden or not.
*What need you hide from Himura-san?* Soujirou checked himself.
*Himura-san wouldn't laugh at you, Himura-san... he is the best person you
can ever get in another century for advice in matters like this...*
The young boy shook all the hair which had fallen over his eyebrows
backwards to clearly stare at Kenshin. "It was poisoned. The dagger Murasaki
shot. It was poisoned."
One need not have light to see how much Kenshin's eyes had narrowed.
Yet the older rurouni remained surprisingly calm in spite of his fury.
Soujirou, despite the stagnant smell of anger, smiled most pleasantly at
Kenshin.
"Oro?"
"It's all right, Himura-san, such trifling poisons can be cured
easily... it'll itch and pain, but as long as I find the herbal antidote
within a week, the arm can be saved."
Kenshin looked somewhat hesitant to believe in Soujirou's words, but
found that he had no reason not to believe, so he believed. Gripping the
torn off bandages for a while, he stretched out his arm and returned them to
Soujirou, who took them with grace.
"Make sure you get well." Kenshin's tone was near warning. "If you
don't..." Again, his eyes gleamed. "... I'll make sure that Murasaki hands
the antidote over!"
"Yes," Soujirou nodded his head, still smiling, slightly like the
emotionless little boy he had used to be. "I know, Himura-san... by the way,
what did you actually want to call me back for?"
"Oro." Kenshin stuttered, holding a finger to his mouth in slight
disarray. What a pity, he seemed to have totally forgotten what was it he
wanted to say... Feeling embarassed, he tucked his hands into his sleeves
and gave a sheepish smile, when he felt the paper again.
Aha.
Kenshin drew his hands out, in his fingers a piece of paper with
some strange markings on it. "THIS, is what I wanted to talk about."
Something about that piece of paper made Soujirou wince in
observation... it just looked... familiar... in a way...
... OF COURSE!
Kenshin held out the folded piece of paper, while Soujirou reached
into his garb to fish out another folded piece of paper, which he also held
out. The two rurounis stared knowingly at each other for a while, then
nodded and went back into the room.
SLAM!
The two folded pieces of papers unfolded, and while Soujirou fitted
them together like a puzzle, Kenshin went ahead and brought the lamp closer
so the words could be seen. In both persons' eyes, there was a glint of new
determination, like a new battle, a new common enemy was underway.
"I recognize these words." Soujirou began, voice somewhat filled
with urgency. "It's what Murasaki uses to plan his great big projects he
said he would one day fulfill." He tapped impatiently on the wooden floor,
determined to figure out what they all meant. Smoothing out the creases in
the papers, Soujirou bent lower to take a closer look, and Kenshin helped by
bringing the light nearer.
"It's... it's..."
He examined the lines on the paper more, knowing his frustration was
building up in the fact that he knew Murasaki was up to something big and in
the fact that he knew that he KNEW about this, but just couldn't recall what
it actually was...
*The next thing you know, he'll want to dig a tunnel!*
Chitsuru was closer to Murasaki than anyone else...
*... he'll want to dig a tunnel...*
He scanned the pieced together picture, left to right...
*... a tunnel...*
Every moment passing, his eyes brightening with sudden knowledge,
and realization.
*... tunnel...*
*... it was... a...*
"A TUNNEL!"
"What?"
He moved his hands over the papers quickly, making sure that his
accusations wouldn't be far away from the truth. He wasn't. It was
Murasaki's handwriting, and it was indeed of the much talked about 'tunnel'
while he was in the Raikouji household.
*One day, Soujirou, I'll dig a large tunnel to connect so many
places together so that we don't have to travel in the sun anymore...*
Except this time, Soujirou knew that the tunnel wasn't simply for
transportation purposes. He had finally done it. Murasaki had finally
succeeded in drawing out the blueprint of his ultimate plan of
eccentricity...
But whether it would become reality...
... and why Murasaki bothered letting Soujirou know his plans...
Soujirou looked up at Kenshin, utterly confused and defeated.
"It's him." Soujirou confirmed, to which Kenshin took in the breath
he had held so well previously.
He resumed his glance to the two pieces of paper placed together.
"If we actually study it, this is the sea, and here is the tunnel connecting
it. It's underground, under a strong bank of the river around here and I
don't know how he would manage to get it done but..."
Soujirou looked up at Kenshin.
"He will. He's never done something halfway, and I'm afraid he'll be
faster in this plan than I thought he could manage..."
There was a short silence where only the movement of fabric became
audible in the dark room. Soujirou stood up, one paper in each hand, hands
tightly balled into fists, trembling at the movement, as he stared outside
again.
It was as if he could hear... the splashing of the rivers, the
familiar digging sounds in the Raikouji household... the all too familiar
ominous feeling that clad him wherever he went on his roamings...
It was a bad idea to settle down in one place and bring dangers upon
people not involved at all, but now that he had, Soujirou knew.
Soujirou knew that history would not repeat itself...
... he knew that Himura-san knew, too...
"Breakfast breakfast!" Kaoru yelled from the kitchen, arranging the
things she had on the makeshift table on the now somewhat cleaner looking
main dojo halls. She kneeled down and waited for the guys to come exploding
into the room.
And waiting, for something that probably wasn't going to happen,
wasn't fun at all...
Fortunately, Kenshin stepped into the halls before she decided to do
something a little out of character.
"Good morning, Kaoru-dono." He greeted with his usual smile which
lit up everybody's day, therefore rendering a good start to it and half the
battle won. "What's for breakfast today?"
"The usuals." Kaoru chirped, ushering Kenshin to a spot by the
little table. "Good, you're up early before the boys are."
"Good morning."
Kaoru and Kenshin turned around to spot the bleary-eyed Yahiko
stride carelessly into the dojo, plumping himself down heavily in front of
the table much to the digust of Kaoru.
"Don't you have table manners? And look at you! You look as if
you've been up the whole night making a life-altering decision!"
"Well maybe I did stay up the whole night to make a life-altering
decision..." Yahiko grumbled, incessantly despite his absent effort to keep
his temper in check... which was especially hard when one was faced with the
task of gobbling down Kaoru's food right after his words.
Kenshin just managed to break them up before breakfast was gone.
"Calm calm, you two!"
There was a thud at the doorframe and everybody else looked up to
see the ever-smiling Soujirou standing there, looking absolutely silly.
Yahiko broke the monotony first.
"Soujirou. You... erm... are you really so cold?"
"Am I really so... AHAHAHAHAHA! Oh yes..." Soujirou did a little
jiggle and peeled the thick blankets off his body, then shaking his hair
free of the turban he had made with his gi. "Give me a minute..." He smiled
and disappeared to the left side of the doorframe in a little noise,
returning just as quickly with hands behind his back, all ready to go.
"Sorry to have troubled you so much!" Soujirou walked in and naturally
reached his right hand to scratch the left, stopping only after he noticed
Kaoru's death-glare at him.
He sat down comfortably on the remaining side of the table and
beamed at everyone else there.
"Let's eat!"
Everyone nodded, but no one started.
"What's the matter?" Soujirou inquired, himself knowing full well
the answer.
"Yes... What IS the matter... ?" The little bokken girl had her
weapon all well prepared and ready to strike at any of the defiance
disciples or wanderers of the land should they refuse to submit.
"YES MADAM!" All three shouted, okay, with the exception of Yahiko,
who just sat there sulking and not looking at anybody in particular. Quickly
our two rurounis wolfed down their porridge in record time, without looking
too green in the face at that either. Immediately after the rice, they went
on to the vegetables, then the bread, then the dough... everything in random
order, leaving finally no trace of anything on the table.
Should we be glad they did not eat the table?
"We have finished!" They chimed with unique similance, leaving a
wide eyed Kaoru staring unbelievingly at the breakfast table.
Yahiko took one more stare and then stood up to walk out of the
room.
"Yahiko, where to?" Kenshin only had enough time to turn around and
ask. He could not even be sure if Yahiko could hear him.
"River." Came the faraway voice of a now faraway Yahiko. His
receding figure eventually disappeared into the strong rays of the morning
sun, crunching snow as he did. The three in the room stared at the seemingly
troubled young man and started to worry slightly.
Whatever had suddenly caused this little change in character?
After eyeing each other for a while, Soujirou got up, still wearing
the same old smile he had since he entered the room.
"Tofu, anyone?"
Kaoru and Kenshin exchanged glances.
"Yes please."
"But if you meet up with some 'disturbances' on the way, it's okay,
we could do without the tofu."
The young rurouni flashed a peace sign and grabbed a clean slate
from nearby, exiting the main dojo into the bright sunshine to get the tofu.
Never mind if Murasaki could see his every move.
Never mind if he might be wrong.
He would just wait for everything to fall into place now.
The road to the shop was preceded by a little grass valley sinking
into a mesmerizing river in summertime. Soujirou sauntered slowly, leisurely
down the path, absorbing whatever sights he could behold from both ways. In
the process he made sure he'd memorized where the important landmarks were
so he wouldn't go groping to try to find the dojo later, and carefully,
observed a little figure leaning towards himself by the riverside.
The wind gently caressed the young rurouni's face, as he
contemplated what his next step would be. Gazing down at the little black
shadow hidden by the trees, surrounded by minimal blots of ice every here
and there, Soujirou wondered if he was doing the right thing.
Everybody wondered if they did the right thing.
*I know I would like to... but whether I did or not...* Soujirou
glanced into the further distance, then tossed his head and started the
downslope walk to Yahiko. *... ah, we'll look and see.*
The river was looking extra unique today. Yahiko decided, looking at
the little bits and pieces of ice congregating by the riverside nearer to
the shore, while the main central area of the river remained relatively
untouched, but freezing all the same.
Yahiko smoothed the pebble in his hand, then flicked it into the
river, watching it bounce and finally disappear beneathe the depths of the
watery deep.
*Get a life, Yahiko, who're YOU angry at?* He sighed, resting his
head on the bark of the tree behind. *You know you're angry at no one, so
what is it that you can't put down and talk openly about?*
Yahiko sighed again, lifting his body away from the tree and sitting
in a hunched position to gaze at the river... still moving... still going
and will be, in a more defined way when the snow by it's sides unfreezes
itself.
He was a little surprised to hear footsteps softly threading, behind
him, coming closer with every second (but of course!) but sounding
comforting despite the mysteriousness.
Yahiko slightly turned his head to catch a glimpse of the impish
Soujirou smiling down at him, holding a tub of something which looked like
the typical Kamiya Kasshin Ryuu Tofu Holder, and looking a little pleased
with himself.
"Good morning. May I sit down?"
The younger boy did nothing but turn back to stare at the river.
Soujirou took that as a consent and went ahead to sit down. Having settled
down pretty comfortably, he gazed upon the river surfaces like what Yahiko
was doing.
They sat, observing the river for a while, before Soujirou broke
the melodious tune of the rushing waters.
"It's a nice place to sit down and think in."
Soujirou was right. It was indeed a nice place. "Yup." Yahiko
plainly answered and stared more intensely into the river.
"It looks innocent too..." Soujirou spoke again, this time more like
muttering to himself. "... we'd never knew if anything dangerous was hiding
under it or something..."
This somehow, got Yahiko's attention, as he turned to look at the
taller boy with a curious glint in his eye. "What was that?"
Soujirou turned, as if already expecting his words to gain some
reaction at least. "River contemplation, I'm sure you do this lots of time
when you're down and thinking about why you're the only one in the entire
dojo who doesn't seem to be able to do anything right."
Yahiko practically jerked.
"Your despondancy is well-hidden for a good cause, Myoujin-san, but
I'm sure there is a limit even for good things?"
Yahiko and Soujirou stared at each other for quite some time, the
former feasting in the wisdom of which the latter's eyes possessed, while
the latter simply radiating whatever wisdom he had to spare.
The younger one sighed, heavily, but went back to the river instead.
"It's just so infuriating at times."
"Ahah."
"I mean, everyone else is so strong... Kenshin is the strongest
there is, Sanosuke, though a little of second grade is still strong, even
Kaoru is strong and so is Megumi for her abilities! Why... why am I the only
one still so weak? Why do I have to be the one right down in the rung of the
ladder? How come I'm always the one who needs protection from some of
Kenshin's old time enemies? Why can't I help mainstream... ?"
So this is the saying of 'like-master-like-disciple'. Soujirou
smiled caringly. Looks like Himura-san doesn't do a good job of updating his
family on rurouni news, but as long as he could help... as long as he could
and as long as they still loved him...
"What makes you think being protected isn't a good thing?"
Again, Yahiko's eyes widened in effect. He'd never thought of it
before. Soujirou was right... was being protected such a bad thing after
all... ?
"Have you ever thought about what really makes a person strong?"
Yahiko blinked his wide, unwielding eyes to find them wanting to
stare at Soujirou, hoping that it would in effect extract the answer from
him.
"Was there not a time when your so-mentioned 'strong people' were
never under the stage of protection before?
"What made them strong, was that time when they were protected. They
saw and knew, tasted first hand the feelings of being protected by somebody.
They knew the burden they were, and saw how much the want of their safety
prompted the protector to give their all...
"It was true protection that gave them the want to become strong and
then protect... was it not so... Myoujin-san? If then, they had never been
given a chance to feel protection, would they have wanted to be strong and
then protect?"
Soujirou stopped, and noticed that Yahiko was still staring into the
rivers, seemingly captivated by something in it. It was not hard to see what
was so amazing by this creation. The rivers would rush into the seas and the
seas into the skies where the skies would come down and then the cycle
repeated...
"It's not wrong to want to be strong." Soujirou cringed inwardly,
remembering the truth Shishio had taught him. "Being strong helps you to be
able to help so many people..."
He turned to look at the young boy beside him. "But true strength
comes from within, from how you push open the ice above the surface to
become an everlasting water stream, flowing and replacing, abundant in your
supply of love and ability to protect the ones you truly love, the ones
truly deserving your help... living and reliving the heartaches of your life
but not succumbing to them, merely using them as the pushing factor in your
quest for true strength...
"You are a river of ice yourself, Myoujin-san. When the day comes,
you will break open the ice with your strength and finally know the true
meaning of becoming strong in face of everything else. But until then, would
it not be better to learn to be protected, and then give yourself as a
protector?"
He was not sure how Yahiko was feeling right now, but he was pretty
sure Yahiko had nodded quite a lot of times during his one-way discourse.
He smiled, knowing the sweet feeling of success, whether it was merely
wishful thinking on his part or truly mutual, was always pleasant. It was
like another job well done, another life cleared up...
"Say..." Came the younger boy's voice, as a soft, playful punch
nudged into Soujirou's ribs. "... what're you doing here anyway?" Yahiko
faced Soujirou fully, smiling very happily while he was at it.
Of course, when the road you took suddenly seemed so much clearer, a
smile or two would be inevitable.
Soujirou waved the platter around, smiling his eyes into a close.
"I was sent for tofu, but I think there's no need for that now."
Yahiko almost died stiffling the giggles. Now where had he heard
that line before...
He watched the young rurouni stand up and put up a signal for 'see
you later', before standing up himself and waving, watching in the meantime,
Soujirou walk up the slopes and back where he supposedly came from.
"Ah life." Yahiko stretched himself, then realized how much his
stomach had been growling all this while. Suddenly, even Kaoru's cooking
would be irresitable, dangling in front of his nose, letting him smell all
those... food... edible stuff...
Maybe Kaoru still had some of his porridge left over...
Soujirou paused and felt the chilling winds whip up all around him.
It seemed that everybody in Himura-san's side was a little more clear-headed
and slightly more knowledable now, but how would that help in this new
battle he would be facing with them? Bowing his head, he smiled sweetly to
no one in particular.
At least he didn't let his rurouni conscience down by pretending not
to observe the little disturbances within the Kenshingumi.
And again, despair filled him when he thought of Murasaki, his
worries eventually bringing his sights back to the glazed river surfaces.
*Do you really have a plan under that river, Murasaki?* Soujirou
wondered, eyes deep and pondering. *Do you?*
And for a brief moment, he thought he saw Chitsuru waving at him
from the other side of the river, trying to shout something at him. She
looked happy... just like the night she fell into the deep waters... she
looked so peaceful and happy...
Sometimes, hallucinations could be brief but encouraging...
Soujirou took one further step closer to the Kamiya Dojo. He
tightened the knot in his stomach and continued the pace.
The day was beginning, and the battle would too.
Wait for me, Murasaki. This is between you and me...
No one else... can qualify to ask for your forgivenes...
Murasaki... and Chitsuru...
END PART SIX
fwah@geocities.com
23/7/98
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