Everybody Laughed But You
By Hilary Storm 

Lyrics by Sting

Disclaimer:  I really should write this after the 
story.  It really does my self-esteem some damage 
when I have to repeatedly deny any claim to the 
characters I so dearly love to write about.  Sigh.  
Therapy bills will by high this month.  Zechs and 
Noin are not mine.  Treize (sob) isn't my 
character either.  I do claim the rest of the 
people (Carter, Tetsu, yadda yadda) that show up 
during this fic.  Sting owns the beautiful lyrics.  
More power to him I say. 

****
Everybody laughed when I told them 
I wanted you, I wanted you
****

I could feel the sweat form under my helmet and 
tried to remember a time when I didn't have the 
cumbersome burden hanging over my identity.  Sweat 
trickled down my face like tears, and I paused in 
my exercises to dab away an itchy drop from the 
tip of my chin.  I saw the back of my boxing glove 
come away slick and damp - an hour's labor in the 
gym.  One - two - one-two - roundhouse -

"I saw your test scores, Cadet."  I heard behind 
me.  I didn't turn.  I had seen my instructor's 
sour face when I came in.  I buried my fist into 
the yielding padding of the bag in front of me, 
knowing any pause in my routine would be jotted 
down on my scorecard.  "If you've got a problem 
with the other cadets you have to work it out 
before the weeks end."  I bit down on the inside 
of my cheek, trying to find some small part of me 
that could resist the anger that rained over me in 
torrents.  "You can't hide the rage behind that 
mask of yours forever."  I heard him say as he 
walked down the row of cadets.

"Pair up!  Go over forms six and fourteen that you 
were supposed to be practicing last week.  
Consider this a test.  In other words, don't screw 
up.  I'll be watching."  I stopped my warm-ups 
with a kick that made the bag swing in a 
satisfying arc.  I stopped the swing with my 
glove, hiding the effort I had to make to steady 
myself.  Letting my anger escape into the blows 
felt good, but I was going to have to find a way 
of controlling it before it got the better of me.

"Looks like we are the only ones left."  Despite 
my helmet I had excellent peripheral vision.  I 
looked over the tall, dark haired girl in a 
glance.  She was close to my age, seventeen, with 
shoulder length hair that appeared purple in the 
artificial light of the gym.  She had most of her 
hair pulled back into a ponytail, but dark 
tendrils stuck to her forehead and the sides of 
her neck with perspiration.  The expression on her 
face said, "Just humor me, this will all be over 
soon."

"The princess and the pauper." I mumbled as I 
turned to face her.

"Thanks, and I was about to regret beating you."  
She frowned, trying in vain to adjust one of her 
tank top straps with a gloved hand.  I had taken 
my shirt off, preferring the open air to my sweat 
soaked uniform.  Despite her words she looked as 
spent as I.  We were deep into the third week of 
training.  Separating the men from the boys.  She 
would have insisted she fit in that scheme 
somewhere.  I knew the profile of everyone in my 
class.  Hers was exceptional.  She graduated 
school at the top of her class early, fitting in 
basics that summer.  She probably hoped to make it 
to the fall's recruiting session.  Her father 
humored her as far as the admissions gate.  
Probably expecting her to call for her limo a day 
or two into the program and then onto what he 
would deem a proper college for his proper 
daughter.  She now only distantly resembled the 
well-dressed rich politician's daughter that I saw 
during the admittance dinner.  I, of course, 
resembled no one from before.  I blinked away the 
thought and caught her staring at me.

"I saw your score, Zechs."  I heard her 
Mediterranean accent slip through as she said my 
name.  "Quite impressive for a mysterious loner 
who wandered into the most elite military training 
program in the history of earth.  Do you have any 
reason for choosing such a closely controlled 
lifestyle?"  

"Do you?"  I fired back, watching the instructor 
on the far side of the room mount the stairs and 
take position above us.  "Lucrezia Noin, youngest 
daughter to a wealthy landowner turned wealthy 
politician with the leading political party - 
table skills turn weapon skills, from playing 
house to playing solder, from ballroom gloves to 
boxing gloves . . . what did you say about 
lifestyle?  Controlled?  Try necessary - try that 
glove on."  I watched the slide show of my life 
flutter by, vanishing with the screams of my 
sister as the house went up in flames around us.  
I looked at the girl in front of me and saw the 
fire reflected in her cheeks.  I had really hit a 
sore spot with that observation.  It didn't please 
me, but then neither did her questioning.

I put one hand on my hip, watching her step 
backwards until she was on the other side of the 
taped off circle.  I was wondering if my surprise 
came from the fact she recovered quickly or from 
the way she gracefully stepped into position, 
weight distributed to the front of her padded 
feet.

"High aptitude, agility, finesse - trained with 
officers for a year before joining the Specials.  
Maintains high marks in his studies - but low 
social skills." She recited, obviously aware of 
her competitors as well.  It was customary to post 
the top marks at the end of the week.  Mine was at 
the very top.  "You seem to know everything but 
the one thing that makes a perfect solder - a 
perfect gentleman."

She was denied my response as the whistle blew.  
We bowed stiffly and then stepped back into 
position.  I settled into my stance and watched 
her from across the circle.  She watched me as 
well, placing her arms up in the stance described 
in form number six.  Her eyes challenged me.  I 
stepped forward, expecting her to lead with a 
punch - looking for that first mistake to come.  
Instead, she danced forward, coming so close to me 
I was forced to throw first.  She blocked my glove 
with her forearm, letting it slide away 
harmlessly.  My second attempt shed over her 
defense not as easily.  We exchanged a few more 
times, each of us executing and repelling with 
more difficulty.  She landed a jab on my ribs, 
lightly like we were instructed in doing.  I came 
back with a sequence of moves from form number 
sixteen.  She again blocked the first two, but my 
third attempt, a kick I made from reflex, caught 
her in the lower ribs.  As it was unexpected, she 
took the blunt of the blow grudgingly, recognizing 
the fact I hadn't played by the book.  She glided 
to the other side of the ring, favoring her left 
side.  I found myself unhappy with the move, as 
natural as it was.

She saw me frown and took it as a challenge.  
Brushing back her hair by habit she narrowed her 
eyes, something I noticed her do before she tried 
a particularly difficult blend of six and 
fourteen.  She began the move with a jab at my 
face, momentarily forcing me to both expose my 
ribs and lose site of her as I brought up my 
gloves in defense.  I felt the kick to my ribs 
before I saw her foot, already retracting like a 
coil as my hands came down a second late to block.  
The glove hit my chin just as my arms sluggishly 
returned to their proper place.  The whistle blew 
and I blinked up at a blurry face.  I vaguely 
remembered the roundhouse that floored me.

"Maybe if you noticed people," she emphasized 
people - her eyes were violet, I thought, "as more 
than just what they appear, you would have seen 
that one coming."  She leaned even closer to me, 
face barely centimeters from mine.  I wondered 
what she intended to do to me.  So close, "You 
might have even seen this - " In my haze I felt 
her touch my face.  The touch burned as it 
traveled up my face to grazed my ear.  I barely 
noticed the fact she had taken her gloves off 
before I realized what she was doing.  Snatching 
her wrist in a bruising grip, I yanked her hand 
away before she could pull my helmet off.

I heard her inhale - my name on her lips.

"Not yet," I said, not sure why the calm words won 
over the fear I felt.  She was more afraid than I.  
She had pulled away from me as far as my arm would 
let her, eyes wide in shock.  Her skin had turned 
a shade whiter I saw, setting off her dark purple 
hair and violet eyes.  I looked at my hand.  It 
held her arm just above the wrist.  The bones 
beneath her skin would be so easy to break.  Just 
as quickly as I had grabbed her I let her go, our 
contact lasting only seconds out of the 
millennia's granted to the universe.  "Not yet, 
but so close," time whispered to me in warning.

Our exchange didn't go unnoticed.  As time caught 
up with us so did the rush of people.  She seemed 
unable to move.  She balanced on her knees, her 
arm lying limp at her side.  I watched her sitting 
form fade away as I was pulled off the mat and 
escorted out of the gym.  As the doors closed I 
saw the instructor offer her a hand up.  People 
were around her, congratulating the victor with 
friendly words and handshakes.  She looked towards 
me as the door swung closed.  

I had discovered the hard way just exactly how 
many friends an ex-princess turned winner had 
compared to a pauper.  I didn't see any friendly 
faces in the ring of people that surrounded me.  
They said they saw what I did.  They thought they 
would bruise me back.  Some time after the barrage 
of blows and curses I was mercifully left alone to 
shower, showing my face only to the empty room as 
the water cascaded over my uncovered features.

**** 
Everybody grinned they humoured me 
They thought that someone had spiked my tea 
****
Three months later...

I looked beyond the layer of transparent aluminum 
to the red glow of the burners.  It would by a few 
more minutes before the heat distortion dissipated 
and I would see the empty blackness of space.  Of 
course I had never seen real space before.  We 
were still in the age when old men would tell 
tales of the colonization to children huddled 
together in fright around candlelight.  Young men 
told the tales behind glasses of beer, though few 
would speak of anything so mysterious outside of 
the smoky mist of a bar.  Space was yet the 
unconquered beast for most people - the gap 
between earth and the colonies was never wider 
than from the distance caused by time and fear. 

"They say the simulators cannot do it justice."  I 
heard a trembling voice say beside me.

I broke contact with the window long enough to see 
two clear eyes lock with mine.  She pulled away 
first, swayed by her life long dream rather than 
her outcast of a friend.  I let the thought slide 
as I gazed back out of the window we shared.  Not 
likely, I agreed.  The shuttle suddenly rocked to 
one side and I checked the faces around me, 
letting my stomach settle as I found strength in 
the powerful engines of our transport.

We were in a small transport, two rows of benches 
facing each other with an isle between.  I would 
normally be looking across at Cadet Hal Carter's 
dark features.  He was turned in his seat, staring 
out of his window as everyone else did.  The only 
people beside myself not directed out towards the 
small, round windows were the Instructor, Drego 
Mot, and the observer, Treize Khshrenada.  Both 
had been out in space numerous times and were 
otherwise occupied by their thoughts.  Treize 
looked up and nodded to me, and I turn away, 
preferring to look at my friend instead.  Cadet 
Lucrezia Noin.  She was quite a soldier.

I had never seen anyone so blameless, but at the 
same time potent.  She questioned her goals, but 
they were rock solid when things really mattered.  
It seemed to burn me to be near her, but at the 
same time it didn't seem like I wanted to let her 
go.  So it was between strangers.   

"I once heard space described as heavens womb. 
Where all things were born, and where all must 
return."  Cadet Noin whispered, wary of letting 
our instructor hear her prattle.  She always 
prattled to herself when she was nervous or 
angered.  At first I labeled it a fault, but she 
seemed to function the same with or without it.  
She just preferred to be chatty.  She said it made 
up for what I didn't say.  She was nervous this 
time.  

I was silent in my thoughts.  I knew she didn't 
require an answer.  She never required me to 
answer - probably why I let her come closer as the 
weeks wore on.  She wouldn't let me go, "Looks 
like we are the only ones left," She had said.  
Reinforced the next day when she sat next to me in 
the lecture hall, "Only seat left," she explained 
casually, shrugging, as if fate had nothing to do 
with it.  She stopped using excuses after that.  
When she sat next to me in the mess she didn't 
even make an introduction.  We became normal.

After our sparring incident both of us seemed to 
be in the spotlight.  More importantly, she was 
the spotlight.  People couldn't help but be near 
her.  Perhaps that was my main flaw as well.

She had not run away from me like I thought she 
would.  In effect, she was drawn closer to me by 
the challenge I supposed.  I knew people advised 
her against it.  She had her friends.  I knew all 
their faces after a time.  They weren't getting 
any friendlier.  And they were right.  I wasn't 
someone who you would want as a friend.  She would 
have to listen to them.  I needed to tell her that 
in a way she would understand.  I needed to 
challenge her.

I looked over at her.  The dim red lights inside 
the cabin had a surreal effect on the situation.  
I would wait until later, I decided.  I let the 
silence lengthen until a thought came to me. 

"Do you suppose the colonists have the same tales 
about earth?"  I ask, reserved.  She looked 
pleased to hear me say something and opened her 
mouth to answer.  I was annoyed when she was cut 
off.

"Look!  It's clearing!"  A cadet down our row 
called out loudly.

"I can see the space station," another chimed in 
from the same direction.  Everyone strained to see 
through the distortion.

It looked like a giant spider.  There was a 
central construction with a gaping bay, open for 
our arrival, and cylindrical beams running off it 
like a sunburst.  It was going to be home for the 
next three weeks.  Space training, suit exercises, 
general life studies, and a bombardment of tests 
that would make anyone's head spin.  The final 
test: a mock battle at the moon.

****
Everybody screamed they told me you 
Would cost the moon, we'll be there soon
****

"Red, blue, yellow teams..." I heard on the intercom 
in my space suit.  "... secure shafts three F 
through nine including cavern F-7."  The team 
leader droned on.  I rested in the darkness, half 
listening to the chatter and half cursing myself.

"I am pretty sure I am in shaft sixteen G."  My 
intercom switched off momentarily and my close 
range receiver picked up my fellow teammate, 
Lucrezia Noin.  "But I am not getting that reading 
from the depth sensor." She was annoyed.  
Dangerously annoyed.  "Damn sensor is telling me I 
am clear down to shaft J.  That's impossible." She 
continued.  I ignored the string of curses she 
muttered.  There was something more to this girl I 
thought - she knew how to swear better than a 
bartender.

She must have been knocked out during the first 
few seconds of the collapse.  I knew for certain I 
had fallen for a good twenty seconds.  I tried the 
math, but decided it wasn't reliable.  We were 
probably even farther down than what her sensors 
were telling her.

"The cave-in must have shaken the mineral layers.  
More than just the boulders dislodged here.  We 
fell for a long time." I said to her, the only 
person who was close enough to hear my undamaged 
close range communicator.   I shined my suit's 
light down towards the rubble I had decided she 
was buried under.  An explosion below our shaft 
had caught us off guard.  We dropped as the shafts 
below us crumbled, the floor turning into 
splintered shards of space rock and dust.  If it 
weren't for our suits we would have been crushed.  
Hal never responded to my communications and it 
was nearly thirty minutes until Noin answered my 
contact attempts with a barrage of curses that 
would have made a freight driver wince.

"I think I missed most of the fun."  She said 
shakily.  "I remember thinking the entire moon was 
breaking up, then," she said in an annoyed, flat 
tone, "waking up to your voice."

"Sorry." I said, wondering when I had become fond 
of her sarcastic streak.  "I won't let it happen 
again."

"Are you alright, you sound a little," she 
searched for the word, "disappointed about 
something."  I assured her I was ok, more 
concerned about her.  The last part I didn't add.

"Yeah, just thinking about something."

"About what?" she asked eagerly.  I heard her 
voice strain and I pictured her trying to move 
away the rubble.  She didn't sound particularly 
hurt, but I couldn't tell with her.

"Something Mot said to us during the first days of 
hell week, 'I'll be the last person you hear when 
you fall to sleep, and the first person you hear 
when you wake up in the morning.'"

"I personally liked that little touch.  Reminded 
me every night that I wasn't at home anymore."  
Her tone of voice shifted to a lower hum.

"Why did you leave home?"  I asked suddenly.

"I had to.  I really had no other choice.  It was 
either leave, something my older sisters never had 
the chance to do, or be married off like they 
were.  People think that I would have a choice, 
but I signed up without my father's permission.  I 
was passionate about preserving peace - the 
Specials were the only organization outside of my 
father's grasp that offered me freedom.  You could 
say I joined for all the wrong reasons.  I 
sometimes wonder if what I am doing is right.  But 
space is so beautiful.  It makes me think I am 
being true to my own feelings for the first time."

She waited for an I-know-what-you-mean or maybe a 
follow up story on my part.  I had nothing, and 
she wouldn't understand revenge.

"Home is where the heart is.  I think that is what 
they used to say."  I said after a moment.  My 
existence summed up in an old used up saying.

We sat in silence, brooding about our own private 
past.

"My suit was damaged a bit in the fall."  I 
informed her when I couldn't think of anything 
else to say.  "I can only hear long-range 
communiqués, not send any.  I'm draining a little 
quickly on my power cells as well."  I took 
inventory on my suit, still wondering why she 
sounded concerned.  I heard her poking about her 
suit.  There was a sharp crackle that echoed in my 
helmet followed by silence.

I heard a snort.  Then painful stillness, "That's 
funny.  My light just went out."  She said simply.  
Softer, "Damn power cell," forgetting that the 
intercom picked up anything at our range.
	
We didn't talk about it.  I just finished taking 
inventory over my own meager supplies and let her 
have the time she needed to think.  She probably 
didn't want me to know of her fate just yet.  The 
next thing she probably would do was try talking 
me out of staying with her.  I didn't have 
anything to say if she asked me to leave.  But for 
once I wanted to say something.  I knew what light 
failure meant: damaged power cells plus light 
failure equaled damaged life support.  Ten minutes 
until the small wrist light would also turn out 
and an estimated thirty until the life support 
system didn't have enough power to operate.  Less 
than four minutes after that oxygen stopped 
circulating enough for an average sized human to 
remain conscience.  I couldn't tell how bad the 
leak was, but she had had it since the cave-in 
over thirty minutes ago.  She would turn her light 
out, conserving energy, gaining maybe five extra 
minutes unless her energy pack was damaged more 
than she let on.  My own cells were leaking, but 
not quite as fast.  I would probably have an hour 
more than she.

"Can you see a way out?"  She asked as I 
predicted.  She was going to be stubborn.  She 
wouldn't want to trouble me by becoming a 
helpless, trapped victim.

"No," I lied, deciding then that I needed to stay, 
and that she couldn't know why.  She couldn't 
change my mind, and she didn't need that extra 
weight to think about.  Dealing with death was my 
specialty alone.

"Neither can I." She quickly added.  "Bloody teams 
going to lose."  I heard her change the subject, 
voice a little strangled as if she was hiding 
something.  Was she worried about her power cell 
or was she trying to hide something else from me?  
"I can't get a lucky break even when I ask for 
one." She added mysteriously.  I ignored the 
remark, taking it as her prattle and nothing more.

"Our team isn't going to lose unless someone plans 
on surviving longer than us.  Remember: it's who 
stays in the game the longest before getting 
marked or giving up.  We can't do either because 
we are off the course and long range 
communications are out so..." I stopped, knowing 
where my words were daring to go.  No one wins if 
they're dead after all.

"You are consistent, Zechs.  Just too 
frustratingly consistent for me to deal with right 
now."  She said.  So angry she clipped the words 
out like a motto.  "You can surpass the highest 
mobile suit sync ratio, impress the senators until 
they are almost spending more money on the 
Specials than their own campaigning, and do it all 
with a whatever-the-hell attitude as if it had all 
come so easily to you, but you still don't know 
what I -" she stopped, as if she finally caught up 
to her words. "What I am trying to tell you."  She 
sighed, a shaky hush that sounded like sea breeze 
through the speakers.

Ten minutes later I could still hear that hush, in 
and out like the tide, only broken by a small 
curse now an then as she tried to move around in 
her pocket of the cave in.  Breathing never seemed 
so prominent until you mixed silence, low gravity, 
and the strongest short-range communications 
system money could buy.

I spent time exploring my surroundings.  It was a 
second look; I hoped that after I had time to 
collect myself I would be able to see things more 
clearly.  In actuality, I was hardly thinking of a 
way out.  I was pacing - letting the time slip 
away because I was unable to do anything helpful.  
What time was it?  I asked my computer for the 
fifth time in five minutes.  I looked at the 
passage in the rubble I had found earlier.  It 
possibly led to a way out.  But if I took it I 
knew I wouldn't make back with help for her.  
Leaving was what I should have done never the 
less.  I was planning on separating her from me 
anyway.  Now that fate placed that option into my 
waiting hands I wanted to let if fall.  I thought 
back to the fire.  I should have stayed with my 
family.  I had fled into the woods, too small and 
frightened to fight back.

"Zechs?"  I started at hearing my own name after 
the enduring silence.    

"Yes?" I said relieved, suddenly realizing my 
thoughts had all been directed at confronting the 
span of silence.  

"Oh," she said, "I thought you left - or 
something."  She added mutely, voice fading away 
with each word until the last were caught in the 
tide of breathing.  I'm still here, I thought.  
Not dead quite yet anyway.

"No."  I said.  "I can't leave."  I added while I 
looked at the hole, seeing the blackness part as I 
shone my beam of light through it - maybe in 
another life I would have left.  I knew I would 
never make it to someone in time to help her.  I 
needed to stay.  For reasons I wished I knew.  
"I'm not going anywhere."

There was silence.

"Thank you."

Pause.

"Your welcome."  I answered.

Tide in - tide out.

"I requested to be in your group."  She admitted 
in a small voice.

Silence.

"Zechs."

Silence.

"If I'm going to sit here and - and -" she 
struggled over the word die as if it would burn 
her mouth to say it, "- and -wait- with you," she 
settled on, "I need to tell someone what I am 
thinking, and," she hissed, "I know for a fact you 
can't turn this communication off."

I closed my eyes, unable to say anything.

"I requested the position because I thought that 
if I was near you, I would be able to help you.  I 
saw you come into the recruiting office.  My 
father dropped me off and I was waiting in line.  
I saw you come in with Coronal Treize."  Her voice 
seemed so near.  "I know you aren't who you appear 
to be.  You are someone important, and that helmet 
of yours - it isn't there to hide some hideous 
face like most seem to think."  She hesitated.  "I 
know it isn't a scar."  I remembered the way my 
skin felt as her hand traced my cheek, grazed my 
ear.  "It is space, isn't it Zechs?  You have some 
sort of mission in space?"  She asked.  I remained 
silent, focusing on the way she said my name.  "I 
thought you were here for a reason. Coronal Treize 
even came to observe."  She abandoned that idea, 
instead hitting the nail almost on the head, "You 
appear the way people want you to."  She said in 
surprise, as if the thought just occurred to her, 
"You play yourself so well.  What are you hiding?"  
She whispered.  She left the "from me," unspoken, 
but it rang clearer than the tide of breathing 
that avalanched in my ears.  In and out and then a 
span of silence before the mantra continued again.  
I took a breath, testing the sound it made like an 
old-fashioned speaker and microphone.  

"It is necessary," I said finally after a few 
moments of silence, "for control.  I need to hide 
from it.  I need to hide from shame."

Then it was my breath that came in as the tide 
would - in and out, grating on my ears until I 
wanted to scream to make it bearable.  She was 
silent.  I wanted her to say something.  I wanted 
her to say my name in the way that would condemn 
me.  I wanted everything to be over!

"Noin."  I said, waiting for her to make some kind 
of reaction to my truthful vagueness or continue 
questioning me.  Anything but sit there in silence 
after dragging part of the truth out of me.  I 
want to tell her everything: about my family, 
about my revenge...

Nothing.

"Noin."  I said sharper, counting the minutes in 
my head.  "Noin, answer me!"  

Noin.  

I checked my clock again.  Her time expired when I 
wasn't paying attention, I thought.  She decided 
not to tell me.  A million words ran through my 
head.  She was so quiet when the time ran over.  
When her life-support cut out.  But did she ever 
really intend to tell me? Did she think it would 
somehow be better for me to not have to listen for 
her breathing as she died?  I wanted to carry her 
burden like I carried my families.  I needed to.  
Did she think that I wouldn't know - that she 
could pass by my life without so much as causing a 
ripple in retrospect?

After the panic that first gripped my insides a 
feeling of admiration settled in.  Only a strong 
soldier could go so silently without complaint.  
Even though she admitted being confused about her 
reason of joining I didn't believe her cause of 
peace had been a lost one.  Then the envy sunk in.  
She ventured farther than I in death - where I was 
ultimately going to have to travel when my own 
cells expired.  She did it so much better than I 
would have.  Anger followed a thought later.  I 
was angry that she was able to force me to come so 
close to telling her my past, then not live to 
hear me spill out those dark secrets.  It hurt to 
force those memories back into place after she 
ripped them so easily out.  Finally, the numbness 
settled in the pit of my stomach.  My mind was 
washed of its thoughts and I was content to just 
be----

.
.
.

When the crackle of outside communication broke 
the silence I listlessly opened my eyes.  I 
noticed how dry and scratchy they felt.  My 
environmental controls must have malfunctioned.  

"Cadet Zechs?"  The voice asked.  I answered as 
procedure dictated, but didn't expect a response.  
My long-range communications were down after all.

"Hey, get a medic.  His arm is broke."  I saw a 
flash of light over me that settled over my arm.  
It was bent in an obnoxious angle.  I hadn't 
noticed.

"What are you doing here?"  I asked dumbly.  The 
bright lights made me even more disoriented than 
the darkness had.

"We were on our way to congratulate the winners.  
But we came across this cave in.  We weren't 
expecting to find anyone near here."  I listened 
to the voice, almost wanting to tell it to shut 
up; it was distracting me from the breathing.  A 
face came into view.  It was one of the space 
station mechanics that I remembered working with 
earlier that week.

"You guys?"  I asked, remembering what he said.

"Cadet Zechs, Carter, and Noin.  New record 
holders of the Moon Operation Survival Course."

"The others?"  I asked.

"Carter was helping crews clear rubble last time I 
saw him.  He said he was heading up to see the 
doctors about Lucrezia when he was finished.  I 
saw them take her up about ten minutes ago.  She 
is probably in surgery right this moment."  I 
listened, gritting my teeth as my broken arm moved 
this way and that while they struggled to get me 
moving towards the exit they created in the 
rubble.  How long had I been sitting there in the 
darkness?

"I can't believe you guys."  He said as he 
motioned the medics to me.  I remembered him being 
one of the more friendly mechanics back at the 
base. "Noin said she thought you died.  She 
couldn't get you to answer her calls.  And, she 
still didn't leave."  He went on to explain how 
her communications completely shorted out.  I 
still clung to one of his words.

"Leave?"

"Yeah, she had a way out.  It would have taken 
everything she had and a good amount of time to 
ascend, but she could have made it up to someone 
if her heart was into it.  You see, her arms had 
been knocked up pretty back in the fall, but with 
this low gravity she could have made it."  He 
rattled on about her abilities.  She was the hot 
topic in the fleet at the moment.  I wanted him to 
shut up.  "She said she thought you were trapped, 
that you couldn't escape like she could."

"But her power cell -"

"-was almost dead when we found her.  She was 
worried that you would die alone or something.  
What gets me is why you didn't just leave."  He 
motioned to the hole I had dug.

I shrugged, not feeling the pain in my arm 
anymore.  Not feeling anything.  Why hadn't I 
left?  Why didn't she tell me she had a way out?  
"Can you see a way out?" she had asked. "No," I 
lied. "Neither can I."  She lied back, just as 
stubborn as I.  She had changed the subject after 
that.  Probably when she had made up her mind she 
wouldn't leave me to die without company.  We were 
fools.  Both of us were.  But for some strange 
reason I found good company in fools.

****
Everybody laughed till they were blue 
They didn't believe my words were true
Everybody laughed but you 
****

Throughout my life I had felt a purpose beyond my 
own objectives.  Protect peace: my father's goal, 
and then my goal - brought down by the destruction 
of the Sank Kingdom.  I was sent by that purpose 
to the Victoria Base as well.  The knight of a 
fallen kingdom had nothing but revenge to fuel his 
heart.  I was directed by my revenge to infiltrate 
the power that had been my family's downfall.  I 
had to fight so that others wouldn't have to.  I 
had to be everything that I hated.  And one day I 
would have to betray everyone I loved.

****
Four weeks later...

I left my mobile suit introductory class with a 
frown on my face.  I had started frowning lately, 
and Noin told me it was at least better than the 
blank expression I usually wore.  Less 
intimidating.

"Zechs!"  I made my trembling legs slow their 
stride.  The other students flowing around me as I 
let her catch up.  "Zechs," I turned my head and 
found her beside me.  Her hands were shakily 
releasing the screws that held her weights onto 
her arms.  I slowed down to let her take her time. 
"You preformed beautifully today, Zechs.  I heard 
the instructor talk about you as I was leaving and 
the word is good."  She finally untangled herself 
from the weights.  I noticed she still favored her 
right arm that had been injured during the moon 
mission.  Despite the physical therapy and extra 
hours in the weight room she still was below the 
mobile suit control she had began with when 
entering the program.  It bothered her more than 
she would let on.  I stole a glance now and then 
out of habit.  If she noticed my concern she 
didn't say anything.  I supposed my behavior in 
the training room had said it all.

"Scores were posted," I said.  We walked down the 
hall.  The other students watched us warily.  We 
were the top students and everyone knew it.

"It was too crowded to look after class." I could 
tell she was debating whether or not looking at 
all.  She came to a halt, leaning down to drop the 
weights on the floor, like I saw her do many times 
before, while she massaged feeling back into her 
arms.  I took them from her as she leaned down, 
and began walking again.  She flexed her right 
hand slowly, rotating it experimentally.

"So, should I start calling you Group Leader Noin 
now, or what?"

"I made it," she stated, with less enjoyment than 
I would have expected.  Noin was shooting for the 
top, but lately the watching eyes of the 
instructors were getting to her.  She couldn't 
help notice my indifference to everything, 
instructors included.  She couldn't know what 
drove me to the top.  I had befriended someone who 
could potentially betray me.  I had to be mindful 
of what I said.  She hadn't heard my confession in 
the darkness of the moon, and I wasn't going to 
offer it again.  She wasn't the only person I 
would have to deal with as the time for action 
drew near.  I needed to see someone before I left 
Victoria Base for good.  Someone needed to pay up.

"You asked me to come when you go on leave today."  
I watched her reaction, hoping to see anything.  
She was so dead lately.  Her face was still 
colorless from today' activities.  She didn't 
disappoint me.  I saw her glance up, eyes looking 
hopeful as they fixed on something in the 
distance.  "I will."  I finished.

We walked in silence, my thoughts delving back to 
the goals I set up as early as age six.  They were 
as unwavering as ever, but I could feel a change 
coming.  Could she betray me?  I knew she was 
curious about my "mission" as she thought it was.  
I was relieved at how far off she was from the 
truth.  She couldn't possibly understand what she 
was jeopardizing just by being near me.  She was 
in a position to ruin everything.  I halted that 
thought.  I was becoming too familiar with the 
feeling of company.  I would correct my error.  
After tonight I would be alone in my anger once 
more.

The touch to my arm shocked me enough to wonder if 
I had been saying everything out loud from the 
start.  I convinced myself it was just ill fated 
timing and nothing more.

"If I remember right, you enjoy wearing your 
uniform on leave.  You are going to have to leave 
it behind where we will be going tonight." I 
turned and stared at her, finding her staring back 
at me just as intently.  "Try finding some 
civies." She said, and for the first time since 
the moon she smiled.  And I found my own face 
betraying me as well.

****
It's easy to lose touch with all the friends 
You like so much or liked so much
****	

I think we stared at each other for a good minute 
outside the transport.  I felt that if I didn't 
get her burned into my memory while we stood there 
the next crowd that we were caught up in would 
carry her away, leaving me unable to find the 
stranger before me.  

She was wearing a yellow sundress.  Besides the 
dress I saw she had some sensible shoes on, a 
style that no doubt was comfortable yet 
fashionable.  Her hair was up as usual, pulled 
back into a ponytail that never stayed in place.  
Short wisps of hair had already found their way 
out and framed her face.  I was close enough to 
see she had make-up on as well.  Sensible make up 
for sensible Noin.

"You clean up kinda nice yourself," she said, 
looking me up and down after our strange moment in 
time collapsed around us.  Brought to a halt by 
the noise and confusion of nearly two hundred 
other cadets being set free for a night.

I looked down at myself, suddenly forgetting what, 
if anything, I had put on.  I wore a pair of 
khakis I couldn't remember buying and my black 
silk shirt - and of course my helmet.  My trench 
coat was slung over one arm.  I needed that for 
later I thought.  I just hoped I didn't stand out 
too much.  The helmet had to stay.  It couldn't be 
helped.

"Our transports going to take off soon."  I said, 
finding my voice.  Neither of us moved.

"Alright, um, lead on." She said, as if we were 
beginning some expedition into the unknown.

I ended up leading us to the transport with a 
quickened place, suddenly realizing we would have 
to sit apart if we didn't get there early enough.  
Students and faculty were both being let off at 
the city on varying intervals and the trains were 
crowded.   Luckily my appearance had a way of 
parting the crowd and we got our seats just as the 
rush came.  I found myself crammed up against Noin 
and one of the senior students.  He took one look 
at me and turned to one of his other companions.  
I heard him say something about, "accident wrecked 
his face when he was ten..." and stopped listening.  
I would much rather study my companion.  

"Hey, Lucrezia!" I heard from the up columns of 
seats.  I couldn't see who was calling, but Noin 
leaned into the aisle to get a better look.

"Hi Tetsu.  Heading over to the gaming complex 
today?" she asked cheerfully.  I watched a fake 
smile flash over her profile as she bent further 
into the aisle.  It selfishly pleased me to recall 
she had really smiled for me earlier that day.  I 
tried to look even less interested in their 
conversation than the one happening on the other 
side of me.

"How'd you guess?" Tetsu returned.  I remembered 
Tetsu from after the moon.  Noin had a few 
visitors outside her circle of friends to medical 
ward she stayed at for a time.  I remembered a man 
named Tetsu being one of them.  "Lucrezia, I have 
an open seat next to me.  Do you want to come sit 
next to a friend?"  I heard him yell back.  I 
tensed.  It seemed like a lifetime before she 
answered.

"No, I'm alright here."  I felt her hand slip on 
top of mine - as if it had belonged there and only 
momentarily strayed.  "I'll see you tomorrow."  
She added.  We sat in our bubble of silence.  The 
noises of the train were enough.  I watched her 
hand as it laid on mine, like she had run a stake 
into me as claim.  

I looked around the train, suddenly feeling eyes 
on me.  I found no more than what usually came 
because of my helmet.  Most of the people on the 
train would know me at least by my test scores.  I 
noticed more people looking at Noin.  There 
weren't many women in the Specials.  The count was 
around only fifteen percent of all incoming 
cadets.  Women tended to made excellent 
marksmen's, and for that reason they usually were 
filtered off into other sections of military 
before the Specials could get a look at their 
other skills.  The few that made it in were top of 
the line military strategists, head ship gunners, 
and the most rare of all: mobile suit pilots.  
Noin was a mixture of all three, making her all 
the more desirable in the long run.  Even with her 
injury her ability to fly mobile suites were 
towards the top of any list.  Today's class was an 
exception though.

****
hours before...

"Forward thrusters - and swing ninety degrees 
following the coordinate pattern from lesson 
thirteen in your book."  I heard the computer in 
my helmet say.  I made the appropriate adjustment.  
The pod I was in dropped twenty feet in less than 
a second.  I fought to clear my head as I pulled 
up at the last possible moment.  When I was back 
elevated to my previous position I took a moment 
to look down.  I watched Carter drop, pulling up a 
beat early.  I waited to see who would perform the 
maneuver next.  

The pods floated in a circle nearly thirty feet 
off the ground.  I found Noin across the circle 
from me.  She dropped almost a second later, 
pulling up only a few centimeters off target.  I 
checked my own performance reading and saw I did 
only marginally better.  The computer voice told 
us to take a five-minute break while they prepared 
for the zero gravity simulator.  I let the pod 
drop at a slower pace, setting down it the sling 
set up for its landing.

I stepped stiffly from the tight quarters of the 
pod, rubbing my neck.  The rest of the cadets 
stripped out of their harnesses and walked over to 
the briefing room for water and their scores.  I 
held back, waiting for Noin.  When the door closed 
behind the last cadet she finally dropped to the 
ground at the base of her pod.  The plastic soled 
shoes made a dull sound with the contact.  Noin 
braced the smooth edges of the pod with 
outstretched arms.  Her back was facing me as I 
came up behind her.  I heard her take one deep, 
shaking breath, trying to collect her nerves.  
Every small movement she made screamed pain.  

"You're hurt." I whispered, trying not to surprise 
her though she made no reaction but the slumping 
of her shoulders.  I saw the familiar weights in 
place and gritted my teeth.  They were form 
fitting - encompassing her arms from elbow to 
wrist.  They were there to build strength back 
into her arms after the accident.  They could take 
away scars easily, but it was harder to make her 
muscles adjust properly.  I watched her back 
muscles relax through her suit as she let her arms 
fall at her sides; the weights strapped on them 
making them too heavy to wield as support.  She 
stood for a split second before her knees gave 
out.  I caught her as she slipped backwards from 
the slick metal craft.  She was slumped between my 
body and the pod.  The only thing that held her up 
was the arm I slid around her waist.  

"Zechs," she said shakily.  I lifted her head up, 
shifting her around so she faced me.  Her eyes 
squinted and opened little by little until I saw 
some recognition form.  "What are you doing here?"  
She turned her face back down to my chest, closing 
her eyes again.

"You need help."  With the words her limbs seemed 
to stiffen.  She pulled herself closer to her 
regular balance, still struggling against me in 
her harness and weights.  I began to take the 
weights off her - doctors be damned.  It would 
kill her.  She didn't protest as I lifted one arm 
up, balancing her against me as I fumbled with the 
clamps.  She felt me loosening the forearm weights 
and stopped me with her words.

"I am not a coward." She murmured into my 
shoulder, almost lost in the cloth of my suit.  My 
hands slid away from the weights, her arms once 
again struggled to move on their own.  They found 
their way around my waist a moment, hooking around 
the back of my harness. 

"No you're not a coward," I said back.  I found 
myself looking down at her pale face, not wanting 
to move.   But suddenly she jolted back into 
reality.  She pulled away from me unexpectedly, 
bumping her back against the pod and almost 
loosing her balance again.  I turned to see the 
door opening.  The cadets were returning from 
their break.  When I turned back I noticed she 
wouldn't look at me.  Ignoring the others, I 
helped her out of her harness, quickly undoing 
mine as well.  When I finished I left her for my 
pod, watching from there as she painfully climbed 
up into hers.  The rest of the training was mainly 
getting use to balancing the mobile suit simulator 
during zero g.  Even with her faltering earlier, 
Noin managed to pull it off without so much as a 
checkmark on her sheet.

*** 

The train began to slow down as we entered the 
city.  I heard the noise increase in the cabin as 
people made haste arrangements with their friends.
Noin's eyes were closed, head tilted slightly 
towards me as she tried to catch up on sleep.  The 
ride wasn't long, only forty minutes by train, but 
it wasn't uncommon for people to take a catnap 
here and there.  It wasn't something I practiced.  
I was never secure enough to close my eyes with 
people so close.  

The train came to a halt and the people began to 
get up.  I lifted my hand out from under Noin's 
and nudged her awake.  We left the train without 
incident and entered the downtown.

****
Everybody laughed they couldn't take me seriously 
Abandoned me
****

The downtown was an unmemorable display of neon 
lights and darkened alleyways.  We left the small 
café after drinking some coffee, both of us 
admitting we just wanted to stroll for a while.  I 
had a destination in mind.  I just needed to leave 
Noin somewhere before I got there.  The streets 
were lit at the corners, leaving the long 
straightaway dark.  The summer night was cool.  
Noin walked comfortable beside me as we entered 
the dark portion of the street.

"You seem familiar with this place, did you live 
here?"  Noin asked.  She walked easily, much 
improved over this morning.  Her mood was 
improving as well.

I stuffed my hands into my pockets, finding the 
cool worked metal of my pistol.  "Places like 
this," I stated.  "Here and there." I pulled my 
hand back out, erasing my thoughts.  We walked 
passed a bar and someone standing in the door 
called out to us.  

"Some coins for a veteran?" the man asked as we 
walked by.  Noin was going to stop, but I took 
hold of her hand, carefully tugging her beside me.
"Where are we going?" she asked, probably noticing 
us slip away from the commercial side of the city 
to the area only the locals and criminals strayed 
to for reasons of their own.  I had been planning 
to go there without Noin.  I didn't know why I was 
risking everything.  Maybe I thought she wouldn't 
follow me.  I suggested we part ways; she could go 
find that gaming hall where all of her friends 
liked to go.  I went with her there once.  It was 
nice.  With any luck she would leave and forget 
about me.  She looked displeased at the thought.  
It was too late anyway, she explained.  Was it 
close to midnight already?  No, she would come, if 
just to watch my back.  What happened to my 
sensible Noin?

"How will I know when we are there," she asked.  
She looked towards a dark shape huddled against 
the alley wall.  "You never said where we were 
going."  The shape moved, and she looked away 
quickly.

"Somewhere familiar." I responded vaguely.  I 
pulled us into an ally and she gripped my hand 
tighter.  She sighed in an I-suppose-I-asked-for-
it manner.  Relinquishing into my care in a silent 
fashion.  "A club I used to visit." I further 
explained.  "There is a friend of mine I was told 
frequented there still."

She tilted her head up at me, wondering what sort 
of friend someone like me would have had.  We 
broke out of the ally and crossed the deserted 
street, entering the next alley and disappearing 
from sight once again.

"I used to be afraid of the dark when I was 
younger," Noin admitted without warning.  "It was 
always the enemy that I couldn't see, couldn't 
prepare for, that scarred me the most." 

"I couldn't imagine you being afraid of anything," 
I responded weakly.

"What scares you?" she questioned slowly.  I 
stopped our stroll and folded my arms in front of 
me, defensive.  When she recognized my silence she 
crossed her own arms, face frozen in a 
contemplative thought.

"You look different in the dark," she finally said 
after studying me for a moment. "I almost forget 
your helmet was even there." She whispered.  And 
that was the words that sent me walking forward, 
as if I would somehow leave her comment behind at 
that spot.

We walked a few more steps before she pulled us to 
a halt.  "Do you ever take it off?" she asked 
seriously.  She stepped in front of me, taking the 
offensive.  I didn't move as she stepped closer.  
We stood like that, toe to toe, as a couple walked 
by us.  They were too involved with each other to 
notice us in the dark.

Noin looked at me and then saw my defensive 
posture.  I sensed it wasn't going to stop her 
this time.  During some part of the night she 
became determined.  Perhaps it was the challenge 
she accepted by accompanying me this far.  Perhaps 
it was the way I seemed to be unable to hide when 
she was around.

"Do you trust me, Zechs?" she took apart my 
crossed arms and fumbled until she had captured my 
hands, pulling me even closer.  The action almost 
outweighed the question.  Did I trust her? I 
thought I did.  Despite my efforts I hadn't been 
able to be alone.  She wouldn't let me, and I 
trusted her with my failing.

"I want to trust you," I breathed.  Her hand 
caught my breath, reaching up to touch my lips.

"Let me show you." She moved her hand up to my 
cheek, tracing my jaw line with her fingertips.  
Her hand was cool from the summer night and I felt 
the tiny hairs on my face prickle.  When she slid 
her hand up underneath my helmet I stiffened.  
"Trust me." She whispered in answer to my 
reaction.  I gripped her other hand tighter, not 
sure if I wanted to pull her away or keep her 
there.  

Her hand burned across my face slowly until it 
settled behind my ear.  She curled her fingers 
around the edge of my helmet.  "I wont hurt you."  
She said trembling.  I hadn't realized how 
frightened she was.  She pushed up on my helmet 
until I knew - if it had been her intent - she 
could have removed my last defense.  But she 
didn't.  She just hovered there, terrified at the 
unknown - showing me everything I needed to see.

"I believe you." I said truthfully, surprising my 
self again.  She sighed, dropping her hand and 
leaning into the folds of my jacket.  She was 
still trembling, but not as intense as the second 
before.  I let her stay like that a moment.  My 
arms came around her and shielded her from my 
familiar haunt.  I watched the darkness and the 
black shapes that glided in it.  The alleyway 
wasn't the best place to let ones guard down.  
When the next couple passed us the moment was over 
and we began walking.  Both of us were quiet for 
the rest of the journey.  I hadn't realized how 
far we had come until I noticed the familiar white 
catwalk marking the entrance.  I frowned, knowing 
my time was up.

We stopped in front of the unmarked metal door.  I 
noticed a set of new bullet holes in the plating 
next to the familiar one.  "Stay close."  I 
breathed.  When I knocked I heard a clanking noise 
of locks being turned.  The door swung open to 
pitch-blackness.

"Zechs Merquise." I said in identification.

"Welcome to The Hasty Draw."  A gruff voice 
replied.  I could see a menacing outline in the 
darkness.  I led us in slowly, giving my eyes time 
to adjust to the gloom.  When they did I saw the 
narrow hallway we were walking down.  On either 
side of us people huddled.  They were either 
homeless or drunk, probably both.  A few reached 
out to us, begging for a filled bottle, but either 
Noin didn't see or didn't care.  She just followed 
along silently.  The only evidence of emotion I 
could discern was the tight grip she had of my 
elbow.

"You have to trust me."  I said, my voice 
softening a level.  She was either going to trust 
me or leave me after this adventure.

"I hardly know why," she whispered back, smiling 
softy with the thought, "but I do trust you 
Zechs."  She smiled again when I breathed a sigh 
of relief I had been holding in.

"Then follow my lead," I said, slowing down at an 
intersection.  There was another metal door.  This 
one was brand new, shiny metal.  I paused in front 
of it and turned to Noin.  Over her shoulder I 
eyed someone coming from behind.  It was the man 
who opened the door for us.  A greasy, seven foot 
tall, two hundred seventy some pound doorman.  He 
looked back at me, smiling.

"And for your life - stay close." I leaned down 
and whispered into her ear.  She seemed to get the 
message, nearly colliding with me as the doorman 
brushed passed her and opened the door wide to let 
us in.  We both turned to see what appeared to be 
the party of the century.  Actually, it was just 
another day at The Hasty Draw: gambling house, 
bar, dance club, and drug house.  Owned by the 
local crime king.  It boasted at least a hundred 
wanted criminals a night, not to mention the minor 
scam artist, pickpocket, and lost soul.  It was 
the one place I wouldn't stand out.

We stepped into the mob quickly, not wanting to 
draw attention to ourselves.  It wasn't hard to 
blend in; the people came in all shapes, sizes, 
and colors.  Our presence wouldn't have lifted an 
eyebrow let alone a gun.  

Someone pushed by as we stopped to get our 
bearings and knocked us against some suspicious 
looking people at the bar.  They turned and 
leered, I didn't know which of us they were 
propositioning, but the flow of the crowd 
thankfully carried us quickly away before that 
answer was necessary.

I followed the sound of music floating down the 
multilevel gambling building.  I stopped and 
looked up and saw dancers on the balcony two 
levels above us.  We found an open path to the 
elevator and quickly made for it.  The doors slid 
close behind us and we were alone in the empty 
elevator - uncomfortably alone.

"I said I would follow your lead," Noin fumed as 
soon as the doors clanged shut,  "but what the 
hell are you thinking?  Nine out of ten people 
down there would just as well kill us, do us, or 
steel from us, than - than," she stumbled, 
unnerved by my lack of reaction.  "Just who are 
you meeting here," she asked as the door slid 
open, followed by the rush of intoxicated people 
trying to get to the first floor.  They didn't 
wait for us to get off the lift.  I pushed my way 
off the elevator, noticing Noin following behind.  
With two steps into the crowd I was pushed onto 
the dance floor.  I looked up over the heads of 
the dancers and saw the stage.

There she was.  My eyes narrowed.  I took in her 
red dress and black hair, and the way she purred 
into the microphone.  Noin bumped into me, not 
noticing I had rooted to the floor.  Somehow my 
eyes found the woman's on the stage and she 
momentarily faltered, picking up with the song 
pretending as if nothing had happened.  She had 
seen me though.

"Zechs?" Noin asked, forgetting her anger and 
focusing on me absolutely.  "What's wrong?"  She 
tried to follow my eyes, but I didn't think she 
could quite see over the crowd.  She touched my 
hand, trying to connect to me again.  The crowd of 
drunken partiers pushed us together, forcing us 
into an improvised dance.  Despite that, my eyes 
were locked on the singer.  

The song finished and I snapped out of my trance 
to find Noin looking patiently at her feet.  
Evidently she could see over the crowd.  "I'll be 
at the bar." She simply said, turning and fading 
into the dancers before I could see her reaction.  
I slipped my hand into my pocket and made my way 
across the dance floor to the stage door off to 
the side. 

****
Sometimes I would read of things they'd done in 
magazines 
They made the scene 
Everybody left with such important things to do 
But I'm not blue
****

"I saw you come in." She said when I entered her 
dressing room.  The guard wouldn't be waking up 
for a while so I had time to examine my former 
partner in crime, my former friend.  She hadn't 
changed much over the past year.  Her hair was a 
bit longer - she had cut it off to the scalp after 
her long time boyfriend, Jodrig, was gunned down 
at the entrance of this establishment.  It reached 
her neck, now.  It was spidery blackness to her 
white neck, I thought.  

But that was the life for people like us.  
Judgment came without warning.  I gripped the 
handle of my gun, finger sliding over the trigger.
"You looked surprised, Ellis" I responded after a 
moment of silence.

"I knew you would come back," She looked at me 
through the mirror, her back to me.  She had been 
changing when I entered, her fingers just 
fastening the top button to a white blouse.  When 
she finished she turned to me.  I already had my 
gun trained on her head.  "You don't want to talk 
a little first, Milliard?" my anger was triggered 
by the use of my real name.  I had the barrel 
pulled back before I could decide what I needed to 
do.  She had that way with me.

"I keep my promises." I stated vindictively.

"So, that is what is bothering you, young Milliard 
Peacecraft?"  She pulled a cigarette out of her 
blouse pocket.  "I don't suppose you have a 
light?" she asked.  Her million-dollar smile was 
cheap.  She went over to her dresser, fishing one 
out with a flourish of movement that harkened back 
to her pick pocketing days.

"I trusted you," I admitted angrily.  "How much 
did you get for me?"

"Not enough." She said quickly, between puffs, 

"But it was enough to get the feds off my back."

"You sold my name to Treize." I said further, 
hoping by recalling the injustice it would make my 
anger strong enough to cause me to follow through.  
"You told them where to find me."

"That was over a year ago.  You are still alive."

"But I have this to mark my shame now!"  I gripped 
my gun even tighter; the mettle groves of the 
ancient weapon marked my flesh as surely as my 
helmet marked my humiliation.  I was forced to 
hide during the cleansing of my house, and I was 
forced to hide yet again during its rebirth.  My 
role in my father's vision went from avenging 
knight to hired gun - hired to build a new nation: 
OZ.  Treize and OZ trapped me just as much as my 
vow for revenge trapped me.  They knew of my 
revenge and how I was controlled by it.

"Then take it off, Milliard - or Zechs.  You're 
called Zechs now aren't you?  Or are you going to 
kill me while hiding from yourself?  You might as 
well have shot me in the back."  The anger swept 
over me once more and my helmet fell to the floor.  
I wanted to kill her.  I wanted her to know the 
full extent of my revenge.

I caught her yellow eyes with my own, finding them 
not as mysterious as I use to think they were.  
All I saw was a tired old woman.  In fact, she had 
changed more than I first noticed.  She seemed 
tired.  The lines on her face were drawn out.  
When she inhaled the cigarette she seemed to grow 
more withered.  Was Ellis ever young?  I was 
confused.  How could I find any satisfaction in a 
weak enemy?

My gun lowered to my side.  My anger deflated to 
pity as I saw disappointment flash over those 
yellow eyes.  Sorry, I can't oblige you.  She 
didn't even deserve death.

"You aren't even worth my anger." I said. I looked 
down at the floor, my helmet, and then noticed the 
carpeting had been stripped from the last time I 
had been there.  The new carpet seemed to have 
been added randomly.  It clashed with everything 
else it the room.  It wasn't made to be in such a 
place as this.  So many things seemed wrong.  I 
didn't know what next to do.  The click of the gun 
firing brought an end to all thought.

I brought my eyes up, seeing for the first time 
the real scene before me.  Ellis stood with a gun 
in her hand.  The barrel smoked faintly.  I could 
see the open drawer next to me; an empty holster 
was nestled within.  I looked down at my chest.  I 
couldn't see any entry wound at first, but I could 
feel the metal inside me.  Then I saw it.  The 
bullet had entered just below my left collarbone.

"You never did understand people." I heard Ellis 
say.  I looked back up at her, noticing her 
satisfied smile and the catlike way she stalked 
towards me.  Before she reached me my legs 
collapsed.  I still watched her as I fell down.  I 
even kept my eyes focused on the yellow orbs as my 
grip on my gun faltered and the weapon thudded 
uselessly away.  I balanced on my knees, still not 
quite able to stop staring at her.  I opened my 
mouth, air suddenly becoming hard to find.  

"What? You want to talk now?" she said mockingly.
I heard the click and earsplitting blast of a gun 
going off.  I flinched, falling over at about the 
same time Ellis staggered to the ground.  Behind 
her I saw the door open.

"Zechs!"  I felt my shoulder hit the side of 
Ellis' dresser, propping me up.  Ellis fell beside 
me; her yellow eyes stared up at me lifeless.  
They hadn't changed.

"Zechs!" I heard my name again as I saw Noin cross 
the room.  She held a gun in her hand.  "I heard 
the gun shot in the hall." She explained.  
Strangely, I could still think clearly.  She must 
have followed me - at least as far as the hall.  
The gun she carried resembled the one on the guard 
I knocked out.

Noin stepped between Ellis and I, kneeling down 
and pressing her hand on my wound.  I looked down 
at her hand, unable to feel the pressure.

"It doesn't look good," she said truthfully, 
swearing as blood began to seep through her 
fingers.  This was as close to panicking as I had 
ever seen her.  "I have to get help."  I could see 
she was torn between staying with me and dragging 
every drunken doctor in the house to my side.

"Treize." I managed to say.

"Don't speak," she maneuvered me onto the floor, 
instructing me to use my good arm to apply 
pressure to the wound.  She saw me wince, her own 
face contorting.  "I'll find a phone - I'll be 
back." She promised.  She left the room with a 
backward glance that showed the streaks of tears 
running down her face.

I must have slipped into unconsciousness because 
it seemed like only seconds until she was back at 
my side, hand covering my wound again.  She 
brushed the hair out of my eyes - her hand 
straying over my face as she wiped away a stray 
tear.  She smiled faintly when she saw my pain 
eased with her touch.

"Treize has people on their way here right now." 
She said tonelessly.  

"OZ will come.  You can't be found here." I said, 
my breath catching.  She hushed me - smoothing my 
pain-creased forehead with her hand.

"I'm not going anywhere," she said stubbornly, 
though appearing worried at whatever this OZ thing 
was.  She said something under her breath, a 
prayer.

I looked at her arm as it hovered over me.  With 
the weight off it looked just like any other arm 
really.  I remembered how the bone felt underneath 
my grip the first day we met.  My right hand moved 
slowly over to her arm, unsure as to what it would 
do.  

When I touched her arm her eyes widened a 
fraction more.  She looked exactly how she did the 
first time I had touched her there.  I found the 
faint line where the edges of the metal weight had 
caught against her skin.  When I touched it she 
jumped, her free hand flying to her wrist where it 
met mine.

We stared at each other, each of us trapped - my 
hand holding hers in place - my life beating under 
her palm.

"Your helmet." she said, voice shaking.   I was 
about to tell her it didn't matter anymore when 
she pulled free of my weak grip, reaching for my 
helmet only a few feet away.  "Here it is."  She 
held it in front of me, arm struggling under its 
heavy weight.  She looked at me as if in farewell, 
sliding it over my head slowly.

"I'm sorry," She said after it was in place. "I -" 
she was cut off when the door flew open.  
Unfamiliar faces suddenly flew into view.  
Questions like: who are you, who do you work for 
flew passed me and to Noin, who responded as best 
she could.  I looked at her as she was being 
interrogated across the room.  My blood was 
smeared all over her dress and arms, and her hair 
had fallen out of its tie beyond repair.  She 
still stood at attention; face a cold mask as she 
fielded the questions.  I let my eyes close after 
someone led her away.

****
Everybody left but you 
Everybody left but you
****

It was sometime later; four months or so had 
passed, before I saw Noin again.  She was walking 
out of an advanced mobile suit training session.  
Her arms were weight free - she must have 
recovered fully.  I had recovered myself.  With 
the most advanced technology in the world at the 
doctors fingertips miracles were not hard to come 
by.  They said there was some scar tissue that 
couldn't be removed near my heart.  They weren't 
worried.  It didn't hinder my performance so 
neither had I.  I actually received better scores 
than before, but so had Noin.

I stood in the hallway, watching her leave with 
her classmates.  She smiled at a man next to her, 
Tetsu.  He smiled back.  I looked down at the 
floor, wondering what I expected to come back to.  
We never said farewell.  I hadn't seen her since 
waking up in the hospital.  She had stood in the 
doorway a moment.  The guard next to her obviously 
barred her from entering further.

I turned around, looking down at the uniform in my 
arms.  I was supposed to wear it at graduation the 
next day.  I had been put into special classes 
once I was strong enough to leave the hospital.  I 
was command material they told me, OZ command 
material.  I had already received my orders.  I 
was to serve under Treize in a new area of the 
military called OZ.  A lot of the best students 
were heading there.  Noin was strangely absent 
from the list.

"Zechs."  Noin whispered from behind me.

"You're probably wondering why I am here."  I said 
towards the empty hallway.  I felt her come up 
closer. She was radiating heat from the exhausting 
exercise she had just endured.  It was a late 
class.  No doubt I caught her on the way to her 
quarters.  

She started forward, looking back at me as if she 
couldn't ask me to talk to her, but wishing she 
could.  She had been warned away from me I 
suppose.  Treize had told me just as much.  A 
class let out next to us, and the rush of people 
gave us an excuse to walk closer together.

"I received my orders today." Noin said quietly.  
I could hardly hear her over the conversations 
going on around us.  "I will be promoted to Head 
Instructor of the Victoria Base.   Instructor 
Drego Mot has been promoted to the fleet after all 
these years."

"Congratulations." I said evenly.  "I was hoping 
you would have been promoted to somewhere in the 
fleet.  That is what you have always trained for."

"Well, it was a promotion I couldn't have refused.  
Besides, the top student gets to have more say 
into what his promotion would be."  She said 
selectively.  She walked with me down to the end 
of the hall to where a window shed natural light 
into the otherwise artificially illuminated hall.  
When the crowd disappeared down the hall and into 
rooms we stopped a moment to look at the fall 
leaves falling from a nearby tree outside.

"How have you faired Zechs?  Your name has come up 
on occasion, but you were pulled out of the 
mainstream courses.  People are saying you are 
already a Baron."

"I am graduating with the rest of the class 
tomorrow."  I said hesitantly.  I was careful to 
appear as if I looked off somewhere else.  
Maintaining the idea I was only standing near her 
by some stroke of luck.  "Then I am taking a 
shuttle to Duke Treize's command ship."  I said, 
lingering on the name a moment hoping she would 
remember.

"I see how it is." She said emotionlessly.  "That 
night I saw how it was."  She started walking 
again, not waiting to hear my reply.  I paused a 
moment, then followed hastily.

"I didn't plan it that way."  I said quickly, 
hearing its inadequacy even as I spoke it.  Her 
life was effectively halted before she even had a 
chance to really prove herself.  One mixed up 
night with me was enough to see to that.  So I was 
sent to space, and she was trapped on Earth.  Each 
of us was as far from our goal as they could 
manage without killing us.

"I believe you," she said softly.  She stopped 
walking suddenly, and I realized I was at the 
entrance to the woman's quarters.  We stood there 
uncomfortably in the hall for a moment.  I was 
about to say something, something that would 
repair some of the damage between us, when the 
door slid open.  A couple of woman in their 
officers uniforms came walking out.

"Cadet Noin," one of them nodded familiarly to 
her, then eyed me suspiciously.  OZ was 
everywhere, and these two officers could be 
involved in it.  But their reaction could also be 
explained superficially.  I knew Noin was the 
favorite 'Top Student' even though I had beaten 
her at the final test.  She had lost with a fault, 
not uncommon, but certainly not Noin.  No one knew 
her well enough to tell but me.  Her loss had been 
anything but a clean fault.  She was motivated by 
something else.

"Well, congratulations Cadet Noin.  It was an 
honor studying with you."  I said sincerely.  "I 
was just leaving," I added, locking eyes with 
Noin.  I smiled friendlily to the two officers, 
hoping it would throw them off for a moment.  
Noin, follow me - I thought.  I tried to convey that 
in my eyes, but I saw no recognition on her face.  
Damn them if I never got to see her again.  

I turned and walked down the hall.  My ears strained 
to hear the sound of footsteps behind me.  They 
came later than reason would have allowed me to 
stay.  I hadn't left because I had dozed off at 
the end of the hall for over an hour.  I stood for 
a time, but ended up collapsed on a bench, my 
uniform placed neatly beside me.  I studied the 
back of my eyelids, finding the patterns I saw 
there slightly comforting compared to the white 
hallway.

"Is this seat taken?" I heard her ask.  I opened 
my eyes to see her standing in front of me.  She 
wore an academy t-shirt and sweat pants.  She must 
have snuck out after everyone was asleep.

"There's only the two of us." I answered, 
remembering her common excuse for talking to me in 
the early days.

"In that case . . ." she started to say, pulling 
my hand until I stood up.  I grabbed my uniform 
off the bench as she tugged me down the hallway. 
"In that case - follow me," she said softly.  I 
followed her quickened pace to a bend in the 
hallway.  She peeked around it before leading me 
across the way to an unmarked doorway.  When she 
shouldered it open I was struck with the chilled 
night air.

"Where are we?" I asked as she pulled me into the 
cold and quietly shut the door behind us.

"The only unwatched place on base." She explained, 
a certain excitement in her voice.  I blinked my 
eyes as the moon came out from under a cloud.  
About six feet in front of us was a building.  The 
siding reminded me of the officer's building.  
That would put us on the east side of the main 
building.  I tried to remember what it looked like 
from beyond the walls but couldn't.  One either 
side were high brick walls.  When Noin shut the 
door she closed off the only exit other than 
straight up, which would have been almost 
impossible to climb at any rate.

"It used to be where they stored the huge 
furnaces, but since then they moved on to other 
methods of heating and had this area cleared out.  
Then they forgot about it."  She said, slightly 
embarrass at knowing the location of the bases 
make out hideaway.  "Anyway, I was able to avoid 
the alarms by telling one of the cadets running 
security that I was coming out here with Tetsu.  
The alarms are back up by now, and you have 
exactly five hours."  She said quickly, making her 
way through the part with Tetsu as fast as 
possible.  But, what had she said?

"Huh, five hours you say?  I might need more time 
than that." I said, my old humor finding its way 
out after so long in disuse.  I was quite rusty, 
but it was enough to make her smile.  That left us 
in silence.  I desperately wished for the cloud 
cover to clear so I could at least comment about 
the stars.  It was almost as uncomfortable when we 
were stuck listening to each other breathing in 
the cave.  The fact we could see each other face 
to face this time made it all the more volatile.

"I could start by asking you questions I suppose." 
She said cautiously, as if she just realized how 
awkward five hours with me could turn out to be.

"That's a start." I said equally cautious.  I 
remembered how much it had hurt to delve those 
memories up the first time.

"What is your real name?" she said, strolling over 
to one wall.  She was going to pace.  I decided to 
join her.

"Milliard Peacecraft."  I said.  It was strange to 
say my own name after so long being Zechs 
Merquise.   I had forgotten what it was like to be 
a Peacecraft.

"I remember the Peacecraft family.  My father 
often talked on their behalf, or at least he used 
to say the Peacecrafts' would have said this or 
that.  That was all a long time ago." She 
admitted.  

"Why did you start using a different name?" she 
asked, as if the thought was strange to 
her.  I might have frowned because she quickly 
took back the question, "Tell me about your 
family." She said instead.  It was about our 
fourth lap around the small square room.  The moon 
was covered by another cloud, and I was grateful 
for it and my helmet to cover whatever emotion I 
would have when recalling my life out to the open 
sky.

"I had a large family.  We could trace the 
generations back to before space travel.  Family 
was very important -almost as imported as our 
sense of peace.  My father was vital in the fight 
for peace during the war.  He was a pacifist, but 
he didn't just speak of peace and pacifism.  He 
really lived it out.  Which was why he was a 
threat."  I had gradually stopped walking, 
abruptly aware of the silence I had caused.  "The 
Sank Kingdom was an example of pacifism the entire 
world was beginning to realize and imitate.  To 
keep the war from concluding at what they 
considered a 'premature' time a general from the 
Alliance's forces destroyed the Sank Kingdom and 
everyone in it.  They thought they had at least.  
A damn good job they did as well.  Only three 
people managed to escape.  A manservant and two 
children: my sister Relena, who was around two at 
the time, and Milliard, nearly seven."  I 
finished.  I didn't wait for an answer, knowing 
there wasn't one sufficient.

"My sister went to live with another pacifist 
family, the Dorlian's, and that was where I was to 
live as well.  I did for a time.  My sister lived 
as their surrogate daughter, and I lived with the 
manservant in the servant building.  I rarely saw 
my sister, and I was kept out of sight for the 
most part.  When I was eight I ran away to join 
the military.  I was in a boy's school for a few 
years before I ran away again and roamed the 
streets.  By that time the Dorlian's had thought 
me dead.  I was hard on cash one day and ran into 
Ellis.  Long story short, we worked well 
together."

"And then I killed her."  Noin said, voice 
cracking.  I guess I had been so absorbed by 
myself that I didn't hear her reaction, or make 
any of the connections before she broke.  I wanted 
her to come to me, but she didn't.  She stood 
where she was, blinking her tears away in the 
darkness.

"She was a con artist, prostitute, drug dealer, 
and killer.  But she found some part of her heart 
that would take in a lost child.  I was twelve, 
homeless, and just about the toughest fighter on 
the street.  Tough didn't mean I won any of the 
fights.  I just liked to fight.  I was twelve and 
had lost all feeling.  She helped me find some of 
what I had lost while I had wandered the streets 
for so long."  I finished recalling her good 
points.  "Then, about two years later she came up 
with some cash that was too hot to handle.  She 
got in big trouble and disappeared for nearly six 
months.  By this time Jodrig had showed up.  He 
had a fling with Ellis that was put on hold when 
she went missing.  He took everything I had built 
for myself and overran our little gang in a matter 
of weeks."

"Is that when you decided to join the Specials?"  
Noin asked.  After hearing a little more about 
Ellis she had slowly gotten over her feeling of 
remorse.  I could tell she was getting angrier as 
she paced by me on her way to the far wall.

"I was fifteen and thought I knew everything.  
When Ellis came back I told her everything.  About 
my family, my childhood, and the revenge I planned 
for the general responsible.  A week later the 
feds found me while I was at the Hasty Draw.  They 
brought me to Treize who basically told me my life 
story, even some parts I hadn't heard before, and 
explained the rest of my life to me in great 
detail, beginning with my service to Treize.  If I 
was going to find revenge I was going to have to 
infiltrate the military.  He would only allow me 
to do that if I pledged my name to him, until I 
had finished the duties he put before me I was to 
be Zechs Merquise.  He even had the wretched 
general in the room next to mine.  The temptation 
to kill him was overwhelming."  I droned on, 
wondering if it was too much for her to hear at a 
time.  Never the less, the dam was broke and there 
was nothing that could stop me now. 

"I was forced to wear this damned helmet as a 
reminder of my pledge, as well as a reminder of my 
new identity.  I was under special training with a 
new organization called OZ.  They were still 
underground mostly at that time.  I was their 
trump card.  A fighting machine they used at 
will."  I said regrettably.

"I lived in hopes of finding Ellis again, 
picturing her face each time I killed someone.  I 
had never seen the general.  He was my darkness."  
I said, remembering her confession in the dark 
alleyway.  "He still is."

"You went there to kill Ellis." Noin stated.  She 
managed to speak without shuddering.  It took 
months before I could even think of my first 
killing without having nightmares.  I imagined it 
had been the same for her.  

"I did.  She deserved to die.  Just not by my 
hand.  I realized that a little too late."  I 
tried to reassure her.  She passed by me again; I 
glanced at her, and then stared.

"You cut your hair."  I exclaimed, breaking the 
tension unintentionally.

"My hair has been short from about four months.  I 
am trying to grow it out now."  She added.  Her 
hand brushed the hair out of her eyes in a way 
that told me she had annoyingly done that several 
times already that day.  "It doesn't hold fond 
memories." 

"It doesn't look so bad.  I like it." I said 
truthfully.  She stopped pacing and gave me a look 
of exasperation, as if this revelation was 
counterproductive to the rest of my story.  "The 
sweatpants have to go though." I said playfully, 
remembering that for at least tonight it was safe 
to tease her.

"Fine.  Take off you helmet first."  She said 
seriously.  I remembered Ellis asking me the same 
thing, telling me that hiding behind it gave me no 
rights when it came to taking things.

"Promise you won't disappear on me again."  I said 
as a condition.

"I'm not going anywhere tonight." She said, unable 
to promise me more than a night.  I nodded in 
acceptance, but finding it harder to take it off 
in front of Noin than it had been when Ellis was 
watching.  That thought alone made me speed up the 
process.  When the night air hit my face for the 
first time in years I remembered what it was like 
to be Milliard Peacecraft.  Then the moment was 
gone and I was looking at Noin, once more through 
the eyes of Zechs Merquise.

She said nothing at first.  We just stared at each 
other as if seeing the way things were for the 
first time.  

"I can't call you Milliard." She said after a 
time.  "But, Zechs.  It will kill me when you put 
it back on."

"I won't tonight." I swore.  We both knew that 
tomorrow would separate us, perhaps forever.

We woke up the next morning with our backs against 
the door.  We had talked most the night.  Only 
until about three that morning did we collapse by 
the door.  The click of the alarm being turned off 
was what made both of us jump.  Noin was the first 
to try and get up, but I held her back a second.

"I trust you with this."  I said, my voice rough 
from talking most the night.  She nodded, visibly 
upset at the prospect of leaving my arms after 
hearing those words.  Her eyes strayed down to my 
hand, watching it play with hers.  It had been 
there most of the night.  I remembered what we 
said the night before, and I held her hand 
tightly, letting her feel our connection.  She 
watched in fascination as I lifted our hands up 
between us, pressing her palm against my lips.  
"And this," I whispered.  She leaned forward until 
our hands were trapped between us.  Her face was 
centimeters from mine.

"I want to make sure you see this coming."  She 
said in a soft voice I found she only used with 
me.  We breathed the same air a moment, enjoying 
each other for the few seconds we had left to 
share.  Then I surprised her by crossing the air 
that was between us.  She froze a moment - the 
most uncomfortable moment in my life.  Our lips 
barely brushed together when she said, "I think 
the damn door just locked again."  If she was 
stalling now I wasn't going to let her get away 
with it.  Prattle or not I was serious.

"I don't care."  I said with a hint of warning in 
my voice.  She was about say something again when 
I effectively shut her up a good time longer than 
I thought possible.  When she did find her voice 
again she stumbled around her words.  "What are we 
doing?"  She said first.  She lost that thought 
when I kissed her again.  Sometime during that I 
remembered hearing a bell, then Noin humming, 
indicating either she was happy or- oh hell!  
Graduation!

"Graduation!" I said, surprised my voice didn't 
crack or do something else that would embarrass 
me.  I tried to get up, but Noin had to get off me 
first.

"Damn!" I heard her hiss in my ear.  She rolled 
over me, kneeing me a few times in the process.
I still managed to get up first; pulling her up 
with me once I found my feet.  I reached for the 
door and found it locked.

"No kidding," I mumbled.

My foot had bumped something on the way up.  My 
helmet.    The molded metal leered at me as I bent 
down and picked it up.  I turned away from Noin 
while slipping it on, the weight of it felt 
lighter than ever.

We both turned at looked at the wall.

"Ladies first." I deadpanned.  I got a kiss in 
return.

"The first one up the wall, Zechs."  She taunted 
me.

"Gets what?" I said in return.  She showed me 
again.  She always had to show me.  And this time 
I didn't really mind.

****
Many years have passed 
And some have fallen by the way I heard them say 
Everybody dreamed but those who fell 
Are sleeping now, they're sleeping now 
Everybody climbed like ivy to the top most branch 
It was their chance 
Everybody grasped till they were through 
It's all they thought that they could do
Cause everybody fell 
Everybody fell 
Everybody fell but you
****

The End

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