This fic starts with that justifiably infamous 5 minute stretch of episode 26. The 'other world' of Shinji's imagination where Asuka's his oldest (and dearest) friend, Rei has emotion, and no Evas show their big, ugly, bio-mechanical heads.
 
And from that strong beginning (who doesn't like that 'ideal world'?) this fic travels forcefully in one solid direction.
 
Straight into the toilet.

In pure, simple English, this is a bad fic. Sorry, as an author myself I hate to come out flat against a fellow writer, but I found nothing salvageable from this.

First, let us begin with the lesser problems of this piece. Unquestionably, the author needs work on spelling and grammar. Serious work. Grab an English text or something. At least look at how others write before you do. If you're not sure if the period goes before or after quotation marks, then look it up. (The answer is: punctuation falls inside quotation marks.) If English is not this author's native language, I'll be willing to cut him a little slack. But not much. I've tutored two other authors who's native languages are Spanish and French respectively, and I found less errors in their works than in this fic. This author needs a high school English course, desperately. Hell, he needs a jr. high English course. Mistaking 'no' for 'know' is not a homonym mistake I am willing to accept from anyone.
 
Tense changes occur irregularly, jumping from past to present sometimes within the same sentence. There are some parts that make me wonder if the author even bothered to read what he wrote, because it's sure obvious that he didn't get it proof-read.
 
[quote:]
"Itll be major fun, I just hope it wont get to boring." Akemi says from sitting on top of Kensukes lap.
[unquote]

Excuse me? She's just said it would be major fun, so why is she worried about it being too boring? Does that sentence make any sense? Even if you ignore the gramatical and puncuation errors?

Some scenes seem to be there simply for the sake of being, rather than having any use for the plot. And the transition between scenes... abrupt to non-existent. More than once we're just dropped into a new scene without being told the perspective has changed.
 
At one point, for no apparent reason, the fic moves into script format. What, did the author decide to do something different half-way through? Can't he make up his mind? And less than a page later, he's back in novelization. I'm feeling ill.

As for the characters themselves: characterization changes from moment to moment, to whatever the author seems to feel would be suitable for the scene. No explanation, no work up, no hint of change. Things happen simply because the author wishes it to happen.
 
And there are a whole bunch of ACCs. So many in fact that the author gets rid of some of them himself. One of them is some guy (Corey) who's apparently the fiance of Asuka. He's rich, snobby, and seems like a bastard.
 
So what, you say? Someone to bring in dramatic tension, you say. A guy for Shinji to prove his manhood against. Someone to make the eternal wuss realize he cares for Asuka or something along those lines. Someone to bring romantic events to a head.
 
Wrong.
 
Corey's whole reason for being there is to tell Asuka that she's a bitch (despite the fact he's an arrogant SOB himself, this seems to decimate Asuka). Rather than having a showdown with Shinji for Asuka's hand or anything like that, Corey is just... there. He's not even there from the beginning, he just drops in a certain distance into the story. Do he and Shinji go mono-a-mono or anything like that? Nope. In fact, the big question around that point is whether or not Shinji is gay. And once that's decided (not by Shinji but by Kaoru BTW), Shinji runs back to Asuka, who leaves Corey without him making the slightest fuss, whine, or comment against it. He leaves Japan and the fic soon after. What, pray tell, exactly was his reason for existence?

The same goes for all the other ACCs as well. While none of them steal the spotlight, it's because there's no spotlight to steal. There's no direction to this story, no point either. It's all just a collection of irrelevant scenes pasted together in the hopes that a fic will emerge. There does seem to be a semblance of an idea appear near the end, but by that time it's too far gone to matter. 'Sailor Moon' could survive without a workable plot, this can't. (BTW: I like 'Sailor Moon.')

The author tries to move between everyday school life, mysterious dark ambiance, with occasional side movements into comedy. And then, for no reason, drops into cheap teen horror and finally ends with tragedy and supposed earth-shaking things set in motion. Such shifts in genre can work if properly done. But certainly not here.

Most plot elements are dropped on the reader with a suddenness that makes you wonder if the writer actually had anything planned out in advance. It really reads like a case of "Hey! This sounds neat! I think I'll put it in my fic!" There is *some* build up to certain things, but honestly, would you tie up your computer downloading something for 5,098+ hours? I'm talking 212 DAYS here folks. One of the characters does this, and we're suppose to take it seriously?

Maya and Futyusuki married? And the parents of Hikari? Ritusko and Kaji married? And the parents of Rei and Kaworu? All these things are mentioned once then promptly tossed aside.
 
Asuka moves from her standard superior pose into something vulnerable (after one of those jarring scene changes I alluded to) with absolutely no explanation. One moment we're at Hikari's place, then, without any sign of a scene change, we're at Shinji's. Exactly what was Asuka doing lying on Shinji's chest, especially since they weren't going together at that point? We never do find out why she was lying there. And from that point on, Asuka is Shinji's girlfriend. Well, not really, because later they act like they've never been an item. Then they're an item. Then they're not really interested in each other. Then Shinji's after Karou. Then Asuka's fiance shows up. Then... arrggg. Done properly this could have been like the warped relationships in 'Marmalade Boy' or 'Fushugi Yuugi.' Instead, it reads like the author can't make up his mind.
 
Once, an ACC calls Rei a doll. Where did he get that idea from? Asuka called Rei a doll, but only because Ayanami followed orders and Asuka hates dolls. For her, it was a vile insult, but for some ACC to label Rei a doll (while she actually had feelings and was acting like it!) is a stunning piece of bad writing. And then later in the fic, Rei goes back to her old, Rei II self. The author even mentions that she's speaking in a monotonous monotone. What brought about this change? And once this happens, Rei drops out of the fic faster than a Zaku pilot in an Newtype's gunsights.
 
There are two scenes where Asuka is effectively being sexually assaulted. Shinji is in both, but does he do anything? Nope. In fact, it's like he's not even there. He *may* have gotten jealous, he *may* have been furious that his childhood friend was assaulted, but since he isn't written as being mad or written as being jealous, I guess he wasn't. The way he spoke afterwards certainly made it seem he wasn't upset. Does anyone else have a problem with that?
 
There are some interesting things brought up in this fic, but are explored so superficially that nothing comes of it. One ACC, who's gay, gets beaten up for being gay. Does anything major or interesting occur because of this? No. Like many events and most of the characters, things seem to be made of mist and smoke. There's nothing to them, so the author never probes deeply, least his 'script' blow away on the wind.

There are some lemon scenes as well. This being my specialty, I have to comment on them. The lemon rely too much on metaphor and simile. There is a balance to be reached between being too smutty with the details of what the characters are doing, and going too artsy. It was the author's intention to use a poetic style, but lemons have a certain requirement to actually be mildly erotic. If you don't get a rise from them (bad pun intended), they were written wrong. Either write 'em well, or just skip over 'em like what happens in mainstream fiction.

The ending here leaves the characters up high and dry, one of them perhaps dying, and many, many questions unanswered. The final five chapters are monologues from some of the characters that does *nothing* to bring the story to a conclusion. NGE episodes 25 and 26 almost fail to bring the series to a conclusion, and they really only make sense when taken in conjunction with the movies. And Anno is a professional with years of experience behind him. This author isn't.
 
Final analysis: If you have lots a time to burn, you can read through a fic of bad English, jumbled together scenes, and paper-thin characters. Me? I'd sooner chew off my own leg to escape such a fate.