Tears in Heaven
by Moerae
Hello, minna-san! I'm sorry to bother you guys again, but then this is supposed to go with the fic Pictures of You. So hope you enjoy this. And it's yaoi, angst if it helps.^^;; Please comments? I would be grateful for them. Thank you very much. Ja!
~Moerae
Tears In Heaven
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Would you know my name if I saw you in heaven?
It's raining.
I have always loved rain.
Maybe it's the Koorime blood within me. Very little, but still there.
I don't want to accept the truth because it reminds me of my past, but it still is a part of me.
A past that I never wanted, but one that I would never able to forget.
No matter what.
And would anyone miss a Forbidden Child if I die?
No one....
Would it be the same if I saw you in heaven?
I wonder what Death will be like.
Would it be emptiness?
Would it be complete oblivion?
So many times I have faced Death, yet somehow I survive.
Instincts, that have been honed through Time and practice, push me to continue on.
But I wonder why I bother.
I must be strong and carry on,
I used to have reasons to survive.
To find Yukina and my teargem, the only thing left of one who had givenen me birth.
One who has brought me to this cold reality.
All because of her love.
Love forbidden, but she still pursued it.
And at the end... she died.
'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven.
And what did I get from it?
Nothing but continuous rejection, betrayal, and bitter loneliness.
A cycle that never ends.
Well, not for me at least.
Would you hold my hand if I saw you in heaven?
I know it's a quite useless thought, but I still wonder if I deserved all the pain.
I must have, right?
If not, why would I experience them?
But how long would it last?
For eternity?
Maybe....
Would you help me stand if I saw you in heaven?
I heard somewhere that love is all one needs to forget the pain.
But I doubt it.
I don't have a heart.
How would I feel it?
I don't know when I stopped feeling.
It feels like forever.
But I lived only what, a hundred years?
So that's a ridiculous thought.
I'll find my way through night and day,
Today, I was attacked by a small youkai.
Quite powerful. Enough so that he managed to get a few good shots, but I killed him anyway.
He was young. Painfully young in fact.
So young that he foolishly let his emotions get hold of him.
Stupid mistake.
He said that I killed his parents.
I probably did, but I lost count on how many I killed.
So many lives perished under my blade yet I do not regret it.
I didn't have a choice.
Or maybe I did, but I don't care.
I'm too tired to care.
Just before I killed that young one, I looked into his eyes.
And all I saw was myself....
'Cause I know I just can't stay here in heaven.
I actually looked quite frightened.
But afraid of what?
That young youkai?
But I knew that I could win, so it can't be that.
Afraid of myself?
Perhaps.
Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees.
I was surprised when a tear fell from my eyes after I killed him.
And that single tear formed a dark teargem and fell onto the ground beneath me.
Ground that was soaked by crimson blood.
But a tear for whom?
For him?
One that I killed mercilessly?
Or is it for me?
Just another reminiscence that my heart could feel even after all this time.
Time that is filled with nothing but Pain.
Time can break your heart, have you begging please, begging please.
Maybe it's about time I choose.
I can't keep this up forever.
It is bound to end.
And I'm merely making an early decision.
That's all there is to it.
Nothing would change.
The world would go on and everything will soon be forgotten.
Beyond the door there's peace I'm sure,
I found my teargem.
I saw who my sister is.
And now I don't have any more reason to continue.
And when there is no more reason to go on that's when everything should end.
I don't think I will regret my choice.
I've got nothing to lose, so I shouldn't be afraid.
And I want him to end it for me.
Maybe I'm a coward for not ending it myself, but...
I know he would do it for me.
He said he was my friend.
My only friend.
So I can trust him.
Trust him to finish it.
And I know there'll be no more tears in heaven.
I never wanted anything other than to forget.
Forget my past.
Forget my pain.
Forget my heart.
Forget my love.
That's all I asked.
And that's all I will ask in the future.
But sometimes even such a simple wish is too much to be granted.
Would you know my name if I saw you in heaven?
He's late.
It feels strange to see his room unlit.
It was always lighted.
So that I can always find it.
I wonder if he'll remember me.
Or would he forget me?
But either way, I hope he will be happy.
Because he was only one who has cared for me.
Cared for a Forbidden Child.
And I'm thankful to Heaven that I met him.
Would you feel the same if I saw you in heaven?
He's here.
I can see his bright red hair even under this light.
He is beautiful.
And I love him.
But love only brings pain.
I know that.
From mother and from my own experience, I know that well.
And I wish to spare him from that exquisite pain.
I must be strong and carry on
"Kurama, if you love me, then kill me."
That's all I ask.
Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven...
I kiss him.
Our first and last kiss.
Maybe when we meet again in the next life, it wouldn't end this way.
Maybe Heaven will forgive my sins....
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Standard disclaimer applied.
None of these are mine except how the story went so please do not sue me. I'm penniless college student.^^;; Once again hope you are not mad at me. I'm sorry if I upset anyone. Just ignore me or forgive me. Please. Anyway once again please send me C&C? Bye!
nyx_moerae@hotmail.com