Akane would have slept with Ukyo and Kasumi but the two had been trading recipes all night to the point where Akane could not stand to listen in the face of her own personal shame.

Akane was a bad cook.

Worse, she was not a bad cook who hated cooking. Akane was a bad cook with a love of the culinary arts, yet even the simplest mastery had escaped her. She wanted to cook but none of her dishes ever worked out right. Ukyo could make coconut hair taste heavenly. And what could Akane do? Poison her family to kingdom come, it seemed.

She had taken to the seas to escape her shame as well as continue the family seafaring tradition, whether it be trade, pirating, or -- as with herself -- cruise and travel. But longing for a more down-to-earth home life had never left Akane. Without good cooking skills, however, it was hard to imagine how she could attract and keep a good husband. No man's stomach was going to appeased by her...

Feeling refreshed after her jog around the perimeter of their camp, Akane lighted Ukyo's grille and placed a pot of coffee up to boil. Thank goodness the coffee ground wasn't soaked in the wreck. Akane wouldn't know what to do without her ritual caffeine boost. And thinking of boost, and considering she was going to be stuck on this island for awhile, it wouldn't hurt for her to refresh and improve her cooking skills. She's sure Kasumi and Ukyo may help her. A mutual partnership of the womanhood is needed to save her own future married life.

"I'm going to be the best cook there ever was so that even Ranma would have to wipe that smirk off his smug mug!"

Kasumi stepped out of her tent. "Akane, your coffee's charring."

"erk"

And somewhere else on the island, Ranma woke with a start to an extremely itchy nose.

"Achoo! Did someone just talk about me?"

Chapter 2:
Just by Happenstance

by
Wayne Sung
with story concept by Richard Lawson
Ranma and characters owned by Rumiko Takahashi and Shogagukan Comics

Shampoo tell of handsome hunk Who tries to survey land But when he found some ancient springs His plan got out of hand. His sexiness turned one eighty His chest grew two new lobes And he goes crazy every time He suffers others probes. Meanwhile Akane and crew Prepare to leave the beach By sending smoke And setting stones By drawing maps and counting sheep. The days are long But the adventure's just starting now All on Ranma's Isle.

The morning air was crisp and clean, but Ranma hardly noticed as she trudged through the undergrowth, barely even caring where her feet were taking her. No matter where they went, her feet could not take her far enough away from Tofu's incessant stream of anecdotes.

"Ranma, do you know, I do believe that the Amazon back there actually understood our language."

"Yeah, great."

"Which means, she must have had some contact with the outside before."

"So?"

"And could maybe lead us to others who could help us."

"And what if those 'others' are dead?"

"Astute observation, but maybe they left something behind for us to study so that we won't make the same mistakes they did."

"Like fall into the natives' sacred springs?" Ranma grumbled.

"Exactly!" Tofu enjoined without a blink. "And-" This time he paused. "How *is* the body by the way?"

Ranma looked down at her breasts with annoyance but sighed in resignation, "I guess I'm stuck with this bod for a while. It's not so bad, really. I'm smaller and lighter, able to move quicker. But my kicks and punches don't feel as powerful. And these...things," she pointed to her breasts again, "are distracting, to say the least."

"Ah, you'll get used to it." Tofu nodded knowingly. "All girls do when they go through puberty."

"Peeyu-what? I know this stinks, Tofu, but you don't have to rub it in," Ranma grouched. "And who says I'm a girl, anyway?"

"Your physical state," Tofu answered matter-of-factly. "Your mindset may still be boy Ranma but your body is definitely female. Tomboyish, true, but a girl, nevertheless."

"Why you lame-ass ... doctor, you." Ranma stammered for more vituperative words but couldn't think of any. So, she pouted and sulked for a good mile before countering with a witty comeback.

"Am not."

***

"Am I not elegant in my grace, dear brother, and, oh, so beautiful, too, if I might add. Oh ho ho ho ho."

"Yes, my dear Kodachi, you are stunning as ever. Now please leave the sea gulls alone so we may continue our wondrous stroll through paradise."

Atop a nearby cliff, Akane and Ukyo looked on with mild amusement.

"Oi, those Kunos make me wish I had a head of garlic," Akane said as she pinned up one end of the white cloth they salvaged from the sails.

"Afraid they'll suck your blahd?" teased Ukyo from the other side of the cloth, also pinning.

"No," said Akane as she watched the millionaires below walk along the sands, Tatewaki in manly strides, Kodachi in little leaps and pirouettes. "So I can keep away all men as boorish as Lord Tatewacky."

Ukyo giggled and the two girls stepped back to admire they're handiwork.

S.O.S was spelled in large black letters, shouting itself beyond the cliff across the vast ocean waters.

"You think anyone would ever find us, Captain?" Ukyo inquired,

Akane returned with lips set firm, "They have to. They will. It's just a matter of time..."

"I wish Ranma were here," Ukyo sighed.

Akane hmphed and walked back down towards camp.

*I do too.*

***

"Akane." Ranma shook her head. Why of all times, did her mind wander to Akane now?

"... and here we have the lesser bird of paradise whose plumage was often craved by rich women and thus sought after by poachers. Due to the relative isolation of the area, this island's population has thrived despite the rest of the world's decline..."

Oh, yeah.

"Tofu-sensei, could you please talk about something else besides the animals and plants here? We're just to get an idea of the land and report back to bad-ass Akane."

"But getting to know the local flora and fauna is just as important as gaining the lay of the basic topography. Why, " and he shows off a loaded plastic bag of leaves, "just now I've already found and gathered samples of some useful herbs we may use for cooking and medicine."

Ranma stared at the professor for a moment and sighed, "Just don't give any to Akane, alright? She'd probably get the leaves mixed-up and give us all sleep sickness or something worse like that."

Tofu stashed away his prized herbs and looked towards Ranma inquiringly. "Do you really have such a bad opinion of Captain Tendo, Saotome-kun? She seems to be doing a fine job of leading us so far."

"Yeah," Ranma growled, "getting us shipwrecked is a great show of leadership, Professor, but, look, I wasn't talking about Akane's leadership or nothing. I'm just saying she's not handy with some stuff."

"You mean cooking? Not all woman were made to be great cooks, you know. Not like Lady Kasumi, a paramour amongst the genteel. sigh" Fog condensed on Tofu's glasses causing him to entirely miss the sight of the tree directly in his path.

Shaking his head half in disgust and half in amusement at Tofu's sprawled body, Ranma walked on ahead into a shady clearing patched with sunlight streaming from the openings in the forest canopy.

Ranma looked around, "So should we break for lunch? I'm starving. Stomach's already growling."

Tofu shuffled into the clearing adjusting his fog-cleared glasses nervously. "Uh, Ranma, I don't believe that was your stomach."

"ROWR!" A furry blur streaked past Ranma, leaving behind a sharp gash in her side. If it weren't for Ranma's honed reflexes, there would have been more blood than a simple gash. As it was, she still felt a bit off with this new body and this new threat wasn't giving her time to adjust.

The blur came again, swiping off another piece of Ranma's shirt. And then a piece of her pants.

This was getting downright embarrassing.

"Damn you!" Timing it as well as she could, judging by the past few attacks, Ranma swung her fist down for all it was worth and heard a satisfying KLONK as it deliciously reached its target.

"An old man?"

"WAHAHAHA! Very good. Verrrry good, little lady. I thought you had some nice moves but I never thought a dainty fine thing as you could beat the likes of me. HA! I guess the joke's on me. How about a kiss to make up?"

GLOMP!

Ranma stared at a third growth on her chest. A fur-clad old geezer now making itself a permanent addition to her "arsenal" nestled comfortably in her cleavage.

"Ahhh, " the old man sighed as he rubbed his cheek against Ranma's still-newly-acquired bosom, "such mounds of perfection should not be enjoyed only by your lonesome. It should be shared-"

KLONK!

"What the hell did you think you were doing, you old fart! Who are you!"

"Ranma, I think we should calm and settle this reas-"

"Shut up, Tofu! For once let me let off some steam here. Looks like this old guy can take it, right, old man? You're a tough old prune."

"Prune? Is that all you can say about the greatest martial artist of the world?"

"So far you've only shown yourself to be the greatest pervert in the world."

"Haha!" the old man cackled. "That too. For my school, it's Anything Goes!" GLOMP!

"Get OFF of me!" With Herculean strength, Ranma pried the old man off her chest and punted him right through the forest canopy.

Ranma smirked. "That'll show him."

"Ohhhh! What kind of maiden wears boxer shorts as her wear-dujour? Whatever happened to sexy and cute panty wear?"

"Get your paws out of my pants!"

***

After the fuss died down, the old pervert revealed himself to be Anything Goes School martial arts master Happosai Genki who had shipwrecked on this island same as them but for more personal crime-related reasons than cruising the seas.

"You might say I was a wanted man. In high demand. By the law, that is. If only it were the babes, you know? Then life would have been beautiful. There are so few luscious curves to be found here. And I can't seem to get off this damned place. But now that you're here, we can have some fun together, no?"

GLOMP!

This was definitely getting tiring.

"Look, for now, old fart, we're in the same boat. We both want to get off this damned hellhole and we both want to get off of here soon. Why-"

"-don't we join forces and enter Temptation Island? Why I'd love to. But what would the old Prof here do for fun while we're going at it?" Happosai's evil leer made evident what he meant by "it".

"Now, see here, Master Genki. I-"

"Tofu's not going to do anything with either of us and neither are we going to have anything to do with each other except a mutual collab- Collabra- A mutual partnership."