Disclaimer: Berusaiyu no Bara & Lady Oscar © ® All Rights Reserved Ikeda
Productions 1972-1973, Tokyo Movie Shinsha Co. 1979-1980.
I Was Wrong
(A Last Time--part 2)
By Anna de Jarjayes(beguet.sainbel@wanadoo.fr)
Oscar is overwhelmed by joy. Andre has just told her again just how
much he loves her and is now kissing her. It is so sweet. She has already
felt that joy this evening, but is still overwhelmed feeling the sweet,
delicious sensation of Andre's lips on hers. She would like this moment to
last forever. Andre is so gentle with her. He had waited for her, realizing
her love for him during more than twenty years. What a perfect man he was!
How stupid she had been not seeing her feelings towards him. Now, those
times of ignorance were over. She would love Andre and make him happy.
Slowly, softly, she tries to push Andre away. Not at all, just a
little further from her, so that she can speak. And she begins speaking, with
in a low tone with moved voice.
"I love you too Andre, that's why I was so afraid this morning when I
woke up, without you. I was afraid of this wonderful night being only a sweet
dream. Because last night, I found love but I also found what I had always
looked for: myself. Being in your arms, feeling your kisses, I was myself--I
understood all I had never understood before. It was a difficult realization,
but now, I am strong enough to see it.
I was wrong all my life long, probably since that day I accept that
fight with Girodelle, trying to satisfy my father: I have to satisfy me
before satisfying him. But I didn't know what I wanted because I didn't know
who I was. But now I know what I want. And I have what I want.
I had to care for you. Because the only thing I wasn't wrong in my
life is that I loved you Andre. I love you for being my brother in my
childhood, for being my best friend all, for being my lover now. I love you
because I can trust you and I love you because in your eyes, I found myself,
I know who I am when you look at me, when I see your face. I knew who I was
when you said those beautiful words a few minutes ago.
I was wrong when I tried to define by conventionalities who I am. I
was wrong because I tried to know whether I was a man OR a woman. My life is
based on that mistake, and I failed because I am BOTH a man and a woman by
those customs. In my heart and my appearance, I am a woman but in my behavior,
I am more like a man. I am a woman who doesn't want to stay at home; I want
to act for my life as men do. I am a woman because I love the most wonderful
man in the world and yet I want to fight for him, not only to see him
fighting for me--if that makes me a man too then so be it.
I was wrong, my whole life had been nothing else but a huge mistake. Until now, I had understood nothing at all.
But it's ok. I don't care about having wasted my life looking for how
I could be a man whenever I am a woman. The only thing I regret, and I'll
probably regret for the rest of my life is that, while trying to be a man, I
tried to hide my feelings for you and I made you suffer. But know that I love
you and as soon as the battle is over I'll spent my whole life loving you.
I'll make you forgive me for being such an selfish woman and make you
happy, because when you said that you are, thanks to me, the happiest man in
the world, I knew I was doing the right thing-- maybe for the first time.
Because if you are happy, I am too.
I know where my life is now: I have to help people in Paris, I have to
protect them and the Queen to whom I swore loyalty. I won't betray her, even
if I won't be at her side because I want to avoid slaughter. My goal is to
try to help people to solve their problems without too much violence. Because
violence isn't the solution they need, I am sure of that. But more than that,
the real goal of my life is you, Andre. My life is to be at your side, to
help you and to be your eyes when you have lost yours.
More than anything else my life is to love you-- *you* are my life
and I won't waste that wonderful second chance that life gives to me to live
happily following *my* destiny, the one I decided and which is only you, my
brother, my friend, my love. "
Silence is now everywhere around them. Andre and Oscar don't speak;
they only look at each other, smiling softly. Tears run down their cheeks.
They are both very moved by the words they had just said to each other. They
can't help crying because of the complete happiness they feel deep inside
themselves. They both know how lucky they are. They have founded what some
people never find: true love. And they have now their whole life to
live that love, to make it grow and to be warmed by it. Now, they'll live as
normal people, and they'll be luckier and happier than most. They know that,
as all lovers in the world know that now, all is possible.
Destiny has given them a second chance to recover from the
misfortunes they have endured.
END (
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