The Truth of LOVE (for female~)
Every year as February 14 approaches, we are bombarded with images of hearts
and flowers, diamonds and chocolates, and with treacly musings on romance
and love. This aggressively peddled vision of love has a tendency to
heighten our expectations and cause us to lose sight of the complicated
realities of entering into and sustaining intimate relationships. As a
counterpoint to the fairy-tale depictions of love so dominant at this time
of year we offer a sampling of Atlantic articles that take a more
penetrating look at the dynamics of love so confusing and difficult.
In "Some Differences Between Men and Women" (March 1988) Ethel Person
considers how childhood experiences manifest themselves many years later in
adult relationships. Person explains that one of the most important
processes in one's life is the consolidation of his or her gender identity.
For a girl, the process of securing her feminine identity is more
straightforward because her primary caretaker is usually the same-sex
parent, who hence becomes the daughter's model. Person explains that "Most
women feel the pull to duplicate the maternal identity by falling in love,
pair-bonding, and literally becoming mothers." Achieving an ideal love
relationship forms "the cornerstone of [a girl's] feminine identity." A
girl's identification with her mother does cause some internal conflict,
however, because during the Oedipal period the daughter rejects her mother
in favor of her father. This means that not only does she give up her first
love object, but that love object becomes her sexual rival as well. Person
explains the consequences of this conflict:
One could say that all heterosexual women have experienced the loss of their
first love object without the hope of ultimately replacing her with someone
similar (unlike the situation for men). This early loss (and fear of
retribution), along with the threat of the loss of the new love object,
appears to be at the core of the female's pervasive dread of losing love. In
some women the fear is activated not by any slight on the part of a husband
or a lover but by an adulterous impulse of her own. This dynamic, of an
adulterous impulse leading to the fear of losing love occurs so regularly
among women that it seems to recapitulate some earlier confusion: did the
girl renounce her mother, or was she rejected by her? For women, the
lifelong problem seems to be uncertainty about achieving and conserving a
love relationship.
人格的五個階段 -- 佛洛依德
分別依次為：口腔期(oral stage)，肛門期(anal stage)，性器期(phallic stage)，潛伏期(latency
stage)及性愛期(genital stage)
口腔期：
嬰兒自出世到一歲的發展是屬於口腔期．這時能令嬰兒引起快樂的部分只有口腔，因為嬰兒只能透過嘴部運動如吸吮食物，從而獲得快樂．因此嘴的活動便成為嬰兒表示快樂的行為方式．所以也常會養成將指頭或其他東西塞進嘴裏的習慣．(或許它是用作消滅緊張之用．)
肛門期：
兒童由一歲到三歲左右的人格發展便進入肛門期．由於兒童對於現實仍一無所知，他就以排洩來減少壓力，因而再次的獲得快樂．若父母以說服訓練子女便溺的習慣，便會建立慷慨，勤奮，創造等性格；反之，若父母採用嚴厲壓制的方式，兒童則形成頑固，冷酷，破壞脾氣暴躁等人格．
性器期：
三歲至五歲時兒童已有性別之分，並且向不同性格的人格發展．其中所遇到的主要問題是"戀母情結"(Oedipus complex)及"戀父情結"(Oedipal
complex)，而男孩更因"戀母情結"而產生焦慮，進而產生"閹割焦慮"(castration anxiety)，而女孩因"戀父情結"而演變成"性器嫉妒"(penis
envy)．
潛伏期：
六歲以後的兒童開始邁入平穩而安靜的潛伏期．兒童的性活動已不再成為這個時期的發展重點，性的驅力被壓抑在潛意識中．
性愛期：
兒童經過一段平靜的歲月後，從青春期便又活躍起來．以往只是從操弄，剌激自己身體中得到滿足，其他人之所以會成為他注意的對象是因為這些人有助於他獲取快樂之故．這個時期的兒童則開始以利他的動機(altruism)去愛他人，他不再是以自我為中心，也不再受快樂原則的支配，並且對異性產生興趣．
二零．卅十一 二．廿六．零三
資料：人格心理學理論大岡
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