As a child I got on with my parents. It was when I hit my teens I ran into problems. I know it was my fault. I would continually make mistakes, but it still hurt that my father hit me.
It didn't happen a lot at first, just once or twice when I did something real bad. Then he started drinking. The drinking wasn't so bad at first either, just a sip here and there. I didn't see a problem, mum didn't see a problem, all was good.
Then, well either I started doing something wrong or he started getting mad more. That was when he really started to hit me. He'd hit me over the silliest little things, not putting the milk back, leaving my shoes on the floor in the living room. I didn't tell anyone. How could I? It was all my fault, my mum told me so. Everything that happened I brought on myself.
When I was 13 he put me in hospital. It was only a little thing, I had been out and when I came back I left my bike in the drive. When he got home that night he was pissed as ever and he got really mad at me.
It turns out that as he drove up the drive he ran over my bike. It was a new bike and it wasn't cheap either so he wasn't happy. He pulled the thing inside, all smashed up and threw it at me. Now I was only 13, a 13 year old can't stand being hit by a bike so I got knocked down. Then my dad started yelling about the car, apparently my bike had left a big dent in the front of his car. He grabbed my collar, dragged me out and threw me through the car windshield, yelling that since I dented it I might as well really fuck it up.
I think it was after that mum started taking my side. She mostly stayed out of the way when dad was in one of his moods but now, when it looked like it was going to come to blows, she stepped in. I think it was soon after that she started drinking to.
It was like hell for me. Every night I crept in, not sure if dad would be awake and if he was how mad he'd be.
When I got to 15 I realised something had to give. I realised I had to say something to him, I had to stop taking his fucking abuse. I punched him back. I think it was the first time in my life I ever had a backbone. It didn't work that well like, he still tried to bully me, but I didn't take his crap, I gave back as good as it got.
Soon after that things started getting good.
You see Anya, that's why I have left. I KNOW I'm going to end up like my dad. When I think of you and me and a baby I don't think of cribs and family photos and happy homes like you do, I think of my family. I see me turning into my dad, an alcoholic. I see me hating you, hitting our baby, tearing us apart like my dad did.
I know I'm abandoning you, I know you'll be mad and upset but you'll get over it, you'll have our baby and everyone will help you, I just cant! I'm sorry,
I love you Anya, I always will. I love our baby to, make sure it knows that.
Goodbye.
~*~*~*~
The letter fell from Anya’s fingers, her face blank. For a second she just stood there, then her legs fell out from under her. She crumpled onto the ground in tears. It couldn't be. He couldn't leave her. They were meant to be happy. THey were meant to have a baby together and be a good family. Now that would never happen. She was alone.
THE END
Back to Buffy: The Vampire slayer fanfiction * Back to the fanfiction main page