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Big Stars, Big Egos

The rise and fall of Old Man

Perhaps you've heard of the pitfalls of fame. There's a misconception that the rich and talented are content with their lives.

Born in the forest circa 1930, Old Man found an outlet for his innate hatred of all that exists by killing the birds AND the bees. After moving into normal civilization, Old Man discovered that he would have to conform to society. Never one to reform for others, Old Man rejected this idea; thus starting a hate campaign against all who did not share his philosophies on life. Old Man explains:

Old Man: It was tough growing up; I was evil and there weren't any other evil kids to play with. That really does something to your psyche.

Paul McCartney: Yeah, you know, Old Man was a genius. And like many other geniuses, he was misunderstood as a child.

Nevertheless, Old Man persevered. In 1957, he started a rock group with other hate mongers called the 'Doobie Doobers'. The following year the 'Doobers' landed a record deal, but their first four singles failed to chart, thus causing their record label to drop them. Old Man was frustrated, yet resilient.

Old Man: So I'm thinking, what the hell am I supposed to do now? This isn't fair. I'm talented and I have something to say; yet I can't get airplay on the radio? What is wrong with all these idiot DJs?

Old Man had a valid complaint, but for a few years no one listened. Then in 1961, Old Man got his own variety show on CBS that was canned after three episodes. Critics had praised the show and Old Man's evil delivery, but it failed to find an audience.

Old Man: More idiots! If you looked at all the crap that was on television back then, you'd be scratching your head as to why I was cancelled.

Failure wasn't about to slow down Old Man. He declared his bid for the Presidency on the 'Evil' ticket in 1964 but was laughed at by political analysts; subsequently he dropped out before the election. In 1968 Old Man sought out the Republican nomination for President. After being labeled an extremist by fellow party members, Old Man decided to run on the 'Mad as Hell' ticket. He received two percent of the popular vote and nearly carried Alabama.

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Old Man: ...I wasn't gay, that was something the media made up for kicks.
McCartney: ...he was really hurt by that whole thing, I'd never seen him so upset.