TOP 10 REQUIREMENTS TO BE A GUARD
FOR JASON OR STEFAN
[10] Must be easily susceptible to Attention Deficit Disorder.
[9] Must be willing to let off-kilter and dangerous neurosurgeons and matriarchs approach the boss' girlfriend without question.
[8] Must need prescription eyeglasses of at least 3/4" in thickness.
[7] Must have lots of distracting hobbies to enjoy while on duty (e.g. electronic poker games, air guitar, paperback reading).
[6] Must have a very resilient skull, for when Luke comes a-knocking.
[5] Must possess the learning curve of a box of rocks.
[4] Must be absolutely terrified of confrontation.
[3] Must entertain broad definitions of what does or does not constitute a kidnapping in progress.
[2] Must be able to patrol the Spoon Island boat launch with eyes closed.
[1] Must boast an I.Q. equal to belt size, give or take 10 (former GH head writers encouraged to apply).
