Women's English

Many men seem confused about what women mean. This list should help clear things up a little bit, and hopefully educate you guys. Please pay careful attention to the following:

  • WHAT WE SAY = WHAT WE MEAN

  • Yes = No

  • No = Yes

  • Maybe = No

  • I'm sorry = You'll be sorry

  • We need = I want

  • It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now

  • Do what you want = You'll pay for this later

  • We need to talk = I need to complain

  • Sure go ahead = I don't want you to

  • I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

  • You're so manly = You need a shave and you seat a lot

  • You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

  • Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs

  • This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house

  • I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper

  • Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful

  • I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep

  • Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive

  • How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like

  • I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find something good on TV

  • Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he falls asleep?

  • I'm not yelling! = Yes, I am yelling because I think this is important

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    Last updated 03/14/99.