by Tyra
Left On The Cutting Room Floor - Episode 4
Thursday, April 16th - Jax and Brenda
~ Love Me ~
Jax could not read the expression on Brenda's face. He had just rattled off his explanation of why he needed her to convince his parents to depart for home. She looked totally unaffected by the reasons he had spent all night concocting. Out of desperation he continued, "Am I making any sense?"
"Absolutely", Brenda nods. Her eyes then pierced through his defenses. "See the whole Jerry thing is just a smokescreen because the real reason you want them to leave town is because they agree with me, that you and I should get married."
Splat! She had seen through his speech and had thrown it back on the table between them. Not a problem, I make my living by having the perfect response to every argument..... "That is ABSOLUTELY untrue", he responded with what he hoped was a calm controlled expression on his face. What a lame retort. Even he didn't believe that answer!
Brenda's eyes still boring into his thoughts, looked skeptically at him, "Um Hmmm. You probably think that I won't help you because I don't want to lose a couple of allies, but you're ABSOLUTELY wrong. I don't need their help to win you back.
Jax relaxes, grinning at how she had emphasized his own weak exclamatory back at him. She was getting really good at their game. "All right then, Fine, Prove it. Help me get rid of them.", he dared.
"I will help you get rid of them. If you admit the real reason why you want them gone. So let's see. OK, I'm going to go powder my nose. You have 5 minutes to prepare your statement.", she double-dared.
A very bemused Jax, chin in hand, watched her saucy departure. God, he loved the woman that Brenda was becoming. She was changing, evolving each time he saw her. She wasn't a stranger compared to the woman he loved before, but different, better. Now she was like ambrosia. A wonderful rich mix of ingredients and flavors that tasted slightly different with each delectable bite. Or maybe she was more like a newborn butterfly, each second of sunlight brought new depth and dimension to the colors in her wings. The cocoon of darkness that had taken all the spirit from her had been left behind. Brenda was becoming a person in her own right, not needing anyone's approval for validation. If only he could trust his own heart and take that leap of faith. He wanted to believe in her professed love for him. But he had given her his all the first time, and it had not been enough. As much as he hungered for her, he could not, would not, take that chance the she would--
Ring..... "Jax here".
"Yeah, Call the Mayor. Tell him I want my job back"
Mac's declaration brought Jax's thoughts back to business. "What a surprise, I would have sworn you were going to turn it down. What changed your mind?"
"Let just say I'm tired of sitting on the sidelines watching the justice department fall apart!"
"I'll get back to you." Jax snapped his phone shut. He needed to contact Jerry to let him know the next step was proceeding as planned. Mac had changed from his mercenary days back in Australia. What had happened to change this adventurer to Mr. Toe the Straight and Narrow?
As Jax was still reflecting on the changes in Mac, Brenda returned.
"Penny for your REAL thoughts", Brenda grins knowingly as she sits down.
Jax bolted back to the present with her declaration. Brenda's face was animated with glee at his distress.
Five minutes had passed in seconds. He had allowed his thoughts, and Mac's call to waste his entire five minutes!
Stalling for time Jax bends his head down pretending to dab his lips with his napkin. However, Brenda caught a glimpse of the panic in his eyes before he averted them. Jax cleared his throat, "Brenda, the reasons I gave you ARE my real reasons." Brenda continued to stare, totally unmoved by his protestations, daring him to continue his tale. Jax licks his suddenly dry lips and tries a different tactic, "Brenda you are just mistaking your own desire for us to be as we were, with what you think are my reasons for needing Mum and Dad to leave. I've told you I don't want to hurt you, so I can't tell you what to hear, if it's not true." He sighs for effect before continuing, "Even if it means that my parents will be staying on for awhile longer."
Brenda seemed to be on the verge of believing him. He saw a trace of hurt flash across her eyes, but being desperate to get his parents to leave, he continued. "You do understand that having my parents here disrupting the mix, will affect the time it will take to get this Dock Renovation mess resolved. Just think of all the workers who are losing pay they sorely need because of all the labor unrest. Think of all the new jobs that will be created with the completion of the Dock's project."
Brenda's head is bowed, eyes focused on her hands. Jax watches as her fingers trembled slightly. She's going to cry. Why didn't he just tell her the truth? She had hit the nail on the head. His parents had been after him since their arrival to reconcile with Brenda. This allowed him no time to strengthen his resolve against her. With his parents around, he had to keep his guard up practically 24 hours a day, and it was exhausting. The tremor in her hands had now reached her shoulders. Her head still bowed, he could see her shoulders shaking as Brenda was trying to compose herself. What had he done. He should have just told her she was right, but it didn't mean that they would ever get back together again. In focusing on the game, he had lost sight of the person.
Brenda, slowly raised her head, her expressive eyes reached out and held his gaze captive. She's not devastated, she's trembling with laughter! She was gloating at his discomfort. How could she toy with him like......a man could drown in those eyes.....
"Jax, you are so transparent. Don't you think I watched your every move, every look, when we were together?" Brenda, is giddy with excitement, "That look you have on your face now. That's the placid expression you use when you don't want a competitor to know that she has hit the mark!"
Jax sputters, "Brenda, you are ABSOLUTLEY wrong. I don't--!"
"--love me? LIAR!" Brenda raises her index finger,
"ONE, Why are you so panicked if I didn't hit upon the truth", another finger
rises,
"TWO, Why did you ask Jerry to shoot you if he thought you were about to
propose again?", ring finger up,
"THREE, Why do you always look out for me? Which you don't have to do anymore
by the way, but I appreciate it honey.", pinkie finger, how lovely...
"FOUR, if you don't love me why is there this marvelous, miraculous chemistry
going on between us whenever we get within speaking distance of each other?"
Jax grabs her hand entwining her finger with his, "That's enough Brenda, I get your point. But your reasons are all skewed, you're are mistaking, undying friendship, for love. I'll will always be here for you, as a FRIEND. We've lost our chance, we can't go back, we can only move forward."
Brenda, slowly untangles her fingers with his and reaches up fanning her fingers across his cheek. "We can move forward together, each supporting the other, each gaining strength from the other. I can see in your eyes that you want to believe me, but you can't. You want to tell me the truth, but you can't. You know what? The old Brenda would have refused to help you out of anger. She would have been impatient that you wouldn't tell the truth, your REAL reasons. "
Her hand enticed his face closer, closer still. He was lost in a fuzzy haze. "But I'm the new improved Brenda, I will help you." she said as she pulled her hand away. Deprived of its' tantalizing support, Jax's head snapped downward before he could catch himself. "I know that you love me, and that's enough for now. And like you, I can't turn down cry for help from the one I love."
Brenda stands, reaches across to Jax and tilts his head up towards hers. Her thumb massaged the cleft in his chin as she leaned down and murmured, "I'll convince John and Lady Jane that its' time for them to return home. Besides, there's something about Misty Blue Eyes and Unspoken Thoughts that's intriguing, enchanting, and ABSOLUTELY impossible to refuse."
"You can believe whatever you want, but that doesn't make it true. Please Brenda, listen to what I'm telling you , there is no way we will ever be more than friends again."
Brenda does not answer . She just smiles cryptically, glancing at the piano bar as she departs. The tune being played suddenly changes. The melody was familiar but the lyrics escaped him. The waiter approached with a perfect Sterling Silver Rose and a note.
At least Brenda had made the most of her 5 minutes. She obviously didn't use it to powder her nose. How had she know that he wasn't going admit to his true feelings? He smiled wryly at the message he read....
Jax,
Since you can't bring yourself to tell me how you feel, I thought I'd help.....
You know I should forget you
I really should,
And heaven knows that I tried.
But when I told you,
When I said that we were through
Deep in my heart I lied
Baby, oh what a long time, long time.
Thought I'd get you off my mind.
Oh but I can't, just the thought of you
Turns my world misty blue.
And the very mention of your name
Fans the flicker to a flame.
I think of things we used to do,
My whole world turns misty blue.
Love,
Me