Date: Saturday, November 14, 1998
Subj: Fran

In a message dated 11/13/98 12:52:22PM, Odiedog@aol.com wrote:

I fullheartedly agree. And I'm about to make a confession: I've written my
generic letter for the people that are in charge of making the decision to
bring the show back. But YES, I AM a HUGE hypocrite and I have YET to MAIL it.
But I will, and I urge everyone else to send a literal FLOOD of mail to these
people (addresses are on the revival page and Arcane Knowledge's FAQ).

I'm about to ramble, so you've been warned...

I'd been corresponding with Fran since early 1997, ever since I sent out my
very first fanfic to the first "Friends of Swamp Thing List" (remember that,
guys? :)). We'd emailed back and forth almost every day, give or take,
depending on the situation (sometimes I was lazy, sometimes she wasn't feeling
well). We wrote a fanfic novel together, and she was the one who gave it plot
and coherence.  I told her many times how talented she was, and I still
wholeheartedly believe that Fran is an exceptionally gifted writer, if not a
complete prodigy/genius.  For all of those who look down on fanfic as
"unoriginal", etc: Writing a character IN character is HARD. Fran had a natural
knack for getting Arcane's voice beautifully; never once was he off. Yeah, some
times she had sentence fragments or whatever in a story, but what she possessed
was pure, raw talent, and a creative, keen mind... and not only that, but she
was funny as hell. I don't know how many times she's made Ponce and I laugh
hard. 
	[Aside: To anyone that hasn't read Fran's story "Bayou Rhythms Part 1:
Thieving Las Vegas" yet-- You are missing one of the most hilarious,
well-written stories I've ever seen, and that's including out of professional
novels. Not to mention that there is not ONE time when anyone is out of
character. As she'd say, they're all "spot on". :) Especially the Doc. Read it
and see what a genius she is, please.]

	I've been kicking myself for not saving more of her emails to me; I have a few
printed and some others saved on disk, but not many. When I found out exactly
what illness she had, I would sit and read some of the emails I had printed off
from her, and my eyes would start prickling and tearing up because I started
thinking, *What if this is all I have left of her voice?* 
	Over the summer, she said she was going to try to come to the East Coast in
the fall, and we could visit together. When she got sick, that became
impossible, but I was going to take my senior trip to the UK when I graduated
in May, and visit her and another friend of mine then. I start feeling bleak
inside every time I think about how I can never meet her face to face, talk
Swampy, watch videos together, walk around, show her my sketchbook, hang out,
give her a hug, go out and eat and just actually be talking face to face and
laughing about anything.
	I was lucky enough to be able to talk to her on the phone a few times and hear
her voice; she had the nicest, sweetest voice, although sometimes if she talked
fast I had trouble understanding her, since she's got an English accent, and
I'm just a dumb American. :) I got to talk to her on my birthday, at Chanukah,
and I talked to her once or twice once Carol told me that she had cancer, and
how bad it was getting. I remember though, Fran telling me, "I'm going to get
better... it's just a matter of when." She didn't say it in that
false-comforting voice, and she didn't say it in that
super-determined-gritting-yer-teeth voice... she just said it just so... as if
it were just a fact. That *this* was the way it was, and she was just telling
me like it is. Like that. It really comforted me. And even though I had kind of
prepared my brain a little bit if the worst DID happen, I still felt in the
back of my mind that if we all prayed and the doctors kept doing their jobs,
she'd pull through.
	When Carol told me in an Instant Message what happened, my nightmares were
realized. I always thought that all the things people scream in movies when
someone dies were unrealistic and cliche and that REAL people don't scream
"WHY?!" and "NO!!" and "This isn't happening!" to the sky/ceiling. Well,
suddenly, those were the only things erupting from my throat, other than
uncontrollable, huge sobs. All I could see was a continually resurfacing image
of her lying in a hospital bed with her eyes closed and never waking up. Then
the image would subside... and I'd feel like it wasn't happening, and I'd
remember her emails... and then the image would come back and I'd start to cry
again, the cycle repeating over and over and over. I did talk to my good
friends SY and Steve and Carol, although I have to say that it was Ponce that
brought me through the worst of it (no slight to SY and Steve, it's just that
they didn't know Fran really.) Carol kind of calmed me down, but she had
already gone through her grieving, so I called Ponce, and we talked together,
and actually found that we could laugh and think about good things. I still
can't help feeling this weird... very bizarre... *empty* feeling in my stomach,
this desolate, bleak feeling that I've never had before, even in the blackest,
most depressed funk, when I think that there will be no more wonderful emails
from Ishtar@easynet.co.uk... that Bayou Rhythms 2 will never be finished... no
more funny, silly, stuff from Fran, no more evil grins, no more talking about
how we loved to beat the crap out of Arcane and how sexy he is, no meanderings
on subtext (although she slowly started to not see it as much anymore), no more
discussions on faith, the metaphysical, and Chia Pets. I'll never know what she
was going to say to me after our last correspondence (and I really *hate* that
phrase); the last email between us was mine, but she got too sick to write
back. :( And I don't even know how to go about finishing the sequel to our
novel... I think she would have really wanted it finished -- I remember Ponce
saying that if it wasn't, that when I eventually passed on and went up to the
afterlife, Fran would be there asking, "Why the hell isn't it done?!" -- but
I don't know what to do. I consider myself a very good writer (hell, if I
didn't, I wouldn't display my stories on the Net!), but I know I *don't* have
the ability to write plot like she does, fix the characterization like she does
-- we balanced and checked each other. We'd write our sections and critique
them for eachother, and refine and refine. Without her, it's crippled... I
can't do it alone but I can't shelve it. I know she had plans for our next
scene, but I'll never know what those plans will be.
	I miss her so much. The day Carol told me, it was the day that I did my first
Mixed Nutz performance. (It went well; could have been a little better, but we
still did a good job and I was pumped afterwards.) I keep feeling like it's all
a bad dream, like I'm going to wake up, and Fran's going to be well and I'll
see her email addy in my mailbox, and I'll be really nervous, because the Nutz
performance won't be till this afternoon... Or I keep feeling like Carol will
Insta-Message me and tell me how the doctors were wrong, that it was a coma and
she only looked like she was dead, and she's awake now and totally fine. 
	The night I found out, I listened to Sara McLachlan's "Angel" and started
crying... also listened to "One Sweet Day" by Boyz II Men and Mariah Carey, and
"I Love You", also by Sarah McLachlan... but I could smile a tiny bit during "I
Love You"; the song is about how the person you love is gone, and you forgot to
say you loved them -- but I could smile a little because I DIDN'T forget, I
*did* tell her "I want you to get well, you're my friend and I LOVE YOU". The
only problem is, I'll never know if she ever got the email... she said she
could sit and read them, but the drugs and pain were making it harder and
harder to respond. I hope she did see it. Whenever she did something really
great for me, I'd email her and be like, "You're my QUEEN, Fran, you're my
GODDESS, I love you!!!" but that's not exactly the same.
	Okay, I don't know everyone's religion or stance on whether or not there's an
afterlife, and what I'm about to say is probably going to sound crass to some
people... my intent is honestly not to offend... but this is just what I
believe. You don't have to share this belief at all... this is just mine. Skip
it if you want yo.
	
	I believe in an afterlife. And I believe that Fran is at this wonderful
afterlife where if you want something to exist, it WILL; where there's no trace
of sickness or radiation in her entire body, not so much as a leaf-mold
allergy. I believe that right now, Fran is having the TIME of her LIFE. :) She
is having MAD sex with Arcane :) (because she deserves it!!!!). She's getting
the cable channel feed directly from the alternate universe where "Swamp Thing"
went on for 10 seasons, and was wildly popular, and there are no commercials.
:) And she's got her snuggly German Shepherd with her. :)

	I'm extremely glad that Arcane Knowledge is being preserved. That's
beyond-wonderful of Shelly to do. I'd really like to help, if I can. I'd be
fine helping out with some of the episode summaries (although I don't have all
the eps) and collating survey results, converting stories to HTML, etc. 

	Fran's dream was seeing the series come back, with all the good parts of the
seasons blended into a "Swamp Thing" that really fufilled all its potential.
Let's see her dream realized. I don't care that it may be impossible. I don't
care if the show's been off for 5 years. She wanted it back, that's what
matters, we want it back too, so LET's DO IT. Let's BARRAGE these guys. Fans
made a difference with Lois & Clark, with Sliders, with MSTK3... we can DO
something if we just STOP being shy. I'm willing to actually get off my ass and
try and use some willpower for ONCE in my pathetic little life... but we should
ALL write.

Anyway, I hope I didn't upset anyone.

I miss you Fran, and I love you, and I wish you were here with us. I wish I
could have seen your house and your country with you and given you a great big
hug, and be like, "Wow! You're the only person in the world shorter than me!"
and you could then smack me, as you would have had a perfect right to.  :)
You were a gift to us, Frannie, a talented, genius, funny gift... I miss you
and I love you and I know you're listening to us down here and having a great
time where you are. You've always ended your emails with "Take care".  :)  Take
care of yourself.

				    {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Fran}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}


"i have a smile
stretched from ear to ear
i see you walking down the road
we meet at the light
i stare for a while
the world around us disappears
it's just you and me
on our island of hope
a breath between us could be mi l e s
let me surround you
my sea to your shore
let me be the calm you seek
and every time 
	i'm close to you 
		there's too much i can't say
and you just walk a w a y

and i
	forgot
to tell you
		i love you
and the night's too long
and cold here
	without you
i grieve in my condition
for i cannot find the words to say
				i need you so

and every time
i'm close to you
there's too much i can't say
and you
	just 
		walk
			a  w  a  y
and i
   for
	got

to tell you
i love you

and the night's too
	l o n g
and cold here
		without you

i grieve in my condition
	for i cannot find the words to say
										i need you so."

-"I Love You", ©Sara Mclaclan.

Love,
JJ