Covenant - #1
by Otterlady (09/24/1999)
He
was in a strange mood. He wanted to do
something but had no idea what he wanted to do. He was in a strange place.
He couldn't remember how he got there; it was all a blur of red and
white and white again. It wasn't a
*bad* place. Actually, it was kind of
pleasant. But he didn't much like it
there, for he was alone and that bothered him a little. And it was quiet; the only sound was the
whoosh of the ocean. A quiet, soothing
sound that for some reason was a little frightening.
And
time was strange. It seemed to have stopped. There was no sun, so he couldn't tell
whether it was day or night. And there
appeared to be no sky, no walls, no anything.
Just an endless space of slightly off-center light. Not a bright light, a quiet soothing light
just like the ocean. He never had to
sleep, never got hungry, never had to go to the bathroom. Just be.
But most of all, he was strange, for he seemed to be formless. Not that he needed a body in this place, but
it would have been nice. But he felt no
pain, no hunger, no sadness, no grief.
Nothing really, except for that little fear that hovered at the edge of
his perception. And the
loneliness. That was probably the only
thing that was worse than the fear, but maybe they were the same thing. Maybe.
The fear was formless, just like him.
But the loneliness had a shape, it had a name. If he could have spoken he would have shouted that name, but he
had no voice. He tried to put an image
to that form but he couldn't get his mind to wrap around it long enough to put
the two together. So he let it slide,
it was just too much effort. And so he
drifted, a formless creature in a formless ocean, bathed in formless light.
And
then came a ripple, a disturbance in the placid sea. Something had happened, but he was only slightly aware of
it. At first. But then the ripple became a wavelet and he started to pay
attention. It lapped at his awareness
like a soft breeze on a hot Summer's day, just gentle enough to be felt but not
strong enough to change anything. Then
the wavelet grew stronger and became an actual wave that rocked him
gently. It bothered him; it disturbed
his pleasant quietude. And made the
fear a little stronger, gave the loneliness a bit more form. Then, suddenly, it was a tidal wave, a
hurricane that threw him around like a leaf falling into a windstorm. It buffeted him back and forth. He suddenly had a body, and it hurt. He suddenly felt pain and the pain had a
name. Suddenly he knew time; he knew
what the sound really was. The sound
had been his own heart beating, trying to keep his tired and aching soul
attached to that body. Time was trying
to run away from him, run away with him, but the loneliness wouldn't let
it. And it had been that loneliness
that saved him.
He
opened his eyes, slightly startled to have eyes. The pain flooded back into his awareness, but it felt good in its
own way. It meant that he was here and
not in that far and distant place. And
the form of his loneliness was standing there, across the room, looking so sad,
so alone. Until the form realized he
was back. And then the sun
returned. And he was home.