Author's Note: You'll really want to read the previous 4 parts, ("Cruel Inventions," "Heartbreak Hotel," "Help!" and "In the Heat of the Night,") because this series is confusing enough as it is. And yes, this is told from Dawson's perspective. Also, thoughts, flashbacks, and something to show that a word is being enunciated are in **, so you'll have to figure that one out on your own.

*I'm probably crazy by now,* I thought. *Maybe I dream too much.*

Ding! "You may now unfasten your seatbelts and exit the plane," the flight attendant announced over the loudspeaker.

I sighed, wondering what this would all come to. Joey. What was going on with her? Just thinking about her makes me long to feel her touch.

*No, Dawson. Pacey's hurt, and that's the only reason why you're here. Not to fall for Joey again.* But could I do that? Could I stand not to whisper in her ear words that are as old as time?

I closed my eyes, reminiscing.

*"I can't listen to you say anything but the things I've always wanted you to say."

"What are those things, Dawson?" she pleaded.

"Those three little words that you can't say. Those are the only words I've ever wanted you to say, and I would reciprocate them in a second. But words my heart just *can't* hear are the one you said that night. You came close to saying I love you so many times, and I can't believe that the one who almost said the three words says the things you say."*

*In short,* I thought bitterly, *words you would hear, if only you were mine.*

*I need to go on. Pick up my life and move on.* But could I do that if I was a father? I got off the plane as fast as I could, wanting to know what happened to Joey.

"Dawson! Over here!" Andie's voice shouted.

I dragged my bags over to the woman with a tearstained face.

"How is he, And?" I asked her as she greeted me with a hug

"Getting worse as we speak," she sniffled.

"He's gonna get better, Andie. This is Pacey, remember?"

"Yeah, but I still just have this feeling..."

"Don't say that, Andie," I scolded her. "He's gonna make it. I've known him my whole life, and a measly car accident isn't gonna slow him down."

"Can we just let it go, Dawson? Until we get to the medical center, at least? I'm dying as it is."

"Sure, just don't you ever say that Pace isn't gonna make it."

We got my bags and drove to the medical center in silence. But I was thinking about Joey and Andie was probably thinking about Pacey.

*I wish I could go back to when I was 13, the first time she looked into my eyes. I shouldn't have hid my feelings, I should've made my move then... think, maybe if I had, all this might never have happened... I was never oblivious anyway, I was just scared to find out what would happen if I took action. If I hadn't hid my true feelings from the world, I could be with her, she would love me, and I would tell her I love her as she would lay beside me,* I thought wistfully.

"We're here, Dawson," Andie told me as she pulled up to St. Joseph's Medical Center.

I took a deep breath, knowing what my eyes would come to see would change my life forever. We walked into the building and up a few flights of stairs. I heard a little girl crying.

"Mommy, when do we leave?" she complained to her mother.

"Kathryn Jane Leery, how many times do I have to tell you, we're here for a good friend of mine, and we won't leave until he gets better!"

I froze as the room began to spin and I felt detached from my body. It was Joey's voice reprimanding the child, and then Leery.

*I love you, Jo, please say you love me too. Those three words could change our lives forever,* I thought out of intuition.

*And I promise we'll always be together 'til the end.*

How was I going to handle this? Pacey was dying, I couldn't deny that, I just said all those things to Andie because I wanted her to have positive attitude. And Joey... god, *she* is the mother of my child. I didn't know what to do, didn't know what to think. But what had convinced her to keep the child? She was married to Josh, she broke up with me to be with him. So why would she give birth to *my* child? I pretended not to notice her as I walked up to the counter where a nurse stood.

"Excuse me?" I demanded.

"Yes, sir?" the nurse replied, not looking up from her work.

"Can you please tell me the condition of Pacey Witter?"

"Of course... he's in intensive care. Is that all?" she told me.

My face fell as she said "intensive care." "Um, yes... thank you."

I walked over to an eager Andie. *Poor Andie. She thinks Pacey's all better now."

"Well?" she asked me.

"He's in intensive care, And," I told her sadly.

The hopeful expression on her face was wiped away instantly. "How could this happen? He was fine a few days ago! And why Pacey? Tim was already killed in a car accident, so why does this have to be relived?" she sobbed.

"Shh, he's gonna be okay, Andie, I promise," I reassured her, pulling her into my arms.

She continued sobbing as I closed my eyes. This only brought back memories of when Joey's mother had died and she cried in my arms for ages. I wish those days would come back.

"Andie, you know Pacey, and you know he's not gonna let a car accident get in his way and stop him. You know that, don't you?"

"I'm not sure anymore," she sniffled. She pulled out of my embrace and walked up to the counter where the nurse stood.

"Pardon me, but may I see Pacey Witter?" Andie asked.

"Hold on, ma'am, I'll check with the doctors." Andie stood there, waiting anxiously.

"How are you related to Mr. Witter?"

"I'm his wife."

"Then yes, you may, but for a short while. Room 205."

Andie looked at me, little hope in her eyes. "Here goes nothing," she sighed, walking into his room. A few moments later, she came out with a multitide of tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Don't go in that room, Dawson. That's not my husband in there, that's not your best friend."

"Move aside, Andie," I ordered. When she obeyed my command, I slowly walked over to Pacey's room.

"Hey, Pace," I greeted the lifeless body, plopping down in a chair. "So how's life going? That's a stupid question, seeing as how you're in here, wasting away. The only thing I have to say is don't you dare die, Pacey. Everyone needs you. Regardless of what you may think, we need you. Andie needs you... she's out there crying her heart out and I don't know what to do with the girl. And me... I'm helpless without you. What do I do with Joey? She's out there with my daughter, and I don't know how to face her, I don't know what to do. Pacey, wake up and give me that sardonic grin just like you used to."

"Dawson?" he asked weakly.

"Ohmigod, Pacey!"

"What happened?"

"You were in a car accident, and so much has happened while you were sleeping. Andie's out there wasting away, and Joey's out there... with *my* child."

"Get Andie in here," he requested.

I ran to the doorway. "Andie!" She turned her head. "He's awake." A smile spread across her face as she ran over. Joey also looked alarmed and jumped up out of her seat. *Please, God, don't let her come in here.*

"Pacey!" Andie exclaimed, throwing her arms around my best friend.

"Careful, And," I laughed as she tightened her grip on Pacey. She didn't obey, so I had to undo the pair myself.

"I'm just so glad to see you, Pace," she mumbled.

"The girl loves you, obviously," I remarked to Pacey. "Must be on something, I'm sure."

"Good to see you, too, Dawson," he responded.

"Hi, Pacey," Joey greeted him softly as she entered the room with a child clinging on to her hand desperately.

"Joey," he replied weakly. "What are you doing here?"

"Andie called me and said you were in an accident, so I figured I'd come," Joey told us as the child tugged at her mother's hand. "And this is my daughter, Katie."

I gulped. Katie Leery. Kathryn Leery. Kathryn Jane Leery. That little girl standing over there, clutching Joey's hand... is my daughter.

"Well, I'm glad you came," Pacey concluded.

"Um, Dawson, can I talk to you for a minute?" Joey asked me nervously.

"Sure," I answered with a tone of fear.

We walked out of the room where Joey left Katie. I looked at the child for a moment before Joey began to speak.

"Where do I begin?" she sighed. "Well, Katie, that 3 year old child in there? That's your child." She paused. "Kathryn Jane Leery, born March 21, 2011."

"So you kept it?" I finally managed to squeak.

"Obviously. When Josh found out, he was infuriated. We divorced, so I'm just Josephine Potter, the girl from the wrong side of the creek, again."

For the first time in 17 years, I felt at least half-decent, half-satisfied. I was, for some reason, glad she had kept the child.

"Well?" she added hopefully, like her heart was an open door and I could just stroll in and out as I pleased. I felt myself walking up warily to that door.

But once I got there, my body couldn't move. Just like all those times before.

"Don't make me the guilty one, Joey. I don't want to walk into your heart and walk out as if it were no big deal, like you did to me," I spat out suddenly, turning around to walk away.

"You were the one that left me there abandoned and confused with that note!" came her reply.

*I got dressed as quick as I could, and left a note by her. It read:

"I know I did, Joey, but it seemed like the only way. I couldn't help it that if I didn't, I would have to tell you I love you in person and beg for you to say it back because they would change our lives forever and I would swear on my life we'd be together until the end of time!"

"What if I had said I love you back?" she asked me softly.

"I... would have been surprised," I laughed quietly. "I might have admitted that maybe I need love and care... and maybe even you."

"And that if you ever needed someone just to plain hold you, all you'd have to do is reach out and I'd be there," I added softly.

*Was I actually saying this? Confessing my love? My undying devotion?*

"What if I said I needed all that, too?" she questioned with her eyes pleading a postive response, as she inched closer to me.

"I don't know what I would have done," I shrugged. Then something came to me. "Actually, I do know what I would have done. Even though I love you and want like hell for you to say it back... not only for myself, but because they would change our lives forever and I would swear on my life we'd be together until the end of time..."

"I wouldn't be able to let you into my heart, because in that moment you broke up with me, I lost all trust in anyone. I never wanted to be loved, afraid to be hurt, to fall... and I couldn't even trust my own parents not to hurt me. I couldn't trust myself to guard myself from all harm... and I can't let myself be close to pain now. I know I hurt you when I was dating Jen, but I can say it was probably nothing compared to what I've gone through every single day, every single second, for the past 17 years. And as much as I love you, and as much as I would give everything to hear you say, "I love you, too, Dawson,"

"I can't wait until the end of time for us to be together, even though if we reconciled right now, it would be forever."

Then came the inevitable sigh. "And even under the circumstances, I just realized that I need to move on, that I need to get over you. Because I've waited 17 years for you, and it's about time I realize their are other fish, *better* fish in the creek than you." I got up and left as I heard her whisper the words I had waited over half my lifetime for.

"I love you, too, Dawson, and I'll be your light... whatever I have to do to get your trust back, I'll do it, because I want to be your light, shining bright through your eyes."

Stay tuned for "No Looking Back: Part 6 in Amanda's Twisted View of DC!"