"I do want you," he whispered out loud. {But I'm afraid that if I confront you, you'll tell me things I don't want to hear.} He lurched out of bed stiffly, ribs protesting as they usually did this early in the day. As he showered, his thoughts continued to whirl. {She acted so betrayed last night. What about the way I found her and McClanahan?} He then recalled what his father had said to him when they were fighting the Wang Ching Triad. "You do not know the entire reality. What you think you saw may not be the entire truth."
He toweled himself dry and vocalized his thoughts. "What is it that she can't tell me? What else could it be, other than she's found someone else to love?" He shaved and dressed, continuing to wonder, {What will we do now?}
He wandered out into the living room, pausing to listen at the door to the spare bedroom. Hearing nothing, he quietly turned the knob, opening the door to peek in.
Kacie was sitting up in the bed, her back to him. She appeared to be flipping slowly through the pages of a photo album, which she closed quickly when she heard him open the door. Shoving the book under the twisted sheets and blankets, she asked quietly, "You through in the shower?"
His stomach twisted at the icy tone of her voice. "Y-yes."
She got up and walked past him without looking at him or speaking.
Peter hesitated a moment, then reached under the sheets on the bed for the album Kacie had been looking through. A lump the size of a baseball filled his throat as he saw their wedding pictures. He sank to the edge of the bed, paging through the photographs, and was instantly transported back to the day, nearly nine months prior, remembering the nervousness, the excitement, the joy. He turned the pages of photos slowly, and stopped at the one that had always been his favorite. {We were saying our special vows then. I can still hear her saying to me, 'Entreat me not to leave thee.'}
He blinked against the sudden moisture in his eyes. "I could never ask you to leave me," he whispered. "Because I don't ever want you to leave me. But what if you don't love me any more? Oh, Kace, what are we gonna do?"
He closed the album and slid it back where he had found it. Getting to his feet wearily, he walked out and closed the door.
Peter woke up Sunday morning to the sound of the
shower running. He rolled onto his side and reached out a
hand and touched the pillow next to his, the one that had been vacant for two long nights. {I can't stand this.
We've got to settle things one way or the other.}
Kacie came out of the bathroom and started hunting through the closet, attempting to find something that would fit her reasonably well. Pulling out a pair of brown corduroy slacks, she held them against herself to check for fit. {These have always been too tight before. Maybe I can wear them now.} She found a cream colored, long-sleeved turtleneck shell and a wheat patterned bulky knit sweater to match. {I'm so cold any more.}
She started to get dressed and stopped in embarrassment when she saw Peter staring at her. Reddening, she commented shortly, "We've got about an hour before we need to leave for your parents'. Are we picking up your father before we go?"
Peter was shocked to see the way Kacie's ribs showed under her skin. Shaking himself mentally, he answered, "Umm, yeah. I told him we'd pick him up."
She started to dress again, but stopped once more, holding the turtleneck in front of her chest and glaring. "You're staring at me."
"How much weight have you lost?"
She looked down at herself and shrugged indifferently. "I don't know. I s'pose ten or fifteen pounds." She pulled the turtleneck over her head and stepped into her slacks. Even after tucking in her shirt, the corduroys zipped up easily and fit her loosely.
"You need to take better care of yourself," he blurted out, sitting up and resting his back against the headboard of the bed.
"I'd have to give a damn in order to do that, now wouldn't I?" She pulled the bulky sweater over her head and finished dressing. Sliding her hand between neck and hair, she tugged her dark tresses free of the sweater neck and let the damp strands cover her shoulders and back. Sitting down on the small seat in front of the vanity, she started to brush her hair.
Peter watched her tired movements and noted the way the skin stretched tautly over her cheekbones. {She looks so beaten. Has she hated being married to me that much? Maybe she would be better off without me.} He sighed and closed his eyes at the stab of pain that pierced his heart at the thought.
Kacie surreptitiously viewed Peter in the mirror. She saw the flash of pain cross his face, and felt the ache of unshed tears in her own throat. {What's the point in telling him about the baby now?} She swallowed and cleared her throat before speaking. "You better get going. You don't want to be late."
He rubbed a hand over his eyes and slid over to sit on the edge of the bed. "This dinner means a lot to Mom. It's the first time in almost two years that Paul will be here for his own birthday."
"Family is very important," she agreed softly. "I can't tell you how much I miss my family. I've lost them all." She blinked rapidly at the tears that threatened to fall. {Don't think about it. Not now. Don't let yourself think.} "I'll be waiting in the living room." She got up quickly and exited.
As Peter for his shower, he thought once again, {We can't live like this.}
They endured the ride to Chinatown in virtual silence. Peter drove the Camry, since the Stealth would not accommodate three people comfortably, especially when two of the three were barely speaking.
"Car handles nice," Peter commented. "You gonna keep it?"
Kacie stared ahead and answered without looking at him, "I don't know. Taxes, license, insurance. I don't know if I want to deal with it all." She shrugged uncaringly and turned her head to look out the side window.
They pulled up in front of Caine's flat. Peter started to get out, but his father was waiting at street level. Caine walked forward to meet them, a welcoming smile on his face.
Kacie slid out of the front seat of the car and avoided meeting her father-in-law's eyes. "Why don't you sit in front with Peter? I know you haven't had a chance to talk in awhile." She climbed into the back seat before Caine could say a word.
Peter shook off his initial surprise at Kacie's actions, and pasted a bright smile on his face as his father slid in and buckled his seat belt. "Hi, Pop."
"Hello, Peter. I am happy to see you. It is good to see you driving again. You have gotten a new car?"
"Kacie's been test driving this car, to see if she likes it well enough to buy it. I thought maybe she'd get another Saturn." He glanced at her in the rear view mirror.
"No." Her answer was sharp. "It would only remind me of the accident, and I want to forget everything about it." {Everything.}
As Peter chattered on, Caine listened with one ear. He could see Kacie's face in the mirrored sun visor, as she focused her gaze out the side window and contributed little to the conversation. The tension between Kacie and his son was palpable. Caine sighed inwardly. {Sometimes it is very hard to be a Shaolin father, to sense things and know things and be able to say nothing.}