From domjotter@aol.com Mon May 10 15:22:06 1999
TITLE: "Hollow Pursuits"
AUTHOR: Domjotter (domjotter@aol.com)
WEBSITE: http://members.aol.com/domjotter/dom.html
SERIES: (All) Women in Trek
CODES: Janeway, Troi, Crusher
RATING: PG-13
Summary: The women in Trek meet at the Dairy Queen across from Paramount
studios after a long day of shooting and convention appearances.
Disclaimer: Paramount/Viacom owns the Trek characters. I just play with them.
Note: This is the first of numerous stories in the Women in Trek series that
will be posted on ASC and can be found on my webpage listed above.
Women in Trek Series #1: "Hollow Pursuits"
by Domjotter
Kathryn Janeway enters the Dairy Queen across from the Paramount Studios main
gate. It has become the frequent hangout for the Women of Trek after a long day
of shooting and Trek Conventions.
Janeway, dressed in a muscle shirt, drops the bazooka compression phaser rifle
on the center of the table in the back of the room.
Beverly Crusher: Whoa girl. Where did you get that BigBoy?
KJ: It's Braga's idea of a concealed weapon.
Deanna Troi: I sense your confidence; your arrogant resolve. It excites me.
KJ: I beg your pardon!
Deanna: Oh, Kathryn. Not you! (plops script on the table) I was rehearsing my
lines from "Hollow Pursuits." I have a passion scene with Reginald Barclay.
Bev: (giggles)
KJ: Who's brilliant idea was that one? Braga? Taylor?
Deanna: Neither. I think it was Dwight Shultz's idea. Something about a clause
in his contract.
Bev: I'll bet.
KJ: (slides compression rifle toward Troi) You need this more than I do.
Bev: (intercepts the rifle) You'd think a compression rifle would be more
compressed. This thing is huge.
KJ: Pick it up.
Bev: Ugh. They've compressed two hundred pounds of metal into this baby.
KJ: (rubs neck). Tell me about it. My knots have knots.
Deanna: Muzzle it!
KJ: I beg your-
Deanna: Not you, Kathryn. The script. I tell my holographic replica to muzzle
it. I'm trying to decide if I should say, MUZZLE it or muzzle IT.
Bev: I'd emphasize the muzzle part.
KJ: Me, too. So there's two of you Trois in the episode. I did that once in
"Deadlock". It's confusing. Are both of you fighting over Barclay? (winks)
Deanna: No. The real Troi is counseling Barclay who is addicted to the holodeck
program that he created which happens to include me.
KJ: I see. Sounds racy. So, who wins?
Bev: Barclay.
Deanna: It could be worse. (nods toward the door as Tasha Yar and Genevieve
Bujold appear wearing waitress costumes.)
KJ: Are they doing a remake of "Alice's Restaurant"?
Deanna: Not exactly.
(Tasha flips a coin. Apparently, from her flurry of French swear words, Bujold
loses)
Bev: (clears throat as Bujold approaches their table. She whispers to KJ) Play
nice, Kathryn.
KJ: Always.
Genevieve: Okay. Who had the BuckoBar?
KJ: It's a BusterBar. I did.
Genevieve: Whatever. (tosses it unceremoniously in front of KJ. Bujold licks
her lips as she eyes the phaser rifle on the table. She mumbles to herself as
she leaves) Choke on it, Captain.
Deanna: I thought you handled that quite well.
KJ: I am a diplomat, remember?
Bev: That's why you're toting the compression rifle and flashing your delts.
KJ: (glances downward.)
Bev: Those aren't your delts. Del-toids.
KJ: (looking around and taking inventory)
Bev: Deltoids. In your upper arms. Never mind.
KJ: (looks at Troi who is thumping the bone behind her ear) What in the world
are you doing?
Deanna: It's called Plexing. Tapping the bone is supposed to release
endorphines.
(All three women begin plexing.)
Deanna: I don't feel anything.
Bev: Me either.
KJ: I do.
Bev: (takes out tricorder) What does it feel like?
KJ: I now have a headache.
Bev: I think you ate your ice cream too fast.
KJ: Is that your professional opinion?
Deanna: So much for diplomacy.
KJ: Beverly, dear, is this the part where I remind you that the tricorder isn't
real and you're not really a doctor?
Bev: Speaking of biting cold. Give the woman a bazooka and an attitude is soon
to follow.
Deanna: Kathryn, you used to be a compassionate and tender woman. What happened
to you?
KJ: I'll admit I haven't been myself lately. Things haven't been the same since
That Woman wrote That Book about Janeway's life story. What a crock of crock.
Genevieve: Who had the DillyDally?
Deanna: I did. It's a DillyBar.
Genevieve: Whatever. (leaves as abruptly as she arrived)
Deanna: So, Kathryn is the bazook toting phase a mark of repressed aggression
from the inner child who is harboring anxiety over the loss of her father.
KJ: Marina, you've been playing the role of the Ship's Counselor way too long.
Deanna: That's what my 12-step group keeps telling me.
Bev: Kathryn, what episode are you shooting?
KJ: Micro-Macro-cosm-something or other. I'm supposed to take on an alien virus
that mutates into these big triangular-shaped creatures that feed off the
energy of those it infects.
Bev: That isn't possible. Are you sure it isn't a protozoan?
KJ: The script calls it a virus.
Deanna: (to Bev) What's with the viruses? You just cured a virus in the STNG
novel #42 "Infiltrator".
KJ: Have you seen the STNG novel #44 "The Death of Princes"? (pulls out a copy
and gives it to Troi.)
Deanna: Bev and I look lovely on the cover. (Reads the back cover) We're
fighting an alien virus again. How unique.
Bev: (shudders)
KJ: (concerned) What is it?
Bev: I just had a flashback from first season, "The Naked Now."
Deanna: Don't remind me. (Shudders)
KJ: Counselor?
Deanna: I just had a flashback from second season, "Shades of Gray."
(All three women shudder)
Bev: ewwwwwwww.
KJ: How many virus episodes did you do?
Bev: Not quite as many as the radiation sickness scenario. Six, but it seems
like more.
Deanna: Add two more for second season when you were teaching at the Academy.
Bev: Add five more for viruses that contaminated the computer. Was Moriarty a
virus? (laughs) Let's see, in "Genesis" Barclay caught a virus that caused the
crew to de-evolve. In "The Nth Degree", Barclay was the virus that took over
the ship.
KJ: Are you sure you want to do a passion scene with this guy?
Bev: I'd be certain to play it safe.
Deanna: I wonder if Barclay would mind if I brought a friend. (Caresses the
compression rifle and cradles it in her arms.)
Bev: I was talking about a vaccination, but the rifle might work as
effectively.
KJ: If you intend to give him a massive stroke.
Deanna: (holds the rifle and pretends to shoot it.) Pow. Pow. Pow. KerPow.
KJ: What on earth are you doing?
Deanna: What a rush. This is better than plexing.
Bev: Let me try it. (takes rifle) Phhffft. phffft. Ka-phffftt!
Deanna: (smiles and winks) I told you.
Bev: This is strangely wonderful.
KJ: I've certainly made an interesting discovery.
Deanna: Which is?
KJ: Women cannot make realistic gunfire sound effects.
Genevieve: Who ordered the Lime Starbutt?
Bev: StarBurst and that would be mine.
Genevieve: Whatever. (leaves)
Deanna: (watching Bev) Maybe the captain would be interested in pursuing a
relationship with a woman hugging a bazooka.
KJ: Not me!!
Deanna: Our Captain. Picard.
Bev: My very thought.
KJ: Forget it. TPTB aren't about to fix you up with the captain after all these
years. Besides, after reading That Woman's novel of Janeway's life, I'm not
certain if they know how to do it properly. It's humiliating.
Deanna: They sure messed up my Imzadi.
KJ: (chokes back a snicker)
Deanna: Kathryn, you're hiding something.
Bev: Oh Deanna, get a life. Not that old line again.
KJ: I supposedly had a blind date with Will Riker once.
Deanna: (drops DillyBar) Pu-lease.
KJ: My thoughts exactly. Oh, I mean, nothing personal, but he's not my type.
Deanna: (feigning offense) Tell me, Kathryn just what type of man do you find
attractive? One who sits behind a big desk? A desk that you both can crawl
under.
KJ: Don't knock it till you try it, Counselor. If I didn't know you better, I'd
say you were jealous.
Deanna: Rather, I'd say you are jealous. You haven't had a real man, until
you've had a Klingon.
KJ: So K'Ehleyr told me.
Bev: The score is three to two, Deanna. I'd quit now. Nice parting shot,
Kathryn.
Deanna: (laughing and pretending the DillyBar stick is a knife being thrust
into her heart.)
KJ: (rolls eyes) You're so melodramatic.
Deanna: It comes with being an alien empath.
KJ: So what am I thinking?
Bev: Bet I can guess!! (puts down the rifle and grabs KJ's face in the Vulcan
Mind Meld Maneuver) You're thinking that you wish I'd get my hands off your
face since other people in the room are beginning to stare.
KJ: Actually, I was thinking that I'd like for you to get that popsicle out of
my ear.
Bev: Sorry.
Deanna: I AM the Goddess of Empathy.
KJ: I beg your par-. Oh, that's part of the "Hollow Pursuits" script.
Deanna: It is, but it also happens to be true.
Bev: Marina, we need to have a very long talk.
KJ: That's a conversation I'd love to hear, but my breaks over. Back to the old
grind. Things to do. Places to go. (Grabs the rifle) People to annihilate.
Bev: You wear it well.
Deanna: Sigourney would be proud.
KJ: I get a virus. You get Barclay. May we both live long enough to prosper in
this profession.
Deanna: And to live down the humiliation.
-end
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