Title: Schrodinger's Cargo Bay
Author: Sasscat Bu-to-y
Series: Voyager
Rating: PG
Codes: P, mindf**k
Part: 1/1
Summary: Following the events of "Schrodinger's Kitchen", Paris tries
to convince Janeway that she is, in fact, dead.
Disclaimer: Paramount owns Voyager, Schrodinger owns the cat, not
that the cat's actually in it, but-- Look, you know what I mean.
Author's Note: Thanks to my four beta-testers : envoy, Marlissa
Campbell, Monica and Ellen. And to Zeborah, because she's standing
over my shoulder telling me to thank her. :) And I've reposted
"Schrodinger's Kitchen" for anyone who hasn't read it.
Schrodinger's Cargo Bay
(c) Sasscat Bu-to-y 1998
"Just three little words," Paris pleaded. "Three words! Would it
kill you to-- Okay, forget I said that."
Janeway regarded him, arms folded tightly. "If I say it, will you
leave me alone?"
He glanced at the turbolift floor for a moment then back at her. "I
don't want you to just say it. I want you to *mean* it. I don't like
this any more than you do--"
"Then stop stalking me!"
"I am *not* stalking you!" Paris protested angrily.
Janeway closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. "Mister
Paris," she said through clenched teeth. "I am not now, nor do I
intend to be at any time in the immediate foreseeable future, dead.
Now, kindly take your hand off my arm and report to Sickbay."
He pushed her, hard, against the wall of the lift. "You may not want
to admit it, Captain, but *you are dead*. If you'd just stop being so
damn childish about this--"
She put her hand on his shoulder to push him away just as the doors
opened and Chakotay stared at them; Paris pinning Janeway to the
turbolift wall, lips inches apart, both of them flushed and breathing
heavily. After a moment's hesitation Chakotay stepped back. "I'll...
take another turbolift."
"Please, Commander, join us," Janeway said desperately, and realised
how that sounded just as the doors closed on Chakotay's incredulous
expression. She glared at Paris. "Paris, you are *so* dead--"
"So are you," he retorted.
Janeway took a breath and let it out sharply. "That's *enough*,
Lieutenant. The mess hall has two entrances, yes. When you're in it
you are on two decks simultaneously, yes. But you do *not* die when
you leave it."
"Then why is it *Schrodinger's* mess hall?" Paris asked triumphantly.
Janeway stared at him for a moment. "*You* called it that."
"Exactly."
"Lieutenant," she said. "Report to Sickbay, *now*. That's an order."
"Fine," Paris snapped. "But I'm telling you, Captain, you're dead.
We both are."
"If you're dead," Janeway said logically, "then why are you still
bothering me?"
Paris gave her a scathing look. "I can't pass on until I've got
everyone to stop clinging to their delusions of life," he explained
patiently.
"Okaaay." Fortunately she was rescued from further conversation when
the doors opened out on deck five. "Your stop, Lieutenant. Remember,
Sickbay."
Paris frowned at her. "I said I'd go, didn't I?"
"Yes, you did," Janeway conceded. She put a hand to her head as he
left. This was not the best way to start a day.
****
Paris glanced behind him as he rounded the corner, just in case she
was following to make sure he really got to Sickbay. No one there;
good. He turned onto another corridor and walked rapidly away from
the direction of Sickbay until he got to his real destination.
A weapons locker.
Even Janeway couldn't argue with a phaser rifle, he thought to himself
in satisfaction.
****
"Sickbay to Janeway; this is the Emergency Medical Holographic Prigram.
Captain, I thought you said Lieutenant Paris would be reporting to
Sickbay?"
Janeway looked up from her reports. "That's right," she said warily.
"Well, that was half an hour ago and he still hasn't arrived. I
really must protest, Captain--"
"Feel free," she said, rising from her computer terminal. "Janeway
out. Computer, locate Lieutenant Paris."
"Lieutenant Paris is in his quarters."
Janeway strode towards the door. Someone was going to pay for her bad
mood, and it wasn't going to be the people who knew she was alive.
****
Paris grinned as he peered through the grating and saw Janeway coming
down the corridor. Dead people were so predictable. He waited until
she'd rung his door chime before dropping out of the maintenance duct.
"Nice to see you, Captain," he said lightly as he leveled the phaser
rifle. "And I do believe you're meant to be dead."
She stared at him for a moment, then her eyes flicked past him and she
relaxed. "About time you got here, Tuvok," she said gratefully.
Paris half-turned and realised his mistake just as Janeway knocked the
phaser rifle out of his hand and dove for it herself. He flung
himself at her frantically, grunting as the butt of the rifle found
his stomach. "Dammit, Captain--" he started, before she hit him in
the head with the rifle and pushed him away from her.
She was fiddling with the settings as he climbed back to his feet,
wincing. "That wasn't very nice," he gasped.
"You're the one trying to kill me," she retorted, then turned and ran.
He followed her, quickly revising his plans. There was a dead end up
ahead-- but she had enough of a lead to duck into a Jefferies Tube.
Paris climbed in after her, and she'd been slowed down enough that he
was able to catch her, mere metres from the corridor.
She rolled onto her back as he grabbed at the phaser rifle. She tried
to loosen his grip by banging the rifle against the side of the
Jefferies Tube, but he had the edge in size and strength. He could
see in her eyes that she knew it was only a matter of time.
****
Chakotay was walking along the corridor, mind running over what he was
going to say to Paris about his intentions towards the captain, when
he became aware of a rhythmic pounding noise coming from the Jefferies
Tubes.
A moment later he heard Janeway's voice, unsteady and breathless.
"Oh, god... Tom, please... don't... stop..."
Well, that answered the question of Paris' intentions, Chakotay
thought as he beat a hasty retreat.
****
"Don't," Janeway repeated frantically. "Please, Tom, stop. You don't
want to do this."
Paris shook his head as he aimed the phaser rifle. "I'm sorry,
Captain. It has to be this way."
"Wait--" Janeway pounced on the first thing that came to mind. "It's
only set to stun. I changed it, remember?"
Paris hesitated, then lowered the rifle. "Don't move," he cautioned
her as he moved his hand to the settings.
She sat up, wrested it from his grasp and turned it on him before he
had a chance to react. "Captain--" he managed, then she shot him.
****
Janeway paced Sickbay irritably. "Isn't he awake *yet*?"
"As I explained before, Captain, the weapon was still on a very high
setting, and--"
"Can you wake him anyway?" she demanded.
"I wouldn't recommend it--"
"But you can do it," she anticipated.
"Well, yes, but--"
"Wake him," she snapped, finally standing still. The Doctor sighed,
fetched a hypospray and pressed it to Paris' neck.
He woke slowly, confusion clouding his eyes. For a moment it looked
as though they were clearing, then Paris frowned and put a hand to his
head. "What happened? I feel like a herd of targ stampeded across my
head."
"I shot you," Janeway said succintly, folding her arms and glaring at
him.
He stared at her for a moment. "...*Captain*?"
"You were trying to kill me," she elaborated, still glaring.
He paused. "Why?"
"*That* is something I have yet to comprehend," she said dryly. The
doors opened, forestalling Paris' next question, and Kim rushed
through.
"Tom, I don't believe you tried to kill the captain! --Oh, hello,
Captain," he added lamely.
"Ensign," she returned. "I'll give you two a moment."
****
Paris watched as Janeway walked away and resisted the urge to smile.
He almost couldn't believe she'd fallen for it... but he didn't have
time to gloat. He had to convince her she was dead, without her being
able to stop him. It would probably be best to get everyone else
who'd been involved in the incident at the same time, or they'd lock
him up before he could finish. And that wouldn't do at all.
Kim was saying something in a reproachful tone of voice, and Paris
started paying attention. "...believe you did that!" he exclaimed.
"I thought you were over this death thing."
"Harry, what are you talking about?" he said, in what he hoped was an
appropriately bemused tone of voice.
"You don't remember?"
"Not a thing," Paris said emphatically, shaking his head. "The
captain just said I tried to kill her... What's going on?"
"Well, it started when we found out the mess hall was in two places at
once, like Schrodinger's cat," Kim said. "We thought we'd die if we
left the mess hall, like if the cat found out it was both alive and
dead and tried to find out which, you see?"
"I see," Paris nodded.
"But we were wrong," Kim continued.
"We were?"
"Of course we were! See, the cat is both alive and dead, so it would
die. But we weren't alive and dead; we were on decks two and six. So
we wouldn't die, we'd just be on one of the two decks."
That made no sense, Paris thought irritably. Harry wasn't usually
this stupid. "But it wasn't the cat being one or the other, it was
the cat trying to find out *which* that would kill it," he objected.
Kim glanced at him warily. "Tom..."
He was trying to convince them he was 'sane', he remembered, and
quickly put on a look of comprehension. "Oh, I get it. ...I think.
All that scientific stuff just gives me a headache."
"Don't I know it," Kim snorted. "I'll never study quantum mechanics
again... So, you're sure you're all right?"
"Sure," Paris said, with one of his best smiles. "So, when can I get
out of here?"
Kim shrugged. "You'll have to ask the Doctor."
Probably days, knowing the captain. All he'd done was try to kill
her; really, some people held way too many grudges. Oh well, Paris
thought; that would give him time to make some plans.
****
"You want a party," Janeway repeated skeptically.
Paris nodded. "To apologise to everyone. Please, Captain," he said
plaintatively. "You can't imagine... I tried to *kill* you. And I
held them hostage, and made Harry an accomplice. I have to make it up
to everybody. I *have* to!"
Janeway looked at the pleading expression on his face and could feel
her heart melting. After all, it wasn't as if he'd been entirely sane
when he'd tried to kill her. And if he really felt so bad... "All
right," she finally sighed. "You can have holodeck two--"
"No," Paris interrupted, then bit his lip as she looked up at him.
"That is... I just... don't feel I deserve holodeck privileges," he
finished quietly.
"Oh, Tom." Janeway leaned forward earnestly. "It wasn't your fault."
"Then whose fault was it?" Paris shook his head. "I could have got
you *killed*, Captain! Can you imagine how that feels?"
Janeway closed her eyes, thought briefly of Justin and her father, and
nodded. "Oh, I know how that feels. But Tom," she opened her eyes
again, "don't beat yourself up over it. You can't change what's past.
You can only... survive it."
Paris looked at her, expression unreadable. After a moment he looked
at the floor. "I'd like to request the use of Cargo Bay One," he said
in a low voice.
She started to suggest the mess hall, then thought better of it. "Of
course."
"Thank you. Captain--" He looked up again, hesitated, and shook his
head. "I really am sorry."
And as he left she couldn't quite shake the feeling that he wasn't
talking about what he'd already done.
****
The party was in full swing. Even Tuvok had finally consented to
come, thank goodness. This wouldn't work if a single person was
missing, Paris reminded himself, and scanned the cargo bay yet again.
What the hell was Chakotay doing here? He hadn't been in the mess
hall-- On the other hand, Paris thought with a savage grin, he'd
probably been in the mess hall at *some* point after he found out
about its dual nature...
He continued his scan of the room, froze when he saw Kes plant a kiss
on Neelix' fur-lined face. Hell. What was Kes doing here? He
quickly made his way over to the pair of them.
"Hey, Neelix, Kes. Enjoying the party?"
"Yes, thank you, Tom," Kes said. "It's very nice."
"The crew certainly seem to be enjoying themselves," Neelix agreed.
"Yeah." Paris smiled then put on a confidential look. "Neelix, have
you got any more of that splicht everyobdy's drinking?"
"Uh... Why, yes, as a matter of fact."
"It's just that I think I saw Jenny Delaney put some extra spices in
this lot--"
"You can never have too many spices," Neelix said confidently.
"Ground farien?"
"Farien?" Neelix looked incensed. "With leola root and splicht? Why
that's-- that's-- That's a crime, that's what it is! I have a mind
to go over there and--"
"Neelix," Kes interrupted, placing a gentle hand on his arm. "Perhaps
we should replace the splicht, first."
"Of course, sweeting," Neelix agreed.
Paris stopped him. "Neelix, aren't you forgetting something? You're
supposed to be serving the hair pasta."
"That's all right," Kes said quickly. "I'll get it myself. I'll be
back soon." She kissed Neelix lightly on the cheek and hurried out.
Paris smiled and walked to the console. "Could I have your attention
please?"
Amazingly, he had it within a few short moments. Good; he needed to
make this quick. "I think you know why you were all invited here
tonight." He put on a sheepish smile for a moment. "And I have to
say I'm not proud of what I did. I'd like to apologise to all of you
here, especially Harry," he smiled briefly at his friend, "anyone I
threatened with a phaser," a moment of laughter, "and Captain Janeway,
who forgave me remarkably quickly for trying to kill her." More
laughter. But for some reason Chakotay went rather an odd colour.
Paris raised his glass and his voice. "To the captain!"
"To the captain!" the crew chorused. Janeway shot him a dirty look,
but he could tell she was enjoying herself. He gave her a grin that
said as much, then sobered.
"Most of all, I'd like to apologise--" That got everyone's attention,
he noticed, and took a breath. "I'd like to apologise for what I'm
about to do."
He saw Janeway look up sharply with an alarmed look on her face, as
he pressed the controls that would fire the electron to send the
command that would space them all. Supposedly it was a fifty-fifty
chance that the electron would complete the command, but he knew they
were supposed to be dead.
The electron missed. The electron hit.
Paris waited. Paris smiled as the air rushed
out, pushing them with it.
The crew waited with him.
****
Any moment, Paris told himself.
Several of the crew were giving Ayala stretched for a moment and
him odd looks - they *still* suppressed a yawn. There was
didn't believe him! nothing to do - which was probably
why all the senior officers had
Near the back of the room, Kim gone off to that party in Cargo
stifled a yawn. Paris glared at Bay One. Now he did yawn, and
him and cast an impatient look at ignored the look Rollins threw at
the console. What was taking the him.
computer so long?
Suddenly the Ops console bleeped.
Before he realised it, Janeway was He shot up and looked at it,
at his side. "Tom," she said reacting instantly to what he saw.
softly, "perhaps we should go back "Someone's depressurized the cargo
to Sickbay for a little bit." bay," he reported as his fingers
flew over the console. "I'm
"We have to stay here," Paris beaming everyone back onto the
insisted. He couldn't let anyone ship." Sabotage? No, this wasn't
leave. They all had to be here, the Maquis anymore. What the hell
or all this would have been for was happening, he wondered.
nothing.
****
Janeway glanced at someone in the
crowd. "Well, why don't we go sit Paris could already feel his world
down for a bit?" she suggested. turning black. People were
"That wouldn't hurt." disappearing from his vision,
until all he could see were the
That was true. He'd already fired deathly still stars-- No. People
the electron; they couldn't stop weren't disappearing from vision,
him now. Paris giggled slightly. they were *disappearing*. Being
He'd done it! "Sure," he said beamed back to the ship!
magnanimously. "Let's go sit
down." Paris tried to gasp for breath,
failed, and held his eyes tightly
They sat on a bench at the side of against the non-pressure of space.
the cargo bay, and he was about to He groaned as the blue light of
giggle again when he felt the hiss the transporter suffused the space
of a hypospray against his neck. around him.
Foiled again. Foiled again.
END END
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