From rob4654@webtv.net Sun Nov 21 23:11:05 1999
Author : Rob Morris
Title : A Telling Blow
Series : PythonTrek
Type : Parody
Rating : PG
Code : In My Nose
Archives : Yes they're Our Chives, and you shan't have any!
Summary : None of that, now.
Characters : All Right Then, Move It Along
Pairings : See here, now--this header has already gone on quite long
enough!
Spoilers For : RIGHT NOW! BEGIN THE PARODY!
( We see the officious Colonel walk out )
OC : See here--this, then, is the Parody entitled--'A Telling Blow' by
Rob Morris. Hmmph. Seems rather a man as far behind as he should be
concentrating on that whole dragon business, but then--who am I to say?
All right---The Parodic Piece in question takes us to Veridian 3---
another piece set on Veridian 3? Fellows, the man died an onscreen
death. Be rather good if you let him lie in peace. Well, I'm off.
( The 'camera' follows him as he goes )
OC : No, no. My work is done. Off with you. Camera--cut to---
Kirk : Did we do it-did we make a difference? Did we....uuuuhhh!
( Riker walks in )
Riker : Captain Picard--is that---
Picard : Yes, Number One. James T. Kirk briefly returned from the
dead--only to die once again.
Kirk : I'm not dead.
Picard : To save the lives of countless individuals he will never
meet--he gave his own life.
Kirk : I'm not dead.
( Picard looks down; frowns )
Picard : Mortally wounded, Starfleet's greatest Captain fights a losing
struggle for life!
Kirk : I'm getting better.
Picard : He won't last long in his condition. Soon, the curtain shall
fall on his brilliant career.
Kirk : I actually feel pretty darn good.
Picard : Number One---Your Sidearm.
( Riker gives him the phaser )
Picard : ( Disintegrates Kirk ) On the verge of recovery, his new life
was brutally snuffed out quite unexpectedly!
Riker : I think I can recover a DNA fragment so Beverly can clone---
Picard : ( Holds up phaser ) Don't start, now.
( We go forward to DS9 )
Harry Kim : ( Restrains Paris from punching out Quark ) Tom, let it go.
Paris : Okay. Fine.
Odo : What's going on here?
Quark : He was going to punch me, then he didn't.
Odo : See here, you two. How are we supposed to maintain order in these
parts if you don't have a go at our merchants?
Quark : Don't you know who I am?
Narrator : We will now tell the story of The Ferengi Brothers, Rom and
Quark.
Kim : Wait--you can't tell me you want to change those two into The
Pirahna Brothers.
Paris : Yeah--that's a real stretch.
Odo : Well--at least knock some of his fangs out---be sports about it.
Security Officer : Odo, all's clear in my section.
Odo : And You Are?
SO : I'm Iwnt Anfelout----Of The Airlock.
All : I Went And Fell Out Of The Airlock?!
2nd SO : I'm Desi Criton--Of The Shrines
All : Desecration Of The Shrines?!
3rd SO : I'm Marm Aldi--On The Promenade.
All : Marmalade On The Promenade?!
( Man runs in )
Man : Its Alfuscl Invson!
All : A Ful-Scale Inv--
Odo : All right, we've worn this one thin.
( Janeway walks in )
Janeway : All right--who's with me for a flight to The Delta
Quadrant--or have you all got things you'd rather do instead?
Chakotay : I was going to categorize the spirit guides.
Tuvok : Garak's is having a twofer on tuxes.
Paris : I was going to watch an episode of "Julian and those wacky
Accelerates".
Torres : I was going to have some Vole Parmigiano.
Kim : I have a book I've been meaning to read.
Janeway : Is that so? Well, then--off with the lot of you---I'll go
myself--be my own crew! Crewman Janeway?
CrJ : Yes, Captain Janeway?
CaJ : As of now--you're on all shifts.
CrJ : Bitch.
CaJ : First Officer Janeway--keep an eye on Crewman Janeway--I think she
may be planning something.
FOJ : Captain Janeway, if I may suggest...
CaJ : Kate--don't push me on this one!
Security Officer Janeway--escort First Officer Janeway to the brig.
FOJ : That won't be neccesary, Captain. But be warned--one of these
days--your style of Command will bring about a mutiny. Isn't that right,
Morale Officer Janeway?
MOJ : Isn't it amazing what you can do with some roots and a little
Vawjil Spice?
CaJ : Helmsman Janeway---take us out of here--Warp 6.
HlmJ : Yes, Maam!
EngJ : Captain Janeway--this is Engineer Janeway. I don't know how long
we can maintain this pace before imploding or something!
Mary Sue Janeway : Captain, let my out-of-control mystic powers solve
this dillema!
Mary Sue Janeway, Version 2.1 : No. Allow My Superior Knowledge And Lack
Of Social Graces To Carry The Day.
Little Mary Sue Janeway : Hey--there's that important thing, that you
said I should remind you of. That could save the day.
CaJ : Belay that. Navigator Janeway-- give us a Jackie Gleason riff on
that horn! Jazz just might persuade our attackers to back off.
NavJ : Sorry, Captain. I left my horn in our quarters.
CaJ : Next time--you're busted down to Crewman--got me? Activate the
Emergency Holographic Janeway.
EHJ : Captain, dire news---Cardassian Spy Janeway has sabotaged our
systems.
CaJ : Block off all decks. She's not getting away this time!
( Onscreen appears Cardie Spy Janeway )
CSJ : I wouldn't do that if I were you, Captain--not unless you want
your First Officer's unborn child to be harmed!
( The Voy crew observe all this )
Paris : One--they haven't even left yet. Two-----
Chakotay : Where did the other 12 Janeways come from?
( Picard and Riker arrive )
Sisko : Captain Picard--and Captain Picard! I see you've brought The
Will Riker Twins As Well.
Riker : Captain--something's wrong.
Picard : I know, Will. For some reason, he can't see all six of us.
Sisko : There's someone here you all know--in both Federations, both
Klingon Empires, and here on DS Nines. I give you--Captain James Kirk!
( Kirk walks out; Smiles )
Picard : But I atomized you!
Kirk : I survived.
Riker : Tell us how you survived.
All : Yes--tell us.
Kirk : I'll tell you---I want to sing it out!
( Music starts--Picard yells )
Picard : No--I won't have this!
All : He's going to tell--he's going to tell--he's going to tell--he's
going to tell!!
Kirk : This Is Going To Be Big!
( Picard rushes for a ship at the airlock )
Picard : Phew! I'm safe.
( Sees 150 Janeways )
SOJ : Captain Janeway--this is Security Officer Janeway--we have an
intruder-- definitely not one of us.
Picard : NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
( Back on DS9 )
Dukat : So you see, Ziyal--they told me not to build Terok Nor over the
Great Gravity Well--that it would sink--and it did..So I built
another--and it sank..then another, and it sank--so did the one after
it--by now we were having trouble finding people to staff it....but then
we built the Fifth Terok Nor....And That One Stayed Up! What do you
think of that story?
Ziyal : Its........
( Next : Sisko goes on a mad hunt for Michael Ellis---aka The Larch )
No obligation : Short Stories :
http://www.southroad.com/brightfame/
Ancient Destroyer :
http://www.geocities.com/cowtsatung/fanindex.html ( Temp?)
(
geocities.com/televisioncity/network) (
geocities.com/televisioncity)