Elizabeth held Lucky's hand tightly and looked into his eyes, wondering if this would be the last time she would see that look of total acceptance in them. She was afraid to tell him the truth, but she was also afraid of not telling him. She hadn't planned on telling him, especially not so soon after getting to know him, but she knew if she didn't she would always worry that he would find out and leave her, and she preferred to do it now before too much time had gone by. She knew she loved Lucky, knew that he was the one person she could trust and with whom she could feel safe. And sitting here with him in this house with his parents and Lulu sleeping upstairs, this house that was so full of love, she felt safe.
"Lucky, what I'm going to tell you I've never told another person. I've carried this secret with me for so many years, and it's become a part of me and who I am. I thought I could keep the secret forever, but then I met you." She looked away from him. "I've wanted to get to know you for a long time. I always thought you seemed so different from the other boys at school, but I was too shy to approach you, too insecure to think that you might be interested in me.
"But, I was interested in you. I have been for a long time. I guess I was too shy to approach you, too. When I saw you that night in the art department, it just seemed like a good opportunity, and I wanted to be sure you were okay after what had happened the night before."
She nodded. "Something that boy said to me made me remember things…things I don't like to think about but are always there just the same. You've changed my life, Lucky. I know it's only been a few days, but I feel like I have more confidence in myself since I've been around you. Maybe that's why I have the confidence to tell you this now. But I want you to know that I'll understand if you don't want to see me any more after I tell you. I wouldn't blame you."
"Elizabeth, I've told you before that you don't have to tell me anything…but anything you do tell me could never change how I feel about you."
She stood up then and walked over to the fireplace. She could not bear to be so close to him and see his eyes change when she told him. She began to speak, but her voice faltered and she felt the hot tears, but she continued, knowing she could not turn back now. "This is even harder than I thought it would be. It hurts me to know that you'll feel differently about me…"
"We can do this some other time, you know."
She shook her head. "No, Lucky, I have to tell you now, while I have the courage." She hesitated for a moment and finally turned to face Lucky as she said, softly, "When I was a little girl, someone I knew and trusted….did things…terrible things to me…"
She watched as Lucky stood up from the couch, but looked away as he approached her because she was afraid to look at him, was afraid to see the look of disgust and disappointment that she knew would be there in his eyes. When he was in front of her, he put his hand under her chin and lifted her face to his, so that she had no choice but to look into his eyes. To her amazement, they had not changed. In fact, she saw tears welling in his eyes, starting to spill down his face. He spoke in a whisper. "Elizabeth, it was your Uncle Joe, wasn't it? That's why you're so afraid of him."
As she nodded and looked away, she felt her own tears begin and felt Lucky's arms wrapping around her, pulling her close, holding her for what seemed an eternity, stroking her hair as he said, "I'm so sorry…"
Finally she pulled away from him and turned back to the fireplace, gazing into the fire as she spoke. "He would come to visit several times a year, and each time he would come to my room at night. I was only five years old…nearly the same age as Lulu…no one ever paid any attention to me, you know, so they didn't see the signs, didn't see the way I withdrew from everyone and certainly didn't notice how uncomfortable I was when Uncle Joe was around. I didn't have a close, loving family like you do. If I had none of this would ever have happened. The things he did to me were so horrible, Lucky, things that no little girl should ever have to go through. I hate him for what he took from me, but I hate myself more for allowing it to happen."
Lucky felt his rage at her uncle boiling inside of him again. He wanted to go over to her grandmother's house right now and confront him, but he knew that was something Elizabeth would have to do when she was able. More than anything, he wanted to take her pain away. "Elizabeth, it wasn't your fault.
You were just a little girl. How could you have stopped him?" He touched her arm and moved so that he was in front of her again. "Do you hear me? What happened to you was not your fault. You have to know that."
"I do know it intellectually, so why do I feel so guilty about it? Why am I so ashamed of myself for allowing it to happen?" She was crying now and Lucky led her back to the couch and sat down beside her.
"Look at me. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You didn't allow it to happen. You had no control over it. Listen, would you consider talking to someone about this? I have a friend who is a psychiatrist and I think he would talk to you if I asked him to. His name is Kevin Collins. I think he could help you a lot."
"I don't know, Lucky. I don't know if I can…Kevin Collins? I know him. I've met him at the hospital when I was there with my grandmother."
"Okay, if you would feel uncomfortable with him, then we'll find someone else. I think it would be good for you to talk to someone."
She thought for a minute before speaking. 'Okay. I'll talk to your friend. He seemed really nice. But, Lucky….will you go with me?"
"Of course I will." He put his hand on the side of her face, brushing her hair back. "Did you really think I would hate you if you told me this?"
She nodded. "I've never told anyone, Lucky. I was too ashamed. There are still things I could tell you that would make you change your mind."
"I'll prove to you one day that you're wrong. But you don't need to tell me anymore tonight. I can see that this took a lot out of you. Why don't I take you upstairs and get you something to wear to bed. I think you need to rest."
"Okay." He took her hand and led her up the stairs to his bedroom. He gave her one of his big T-shirts to put on and waited while she went into the bathroom to change. When she came back in the bedroom, she crawled into the bed and Lucky pulled the covers up over her and sat on the side of the bed.
"Do you feel any better since you've finally told someone?"
She nodded, but he could still see tears in her eyes. "It feels strange, Lucky. I don't think it's really sunk in yet. I've dreaded this moment for so many years, because I knew one day I would have to tell someone. I still can't believe I've told you…and I still can't believe you're still here."
"I'm going to be here, Elizabeth, for as long as you want me."
She was starting to drift off to sleep. "Lucky, will you stay with me until I go to sleep?"
He leaned over and kissed her lightly on the forehead certain that although she had faced some of her demons from the past, there were still more to confront. And he would be there to help her when she was ready to confront them. "I'll stay as long as you want. I hope you have sweet dreams, Elizabeth, only sweet dreams from now on."