Season Three

The cast this season included:

Feminism

Summary: Shawn becomes a radical feminist. Ivan's character goes by the name of "Dan"
Songs: Then Beat Em, Not the Same Woman
Ivan Factor: 6, just for the cramp sketch.
Ivan Moments:

Ivan doing pushups in a cool hat during bumper #1
Does a very bad imitation of Clint Eastwood during "Weather Channel: The Movie"
During Bumper #3, he does this really great thing tha appears to be a member of the push-up family.
Plays an angry young man ("I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!") in the "Politically Correctol" skit
Wears a cool hat and shades in the closing credits

Ivan Quotes: "I can't believe he ate the blowhole thing!"
"Hey! Candy!"
"I know what you mean. First I couldn't get my hair right, then I started crying for no reason. Hold me."

Gang Violence

Summary: Ivan goes to the most apocalyptic-looking middle school on the planet and has to choose between the Cruds and the Gimps. This episode was supposed to address the big issue of gang violence, but came across as trying too hard not to be preachy.
Songs: Light in the Window, All We've Ever Known
Ivan Factor: 7
Ivan Moments:

At the end, instead of the closing credits, Ivan walks around looking lost and saying "Hello? Is anyone there? Hello? Please?"

Ivan Quotes:

Jealousy

Summary:
Songs: Bottom, If He Really Knew Me
Ivan Factor:
Ivan Moments:

Ivan Quotes:

Talent

Summary: Ivan, as Kevin Anykid, wants to win the school talent show, but has no talent.
Songs: I Believe in You, Have a Little Faith
Ivan Factor: 9
Ivan Moments:

John guilt-trips Ivan quite effectively with the trophy case and the empty space reserved for him.
"And you don't have a problem with the fact that your little brother is a 25-year-old black guy?"-John
Ivan as a poor ventriloquist dummy
Step aerobics, Bumper #2
Making mocking gestures at Seymour when the talent agent negotiates powdered cheese with Mom
There is a really great one-legged pelvic thrust type thing in Bumper #1
Ivan sings! He does "I Will Always Love You" and gets last place in the talent contest. But the triumvirate says that it's OK if he can't sing as long as he can dance.

Ivan Quotes: "Hey, what about me? I'm good at...nothing."
"This guy sucks wind."
"I can't dance like I thought I could."
"I bite udder."

Growing Up Too Soon aka Babysitting Grandma

Summary:
Songs: Come Back, Geriatric Strut
Ivan Factor:
Ivan Moments:

Ivan Quotes:

NOTES: Ivan choreographed this episode.

Christmas

Summary: Dad has to discover some of that Old Christmas Spirit (tm)
Songs: From Roundhouse to Your House
Ivan Factor: 10. Soft green shirt. Nuff said.
Ivan Moments:

Jamming on the electric guitar box- "Eddie Van Halen rules!"
PELVIC THRUST ALERT! Bumper #1
He eats Christmas ornaments
He also eats Yule Whip (tree flocking/whipped dessert topping) and spits some onto the tree
Ivan emerges from behind a door and does a pushup in Bumper #3
Trying to open a present but utterly failing
Getting used underwear from Aunt Myrtle

Ivan Quotes (and hoo boy, are there some great ones in here):
"Boy, it sure is crowded here in the mall in an entirely different place from where we just saw Dad."
"This set is sort of existential. You see, this collage here is supposed to represent a microcosm of the personal effects of the modern nuclear family."
"These gifts suck mistletoe."

Materialism

Summary:
Songs: Snaps, Money
Ivan Factor:
Ivan Moments:

Ivan Quotes:

Prejudice

Summary: Ivan, as Bryan Anykid is afraid to date Amy because she is from Oblivia and because her belly button is an innie. He later changes his mind after finding out his mom, an outie, married his dad even though he was an innie.
Songs: Language of Love
Ivan Factor: 7
Ivan Moments:

Ivan Quotes: "Maybe the answer lies in footwear."

Music

Summary: Ivan as Ned forms a rock band called the Leaky Mules
Songs: I Want to Be A Success, Try to Reach You
Ivan Factor: 9
Ivan Moments:

Ivan sings! Yay!

Ivan Quotes:

Love

Summary:
Songs: Puberty, For You
Ivan Factor:
Ivan Moments:

Ivan Quotes:

Rights

Summary: Ivan as Jerry Anykid becomes the writer of the school paper's gossip column, but Hurts A Lot of People and Learns A Valuable Lesson when it's discovered that he's digging dirt from his sister Amy's diary.
Songs: Never Been A Friend of Elvis, The Word is Out, Read My Heart Out Loud
Ivan Factor: 4- take off the damn hat, Ivan!
Ivan Moments:

Lifts up his shirt to supposedly reveal a mole.
The cute smile right after "Look Who's Not Talking."
Dances alone for a VERY long time in Bumper #3
On a side note, Jenna says that although Ivan never takes off the hat, Mark looks pretty good in this episode.

Ivan Quotes: "Gym Class sucks sweat socks."
"What am I doing eating this bar of soap? I've got a column to write."
"The right to swing your fist stops at your neighbor's nose."

Self Image

Summary: Amy wins an MTV contest but breaks out in hives because she is so nervous about it.
Songs: I'm Breaking Out, Nobody Like You, Just A Dream
Ivan Factor: 5
Ivan Moments:

Ivan does pushups and writhes on the floor during Bumper #1
Micki (as Barbie): "You'll be smooth all over, right Ken?" Ivan (as Ken): "Um, could we change the subject?"

Ivan Quotes: "This video's so hot it's steaming."
"List five current synonyms for 'cool'."
"Nobody ever pays any attention to me." (aw, Ivan, we'll give you all the attention you could possibly want.)

Practical Jokes and Guilt

Summary: Ivan, as Andy Anykid, loves to play practical jokes but Goes Too Far and Learns A Valuable Lesson about other people's feelings.
Songs: The Joke is On You, Guilt Trip
Ivan Factor: 7
Ivan Moments:

Poor Ivan gets investigated by scary guys with briefcases, but he ties them together and they have a nice trip.
Maniacal laughter during "Stir Crazy Glue"
Adjusting himself at the beginning of Act 2
Natalie gives Ivan a wedgie and he talks in a really high voice.
He looks quite cute during the song "Guilt Trip"
Singing by himself during the closing credits

Ivan Quotes: "My practical jokes are practically lame. What's eating me?"
"Tastes like a raccoon ran down my spoon. But I like it!"
"I will not call my teacher a NASTY OLD BAG! I will not call my teacher a NASTY OLD BAG!"
"I'm feeling underwhelmed by these deep-seated feelings of guilt. I'm in an existential funk."

Oz

Summary: Amy and friends go on a trip to see Aaron Spelling and become TV stars. Ivan is great as the Tin Can Man.
Songs: I'm Coming Home
Ivan Factor: 6
Ivan Moments:

Giant flying leap, drop roll, and writhing during bumper #1
Hawks a loogie and smears it into his hair...actually this is quite disgusting...but he was only pretending and the Glorious Head Of Hair still got touched.
Bumper #2- We must snappy this image of Ivan seen through the crystal ball with his tongue sticking out.

Ivan Quotes: "Say, we could make some money recycling if I only had a cart."

Lying

Summary: Ivan, as Steve Anykid, tells lies to get himself to progressively raunchier sporting events and expos, but Gets Caught and Learns A Valuable Lesson.
Songs: He's A Liar, I Still Believe in You
Ivan Factor: 8
Ivan Moments:

A single, sexy pushup during Bumper #1
Ivan's stick-on zit grows every time he lies, though it's perfectly obvious the man has never had a blemish on that perfect, translucent skin in his entire 27 years.
The expression on his face after he says "Girlie Tour."
We live vicariously through Micki yet again as she gets to lie on top of him during bumper #3
This episode has some kickass bumpers- check out that thing with the drumsticks in bumper 4
Ivan pretending he really has to go to the bathroom. This demonstrates that he is not only a gifted dancer, but an extremely capable comedic actor.

Ivan Quotes: "Oh boy! Squid wrestling championships!"
"I'm asking you, sugar, would I li-yi-yi to you?"
"Thongs outrank bikinis."
"Hey watch it. Coach just finished playing John Madman and he's headed this way." "Hey, watch it. Dad just finished playing coach and he's headed this way."
"Now if I could only get through this tangled web I wove when first I practiced to...decove?"

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