LOVE EPIDEMIC--PART 3
-----------------------
"This little pink one goes next to this square green one. Then the funny blue one goes
over here.." Emmy, having a little impromptu vacation time from reality, sang to herself
as she lined up the various pharmaceuticals in pretty patterns on the clinic's counter top.
She hadn't actually consumed any, but in her present condition one would have been
hard-pressed to prove it.
Fortunately, this was the Rescue Ranger Coffeehouse Clinic and Bingo Hall
(12 tables, no waiting, Open 24 hours)and so her behavior was unremarked upon by the
other patients and patrons.
"I could really use a double mocha cappucino with cinnamon on top. With a little
umbrella!" Having made this pronouncement, Emmy stood and waved "bye-bye".
Then she began making her somewhat indirect way back to the Cafe section of the
Coffeehouse.
"She was acting a bit squirrelly, don't you think?" Noted a bingo player.
"She's a squirrel."
"Ah, of course."
The game resumed.
Karl
------------------------------
John has just finished the ticket booth and goes to see what Jessie is up to.
John: Hey what are you doing?
Jessie: Digging a hole
John: Oh, what can I do to help?
Jessie: Get into the right costume
John: Whcih one is that
Jessie: Think about it, which costume would you put a big "R" on
John: Oh I know be right back
John returns a few minutes later dressed like Robin
Jessie: What is that?
John: A costume where you have a big "R" on it. So you goning to dress up like Batgirl?
John D
------------------------------
Jessie slaps her forehead. "*Batgirl?!*"
"How about Catwoman?" Meowth offers enthusiastically, before being kicked across
the room and back into the arms of Roy Neal.
The red-haired plotter pauses. "But maybe if we dressed up like the *good guys,*
the others won't bother us!" And with that, the liberal use of Spandex ensues...
Julie
-------------------------------
Meanwhile. . .
[...unWARP!!!]
Good evening.
************
The Jaguar was trying to blink away all the spots that flashed before his eyes,
thanks to the flash which brought the Freedom Fighters to this reality.
He had heard Sonic speaking, and he smelled the others as well, but he also
smelled a rabbit, and he knew it wasn't Faith, because Faith didn't have a hit of
stainless steel lingering about her. Finally, he cast his glance upon. . .
BUNNIE RABBOT
She then looked back at him, and now it was the Jaguar's turn to be transfixed
by her Magical Female Powers™. Ignoring Meowth, who was on the floor, still playing
with his ball of yarn, he stepped on him (Meowth still ignoring him completely)
as he made his way to the cyborg-lagomorph. Bunnie looked at him, a bit scared at first,
but only instinctively.
"Good evening", said the Jaguar. "I AM THE J.A.M. I've always wanted to meet you, Bunnie."
The Lagomorph looked at him, and realised he had no evil or instinctive intentions,
save that of an attempt to pick up.
"Hello, medium-sized, orange, and fuzzy. Interesting friends you have."
"Yes, we're all unbelievably weird. So weird, that it is a very distinct
possibility that a Jaguar just might like a Rabbit, though not necessarily for his
breakfast, lunch, or dinner."
"Or snacks or appetizers?"
"Only if you insist."
"Well, I would love to sit and chat with you, sugar, but isn't something
tremendously dangerous supposed to be happening just about now?" The Panther thought
for a moment, and replied,
"Well, as soon as we can think of something. But I'm sure we outnumber the bad guys,
and if not, we have your bionic strength, my warping abilities, and Ms. Bihn's Magic Sword™,
among other strong points of ours."
"Strong points?" she asked, gazing at his arm, though it was partially covered
by his oversize t-shirt sleeve. "Why don't we sit down and see just how strong these
points are, with a little. . . . . .arm wrestling?"
The Feline smiled,
"If you insist." He took her by her bionic arm and led her to a table,
were hopefully the Major would not bother them with his indecipherable gestures.
They let Julie and James have their way, and Dale and Foxglove have their way too.
Chip and Gadget might have had their way, but there were too many pros and
cons writing this thread that it would be best to have their way left alone.
*I'm glad I didn't write BARNEY coming in from those crystals,* he thought
to himself. . .
************
Until next time, remember:
I AM THE J.A.M.
Good evening.
[WARP!!!]
The J.A.M.
--------------------------
Emmy was perfectly OK.
She thought for a moment. Yes, everything was perfectly normal! No more of
that silly talk from those silly professors about what was normal and what wasn't.
If a jaguar vanishes into thin air, why that's OK! If he makes romantic advances
on a cybernetic rabbit, while a drunken ram on a caffeine buzz plants Sonic seeds and
raises a crop of cartoon characters, that's OK too! Emmy giggled quietly as she walked
into a wall. What? She didn't go through it? Well, maybe next time! Maybe next time
it would turn into smoke, or move out of her way, or become a kippered herring on a cracker!
For the first time in her life absolutely nothing could suprise or shock her -
she was ready for anything! Looking quite steady, Emmy strode into the cafe, and
ordered her capuccino.
"With a little umbrella!"
The waiter looked up, and for a moment locked eyes with Emmy. This was a bad thing.
Women have magic female powers. She'd seen them in action, and she had not the
slightest doubt in their existance any more.
With absolute calm, she said, "You won't charge me for this drink." Her face
revealed only the unquestioning conviction that he would do exactly what she asked.
"Uh, no m'am, on the house!" The waiter wondered, nervously, what the staff
psychiatrist had on him. Had she found out about his "collection"?
"Thank you so much." She smiled, and said nothing else.
Everything was just fine.
Karl
-----------------------------
Tammy had received her mother's permission to go to the Rescue Ranger Coffeehouse
to spend a little time with her good friend Emmy. She was sort of hoping Chip would
be there too, but she knew he was a lost cause. No one, and I mean **no one** could
compete with the Powers of Gadget! Tammy wrinkled her nose at the thought but then
realized that Gadget always went out of her way to speak to her and make her feel welcome.
Maybe she feels guilty Tammy thought, in which case she can just give Chip to me as
an atonement. That'd clear her account! But she realized she had little hope of this,
even though Gadget kept "stringing Chip along" and not making any commitments.
Imagine her surprise at finding such a HUGE crowd at the Coffeehouse when she entered,
and especially so many STRANGE people that weren't part of the RR universe. She didn't
see Chip and Gadget for her effort to figure out just who all these people were.
There was Julie Bihn, whom Tammy was always happy to see (since she was the leader of
the anti-Chip+Gadget faction, which meant Tammy considered her an ally of sorts), but
Julie seemed to be very busy at the moment. A strange boy with blue hair was lying
with his head in her lap, seemingly entranced.
"SPEAK!" Julie commanded him.
"Hominahominahominahominahomina . . . !" he responded at once.
"Oh James, you always know exactly what to say!" she squealed happily,
planting another of her kisses on James'cheek.
Tammy saw that this was by far not the only couple. Dale and Foxglove didn't bother
her, as they were married and she had never wanted Dale, but there were Chip and Gadget
all right . . . they didn't seem to be moony at the moment, though; they were just talking.
Maybe she did have a chance!
Then she noticed a Mexican jaguar animorph, which frightened her a little,
until she noticed to whom he was talking--Bunny Rabbot! One of Tammy's heroes!
The fact that they were paired up made her feel a little lonesome and odd, though.
Further back she noticed two dragons, one of which (apparently female) was holding
another (male)dragon ENRAPTURED by her GAZE! He didn't seem to be enjoying it, though.
And then she saw two people she thought she would never get to meet.
"Oooooooh, Sonic and Princess Sally!" the enthusiastic newcomer squealed as she
joined them at the table they had just taken together, "I was a BIG HUGE FAN of your
ABC TV show, and I've got all your comic books, and I hate the way they cancelled
you at the end of the second season, and . . . Oh, I could just, like, y'know, DIE!!!"
"Completely understandable, doll," said Sonic, quickly autographing a photo
and handing it to her, "I DO have that effect on women." And he wiggled his eyebrows
at Sally who only sighed in response.
"Oh Princess Sally, I mean your Majesty, I mean your Royal Majesty, I mean . . .
whoever you are . . . my sister Bink and I used to dress up and take turns playing
you back when you were on the air, and I think you're just such a wonderful role model
for firecely independent, take-charge female squirrels--really I do! I--can I sit
and talk to you for a while? PLEEEEEASE???"
Sally was genuinely moved. "Of course you may," she said, much to Tammy's delight,
"and please, it's just 'Sally.' No need for any of that royal nonsense!"
Emmy saw Tammy at Sally and Sonic's table and walked up to welcome her young friend.
"Hi there, Tammy!" she said, "if you've come looking to make time with Chip,
I think you have a chance."
"Really???" Tammy asked excitedly.
"Yes!" Emmy answered assuredly. "You've heard of 'Magical Female Powers(tm)?'
Well, it turns out they're absolutely REAL!"
"They are?" Tammy asked in surprise, "I thought that was just one of Man-Child's
standard jokes. You mean there really are such things?"
"Honey, look around you!" Emmy said with a sweep of her hand, "Julie has
zapped this really weird guy with blue hair (she seems to like him), Bunny has zapped
J.A.M. (that's the jaguar), and Dulcy has zapped poor Dyglo (that's the new dragon;
you'll get to meet him now) something AWFUL! And get this . . . I even zapped one of
the waiters!"
"You DID?" Tammy asked, inflamed with curiosity, "Oh Emmy, do you think **I**
have them too? Do you think I could zap someone? Do you think I can win Chip away from Gadget?"
"Well, Gadget's powers are very formidable competition, but there's no reason
you can't test them out on someone. Get one of the waiters to give you a free soda.
That's what I did!"
All this was much too much for poor Tammy to take in at once, and it was certainly
too good to be true! But she had to find out if she had those famous Magical Female Powers(tm)!
She just had to!
She was waiting for a waiter to notice her so she could test her powers on him
when suddenly someone else caught her attention--someone familiar! In the back of the
Coffeehouse, at one of the computers, was Tails, obviously completely caught up in a video game.
Tammy had always had a bit of a crush on Tails, and was always disappointed with Weasel Beat
for not doing an interview with him. But now here he was in the flesh! Her dreamboat!
"Hi, Tammy. What can I get for you?" asked the waiter, polishing a soda glass.
"The justice of the peace!" Tammy said, which made no sense whatsoever to the poor
mouse behind the counter. Then she somewhat hesitantly and unsteadily made her way up
to behind Tails, who was still playing his computer game.
"Take THAT, you evil mutant aliens!" he shouted in triumph at his win. Tammy paused
in fear, almost wanting to run away, but she turned to look at Sally who smiled and
encouraged her with a "go on" gesture. So Tammy very gently tapped him on the shoulder.
"Oh Aunt Sally, do we have to go already?" he wailed, "I was just gettin' good . . . "
He had turned at this point and seen Tammy, and his mouth hung open.
Tammy was taken aback at the effect she was having on him. She never really expected
this to happen. But it was true! There must be such things as Magical Female Powers(tm),
and she must have them! Or some of them, at least. This thought actually frightened her
for a moment. It must be a terrible responsibility being a female she told herself and
to have such powers at one's command. I pray that I will always be responsible and never
misuse them! She felt completely overburdened by the Truth she had learned. Strange that
her mother had never mentioned this in that little talk they had had.
For a while Tammy didn't know what to do. There was Tails, her teen idol, before her,
absolute putty in her paws. He must be frightened! she thought maybe my first command
should be 'fear not, my child!' or something like that.
She looked back again to Sally, who, with Sonic, was thoroughly enjoying the scene.
Sally stroked her chin with her fingers in a gesture telling her to stroke Tails' chin.
It seemed a little bold, but . . . well, here went nothin'!
She extended her forepaw daintily and stroked Tails under his chin as instructed.
This time the effect was truly dramatic, for he slowly rose off the stool and floated
in midair, and without the use of his tails, too! Furthermore, little cartoon birds and
stars were revolving about his head.
"Oh Tails!" she exclaimed aloud, "don't worry, for I shall not harm you!
These powers I use upon you are meant for Good, and not for Evil. I promise you!"
"Hominahominahominahominahomina . . . !" he answered.
But sometimes even the sweetest of girls unwittingly uses her powers for Evil
and does not know it. And Tammy, at that moment, was unwittingly breaking someone's heart.
For Max had taken his tray and was about to sit down when he noticed this vision of loveliness.
His heart pounded in his throat! He trembled at what felt like a wave of static electricity
that swept through his body! But it seemed she already had someone. And how could he
compete with a FOX???
Meanwhile, The Enduring Man-Child had bathed, medicated himself with ointment
(the kind made especially for treating zaps from Magical Female Powers[tm]), and was
heading back to the Coffeehouse at as fast a pace as he could manage. "This is ridiculous!"
he said to himself, "we've got the most eroticized thread in Acorn Cafe history over
at the Coffeehouse, and here I am **missing** it! Sheesh!" he added, "you'd think it
was spring or something!"
As you will easily understand, he soon arrived, being carried upon the wings of the wind.
"The Enduring Man-Child"
---------------------------------
Having retrieved two bowls of ice cream, Maxwell sat down next to Tom, deeply confused.
"Uh, Tom? Something weird just happened."
"What is it, Max?"
"Well, just before I sat down, I had this strange, and very strong, attraction
to Tammy."
"Tammy? But when I created you, I specifically made sure that you wouldn't be
attracted to her. Gadget either, for that matter."
"I know! So what happened?", Max asked, now looking a little pannicked.
"Well," Tom said, sensing that Max was worried, and trying to reassure him.
"I think there are basically two possibilities. First, there does seem to be an auful
lot of MFP floating around the room." Both Tom and Max stopped, took another look
around the room, shuddered, and went back to their conversation. "So you may have been
hit with a stray particle of it, or something. I tend to doubt that, though, since I
made you a lot like me, and I don't think that MFP would have that much effect on you."
"So if not that, then what?"
"The other possibility, and the one that I think is much more likely, is that
you were taken over by another writer for a brief period of time, and that they made
you attracted to her."
"Ack!" Now Max was really starting to look worried. "They can do that?
But I'm your character! They can't do that without your permission, can they?"
"Not normally, no. But this is the Ranger Coffeehouse, and things sometimes
work a little differently here. Sometimes another writer just up and writes a bit for you,
and there really isn't much you can do about it except hope that they get your personality
right. I mean, look at Julie. She's hardly written anything of her own in this story.
Everyone else has been writing enitre scenes for her. Personally, I don't know how she
puts up with it. She must either be a really good sport, or just increadibly predictable
and easy to write for."
"I think I'd hope for the first option if I were you, Tom." Max said to him,
remembering what he'd been told about her magic sword.
Tom
--------------------------------
As Dulcy was... playing... with Dyglo, his mind was racing at 1,000,000,000,000 thoughts
per minute. Completely enraptured by the stunning specimen of a dragon, whenever he
attempted to say something witty to appeal to her mind, the only thing that would come
out of his grinning mouth was a moronic sounding chuckle. This was beginning to distress him.
He barely even noticed the young squirrel enter the establishment. He saw a lovely rose
in a vase nearby, a wonderful gift for Dulcy. Hmm, let's see...Boy! this rose- no no,
that sounds too uncouth...how about...I delicately take the rose, give it to her and
say something extremely dashing. Sounds good... but what to say?
This rose pales in comparison to your stunning beauty, or maybe, I give you this,
delicate flower, to show my astounding feelings for you. Heh, double meaning thing going
on there. Sounds good, okay Dyglo, let's do it!
The dragon awkwardly clasped ahold of the stem, and held it out to Dulcy.
"Duh, huh-huh, purdy flowur fur you. Duh huh-huh-huh." DOH! I blew it! I know I did,
made a complete and utter fool of myself again. Looks like Tails has found himself someone,
all right. He probably impressed her with his witty banter, wowed her with his agility,
and topped it all off with a nice, clever, romantic saying. Why can't I be more like Tails?
"Why, thank you, Dyglo! That was very thoughtful of you!" Dyglo gained a few shades
of pink mixed in with his normal color. He was just putty in her claws, and he liked it.
Duh-huh-huh-Dyglo
--------------------------
Karl looked up from his scratchpad, and finally noticed the oddness around him.
Floating foxes, revenging and reclining Rockets.. What had been going on??
As the only remaining single male in the room, he became Emmy's next target.
This was unfortunate, for Karl had learned early in life that anytime anyone
seemed to like him, they were really only setting him up for something unpleasant.
That wasn't really true, of course, but lessons learned in early childhood have
the unthinking power of instinct.
Emmy walked up, gazed meltingly into his eyes, and said, "Stand up and give
me your chair." His face went dead. No expression.
He said, in a coldly polite way, "I don't think so, M'am."
She felt so strange suddenly, what on earth was she doing? Why was she out
here in the cafe instead of in her office?
What the heck had been in that sandwich, anyway??
Noticing her discomfort, and fighting his anger at himself for the way he'd
spoken to a lady, Karl stood and offered her his chair after all.
"Thanks," she said weakly, sitting.
"Are you Okay?"
"I.. I don't really know."
She looked up at him, into those eyes which had seemed as lifeless as marbles
a moment ago, now filled with compassion for her.
"Hello..." She said hesitantly.
It was a mutual zap.
Several seconds passed before either of them said anything, and that was
only to agree on a corner booth. A quiet one, away from the crowd.
Karl
--------------------------
Jessie and John D were in the middle of a spirited discussion over John's cut of
the house and pay-per-view buy-rates from the big fight. Since the fight was
John's idea and he was the promoter, he was insisting on a 40% cut of the gross.
Jessie was having none of it. She was just about to turn things physical, when
she spotted a stranger heading their way.
"Quickly! Hide so I can test my trap," she ordered. They hid behind a convenient
nearby bush and awaited the stranger's arrival. To Jessie's amazement, the young man
walked around the well-camouflaged pit without even acknowledging its presence,
as if it was in plain view. Jessie didn't take it well. She jumped out, grabbed
the man and shook him so violently he almost lost the dark sunglasses he was wearing.
"How?! How did you know there was a pit there?" she demanded. The young man looked at her,
stunned for a moment. "Oh, you mean that pothole? I don't know. When you travel around
New Orleans every day you just kind of learn to detect where the potholes are, even if
you can't see them. I guess it's kind of like a sixth sense." Jessie wasn't sure what
to make of this response, but released the stranger just the same. He was about to
continue on his way when John stopped him again. "Wait, wait, wait. This is the Dragon Planet.
If you're from New Orleans, how did you get here?" The stranger turned around to
face John and simply responded, "I walked." and continued on his way. John and Jessie
stared after him for a few seconds, watching him head for the coffeehouse.
"Did he say 'potholes' or 'plot holes'?" John wondered out loud.
Once inside the coffeehouse, Johnny B removed his trademark sunglasses and
took a minute to take in all that was going on. Tammy was with Tails, Julie was with
some blue-haired anime guy, Dale and Foxy, Sonic and Sally, two dragons, even Karl and Emmy!
Then Johnny considered his distinct lack of dates in recent memory. (Boy, am I out of
place), he thought as he headed for the bar. The barkeep made his way over and asked,
"What can I get you?" Johnny thought for a moment. "Is this couples' night or something?"
The bartender merely shrugged. "Well, guess I'll have an expresso."
After receiving his caffeine fix, Johnny tried his best to mingle, well... with
the people who weren't paired up anyway.
Spotting the Enduring Man-Child, he made his way over to his table. They were
soon enthralled in a spirited discussion over the implications of allowing mainstream
media personalities to compete with pro-wrestlers. Johnny's main argument was that
allowing Jay Leno to wrestle in pay-per-view main events makes Pikachu sad.
Four tables over, Pikachu decided he had had enough.
"Pika pi pika-chu!"(Stop putting words in my mouth!), he demanded, and arced a
Thundershock attack across the room into the unsuspecting Johnny.
The singed and slightly crackling Johnny suddenly decided that this would be the
perfect time to take a nap and did so right there at the table.
Johnny B
------------------------
It needs to be elucidated here that Man-Child had indeed returned to the Coffeehouse
a short time before, having resolved to be a bit more mature and more pleasant
company for all concerned.
He had avoided disturbing John D. and Jessie as they were having a spirited
discussion. "But I thought you were John D. Rockefeller!" she said to him,
"he's Secretly Behind Communism, you know."
"Well he was," John D. observed, "but he died in 1937 at the age of 97.
His son, John D. Jr., died in 1960 at the age of 86. HIS son, John D. III, w
as killed in an automobile accident in 1978 at the age of 72. And HIS son, John D. IV,
is a Senator from West Virginia. And I am none of those persons."
One may readily see why Man-Child did not want to get caught up in that
conversation, having been Secretly Behind Communism himself for two years.
He had tried to govern wisely, however.
Man-Child's resolution to have a pleasant attitude was dashed the moment
he walked in the door, however, as he saw that, once again, he was the only
person there without a Friend Of The Opposite Gender. He sniffled briefly and found
a quiet table in a corner where he would not be seen and where he could drown his
sorrows in a bottle of Koo-Koo Kola. Actually, Max was in exactly the same boat,
but Man-Child saw only the happy couples and not his fellow Lonely Guy.
Fortunately at about this time (just as he was about to send an e-mail to
Chipette and ask her if Elaine and The Other Tammy might not make an appearance)
a figure with dark glasses waved to him and then came over to join him at his
lonely table. He looked a little sinister in those shades, but he introduced
himself as Johnny B., the enlightened fellow-Rangerphile who also was a fan of
professional wrestling, though the child had no memories of the Really Good Old Days.
Man-Child wanted to know Johnny B.'s opinion of the ECW's debut show on TNN
(which Man-Child found impossible to really get into), but Johnny B. kept switching
the conversation to the "disaster" when Jay Leno was worked into a WCW angle one year ago.
"So you see," he told Man-Child, "whenever Jay Leno, or any other TV
personality (can you say Will Sasso? Yuck!!!)gets involved in a pro wrestling
angle just to drag in extra viewers at the expense of their true fans, a great
injustice is done. And whenever Jay Leno is booked in pay-per-view main events,
it makes Pikachu very, very SAD."
Man-Child was now beginning to feel even worse, as it seemed that he and
Pikachu had such contrary tastes on everything that the two of them would never
get along. But just as Johnny B. had made this ridiculous claim, his face shining
with satisfaction, a "pika pika pika CHU!" sound was heard from a nearby table
and Johhny B. was now sooty and seared from head to toe.
Man-Child glanced furtively to the table from which both the sound and
the electricity had come. He thought he saw two pointed yellow ears sticking
above the seat of the booth.
Could it be???
"Pi . . . Pikachu?" Man-Child asked, not daring to believe.
"Pika!" came the answer, and soon a familiar smiling friendly face was
looking at him. It couldn't be! But it was!!!
Pikachu now hopped onto the floor and ran over to Man-Child and
Johnny B.'s table, hopping onto it before Man-Child and smiling affectionately.
"Pikachu . . . it IS you!" he said, enraptured.
"Kachu!" said Pikachu.
"Gesundheit," said Man-Child. "Oh Pikachu, I have never been one to go with
the zeitgeist of the times, but you are different. Until you came along, I feared
for the fate of our world as the heartless, mind-warped, MTV-watching, Generation X
brood took over. But you . . . oh Pikachu, teach them! Teach them about friendship
and loyalty and fair play and that winning isn't everything! You are such a good
influence on them! We, the older generation, are depending on you to straighten
out the decades of generational decline we have been in for so long! Teach them
about love for their friends! Teach them to be good!"
"Kachu!" said Pikachu.
"Gesundheit!" said Man-Child.
Pikachu allowed Man-Child to pet him and even gave him a hug such as he
always gave to his friend Ash, and Man-Child ate it up completely. But when he
looked at the statically-charged figure of Johnny B. across the table he felt bad.
"Pikachu--please don't be mad at Johnny B. He's just a young feller who doesn't
remember the Good Old Days. But he's really a very nice person. I'm sure he'd like
to meet you. Do you think you could give him one of those mysteriously pleasurable
shocks like you gave Ash at the end of one of last Sunday's episodes? I'll vouch for him."
Pikachu thought it over for only a short time. "Kachu!" he said at last.
"Gesundheit!" said Man-Child.
After the shock (and after getting Johnny B. to stop saying "Do it again!")
Pikachu sat down by Man-Child at his and Johnny B.'s table. He was just as lovable,
cute, and adorable as he was in the series! Man-Child looked about for something to
feed Pikachu and, seeing only salt, pepper, and sugar, poured a little of the latter
into his hand and held it up to Pikachu. Pikachu ate it gladly.
Man-Child had found a new friend!
**********************************************
Meanwhile Meowth, who had been left alone since Man-Child had left earlier,
still played happily with his ball of yarn. It had been a good life!
"The Enduring Man-Child"
--------------------
"Do you think the pit trap will still work?" John asks.
Jessie shrugs. "Maybe if we created a diversion..." She grabs John by his
Robin cape and drags him to the stage.
"Prepare for trouble!" Jessie shouts. She hands John a script,
which he reads without enthusiasm.
"Make it double."
"To protect the world from devistation!"
"To unite all peoples within our nation?"
"To denounce the evils of truth and love--"
"I am the terror that flaps in the night!" another voice interrupts.
"Huh?"
A purple cloud dissolves in front of the stage, revealing a caped mallard!
"I am the level 70 Mewtwo that you cannot defeat!"
He is met with some confused stares.
"Heh--guess you guys don't play the game?"
"Hey, I'll trade you a Pinsir for a Growlithe!" Julie offers.
"Later," the duck says. "All right--I am the Pikachu that you cannot capture!
I am... Darkwing Duck!"
Jessie stares.
"Aren't you going to finish your speech, Jessie?" John asks.
Jessie's eyes sparkle. "That...that sense of style...that lengthy introduction...
that flashy intro... I...I must have him!"
"What do you know--guys *can* zap ladies, too!" Karl notes.
Jessie GAZES upon the duck. "Hey!" he protests. "What are you doing?!
I've already got a perfectly good gorgeous evil villainess to call my own,
and I've just about got her refo--"
Jessie strokes his beak, and Darkwing's leg involuntarily twitches like a dog's.
"Eep," he manages to say before succumbing to Jessie's Magical Female Powers (TM).
Julie
------------------------
"Ah shoot there she goes" mumbles John "Who am I gonna work with now"
He walks around trying to make partnerships with people but they all turn him down.
But someone does ask him a question.
"How come you are not affected by Magical Female Powers?" asked The Enduring Man-Child.
"Oh that's easy I just think of how it makes people into blithering idiots
and then condition myself to me Immune to them."
Then a really great plan forms in his mind. He thamks Roy for giving him an
idea and rubs of laughing hysterically.
John D
-----------------------
Kat T'Shober and a few of her friends were enjoying a few drinks, since their lazy
Writers havn't written an X-Men fic in years.
"Looks like we have a regular epidemic here." commented Psycoke.
"Yeah, and it seems to be spreading, darlin'." replied Wolverine as he noticed
that Darkwing had fallen under the influence of Jessie's Magical Female Powers (tm).
Kat grined and declared, "I never had -him- pegged as a member of the 'Bunnie Brigade'."
She looked over at the jaguar, who was still under Bunnie's influence. "I hope Fifi
doesn't walk in..."
"Oh, my!" exclaimed Psycoke. "There are quite a few Tiny Toons fans among
the CDRR fan fic Writers."
"Ja. And wasn't there at least one CDRR/Tiny Toons crossover?" asked Kurt Wagner
(a.k.a.) Nightcrawler.
Kat nodded. "Yup. But don't worry about it." the cat-earred (mutant) human said
as she gazed into Kurt's eyes.
**ZAP**
"We have more important things to do tonight--right Nighty?"
Nightcrawler, who had been zapped by Kat, only smiled widely and nodded.
"Wha? Oh. Why am I -not- surprised" muttered Logan.
"I wonder if I can do that, too." thought Psycoke. She looks at Wolverine.
"Hey, darlin', why are you lookin at..." began Wolverine.
**ZAP**
He never got the rest of that sentence out.
"Hey, it worked!" declared Psycoke. "Too bad Bishop never appeared in the 'Farce' series"
she thought with a sly grin. "But Wolvie ain't a bad catch, either".
*************
Kuwani could made out the zapped looks on the male X-Men, even though she was
several tables away. Chipper walked up to her.
"Looks like we have a regular love epidemic tonight here, Chipper." she commented.
Chipper nodded. "Yeah, I noticed. Wanna come with me to test out TPL's new
zero-gravity dance floor?"
"Are you -sure- TPL & Gadget are -finished_ with it?" Kuwani asked cautiuosly.
"Yeah, I'm sure. Rotor even help them." explained the Jedi chipmunk.
"Er, they -just- finished it?" the Tari asked, noticing that Rotor had not
been there very long.
She shrugged. "Okay. I guess -some- couple has to test it. We're the most likely
to survive the experience if something goes wrong." Kuwani said with an impish grin.
"That's the spirit!" Chipper said as he took her arm and escorted her away from the table.
Kat
-------------------
Here's lookin' at you, kid!
His brain beginning to function again, Karl saw that Emmy's smile was forced-looking,
as though there was something wrong.
"Problem, Squirrel-Girl?" He wondered.
"This can't work, you know." She replied.
Ouch.
Speechless, he nodded slightly, encouraging her to go on.
"We're just too different, you and I"
"Because I'm human, and you're a squirrel?"
"No, silly! I think you're kind of cute, for a human. The difference is deeper
than species."
"Because you're a 'toon?"
"Close enough. It's like this, you're a writer and I'm a character. Get it?"
"So, I could write you a new car, a new house, whatever you wanted!"
She smiled sadly, "a new personality, a new voice, a new body, a new mind?"
"Oh." He got it.
"I might as well fall in love with my own reflection in a mirror, right?"
"Yeah, that's it. I'm sorry." She looked down at their hands clasped across the table.
"OK, if that's the case, there's only one proper way to end this." She looked startled,
but he smiled gently, and opened his notebook.
Karl wrote: The two, dressed in the finery of a bygone time, walked arm in arm
down the elegant stairway to the grand ballroom. The music was already playing as he
led her out onto the dance floor. Cheek to cheek they danced slowly,until the music ended.
It wasn't a bad ending, as endings go.
Karl closed his notebook, and looked across the table at Emmy. Both were again
dressed normally, back in the cafe booth, and only moments had passed since they had
disappeared.
Emmy stood, blew a kiss to Karl, and seemed to have some trouble saying
"Well, back to the real world!" before walking, almost running, out of the room,
back to her office.
"This is real?" Karl thought.
He went to the bar, hoping for an Irish Coffee.
Karl
---------------------
Love was still hanging in the air when the door opened to admit another patron
to the Coffeehouse. He was a skinny human teen with glasses and dark brown hair.
Chris went to sit at the bar. "Whoa! The Powers have struck quite a few!
Let's see... how many have been zapped by the mystical Magical Female Powers(tm)
so far? There's J.A.M., Tails, DW, Nightcrawler, Wolverine, and James.
Did I miss anyone?" Chris asked. Then he saw Dyglo at a table with another dragon,
obviously having received a good dose of the Powers himself. "Hmph, twitterpainted
(author's note: It's mandatory to go 'hmph' when describing someone by saying
'twitterpainted'). They look good together. I'll take a Café Mocha please."
"Comin' right up," said the coffeemachine. Chris accepted the cup and found
a table that wasn't occupied by a couple.
Boredom(the horrible menace!) starting to creep in, Chris pulled out some paper
and a few pencils and began to draw. It may have seemed that the phermone-laced
air wasn't affecting Chris, but in a subtle way it was. He began to draw a new character.
The character was turning out to be a female. As she was being drafted on paper,
her personality was being drafted in Chris's mind. The female character was shaping
up to be a skunk.
Meanwhile, in the other room, the forgotten piece of CCC, which was considered
completely spent, began to glow brighter. Being meant for character creation,
and not summoning, it could not use up it's total power. When the power began to accumulate
once again, the intricate safeties that had been put on it shattered, and it locked onto
the nearest character being created at that moment, the skunk. The crystal had no clue
of what was going on in the eatery section of the coffeehouse at that moment,
and it didn't care. It was only interested in creating a character.
What should the name be? I almost have the personality pinned down.
Her history can be created later, but a name will be essential, Chris pondered.
Rose sounds kinda nice. Tefleur for a last name? Rose Tefleur. Has a nice ring to it...
And so, the crystal had a name...
Signed,
Dyglo the Dreamer
---------------------------
i'm only posting just this one time now here me? =o}
Chipette, totally exhausted from her first week back at college,
made a quick stop at the Chat Pack hotel after checking her mail and
brought a friend of hers to the Coffeehouse for her first visit.
Chipette (checking the door for mistletoe first this time ;)
walked in with a late 30ish looking woman with brown hair and tired eyes.
her older age could not hide her timeless beauty, however, and she shyly
looked around the room for a familiar face.
"just remember, Elaine, find Man-Child, he's here somewhere, and don't
let your tarantula eat Zipper!"
"she wouldn't think of it!"
"good. well, i gotta run before anyone sees me and has me stay a while.
i've got to get back to college now. what a bummer, i don't even have much time
for my fiance anymore!"
"you have the rest of your life to be with him, concentrate on school for now."
"you're right. well, have fun! oh, look, there's Man-Child right over there!
go talk to him!"
Chipette slips away, hoping she's not been noticed, and drives away back
to the mountains of reading ahead of her.
=o}
Chipette
-----------------
Widget Bernouli & Grace Gigabyte noticed the new arrivals.
"Who are they?" asked Grace.
"Don't know--er, waitaminute; isn't that one a Writer?" Widget pointed at
the retreating figure.
"I think so. Why is she leaving so soon?" asked Grace.
"I dunno. Maybe she's late for an important date?" speculated the blue-eyed mouse.
"Seems like 'date' is the opperative word tonight." observed the brown-eyed mouse.
"You said it. I've never seen such a love-struck crowd since Prom night."
commented Widget.
Grace giggled and then turned toward the cappucino machine. "One Hazelnut Hurricane,
please."
Steam came out of the machine, then a cup appeared. "One Hazelnut Hurricane,
as requested." replied the machine.
"Thank you." said Grace as she took the cup.
Kat
-----------------------
Elaine walked in unsurely, a bit intimidated by the wide variety of unlikely patrons
at the Coffeehouse. Hey, this was making the Sazerac look like an insurance agency!
Man-Child saw her and motioned for her to come (they were both too shy to
communicate by shouting to each other in a public place!). She saw and made her
way over to his, Johnny B.'s, and Pikachu's table as quickly as possible. She was
certain she would not feel comfortable in the line of vision of all these strange creatures!
"Hi, Elaine!" Man-Child greeted her, "how have you been? I'm sorry I haven't
been in Chateau Pax too much lately, but I'm certainly glad to see you here. I
was beginning to feel lonesome." He said this last without thinking and blushed
immediately.
"Well, I've missed you around the snack bar!" she said, "who are your friends here?"
"This is Johnny B.," Man-Child said, introducing his friend, "a fellow Rangerphile
who is also, like me, a fan of this here rasslin'. And this--"
"Pikachu!" Pikachu said, smiling most endearingly at the newcomer.
"Oh, I know you!" she told him, "you're from that new cartoon everyone's talking about.
I'm afraid I haven't watched it too often, though."
"Well take my word for it, Elaine," Man-Child said, "it's one of the better
cartoons to come along in a long, long time, and Pikachu is a very good role model for
today's youth!"
"Pika!" Pikachu agreed with him.
"Oh, he's so cute!" Elaine said.
"Johnny and Pikachu, this is a recent newcomer to Chateau Pax, the hotel of the
Chatting Message Board. I can't tell you too much about her, not even her last name,
because I don't know it yet. There is much about her that she has not yet felt
comfortable enough to disclose, and I have learned to respect her and let her reveal
these things when she's ready."
"And I thank you for that courtesy!" Elaine smiled.
"By the way Elaine, where's Tammy?" Man-Child asked.
Elaine pointed to the top of her hat. Sure enough the giant tarantula was
sitting comfortably on top.
"Yi!" Johnny said on seeing the creature, and Pikachu also looked somewhat uncertain.
"They don't know Tammy and are afraid she'll prickle them," Man-Child said.
"Well, no need to worry! Tammy, these are our new friends, and you are not to
prickle them. Understood?"
Tammy peered over the brim of Elaine's hat at her and nodded. Then she jumped
onto the table and crawled up to Man-Child.
"Hey guys!" Foxglove's always adorable voice called to them. The residents of
the table looked up to see Foxy and Dale approaching them. "It's really nice to see
you here, Elaine," Foxglove said, "and . . . er . . . does Tammy remember us?"
"Of course she does!" Elaine assured them, "please don't be afraid of her.
Sit down here and join us, won't you?"
"Say, maybe your Tammy would like to meet our Tammy!" Dale chuckled.
"Well that may be, but I'll see to it that my Tammy doesn't scare your Tammy!"
Elaine said.
A waiter approached the table. "May I take your orders please?" he asked.
"Sure! Koo-Koo Kolas all around--my treat!" Dale said jovially.
"Pika!" ["And a bottle of ketchup for me, please!"], Pikachu said. The waiter
nodded pleasantly and returned soon with their orders. The seven friends
(I'm counting Tammy here) enjoyed their colas and chatted happily, becoming more
acquainted.
Er, uh . . . thanks, Chipette! ;)
"The Enduring Man-Child
-------------------------------
Karl looked out over the room, and noticed an island of normal discussion amidst
the Sea of Romantic Entanglement. He picked up his mug and made his way over.
Recognizing the Enduring Man Child first, he went to join their table.
Tammy the Tarantula, startled him at first, but upon realizing the arachnid
was sapient and good-natured, he got over it.
He introduced himself:
"Hi, My name's Karl. I've written all of one short fanfic story,
and in real life I fix videotape machines. How ya doin'?"
(Karl is not known for his social graces.)
Karl
-------------------------------------
Obligatory wandering wacko appearance:
"It's subliminal advertising, I tell you!" Screamed the ragged,
disreputable-looking character running in through the door.
He looked around quickly, grabbed the nearest beverage, and chugged it down.
"The Singles Banner Ads!! They've taken over your minds!!"
On the way out, two uniformed toughs with InsideTheWeb badges took him into custody,
to spend the next few months on a 1200 bps data line.
Karl
------------------------------------------
Meanwhile, at another table. . .
[...unWARP!!!]
Good evening.
*************
The Jaguar and the Cyborg-Rabbit had slightly noticed the new arrivals,
and had taken note of Pikachu zapping Johnny B. Slightly, because the other
patrons were trying *not* to notice the Panther and Lagomorph. Moans and grunts
were coming from their table. Pikachu then finally gathered the nerve to turn
and look at them, and they were. . .
Arm wrestling.
With both right paws locked firmly between them, they were pushing with
all their might, while at the same time they were having an interesting conversation:
"Hmmmmmh!! Do you--grunt--always talk with extended characters, Sugar??!!!" asked Bunnie,
with sweat beginning to flow down her brow.
"NGHAAAA!! Only when---necessary!!!!!" replied J.A.M., also beginning to prespire.
"Did you see--mmmmhhh!!!!---Darkwing just now!!!???"
"YYESSS----hufff pufff---I think that the---grrrrrr!!!--other woman of Team RRRRRRRRRocket
got to him!!!!!!!"
The battle appeared to be in a stalemate, as both paws were still at the halfway point.
"Well----hmmmmmmmmfff!!---Pikachu is safe, at least!!!"
"¡¡¡Me alegro!!!"
Slwoly, the Panther's paw began moving to the right, almost reaching the table,
when Bunnie countered with renewed adrenalin. Her wrist was almost to the opposite side,
but the Jaguar wouldn't quit. This see-saw continued for a while, with neither side
keeping the advantage for long.
"ARRRRRRRRE you sure you don't want to switch arms, Sugar???!!!!"
"ARRRRRRRE you kiddin'??!! I SAW Dexterrrrrrr's Laboratory!!!!!!
If we switch to yourrrrrr bionic arm, you'll throw me through the wall!!!!!"
The sweating and grunting continued. The arm wrestling match of the century was
practically deadlocked. . .
*************
Until next time, remember:
I AM THE J.A.M.
Good evening.
[WARP!!!]
The J.A.M.
------------------------------
(
geocities.com/televisioncity/set) (
geocities.com/televisioncity)