Toon Talk
Toon Talk is a production of Graham-Taylor studios
All rights reserved
Guests are the property of Walt Disney Co and appear without permission
Geary : Hello, and welcome again to another edition of Toon Talk, where the
hottest stars provide you with advice and answers to all your burning needs.
With me as always are Splatter, Camille, Mirage, and sitting in for Bianca
this week, we have Darkwing's very own Morgana. Let's give a warm welcome
to our newest member.
Splatter : Drop dead.
Camille : Bite me.
Mirage : I really do have powers, you know.
Morgana : Gee, thanks everybody.
Geary : Well, enough of the chit-chat, let's go right to our first caller.
Welcome to Toon Talk, you're on the air.
Sadira : Hi panel, this is Sadira. See, I'm having problems with my
boyfriend. Well, he's not exactly my boyfriend, and well, that's exactly
the problem. Do you have any advice for me?
Splatter : Get a clue.
Camille : Run around naked alot. That works for me.
Mirage : Slash his tires. Steal his mail. Throw eggs at his house. And if
that doesn't work, get him subscribed to as many catalogs and clearing
houses as you can. That always annoys someone.
Sadira : But I don't want to annoy him, I want him to like me!
Morgana : Have you tried being honest and open with him? Talk to him - find
out where you stand. See if there's any possibilities for you. Then, be
yourself. If that doesn't work, then you shouldn't...
Mirage : LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!!!! I'm interrupting you!!! LA LA LA LA LA LA!!!
Morgana : Would you shut up already?
Mirage : Why, does this annoy you? How about if I start picking my teeth?
Clipping my toenails? Fishing for belly-button lint?
Morgana : Get a life.
Splatter : Why do I feel like I'm riding shotgun in the Losermobile?
Geary : Ok, thanks very much. Let's move on to our next caller.
Jonathan Brandis : Hello, this is Jonathan Brandis. I'm a big star. Really.
Splatter : Geek.
Camille : Nerd.
Mirage : Anyone want to hear me play songs on my armpits?
Morgana : Well, you do have a nice voice at any rate.
Geary : So what's on your mind, Jonathan?
Jonathan : Well, I kind of have a secret, and I want to let it out, but it's
kind of hard.
Geary : I know what you mean. I tell you what we can do to help you. We'll
go around the panel, and we'll each tell a secret of our own - that should
make it easier for you. I'll start. My secret is that I have trouble
distinguishing reality, and have obsessive sexual fixations on ducks.
Who'll go next?
Camille : I'm not wearing any underwear.
Mirage : I'm not wearing any deodorant.
Morgana : Darkwing Duck has a birthmark on his... um, somewhere.
Splatter : I hate all of you.
Geary : Well, that's not much of a secret.
Splatter : Neither was yours. Would you rather tell me the secret I know
about you, the trampoline and the jar of peanut butter?
Geary : Hey! The secret is supposed to be about you, not me!
Splatter : Oh, yeah, it's always about me. It's always my fault. Is it my
fault that you can't perf...
[Toon Talk is experiencing technical difficulties. We'll continue in a
moment...]
Geary : But I don't look good in a tutu!
Splatter : Fine, next time see if I let you play the naughty stewardess.
Geary : Well, I think we've done more than enough of our sharing. So
Jonathan, what do you think now?
Jonathan : I think you're all sick.
Geary : No, I meant about your secret. Do you feel like sharing?
Jonathan : Well, it's just... I kinda like... I like... I like watching
Bonkers!!!!
Splatter : Moron.
Camille : Idiot.
Mirage : Look everyone, I'm picking my nose!
Morgana : What's Bonkers?
Geary : Uh-huh. Go play with your dolphin, kid. Next victim!
Karnage : Hello? This is the fabulous pirate, Don Karnage. I am one hot
wolf, and I am ready to party! Where is all the hip party fun type stuff
the ad promised?
Geary : Hello? What are you looking for?
Karnage : Is this not 1-900-HOT-BOOB?
Geary : No, you want 1-900-HOT-BABE. Ask for Monique. Tell 'em Geary sent
you and you get a discount.
Karnage : Ah, muchisimas gracias. You don't know what it's like being on a
ship surrounded by men for months at a time.
Camille : Speak for yourself.
Geary : Next please!
Darkwing : This is the intrepid crime-fighter, Darkwing Duck! I don't
really have a problem, of course - not me personally, anyways, but as long
as I'm here...
Splatter : Zero.
Camille : Deadbeat.
Morgana : Honeywumpus?
Mirage : I'm going to run my fingers across this chalkboard! Hey, I'm
talking to you! Someone pay attention to me!
Geary : So what's your problem, Darkwing.
Darkwing : Well, it's about my girlfriend. She has a problem with being
assertive.
Splatter : What kind of hard up, no self-esteem wench would be your girlfriend?
Morgana : Hey!
Camille : I don't know, I think he's kind of cute.
Splatter : Loser.
Camille : Bitch.
Splatter : Slut.
Camille : Geary-lover.
*SMACK* [Splatter decks Camille]
Morgana : Who are you saying has no self-esteem? I mean, I think Darkwing's
girlfriend would have plenty of self-esteem. I think. What do you think,
Darkwing?
Mirage : Morgana, the Morganstress, the Morgananator, Baron von Morgamania.
No self-esteem for the walking bad hair day, the Morganilator.
Morgana : Would you quit that?
Mirage : The Smorganifier, getting testy with Mirage, the Oasis of
Annoyance, the Princess of Petulence, the Miraga-lama-ding-dong.
Morgana : I'm warning you!
Mirage : Morgana, the Morgultion, Captain Morgana of the Star Ship
Zero-Confidence.
[Morgana decks Mirage]
Darkwing : Thanks, that oughta do it!
Geary : Well, that's all the time we have for today! Tune in next week when
we'll skip all the formalities and just have our panel oil up and go at it.
Stay tooned!
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