This is the result of taking a break from a serious 
Sailor Moon fanfic I'm working on... Ever been to one of 
those interminable family functions, full of embarassing 
relatives? Well, imagine something like that, but with 
the Black Moon Family. ^_~

***

A Black Moon parody

"A Night at the Palace"

by aviatrix88@yahoo.com




Prince Dimando stood restlessly, nursing a glass of red 
wine. As the ruler and therefore head of the nobility 
on the planet of Nemesis, he was required to hold a 
royal ball, now and then. These courtly affairs were a 
necessity of palace life; however, it didn't mean he had 
to *like* them.

Sighing, he absentmindedly smoothed out his dress coat. 
Similar to his usual jacket, the length was just a bit 
longer, since the occasion required formal dress; it 
fell just above the knee. 

Having nothing else better to do, the Prince watched 
through narrowed eyes as the guests entered the 
ballroom, sipping his wine as he did so.

Just then, Rubius came in, flanked by the Ayakashi 
sisters. Dimando frowned slightly; there was 
something... *distasteful* in the way he led those girls 
about. Pulling away from their reluctant arms, Rubius 
walked up to pay his respects to his Prince. As he 
approached, Prince Dimando raised an eyebrow.

"Hello Rubius," he said, as the former bowed. "And 
you're actually wearing your uniform jacket for once," 
he added, the alcohol making his tone somewhat acidic. 
"I'm impressed."

Rubius scowled. "Yeah, yeah... They wouldn't let me in 
otherwise," he replied sullenly. He left the Prince, 
muttering, "'No shirt, no service' indeed..."

Under Dimando's watchful eye, Rubius returned to the 
eager attentions of the Ayakashi sisters, who were also 
dressed for the occasion. The Prince wrinkled his nose. 
There was far too many feathers and exposed cleavage 
for his taste... Not that he had anything against 
either, mind you; he just thought too much was rather 
tacky.

His thoughts turned, as they often did, to Neo-Queen 
Serenity.  he conceded 
reluctantly. He cast another glance at the Sisters. 


"You're thinking about her again, aren't you."

Prince Dimando looked up, to see Saffir staring at him 
somewhat accusingly. 

 he thought uneasily. 
Sure enough, he noticed the green-haired Ayakashi sister 
nearby, resplendent in peacock feathers. Dimando tried 
not to shudder.

Saffir himself was dressed in a dark blue suit; although 
instead of a tie, he wore a blue choker with a reversed 
crescent. In that suit, however, his younger brother 
uncomfortably reminded the Prince of King Endymion.

"I can tell, you know," continued Saffir relentlessly. 
"You only look that way when you're thinking about 
Neo-Queen Serenity."

Prince Dimando sighed. He loved his little brother to 
death, but there were times when he *really* got on his 
nerves. 

"I'm afraid you're mistaken, Saffir," answered Dimando
blandly. Yet his thoughts had, once again, turned 
unerringly towards the Neo-Queen.  he mused, <*I* didn't want to 
come here, either.> Saffir watched his expression 
closely, noting the far off look in his older brother's 
eyes. 

"Uh-huh," he replied skeptically, crossing his arms 
before him. "Well, then--" His voice trailed off, as
he glanced over the Prince's shoulder.

"Uh-oh. Esmeraude at three o'clock," warned Saffir. 
Snatching up a drink from the tray a nearby waiter, 
he downed it in one gulp. Dimando glanced at him in 
concern.

"Saffir, you know you shouldn't drink," he cautioned.

"Around Esmeraude, I need to drink," muttered Saffir.

A moment later, Esmeraude bore down upon them, dressed 
in, not surprisingly, feathers.  thought Dimando irritably.  The only thing worse than Esmeraude's 
laughter was her pouting... No, perhaps nothing was 
worse than her laughter.

"Dimando-sama," purred Esmeraude, as she approached. The 
Prince assumed a neutral expression, while his younger 
brother scowled slightly. Noting this, the green-haired 
woman looked down her nose at Saffir. 

"Don't you have some numbers to crunch, or something?" 
Esmeraude flicked her feather fan in his face, causing 
the blue-haired man to sneeze. "Run along and do 
something useful for a change, there's a good boy."

Saffir glared at her, but was forced to walk away, as he 
tried to get his sneezing fits under control. Meanwhile, 
Esmeraude tucked her arm under the Prince's.

"Dimando-sama, I have some *very* important affairs of 
state to discuss with you."

"Uh... Right," replied Dimando reluctantly. He looked 
around rather surreptitiously for some distraction, as 
Esmeraude led him away. Saffir watched both of them go, 
a bit resentfully. 

 he 
thought to himself, snarling.

Fielding another drink from a passing waiter, he took a 
sip, then hiccuped discreetly.

***

"...So, I finally decided to wear this marvelous green 
gown. I mean, not that I wouldn't have looked absolutely 
*fabulous* in the black evening gown, but basic black 
is *so* passe. I suppose I could've worn purple... It 
being a royal colour and all, it would suit me 
perfectly, don't you think?"

Prince Dimando nodded politely at Esmeraude's prattling, 
then motioned painfully to a waiter to refill his 
wineglass.



Furtively, he glanced around for some sort of excuse to 
get away. He couldn't take much more of this... Finally, 
Dimando was forced to use a bit of diplomacy.

"Oh look, I think Saffir is calling me," interjected 
the Prince rather quickly. "Do excuse me, will you?" He 
pulled away from Esmeraude as discreetly as he could 
manage, and made a run for it.

"But-- Wait!" she cried, as Dimando was lost in the 
press of people. She tapped her fan irritably on her 
chin.

"That's odd..." Esmeraude muttered to herself. "I 
thought Saffir was over there--" She looked behind her 
to find that Saffir was still seated upon a couch, where 
she had seen him last. Her lips pressed into a thin 
line. 

"Hmph!" Then realizing that she was in an awkward 
position, Esmeraude laughed to herself, attracting a few 
annoyed stares from the courtiers around her. Noticing 
this, she covered her red face behind her fan, and made 
her way to where Saffir was sitting.

Saffir looked up muzzily as she approached. "Hullo." 
Esmeraude regarded him coolly.

"Hello, Saffir." Looking over her shoulder, she craned 
her neck, trying to find even a glimpse of Dimando. 
Finally, Esmeraude gave up, and sank into the couch 
beside Saffir in resignation. He turned to look at her 
curiously.

"Somethin' wrong?"

"It's none of your business," she snapped. Saffir 
shrugged philosophically. After a moment, he leaned 
towards Esmeraude again.

"You know, you look absolutely stunning tonight," he 
commented softly.

Esmeraude was taken aback. Granted, she was the most 
beautiful woman in the universe, but Saffir had never 
bothered to comment on it before. 

"You really think so?" she said, hiding her blushing 
face behind her fan. 

Saffir nodded. "You should really wear your hair loose 
more often, Petz," he continued blissfully.

A vein appeared on Esmeraude's forehead.  
she thought in outrage, now flushing for entirely 
different reasons. She contemplated hitting him with her 
fan again, but thought better of it. 

Her gaze turned to a half-filled wine glass standing on 
a table nearby.  she thought comtemptously.  She then stared at it thoughtfully. 

 Esmeraude glanced back at Saffir. 
Now that she thought about it, his face *was* rather 
flushed, his eyes a bit glazed. 

"Saffir," she asked curiously. "Have you been drinking?"

"Only one drink," he replied apologetically. "Well... 
Maybe one and a half." He began to count on his gloved 
fingers, but after a moment, gave it up as a lost cause. 
Esmeraude tried to conceal a smile behind her fan. 

 she thought in amusement.

She considered helping Saffir back to to his quarters; 
that was sure to earn her some gratitude from Dimando. 
 She cast another glance at Saffir.  
Edging closer, Esmeraude fluttered her eyelashes coyly 
at him.

"Saffir-chan," she said, her voice poisonously sweet,
"Why don't you tell me all about your brother?"

Saffir smiled happily at her. Now *there's* something 
he didn't mind talking about.

***

Prince Dimando looked over the crowd again, and frowned. 
 he thought. Usually, Saffir would've 
been hovering nearby, watching over him; but now, his 
younger brother was nowhere in sight.  he thought hastily to himself. It was 
just a bit disconcerting, that's all.

Now a bit worried, he approached Rubius, who was 
flirting with a giggling Calaveras.

"Rubius, have you seen Saffir?" Dimando asked the red-
haired man. Rubius glanced at him, slightly irritated, 
then amused by the concern in his Prince's voice.

"Am I your brother's keeper?" he replied.

The Prince gave him a glare that made his third eye look 
preferrable in comparison, then walked away. Rubius 
shrugged, and turned back to Calaveras.

"Well, *I* thought it was funny..." he murmured to 
himself.

***

Esmeraude listened intently as Saffir talked animatedly 
about his beloved brother, his blue eyes sparkling as he 
did so.

 
she thought to herself. Saffir never would've never 
struck her as a cheerful drunk; then again, she probably 
shouldn't have been too surprised, considering how moody 
and brooding he usually was.

At least he wasn't hitting on her anymore, something 
Esmeraude was acutely grateful for.... She wasn't quite 
sure *what* to do about that. 

"Ahem."

Esmeraude and Saffir both looked up to see Petz, tapping 
her foot indignantly. Saffir did a double take, as he 
stared at Petz, then back at Esmeraude.

"Oh, dear... I must be drunk," he murmured to himself. 
"I'm seeing double..." Esmeraude gave him a somewhat 
disgusted glance.

 she thought to herself.

"Excuse me," snapped Petz, capturing the other woman's 
attention again. "What do you think you're doing?" 
Esmeraude smirked at her impatient tone. She stood up 
abruptly, causing Saffir to slowly tip over in his seat.

"Why, Petz, I was just having a conversation with 
Saffir-chan over here," she said innocently.

"You were flirting with him!" Petz said accusingly.

"Moi?" replied Esmeraude, fluttering her eyelashes. "I'm 
afraid you're very much mistaken. You see, the poor dear 
is a tad intoxicated; he mistook me for you!" She 
laughed to herself, amused. 

"Not that I could ever see why he could make such a silly 
faux-pas; I have far more style and grace than you'll 
ever have." A vein appeared on Petz's forehead, as 
Esmeraude obliviously continued her tirade. 

"Really, now! Peacock feathers are *so* last century. I 
mean, with fashion sense like that, I don't know *how* 
you managed to hook little Saffir over here in the first 
place. Perhaps you got him drunk, too, hmmm?" she 
simpered. "Ohohohohohohohohohohohoho...!"

Esmeraude's laughter was then abruptly cut off, as Petz 
finally lost what little temper she had and decked her.

***

When Rubius had discovered he had lost his little 
collection of admirers, he turned around just in 
time to see Petz deliver a spectacular punch to 
Esmeraude, right in the face. 

Before she could try another, however, the rest of the 
Ayakashi sisters surrounded her, attempting to hold her 
back. As Rubius looked on with interest, he watched as 
Esmeraude tried to regain what little dignity she had by 
yelling insults at Petz. 

Rubius smirked to see Esmeraude so discomfitted. 
 he 
thought in amusement.

Just then, Petz managed to break free from her sisters' 
grip, and turned on Esmeraude, who seemed a little more 
prepared this time. She held out her fan in front of her
defensively, eyes narrowed.

It was then that Rubius caught the eye of one of 
Esmeraude's warriors, Chiral (or Achiral; he could never 
tell those damn twins apart), who looked back at him 
speculatively. 

"Twenty bucks says Esmeraude wins," said Chiral.

"You're on."

***

Prince Dimando was sipping yet another glass of wine 
when he heard the scream from across the room. 
Recognizing Esmeraude's voice, he began to make his way 
in that direction, his curiousity roused. 

There was quite a large crowd gathered in that area, but 
they parted respectfully as the Prince approached. 
Noticing Beruche at the edge of the crowd, he turned to 
the blue-eyed Ayakashi sister.

"What's going on?" Beruche looked rather nervous.

"Uh, I'm afraid Petz has gotten into a fight with 
Esmeraude..." Dimando stifled back a groan, then pushed 
his way through the crowd until he reached the centre.

He got there just in time. Both women were on the floor, 
at this point: Petz was pulling Esmeraude's hair; 
Esmeraude, not being able to do the same since the other 
woman wore her hair up, was hitting Petz in the face 
with her fan, and screaming at the top of her lungs. It 
was a wonder that Petz hadn't gone deaf.

 Dimando 
thought, as he watched the catfight with a mixture of 
relief and horrified fascination. The last time that had 
happened, it was because Beruche had borrowed clothes 
from Cooan without asking. It had gotten pretty ugly, he 
recalled... 

"All right, break it up, you two," Dimando said finally, 
stepping forward. Esmeraude managed to scramble from 
underneath Petz, and took the opportunity to cling to 
the Prince in gratitude.

"Dimando-sama, she started it!" she wailed. "She 
attacked me without warning; it was totally unprovoked!"

"That's a lie!" snarled Petz, getting to her feet. "She 
was hitting on Saffir!" 

"Uh..." began the Prince carefully, "Where *is* my 
brother?"

They looked down to find Saffir on the floor, where he 
had slid off the couch. Sensing their attention, 
Saffir's blue eyes blinked open, focusing unsteadily on 
his older brother.

"Hello, big brother," commented Saffir. He giggled 
foolishly for a moment, then passed out. Prince Dimando 
turned to Esmeraude.

"How many drinks has he had?"

"Er... He said around one and a half..." Dimando looked 
thoughtful.

"Yes, that's sounds about right," he mused. He then 
winced, as Saffir started to sing 'The Battle Hymn of 
the Republic' at the top of his voice. Sighing heavily, 
the Prince motioned to a couple of palace guards to take 
his brother to his room. 

It was then that he noticed Esmeraude was still holding 
on to him. With some difficulty, Dimando tactfully 
removed her arms from around his waist.

Meanwhile, two of the palace guards had picked up the
semi-conscious Saffir bodily, and were now hauling him 
out of the ballroom. As the group walked past her, 
Esmeraude sighed longingly.

"I wish that I could be dragged away by hunks like 
that," she murmured dreamily. Rubius, who was standing 
behind her, gave Esmeraude a disgusted look.

"You're pathetic, do you know that?" he said.

Unfortunately, Rubius didn't have enough time to duck 
as a feather fan smacked him right between the eyes. As 
an outraged Esmeraude pounced on the hapless Rubius, an 
interested crowd gathered to watch.

Dimando sighed once more, and turned away. At least he 
wasn't the centre of attention for the moment; the
Prince melted into the crowd, unnoticed. After a while, 
the captain of the palace guard walked up to him, and 
bowed.

"Prince Dimando-sama, Saffir-sama has been taken safely 
to his chambers," she reported. He nodded curtly at her. 
The captain then cocked her head to one side.

"Dimando-sama, you don't look very well," she said, 
concerned. "Are you sure you're feeling all right?" He 
arced an eyebrow at this. 

"Nonsense, captain. I feel fine." He turned away, his 
cape swirling elegantly around him. Then, he staggered. 
The captain managed to catch the Prince in time.

"Then again..." said Dimando rather thickly, leaning on 
her heavily for support, "Perhaps I *have* had a bit 
too much wine, myself... Would you be so kind as to 
escort me to my quarters?"

"Of course, Dimando-sama," replied the captain of the 
guard blandly.  she thought to herself, 
irritably. 

With the captain's help, Prince Dimando staggered out of 
the ballroom and down the corridor.

 he thought to himself.  
he concluded ruefully.




END

*****

Copyright Cherryne Edejer, 2000. Sailor Moon and all 
related characters are property of Naoko Takeuchi, and 
are used without permission. (That's probably a good 
thing; I don't think she'd want to see them used like 
this. ^_~)

    Source: geocities.com/televisioncity/set/4341