Final Good-byes
Aurora Khan (ltrotsky17@hotmail.com)
Series: Star Trek: Voyager
Codes: Paris/Torres
Rating: PG

Legal Disclaimer-Paramount own Thomas Eugene Paris, Harry Kim and
B’Elanna Torres. They never heard of the Declaration of Independence, I
suppose. Neither have I, since I own Priya, Gene, Janaki, Keiko,
Rebecca, and Mike. I borrowed Erika Johnson from Erin Alpert (thank you
very much, Erin!)

Archiving: Please do not archive anywhere. Linking is allowed if you e-mail me first and let me know.

Authors Acknowledgments

This is dedicated to Lauren...if it wasn’t for your P/T mix tape, sis, I
would never have come up with this. You are the best.

And a special thanks to Dangermom, Becca, Betty, PJ, Kat and Alex for
being by beta readers and giving me advice and tips. Even if one of them
did try to hang me from the flagpole...<g> But the view sure is nice up
here......?

This story takes place sixty years into the future, so Voyager has been
traveling for 63 years, since Caretaker debuted. Only 'bout 10 more
years and they'll be home. So this would take place in the sixty-third
season-which trust me, no matter how popular Voyager may become, will
not take place.

Priya and Gene are 52 years old, and P&T are in their nineties. (I'm too
lazy to check the actor's ages and figure the whole thing out) And I'm
sorry if the age of Naomi Wildman doesn’t match, I didn't want her to be
too much older than her husband!

This story was written before Seven-of-Nine came aboard, otherwise I may
have matched her up with Harry instead. So, please don't be surprised
that there is no mention of her. (And K/7 fans, please don't send me
hate mail!)


And remember, please send all comments to SubhaR@aol.com

*********


Tom Paris, Personal Log.


I'm dying.
It feels strange to say it aloud, but I did, and I am. I'm dying.
I contracted Remison's Disease. It isn’t fatal unless you’re quite young
or really old. And I'm very old. If I'd been in my thirties, I would be
recovering, but now I'm in my nineties, and there's no hope.
Reimison’s a disease where the body slowly shuts down, as the body
automatically does as it gets older. However, Reimison’s causes the
aging process to speed up.
Dr. Van Gogh suggested the bio-temporal chamber, but after the
mishap with Kes, I refused. He also came up with an idea that if the
cells were given something to do, instead of performing the same duty
they had been year after year, I would live longer. Apparently, he'd
searched the medical files, and that's the best he could come up with.
Some crack pot scientist, a Dr. Geiger, came up with it. I refused that
one too.
The news is going to be announced to the crew, since I don't want
anyone to have to find out through the scuttlebutt. I'm sure I'll be
getting plenty of visits, and I'll accept them graciously. That's me,
always the gentleman.
But I don't think I could be so calm about this if it wasn't for
B'Elanna. She's almost like a pillar of strength for me. Just her
presence helps calm me down, as it's been in the past.
There are so many more things I want to say, since this will be
one of my last recordings. But I'm so tired....I think I'll rest for a
little while now....


*************

B'Elanna Torres-Paris sat on the small sofa in her quarters, her
head buried in her hands.
She wanted to scream and kick and cry, and shout about how unfair
it was that her husband was being taken from her, that it wasn't even
his time. But it wouldn't do any good.
Doctor Van Gogh had checked, and re checked every last
possibility. The entire medical staff, all ten officers, had tried every
last idea. But nothing worked, and she was just going to have to face
reality.
He was dying. Her husband of almost sixty years was going to leave
her. The thought made her want to fall on the floors sobbing.
Sobbing wouldn't do any good, however. And she was going to be
strong for him, as he had always been for her.
Remison's Disease wasn't painful. Its main symptom was constant
fatigue, which wasn't too uncommon anyway at Tom's age. He would slip
away in peace, surrounded by his loved ones.
His loved ones. She shook her head and glanced at the chronometer.
They should be here any moment.
The chime rang, and she called out, "Come."
Priya Lauren Paris entered first, followed by her twin brother,
Eugene 'Gene' Marcos Paris. Priya was dressed in her red command
uniform while Gene was in his gold engineering one.
"Ma, you sounded urgent. Is something wrong?" asked Gene, his
brown eyes opened wide with undisguised fear.
Priya sank into the recliner opposite her brother and mother.
"Yes, Mom. What's wrong? Is it Dad?" She rested her elbows on her knees,
impatiently pushing the stray strands of dark hair that had fallen from
the bun gathered at the nape of her neck.
"I'm afraid it is… we went to see Dr. Van Gogh today. It isn't
good. He has Remison's Disease, and it's progressed too far. There's
nothing anybody can do now."
Despite her attempts to try to deliver the news as gently as
possible, both children stared at her in shock.
"No," breathed Gene. "Where is he now?" He looked around
frantically, as if afraid his father was already dead.
"He's resting. The announcement will be made to the rest of the
crew soon, but I wanted to tell you myself...your father would have told
you, but he was too tired, and," B'Elanna's voice wavered and her eyes
filled with tears she'd been pushing back since the morning. "And he
fell asleep before he could."
Priya rose from her chair and embraced her mother. "I can't
believe this is happening." A tear trickled down her face. "He seemed so
healthy, he was giving lessons in the flight simulator yesterday."
"I know," whispered B'Elanna, pulling away from her daughter's
embrace. "But unless the medical scans are looking specifically for the
disease, they over look it. And it doesn't manifest itself until the
final stages, and by then it's too far gone."
"The children....they're going to be devastated," said Gene,
thinking of his own off spring. "Janaki and Keiko…"
"Rebecca and Mike are going to be the same way," agreed Priya. "I
don't know how to tell them. If only Mohan," she said, referring to her
husband," hadn't gone on the supply mission. He always knows how to
handle these things."
Gene nodded, thinking of his own wife, Naomi Wildman. "Ma…you
think we could go see Dad before we leave? I think we should tell the
kids before the Captain makes the announcement."
"He'd love to see you, but the Doctor said he should get all the
rest possible, so I don't think he should be disturbed." B'Elanna stood,
trying to make herself appeared more dignified. "If you want, I'll come
to talk to them."
"No, Mom, you get some rest. Take it easy. We'll be back with the
kids in a few hours, okay?" Priya put on her best imitation of B'Elanna.
"And that's an order!"
"Yes, ma'am," replied B'Elanna, attempting to muster a half
hearted a smile and the patented Tom Paris' 'ma'am'. She failed
miserably, but her children seemed encouraged by it.
They each gave her a long hug on the way out, followed by threats
on what would happen if she didn't rest. She nodded, insisting that she
was fine, trying to keep a calm front for the children, but the minute
the doors slid shut behind them, she collapsed on the couch.


**************

Priya and Gene walked in silence for a while, until they were both
in the turbolift. "Deck 11," ordered Gene, and the lift lifted off,
heading to the specified destination.
"Computer, halt lift," ordered Priya. She faced her brother with a
grave look. "Mom's not holding up very well is she?" It wasn't as much o
a question as a statement, but he answered anyway.
"No, but you know she'll never admit it."
"There's only one person who she can confide in…" Priya began
Gene nodded. "Uncle Harry."


*************

When Erika Johnson called out "Enter," she had been expecting her
son, Jonathan to appear, not her godchildren.
"Priya, Gene, I didn't expect to see you here!" she said, but
gestured toward the chairs set up across from her.
"Aunt Erika, it's really good to see you, but we were looking for
Uncle Harry," said Priya.
"What happened?" questioned the older woman. "You both look so
serious."
"You'll find out soon enough," replied Gene, his eyes downcast.
Erika was about to question further when her husband entered the
room. "What's all the fuss about?" asked Harry Kim. "Well?"
Brother and sister took a seat across from the husband and wife.
"Mom would want you to know, but with all that's she's going through, I
don't think she remembered to contact you," began Priya hesitantly. By
the change in his features, the twins could tell that their uncle didn’t
know.
The friendly look in Harry eyes was replaced by one filled with
apprehension. "Did something happen to B'Elanna?"
"No, mother's fine-- physically. It's Dad," interjected Gene.
"He's dying." As his godparents mouths dropped open in astonishment, he
explained the details.
"Mother is pretending that everything is okay, but I know she's
hurting inside. That's why we came to you. You're the only she'll open
up too, other than Dad," finished Priya.
Harry gave a curt nod. "I understand. Sweetie, you don't mind if
I-"
"No, go right ahead." His wife's eyes were full of sadness. The
former pilot had always held a special place in her heart. If it hadn't
been for him, she and Harry would never have gotten together.
Without another word, Harry was on his way.

*****************

Harry didn’t notice as he barely avoided ramming straight into
Susan Muikappa in the hallway. He continued on his way to the Torres-
Paris quarters, his thoughts stuck in the same pattern, as if his brain
had become snared in a recursive causality loop.
Dead. Dying. Those were things for ancient old crones. Not for
somebody like Tom Paris, who despite his outward appearance, was as
lively as a twenty year old.
*Tom…dead. Gone forever. That can't be possible.*
But it was.
It wasn't as if this was the first time Harry had faced death. His
beloved grandmother had passed away when he was ten, which had
devastated him. And Commander Chakotay and Captain Janeway had been
killed by terrorists on Lazara 4, trying to protect the ship from being
blown to bits. That had been almost thirty years ago, but he could
recall the exact feelings he had when Larson's shocked voice had
filtered over the comm, informing the crew of their commanding officers
deaths.
But this was much worse. Those had been sudden. His grandmother
had died suddenly, when her aorta burst. She hadn't even known what had
happened to her. And Chakotay and Kathryn had been killed by a phaser
set on demolecularize, an instant death.
This time he knew his best friend was going to die, and every
moment until then was going to be filled with that knowledge, that at
any moment, he would discover that he would no longer be able to talk or
laugh with Tom.
He pressed the appropriate command on the panel next to the door,
and he heard a wavering voice order," Come in."
"Harry! I didn't expect to see you until later." She rose from the
sofa, dabbing at her eyes and trying to make it appear as if she hadn't
been crying only moments ago.
"Gene and Priya told me the news," said Harry softly.
"I should have told you myself, I'm sorry-"
"It's okay," he soothed. "You have a lot on your mind. How are you
holding up?"
She opened her mouth to recite the lie she had told her children,
that she was fine, but the words got stuck in her throat. She couldn't
say it to Harry. He knew her too well. "Not so well."
With quick strides, he was at her side, holding her, stroking her
hair, letting her know that it was all right.
She rested her head against his chest, but refused to let the
tears fall. A few moments later, she said," Thanks, Harry."
"I'll be here for you as long as you need me," said Harry softly.
He waited until she composed herself to ask," How's he doing?"
"The Doctor said that--that he'll be gone in a day. And at most,
two days is all he has, but even that's too optimistic." She jammed her
fingers into her eyes, cursing the fact that of all the things she had
inherited from her Klingon heritage, the lack of tear ducts was not one
of them. "He has some kind of genetic defect that weakened his immune
system, so his body won’t be able to put up much of a fight against the
disease." Her knees buckled out from under her, and she slowly sank to
the floor, her back against the couch. "It's just so hard, Harry.
Knowing that he's here right now, but he won't be in a few days. That
I'll have to go on without him, and I don't know if I *can* do that. 54
years, Harry. 54 years we've been married, and our anniversary is next
month. Half a century, he's been my support. With out him, I don't think
I could have dealt with losing Chakotay and the Captain. I couldn't have
done a lot of things if Tom hadn't been there with me."
"I don't know what to say, B'Elanna. If this was happening to
Erika, I wouldn't know what to do either. All I know is that you have to
treasure your last days with him. You probably already know that
already, but that's the only advice I can think of." He leaned in to
give her a peck on the cheek. "I think I hear Tom moving around in
there, so I'm going to go now. I'll be back later, but right now, just
be with him." Dusting the invisible lint off his trousers, he got back
to his feet, gave a friendly smile and left silently.
Harry, or Starfleet, as she would constantly refer to him as,
always knew the right thing to say. It wasn't much, and it wasn't
particularly new or inspirational advice. But coming from him, with his
smiling, eternally boyish face, it made her feel a bit better.
Getting up, she made her way into the bed room where Tom was
stirring. His eyes flickered open, a vibrant shade of blue even after
all these years.
"B'Elanna," he said, his voice hardly above a whisper.
She poured a glass of water, and handed it to him as she sat next
to him on the bed. He gulped it down gratefully and his voice became
stronger.
"Did you tell them?"
"I did. Gene and Priya are on their way to tell Keiko, Janaki,
Rebecca, Mike, and Naomi. Mohan's away on the supply mission, so Priya
can't tell him right away."
"I thought I heard Harry."
"He was here...but he wanted to give us some time alone, so he
said he'd be back later," explained B'Elanna.
He nodded in understanding. "B'Elanna… know this has to be hard on
you."
"I'm fine, really," she protested weakly, knowing that he could
tell she was lying just by the sound of her voice.
He ignored her feeble lie. "I know you're being strong for me, and
I love you even more for it." He sat up, ignoring the protest of creaky,
aching bones, another side effect of the disease. Cupping her chin in
his hands, he forced her to look at him. "I want you to always remember
that."
She gently removed his hands and clasped them in hers. "I know. I
love you too."
They stared into each others eyes, as if they could read the each
other's mind.
"We’ve been together for so long, done so many things...." sighed
B'Elanna, still gazing into her husband's eyes.
"It's hard to believe I was ever so nervous about proposing," he
remarked, his grip tightening around her hands. "I remember that day as
if it were yesterday."
"So do I," said B'Elanna, closing her eyes and remembering the
sensation of the cool gold wedding band encircling her finger........

***********

Tom paced around the holodeck anxiously. Glancing at the
chronometer, he sighed and kept pacing. B'Elanna still had two more
minutes before he could call her late, but Tom was worried that she'd
decide not to come. "She doesn't know what's you're planning to do," Tom
told himself. Trying to dismiss his thoughts, he continued to pace,
until the holodeck doors hissed open, and he heard B'Elanna enter, her
heels clicking on the floor.
B'Elanna was wearing a beige dress that showed of every delicious
curve to its best.
"You look.......gorgeous," he said, unable to take his eyes off of
her. If Tom had any doubts about asking B'Elanna to marry him, he
certainly didn't have them now.

**************

B'Elanna looked down at herself, slightly uncomfortable. The dress
was perfect, and from Tom's reaction, he seemed to agree to. But she
thought the dress felt a little too tight. Pushing her doubts away, she
studied Tom. He was looking more handsome than ever, with a loose silk
shirt, and black pants. The blue of his shirt seemed to bring out the
blue of his eyes even more, if that was possible. As she walked toward
Tom, she suddenly realized that she wasn't walking on the glowing yellow
lines of the holodeck, but in Tom's program.
Dusk was just falling as the sun settled on a distant mountain
peak. Looking around, B'Elanna realized she seemed to be on a deserted
roadway that wound its way up a mountainside. There was a huge log
lodge nearby, but at the edge of the road stood a small one-room cabin.
Tom was standing outside the door with a smile on his face as he saw the
recognition in B'Elanna's face. This was where they had had their first
date, she had set up this program, and had been wearing the red dress
Tom had given her.
"B'Elanna you look more beautiful that there are words to express
it by." Tom took her hands into his, and led her up the path to the
cabin. B'Elanna followed him wordlessly, and as she did, she suddenly
had this odd sensation in her stomach, as if something big was about to
happen. Tom led her into the cabin, which was lit entirely by
candlelight, and sat her down at the table.
B'Elanna looked at him, the love in her eyes clear. "You did all
this, for dinner?" The astonishment was clear, but it was also apparent
that she wasn't complaining.
Taking a seat in the chair across from her, he reached for her
hand, and clasped it tightly. "For you, B'Elanna, anything." He gazed at
her with the utmost seriousness. *Not now.* he thought to himself.
"I'll wait until after dinner."


**********************

B'Elanna sat back in her chair, sighing in contentment. Tom had
prepared, or rather replicated, a wonderful meal of various Earth
delicacies. Sweet and Sour Chicken, Indian Curry, Sushi (which had
looked revolting at first) and for dessert some wonderful chocolate
moose. "After all these years of being tortured with Neelix's leola
root, I think this is the best meal I have ever had," complimented
B'Elanna, smiling at Tom from across the table.
"Oh, you would say that about anything as long as it wasn't
Neelix's leola root," said Tom, although the pride in his eyes was
obvious. Pushing back his chair, he gestured toward the door. "Let's go
for a walk, there's something I want to talk to you about."
B'Elanna stood and followed him outside, where they walked along a
little path behind the cabin. The sun was setting, and the air smelled
like roses. Tom came to a halt after several minutes and sat her down on
a rock, which looked suspiciously like a chair.
"Tom, what's this all about?" asked B'Elanna. The feeling that
something important was going to happen was getting stronger, but she
couldn't place what it was.
With utter seriousness, Tom got down on his knees, and took B'Elanna's
left hand in his. "B'Elanna, I think it's time we moved forward in
our relationship." *This is it.*
Pulling out the little velvet box from his pocket, he opened it
to reveal a simple gold ring with a marquise cut diamond reflecting the
light from the setting sun.
B'Elanna stared in astonishment, and nothing seemed to register
until asked softly, "B'Elanna Torres, you told me you loved me first, so
this time I want to be the first when I ask: will you marry me?"
She blinked a few times, staring at the ring, and then at Tom's
face which was looking at back at her with---was that fear in his eyes?
"Yes," she answered immediately. "I absolutely, positively want to
marry you, Tom Paris!"


*****************


B'Elanna rubbed the latinum colored band around her left ringer
finger affectionately. "I think that this actually brought me good
luck."
"Of course it did." Tom pretended to look mildly insulted. "After
I borrowed a couple herbs from Neelix, I sat there and concocted a spell
that would bring you the best luck in the world."
"Sure," scoffed B'Elanna. She looked back down at the band and the
old feelings washed over. The anticipation, the newness, the start of
something completely different, the air of something beginning, not
ending. Her eyes began to fill up again, and she bowed her head, not
wanting him to see.
"Hey," said Tom, trying to get a glimpse of her face. He pushed
away the strands of brown/white hair away from her face, tucking it
behind her ears carefully.
Even that simple gesture forced the tears to come out faster. "I'm
sorry, darling. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"
"Listen to me. We stopped apologizing to each other almost twenty
years ago, and I don't want to start it up again. I know this is hurting
you, no matter how much you protest, and you're hurting me by keeping it
all locked up inside. If it makes you feel any better, cry just so I can
pretend I'm all macho again, and I can ease your suffering."
A small smile crossed her face among the tears. Resting her head
against his shoulder, she hugged him, letting a few tears fall onto his
tunic. "I don't know how I'm going to go on with out you," she
whispered, repeating what she had said to Harry. "I just don't know."
"You're strong, B'Elanna. You *are* strong," he repeated with more
conviction. "That's one of the main things I love about you. And you
have the kids and grandchildren, and hopefully some great grand kids
soon enough. You will get through this." He rocked her back and forth,
stroking her hair.
"I know...but it's so scary. We've been together for half a
century, and life with out you..."
"Don't you remember saying the same thing when we first got
married? And look how things turned out." He gestured toward the
pictures crowded on the night stand. "We have two wonderful kids, four
grandchildren, and a great son and daughter-in-law." He was interrupted
by a yawn.
"I'm sorry, Tom. All this tired you out, I'll go." She rose to
leave, but he tugged on her hand, preventing her departure.
"Don't. Stay with me?" he asked quietly.
She stared down at him, the edges of her mouth twitching upwards.
"Why, Commander Paris," she exclaimed teasingly, putting her hands to
her cheeks in feigned shock. "Are you asking me to spend the night with
you?"
"Not the night," he protested, with the same silly grin. "Just the
afternoon."
"I'm doing this against my better judgment," she sighed, feigning
reluctance. Slipping of her boots, she snuggled in under the covers next
to him, her head against his chest, the reassuring sound of his steady
heartbeat comforting her. "Good night, Commander."
"Good night, Commander," echoed Tom, drowsily stroking her hair.
Soon, both were fast asleep.

*****************

Keiko, Mike, Rebecca and Janaki filed into Gene's quarters where
Priya, Gene and Naomi were already waiting.
"What happened?" demanded Keiko, always impatient, a trait she had
inherited from her grandmother.
"We figured it would be easier to tell you all at once," said
Naomi, clearing her throat.
"It's your grandfather. He's not feeling well and the Doctor has
determined-" the words seemed to jam in her throat," determined that he
won't make it," said Priya.
Four pairs of eyes immediately fixed on her. Cries of "That's
impossible!" or "He's too strong, he won't die!" came from the children,
but they soon fell silent when they saw the seriousness in their parents
words. The hopes that it was some kind of sick, practical joke faded
away, and they were left to deal with the effects of the words.
"H-how much time?" asked Mike, his dark skinned complexion
becoming pale.
"At most two days," said Gene. "I told your grandmother we'd go to
see him in a few hours. I wanted to give them some time to themselves.
When everyone else finds out-" He never had a chance to finish as the
Captain's voice boomed over intra ship.
"Attention officers. This is Captain Tuvok speaking. The Doctor
has informed me of some rather unpleasant news. Commander Thomas Paris
is very ill. He has contracted Remison's Disease and there is no hope of
recovery. He requested that his condition be announced, and he is
currently in his quarters." With typical Vulcan curtness, not that
anyone in Gene's quarters knew what a typical Vulcan was like, only
having served with a handful, Tuvok cut the comm channel.
"It is true," Janaki, the blue eyes she had inherited from her
grandfather open wide. It was the only thing she was able to get out
before a chorus of beeps from their various comm badges interrupted.
"Gene here."
"Go ahead, Joe."
"It is true, Ethan."
And various other statements like that were the only things heard
as the entire Paris clan, minus the two founding members fielded
sympathetic sentiments, or need for proof that Tuvok, was not in fact,
joking.


***************

Almost an hour later, the entire group entered the Torres-Paris
quarters, trying to remain as quiet as possible. Motioning for the
others to take seats around the room, Priya, the designated 'leader' of
sorts, went to check on her parents.
She stood in the doorway, watching her parents sleep, peaceful
looks on their faces, wrapped up in each others arms. Tip toeing back
out, she said," They're asleep."
"Let them rest," said Naomi. "They won't have much time alone."
She paced around the room and examined the pictures on the desk. Her in-
laws on their wedding day, B'Elanna threatening to shove a piece of cake
into her new husband's face, three year old Priya and Gene playing with
a heap of clay, and one of the entire family taken only weeks before.
Gene came over and put his arms around her waist. "It's hard to
imagine him gone isn't?"
"All my life I wondered what my relationship would be like with my
biological father, the one back in the Alpha Quadrant, who doesn't even
know that I exist." She turned to face her husband. "But your father…
even before I married you, he was like one for me. I still remember him
joking with your mother when I was playing with you and Priya...when I
was around 9, and you were 5 or 6....."

**********

Nine year old Naomi Wildman pointed imperiously to the makeshift
bed, a pile of clothes bunched up on the floor. "Gene, since you're the
Dad, you get to make the bed."
Six year old Gene Paris wrinkled his nose in distaste. "Why do I
have to?" he whined. "I don't wanna."
"Would you just do it?" demanded his twin, Priya. "I'm the
daughter, and you're the Dad, and Naomi's the mom and she's busy
working, so you're the only one left!"
Naomi marched up and came toe to toe with the boy. "Make the bed!"
Gene cringed at her menacing tone. "Oh all right," he mumbled,
fixing the sheets. "But when I get married, my wife's going to do all of
it."
"Not if I have anything to say about it, mister," said Naomi
sharply. "Besides, when *I* get married, my husband can do all that
stuff. I'm going to be a great scientist, or a doctor, or an engineer."
As Priya stood there fuming over the fact that the game wasn't
moving, the other two, mimicking each other's posture (crossing the arms
over the chest) stood arguing.
Unseen in a corner, Tom and B'Elanna chuckled to themselves.
"They're like an old married couple aren't they?" asked Tom,
watching the children play.
"Hey! Some people think of us as an old married couple, and we
would *never* argue like that, would we?" asked B'Elanna. Not waiting
for an answer, she said," But they are cute, arguing like a…married
couple."
"So they're not an old couple, but at least they're married,"
shrugged Tom. "It would be fabulous if they got married, or started
dating."
"He's only six, Tom! Aren’t you jumping the gun?"
"When I was six, I was already engaged to little Maria Thompson,"
said Tom.
"You were *engaged*?" his wife asked, her tone disbelieving. "And
you never told me?"
"Well, she broke it off when she met Little Phillip Ariesty. When
Phillip gave her a toad for her birthday, she dumped me like a heap of
leola root." He sighed sadly. "What could have happened if I'd married
her, I'll never know..."
"Well, unlike you, Mr. Romeo, hopefully our children will wait to
at least the respectable age of 11 before getting seriously involved
with someone else." She poked him in the ribs. "Besides, why you would
have wanted to marry a woman who preferred toads over--what did you give
her?"
He looked sheepish. "A worm."
"No wonder she dumped you for Phillip." B'Elanna shook her head.
"A worm. I would never have married you if you'd given me a worm."
He placed his lips on the engagement ring his wife was wearing.
"This may be more beautiful, but the worm sure did cost me less."
She jabbed him in the ribs again. "Are you saying I'm not worth a
few replicator rations?"
"Bella, you're worth moving an entire planet for. And the last I'd
heard about Maria, which was almost twenty years ago, she'd ended up
becoming an icythiologist. So she must have married someone who gave her
a pet fish."
"Good. I wouldn't want to have to kill her or anything when we get
back to the Alpha Quadrant."
"Anyway, don't you think Naomi and Gene make a cute couple?" asked
Tom. "Look at that…they're perfect for each other!"
"Is there no way to shut you up?" wondered B'Elanna. She snapped
her fingers. "I got it!" Yanking him down to her height, she started
kissing him.
All thoughts flew out of his head as he returned the passionate
kiss, running his hands through her silky hair. Kids? What kids? Did he
even have any kids?

*************

"I remember that day too," laughed Gene. "We spotted them, and
Priya and I started moaning about how disgusting it was to see them
kiss. Then you, disgusted to see me try to pull them apart, started
trying to push them together. And my sister, just to disagree with me,
started pushing our parents together—while they just stood there with
the most astonished looks on their faces."
"I’m glad you got over your kissing fetish," said Naomi with a
grin.
"Me too," admitted Gene as if confessing to an unpardonable sin.
"But what I remember most about that day was how much my parents were
able to tease each other, and how much in love they looked. And the fact
that they looked decades younger."
"Possibly because it was decades ago," teased Naomi. Her smile
faded away. "It’s amazing how intuitive your parents are. Remember when
we were about to tell them we were engaged? They seemed to know the
instant we walked through the doors. And when I was pregnant with Keiko?
That too."
"Personally, I think the Doctor told ‘em before we could," said
Gene with a grin. Reminiscing about times past helped them both forget
about what was happening to Tom.
Janaki appeared at her mother’s side. "It’s almost time for
dinner, and nobody feels like heading to the mess hall. Would you like
me to replicate something?"
"No thanks, Ana," declined Naomi, calling her daughter by an
affectionate nickname coined at her birth. "I’m not very hungry."
Gene shook his head too. "I’ll just go get myself a cup of mint
tea," he said, excusing himself and heading for the replicator.
Janaki turned to face the view port, her eyes fixated on the
stars. Her mother watched silently, concerned by the look on her
daughter’s face. Of all the children, this had to be hardest on Janaki.
Married for a year, her husband, Patrick, had been killed on an away
mission only two weeks ago. To lose her husband, and the impending death
of her grandfather to be so close together had to be agony.
"Ana, darling, do you want to talk about it?" questioned her
mother.
"I don’t understand how this could happen," burst out Janaki
facing her mother. "It wasn’t supposed to be like this!"
"Nobody thought that this would happen," comforted Naomi.
"No, it isn’t just Grandpa—"
"He’s awake," Priya informed everyone. "Dad wants to see
everybody."
Janaki hurried past Naomi, mumbling something that sounded like
"Grandpa can help me, I know he can."
Her mother shook her head. Whatever was troubling her daughter
could wait. Right now, spending time with her father-in-law seemed more
crucial.

*******************

"Shhhh," whispered Tom as everyone filed in. He indicated the
sleeping form of his wife. "You know how mad she gets when her rest is
interrupted."
"Dad, how are you?" asked Gene urgently. "Do you need anything?
Want something?"
"I’m fine, just a little tired," he admitted. "But I want you all
to stay. You’re family."
"I was wondering…would anyone mind if someone left me and Grandpa
alone?" asked Janaki hesitantly. "I have something I need to talk to him
about."
A chorus of "Sure, no problem" and "we’ll be outside" filled the
room, and moments later, only Janaki, Tom and B’Elanna remained.
B’Elanna began to move and opened her eyes to see her second
eldest grandchild staring down at her. "How long have I been asleep?"
"Not too long," assured Janaki. "But I’m glad you’re both here...I
need advice about something serious.”
B’Elanna patted a seat on the bed and her granddaughter plopped
down.
"Spill your guts," encouraged Tom.
"This afternoon, just before Mom, Dad and Aunt Priya told me the
news," began Janaki," I went to the Doctor because I wasn’t feeling so
well. And...and..."
"Go on," prodded B’Elanna gently.
"And I found out I was pregnant," she blurted out. "And now I
don’t know what to do. If Patrick was still here, it would be terrific,
but to raise a child on my own...a child who never get a chance to know
his/or her father…I don’t know if I can do it. I was thinking
about…about," her voice shook with a combination of fear and
nervousness," about getting an abortion."
Tom and B’Elanna were quiet for a while, their eyes doing all the
communicating.
"Sweetie...ultimately, the choice is yours. It would be much
easier if we said something like "NO! You have to raise that child". But
we can’t do that." Tom took Janaki’s hand in his own. "Then you’ll end
up resenting the child because you were forced to raise it. Then again,
you might regret it for the rest of your life if you decide to go ahead
with the abortion, and hate us because we told you it was okay."
"Ana...I was going through the same thing you’re going through
right now, once, long ago." B’Elanna took a deep breath, and closed her
eyes. "Your father and aunt don’t know this, but a year before they were
born, I was pregnant with another child. But there was an accident in
Engineering, and I miscarried the child. For months after that, I
doubted my ability to be a mother. And when I found out I was pregnant
again, I was terrified. I didn’t want to go through the anguish of
losing my baby again."
"It took a long time to come to a decision," remembered Tom, once
again letting his mind travel back through time. A time seven years
after being stranded by the Caretaker......

************

Tom entered his quarters after a long shift, weary to the bone. He
had stayed on duty two hours longer than necessary to help track down
the glitch in the helm console. Harry had finally discovered that one of
the circuits had fused, which was becoming a frequent and irritating
problem, and the commands were being blocked. Since he wasn’t an
engineer, he had let Joe Carey finish fixing it and returned home.
The lights were off in the bedroom, making it impossible to
navigate toward the closet. "Computer, standard illumination."
The lights flooded the room, and he blinked letting his eyes get
used to it. As they began to refocus, he saw his wife staring up at the
ceiling, lying motionlessly on the bed, a vacant expression on her face.
"Bella?" he called anxiously. To his relief, she began to stir.
"Tom...I thought you’d be home an hour ago." Her voice was flat,
emotionless, as if practicing Vulcan disciplines.
"I know, but it took longer than expected to track down the
problem. But what are you doing here? I thought your shift didn’t end
for another hour."
"I took the night off. I have to tell you something." There it was
again, the same dull tone.
"About what?"
"I went to the Doctor today. I found out I’m pregnant." Her
control wavered a bit, but returned to its impassive state.
He was a little taken back at her lack of enthusiasm. "B’Elanna,
that’s fantastic news."
She flinched a bit, and he saw her emotionless facade disappear
for a few seconds. "No it’s not. I thought about it all day long. I
can’t have this baby."
His mouth dropped open. "You can’t be serious."
"Deadly serious," she said, with no inflection in her voice. "I’m
going to have an abortion."
"B’Elanna, *NO*! You can’t do this!" he shouted angrily. "How can
you be so damned calm about this!!" He paced around the room, fists
clenched tightly.
"CALM?" she demanded disbelievingly, the emotion returning to her
voice. "Do you know how long, and how much it took to come to this
decision? I just *CAN’T* have this child."
He massaged his temples, trying to frame his thoughts into
coherent sentences. "B’Elanna, I know miscarrying the baby was hard for
you." He pushed away his own feelings of guilt at the mention of
miscarriage. This was no time to be blaming himself for things long
past, no matter how at fault he really was. "But that wasn’t your fault.
It was an *accident. It wasn’t because of you."
She didn’t bother try to correct him. "You don’t know how painful
it was for me, Tom. That child was *inside* of me. It was part of me,
and just like that it was gone. It’s –it’s such a big responsibility,
and I’m not ready to handle it." It had almost been a year, but the
nightmares of losing the baby still plagued her. Not every night
anymore, but often enough that it disturbed her.
"But this time, things will be different. I won’t left anything
happen to you," promised Tom. "Bella, if you do this, you could end up
regretting it for the rest of your life. I may only be the father, but
don’t I have some say in this whole thing?"
"Of course you do," she said unconvincingly. "Tom," she pleaded,
her voice breaking. "Why can’t you understand? If I lose this baby too,
I won’t be able to handle it. I just can’t!!"
"Yes you can!" he insisted. "Why won’t you believe me? YOU CAN! I
know it. You are the strongest woman I’ve ever met. Please, please,
don’t get this abortion. If you do decide to go ahead with it, there is
nothing I can do to stop you. But think about what might be. We might
have a healthy boy or girl. We might have a complete family, just as we
planned when we got married."
The salty tears coursed down her cheeks. "I want to believe you. I
do. But when I think of having a baby, all I remember is my dream where
it’s calling for me, and I can’t help it. I’m powerless to prevent it’s
death, but I could have if I’d tried. And I remember feeling so helpless
and lost, and alone, and I DON’T WANT TO GO THROUGH THAT AGAIN!" she
shrieked, dissolving into sobs once again.
He drew closer to and enveloped her in his arms. "Shhhh, darling,
it’ll be okay, I promise," he whispered.
They talked all through the night, and after much soul searching,
B’Elanna finally reached a decision. She wouldn’t have the abortion
after all.

***********

"And because of that, you exist," finished B’Elanna, looking
amazingly composed for someone who had just retold what was obviously a
very private incident.
"I don’t believe that you actually went through all that,"
whispered Janaki. "Aunt Priya and Dad never knew?"
"No," said Tom. "There was no need to tell them." He exchanged
another look with his wife. "Ana, please—"
"Don’t tell them. I won’t, don’t worry," reassured Janaki.
"I know telling you might not help, but...." B’Elanna’s voice
trailed off.
"No, it helped a lot, thank you." Some how, knowing her
grandparents had gone through a similar experience was comforting in an
odd sort of way. Reaching forward she hugged them both tightly.
"I can’t believe that I’m burdening you with my own problems at a
time like this," she moaned as the sudden realization hit her.
"Grandpa..."
"It’s okay," soothed Tom. "I didn’t want everyone crying over me.
These things happen, it’s part of life. And it’s been a long time
coming, according to the Doctor, thanks to all those crazy risks I
always took." He pointed at it the thin mat of white, once sandy colored
hair on his head. "Besides, I don’t know how much longer I can keep my
real hair."
"If I had loved you for your hair, I would never have fallen in
love with you," said B’Elanna, with a small grin. She ruffled his hair
affectionately.
It amazed Janaki about how much they could still joke when Death
was going to come knocking at the door at any moment. A pang of longing
for her own late husband grasped her heart, but she pushed it away. She
didn’t want to think about Patrick right now, it still hurt too much.
Her cousin, Mike Berezetsky, son of Mohan and Priya, peered into
the room. "I hate to bother you, but I was wondering if I could talk to
them alone for a minute?" he asked, looking embarrassed. Typical Mike.
Of the entire family, he was the shyest and most polite. When he was
younger, he’d often get stuck listening to Neelix ramble on and on about
what he was cooking. Too nice to interrupt, he listen, and then come
home with a tummy ache, refusing to eat anything that wasn’t from the
replicator. For him to interrupt, it must be something important.
"Of course." Janaki rose from her seat on the bed, giving her
grandparents a kiss before leaving them alone.
"I don’t know, this seems like a silly question...just forget it,"
mumbled Mike, turning back around.
"Michael Fitzgerald Berezetsky, you get back here, right this
minute," ordered B’Elanna in her best Chief Engineer voice. "I am your
grandmother, and I will listen to anything you have to say. And only if
*I* say it’s ridiculous, can you say that, understood?" Her voice left
no room for argument.
"Yes ma’am." He immediately sat down in the recliner across from
her.
"She’s such a forceful woman isn’t she? I think that’s why I love
her so much," mused Tom. Switching gears, he smiled jovially. "Mike,
tell us, please. What has you thinking so hard?"
"Well....you know I’ve been dating Katarina Kim for several months
now," he began hesitantly.
"Know? We’ve, er, I," Tom corrected at B’Elanna’s glare," have
been trying to push you two together for months. Harry, Erika and I were
thrilled when you got together. Your grandmother, on the other hand—"
"Was just as delighted, but annoyed at her husband, Harry and
Erika for pushing their grandchildren together," completed B’Elanna.
"What’s wrong between you and Kat?"
"I think she’s cheating on me," he rushed out. He sagged against
the back of the chair. "And I don’t know what to do."
"What makes you say that?" asked Tom. The thought of his best
friend’s granddaughter cheating on his grandson did not sit well with
him.
"Well, she was on the holodeck, in the Lake Como program, and
after I came off shift, I went to surprise her. I entered, and then I
saw her with," Mike’s nose crinkled in revulsion," Herbie Johanson. They
were kissing."
A feeling of deja-vu hit Tom strongly. "Mike, I wouldn’t be so
quick to jump to conclusions," he cautioned. "The same thing happened to
me too."
"It did? But Grandma would never—Grandma, you didn’t?" Mike looked
horrified. Even more so that his parents, he held his grandparents up on
a pedestal.
"Of course not!" B’Elanna’s brown eyes flashed indignantly. "But
Tom jumped to conclusions, and made a fool out of himself.
"I wouldn’t say fool exactly...we’d only been dating for a few
months, and I was supposed to meet her in the mess hall for lunch,"
explained Tom to Mike. "I had a few minutes to spare, so I decided to
pick her up at her quarters. I let myself in....."

**************

Taking a seat at B’Elanna’s perpetually messy desk, he started
rummaging through the stacks of padds. B’Elanna wouldn’t arrive for a
couple more minutes yet, so he had time.
Most of the padds had to do with Engineering, but a few were
various stories, mostly romance novels. One was "Women Warriors at the
River of Blood", a new one entitled "Sworn Enemies", which he himself
had recommended to her. The rest were, surprisingly enough human novels.
*I suppose she decided it was time to learn about the other side
of her heritage. I’d be glad to help her there* Picturing B’Elanna’s
menacing scowl if she heard his thoughts, he focused on the words
scrolling across the small screen.
*M’Leyva hissed at the tricorder as if it were a misbehaving
targ--* was as far as he got before he heard the doors hiss open and
B’Elanna stepped through, followed by Ensign Mikel Hudson, one of
Tuvok’s security officers.
Hidden in the shadows of her quarters, neither spotted him in the
corner.
"Bend down a little," said B’Elanna, with a small smile on her
face. "You’re too tall, I can’t reach all the way up there."
"I’ll just sit down, it’ll be easier," said Mikel, taking a seat
on the edge of a small table.
"You’re right it is," agreed B’Elanna. "Now hold still, I don’t
want to hurt you," she admonished. Circling one arm around the back of
his neck, she leaned over his neck, her lips two centimeters away.
Mikel wobbled slightly, unable to maintain his balance without any
support to his back. Helping him regain his equilibrium, she steadied
him by slipping an arm around his waist.
Tom’s eyes were practically bulging out of their sockets. Were his
eyes deceiving him? His beloved’s hands sliding over Mikel’s shoulders
in a caress? No, no, that wasn’t possible. Or was it? It was all he
could do to restrain himself as Mike’s arms went around her waist, and
she moved in closer. Mikel let his head loll to the side, and B’Elanna’s
head remained hovering over the back of his neck.
They were kissing!! She was necking him, and he was right in the
room! His blood began to boil.
They remained in the same position for a quite some time and Tom
could practically feel the steam blowing out his ears. In what seemed
like an eternity, she finally pulled away from Mikel.
"There, that should do it. Now, don’t make me have to do that
again!" she ordered, a playful smile dancing on her lips. Tom’s heart
seemed to turn inside out as he saw her flashing the smile she usually
reserved for him, and him alone.
"What? And miss having your arms around me? Never." Mikel look
appalled, and in his anger Tom failed to noticed that he too, had an
amused look on his face. "It has been enchanting as always, my dear
lady. We really have to do this more often." He suavely reached down and
kissed her hand, his lips lingering much longer than necessary.
Tom was biting his lip so hard to keep from screaming that blood
was beginning to trickle.
Glancing at the chronometer, B’Elanna suddenly jumped to her feet.
"It’s getting late, I have to go meet Tom is the mess hall! You know the
way out," she called, running into the bedroom.
"As I should," said Mikel. "I have been here plenty of times. I’ll
see you tomorrow." He left, whistling happily as he did.
While B’Elanna was muttering something about hiring a maid to
clean out her closet, Tom just stared in shock. Mikel and B’Elanna? Who
would have thought...Mikel had always been a good friend…but
this…sneaking behind his back…been here lots of time... His thoughts
were becoming jumbled.
B’Elanna dashed out of her sleeping area, tossing a heap of
clothing onto the couch and straightening the casual slacks and blouse
she usually wore off duty. "Maybe Tom will help me clean up," she
mumbled as she exited the room.
*Now I’m her maid?* He thought disbelievingly. "First she cheats
on me with Mikel Hudson of all people, and now she’s stringing me along
to keep me as her maid! I don’t think so!" he informed the deserted
quarters. Getting up, he charged out the room, determined to force a
confession out of B’Elanna.

**************

Tom flushed a bright red, and Mike leaned forward eager to hear.
"Go on, Grandpa, finish the rest of the story."
"Well, you know it was a happy ending, there’s no need to
finish," dismissed Tom, fidgeting uncomfortably.
"You’re not getting out of it that easily," scoffed B’Elanna,
turning to Mike. "I’ll finish the rest." She smiled evilly as she heard
her husband’s groans. "You’re the one who did it, not me, remember
that."
"Someone, please, tell me what happened," begged Mike. He loved
hearing about when his grandparents were younger. Somehow, the things
they had done were a lot more crazy and exciting than the stuff in his
own life.
"Well, I was waiting in the mess hall," began B’Elanna. "And then
Tom burst in..."

****************

B’Elanna took a bite of her grekhart pasta and chewed it
carefully. Not so bad. Even if it was lime green, it didn’t have any
leola root in it. In fact, it was pretty good.
From her seat, she saw Mikel and his lover, Marco Cavelle, entered
the mess hall. Spotting her, Mikel waved hi and winked.
She smiled back. Mikel was really a wonderful guy. He was so sweet
and—her thoughts flew away from the young security officer when she saw
Tom Paris enter—or rather, barge into the room.
His entire face was a bright red, almost purple. His fists were
clenched so tightly they were turning white from the lack of blood flow.
A trickle of blood ran down his chin from his lip. And if he could, she
was certain he’d start breathing fire. This wasn’t like Tom at all. He
was always so calm, and reasonable, she was the one with the hot temper.
All around, her fellow officers were backing away. No one had ever
seen Lt. Paris worked up in a rage before, and they were making sure
they were going to be out of the line of fire.
He stomped over and stood glowering at her.
"Want some?" she offered casually, extending a forkful of pasta.
The entire mess hall just stared in silence. This was some kind of
bizarre role reversal, B’Elanna Torres; totally calm, and Tom Paris;
looking like he could burn a hole through duranium just by looking at
it. Everyone was poised to drop to the floor and take cover under the
table when things started to fly by. Neelix was busy trying to protect
his precious servings of pasta.
"No, I don’t want some pasta!" exclaimed Tom. "How could you!??"
"How could I offer you pasta? Well, it’s very simple, you see, I
twirled it around this small object which is called a fork—"
"Not the pasta!" he shouted. "How could you cheat on me with Mikel
Hudson!!!!!???"
She shot out of her chair like a tightly focused phaser beam.
"What are you talking about?" Her voice was low, deadly calm, a great
change from her normal "one wrong move and I rip out your throat"
approach to disagreements. "Did you hit your head? What would make you
say something as bizarre as that?" She was much smaller than the pilot,
but when she stepped closer to him, he backed away a millimeter. The
only smart thing he had done or said since entering the mess hall in the
officers’ opinion. Not that their thoughts seemed to count much.
"Don’t play coy with me, Lieutenant! I saw you and Mikel in your
quarters!" he bellowed. "Are you going to deny that?"
"No, I was in my quarters with Mikel before coming to the mess
hall," agreed B’Elanna. "So now you’re becoming a jealous, paranoid
lunatic because another man came into my quarters with me. Is that it?
You never acted this way before. I think we’d better get you to the D---
-"
"I don’t need the Doctor!" he yelled. "I never acted this way
before because I never saw you necking with another man before!"
"Necking?" Two other voices chimed in with B’Elanna, Marco and
Mikel. Marco was standing next to Tom, Mikel next to B’Elanna. Everyone
else's jaws dropped to the floor. It was like watching a holo-drama
being played out—but even better.
"I don’t know where you get your delusions, but you’d better come
up with an explanation and FAST, for accusing me and Mikel of such a
preposterous thing," ordered B’Elanna, her calm facade becoming a fast
fading memory.
As her body began to tense, Lieutenant (j.g.) Kurt Matthews began
organizing a plan to evacuate the mess hall. The faster, the better. Who
ever thought facing the Borg was tough, had obviously never served with
Lieutenants Torres or Paris.
"I will do no such thing! I saw you two with my very own eyes!!"
Marco turned to Mikel. "How could you do this to me?" Like
B’Elanna, he wasn’t known for keeping his temper, and dropped into a
defensive stance, obviously ready to duke it out.
Samantha Wildman, with baby Naomi in her arms, had begun to enter
the mess hall, but the minute she saw the pilot, engineer and two
security officers squaring off in the middle of the room, and the rest
of the occupants hiding behind chairs (what had happened to their
Starfleet Training?) she backed away slowly.
"You should be grateful you’re not related to any of them,"
Samantha informed her daughter.
Naomi just frowned and began to squirm in her mother's arms.
Back in the mess hall, Marco had grabbed Mikel by the collar of
his turtleneck. "What would ever possess you to cheat on me?" He drew
his fist back ready to strike, and no matter how Hudson squirmed or
twisted he couldn’t get out of the other man’s grip. *The Vulcan nerve
pinch would come in real handy right about now* Mikel thought to
himself. *I’ll tell Tuvok…if I get out of this alive.*
"Marco, nothing happened between me and Lieutenant Torres!"
protested Mikel. "Lieutenant Paris is jumping to conclusions!"
"I’m not jumping anywhere," barked Tom in a voice that made
everyone else jump. "I SAW YOU! Marco, as your senior officer, I order
you to release him."
"Lieutenant!"
"Let me finish. I want first crack at him."
A piercing whistle made Marco let go of Mikel and everybody’s
hands flew over their ears.
"Would you stop acting like idiots??" demanded B’Elanna. "You
two," a finger stabbed at Marco and Tom," back away from Mikel. Don’t
lay a hand on him until I finish. First of all, Lieutenant Paris," she
spit out his name like it was a curse. "What made you come to the
ludicrous idea that Mikel and I were cheating on you and Marco?"
"I was in your quarters, waiting for you, and I saw you enter with
Mikel. I was sitting in the corner, so you didn’t see me."
Comprehension began to dawn on the engineer and young security
ensign.
"No wonder," breathed Mikel.
"If you’d just asked I could have explained the whole thing."
B’Elanna managed to look annoyed, amused and furious at the same time.
"Mikel and I were riding in the turbolift together. He was showing me
the present he had bought Janine Lamont, a close *friend*, and in case
you forgot, his best friend, Ethan Simms’ girlfriend, for her birthday.
Show ‘em, Mikel."
Digging deep into the pocket of his pants, he pulled out a slender
latinum colored chain and dangled it in front of them.
"He wasn’t sure how the clasp worked, and I wasn’t sure either,
so I put it on him. The clasp worked, but when I tried to undo it, it
got stuck. So he came with me back to my quarters, and I tried to get it
off. So, I wasn’t kissing him, I had to use my teeth to get the clasp
loose." She crossed her arms and raised her eyebrows. "Well?"
As Cavelle and Paris tried to absorb it all, the other, forgotten,
occupants of the room got back into their chairs, half disappointed that
there wasn’t going to be any blood shed. Lt. Matthews was busy tapping
away on a data padd, obviously storing his escape strategy for another
day.
"Mikel...I...am sorry that I tried to knock you unconscious,"
admitted Marco sheepishly.
Mikel tugged on his arm. "Come on, we have a lot to discuss."
“I can’t believe that you would actually think I would *cheat* on
you. Do you distrust me that much?” demanded B’Elanna, hands on her
hips. Wagers started being placed on how long it would take her to start
giving the patented Janeway skunk-eye.
“I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me. I just went into a
jealous rage, and I wasn’t thinking straight.” Tom look utterly
mortified (and with good reason).
“Yeah, well, you can think it over for a few weeks, because I
don’t want to talk to you, see or hear you unless I have to.” She gave
him the patented skunk-eye and a howl of glee came up from Ensign Betty
Phipps, obviously the winner of the bet.
“B’Elanna, no, you can’t mean that!”
“I do. You barge into the mess hall, accuse me of cheating on you,
and then expect me to forgive you? Not to mention making my personal
life a display in front of most of the crew! I don’t think so!” she
shrieked, stamping her foot impatiently. “I’m heading down to
Engineering where I will make everyone's life a living hell, and they’ll
all know who to thank for that, won’t they?” B’Elanna stalked out,
taking short angry strides and brushing by, and knocking the unfortunate
Steven Jukeland onto his butt.
The gold shirted, gamma shift engineers all turned to the pilot
and gave him the Janeway glare.
“Thanks a lot, Lieutenant,” snapped Alex Ortiz. The other officers
chimed in with variations of the sarcastic ‘thanks a lot’. They all
stormed out, the same way their chief had, probably all plotting
revenge.

********************

“And that,” concluded B’Elanna with a wicked little grin,” is why
you should go leaping to the wrong conclusions about Katarina.”
Mike fell out of his chair, his body shaking with laughter.
“Hahahaha! Grandpa I can’t believe you actually did that!!! Hahahaha!!
That was so stupid, how could you believe Grandma would ever cheat on
you?” He rolled around the floor, tears pouring down his face.
Tom let out a long moan. “Why won’t you ever let me forget that?”
“Because it’s too much fun. I didn’t tell you what the engineers
did though, Mike.” Getting up from the bed, she helped her grandson to
his feet.
Wiping the tears away, Mike managed to choke out,” what?” before
dissolving into giggles, picturing his grandfather standing in a room
while the angry engineers stormed out past him.
“Well, coincidentally, we stopped at a Class M planet filled with
vegetation. And the one in abudance was...leola root. And as it
happened, all of my subordinates, went down, and picked bags and bags of
nothing but leola.”
“Pleeeeeeaasseeee,” begged Tom. “Not again, just talking about it
makes me relive it.”
B’Elanna ignored his protests.“ Well, since we were just in orbit
around a planet, with no signs of trouble or planetary disturbance,
Captain Janeway decided that this would be the perfect time for a
routine check of the transporters. They were taken off line and the
diagnostics were run.” She paused, obviously relishing the chance to
prolong her husbands misery at hearing the tale.
“When they became operational again, routine procedure stated to
transport something to make sure it worked properly,” explained the head
of engineering. “And for some reason, the transporters just managed to
lock onto the bags of leola root, and transport them all into Tom’s
quarters.” B’Elanna started to guffaw. “They found him the next morning,
trying to dig his way past all the leola root and into the corridor.
When the doors slid open, a mountain of leola root slid out into the
hallway, practically smothering poor Ethan Simms who had been assigned
to get him out of there. And for years after that, the incident in the
mess hall was referred to as Paris’ Folly. And to top it all off, he was
called Lieutenant Leola.”
Grandmother and grandson fell to the floor giggling, B’Elanna
remembering, and Mike picturing his grandfather covered with leola root.
“Who came up with the idea of transporting the leola anyway?”
asked Mike in between chuckles.
“Someone named....Lamara Scott, as I recall. Said she took a tip
from one of her relatives, a great uncle, or someone like that. Never
understood, and I didn’t really bother to get the details, because that
incident was priceless,” choked out B’Elanna, small giggles escaping
every now and then as she got back to her feet.
“That’s enough now,” said Tom, dryly. “I didn’t think it was that
funny.”
“Of course you didn’t, Grandpa Leola,” deadpanned Mike, taking a
seat. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell anyone about this.”
“Well, I hope you learned your lesson, though. Talk to Katarina,
don’t be like me and assume the worst. It can lead to trouble—big
trouble,” advised Tom, flinching inwardly remembering the feeling of
waking up and having leola root covering him.
“I hate to interrupt your laugh fest,” interrupted Erika Johnson,
sticking her head through the doorway. “But Harry and I thought we’d
stop by.”
“Don’t be silly,” insisted Tom, getting out of bed. “ I love
company. Why don’t we all go into the other room, might get a bit
crowded in here.”
B’Elanna and Tom followed Erika out, Mike bringing up the rear,
still muttering,” Grandpa Leola…this is going to make a great story.”

************

“Let’s get one thing straight before B’Elanna starts regaling you
with embarrassing stories of me,” began Tom, only to be interrupted by
Harry. In their family, interruptions were quite common.
“Embarrassing stories? You mean the one about Lieutenant Leola?”
asked Harry.
“Who’s Lieutenant Leola?” asked Becca who was sitting on the arm
of the couch next to Priya. “Mom?” she asked, turning to Priya with a
questioning look.
She shrugged. “I’m sorry, I never heard of this..... Lieutenant
Leola.”
“There’s a reason for that,” muttered Tom darkly. He opened his
mouth to protest but instead found he couldn’t breath. His arms flailed
about wildly as if he could grasp the air and shove it in his mouth. “I—
an’t..reathe,” he gasped, flopping around the floor like a fish out of
water.
Like a well oiled, the entire Paris clan went to work, not letting
panic paralyze them into indecision.
Becca slapped her comm badge. “Becca to Sickbay, get someone here,
fast!”
Mike and Gene picked up the limp, unmoving form of Tom and moved
him back into the bedroom where the transporter beam was resolving. As
the sparkles fell away, the form of Dr. Lauren Lerner appeared.
“Everybody out, I need room to work,” she ordered briskly, shooing
everyone out as she headed to the bed. “I’ll call you when it’s okay.”
To her patient she just smiled reassuringly, repeating,” You’ll be fine,
you’ll be okay,” over and over as she started diagnosing him with her
tricorder.

*********************

Almost a half hour later, a weary looking Dr. Lerner emerged from
the adjoining room. “I have good news and bad news.”
B’Elanna stopped pacing and sat down at the edge of the desk, arms
folded across her chest. “Go ahead, Doctor.”
Lauren took a deep breath. “The good news is that he’s stabilized.
I gave him some tri-ox, which will help his breathing. But the bad news
is that Remison’s has progressed even faster than anticipated. All his
vital functions are slowly shutting down, and there’s nothing I can do.
He’ll be dead in a matter of hours.”
“There’s...nothing you can do?” questioned Janaki looking stunned.
The rest of her family was silent, trying to absorb the information.
“I’m sorry. But he’d like to see each of you individually.”
Lauren bowed her head. “I wish I could do more.” The hardest thing in
the world for a physician was to say that there was nothing more they
could do, no more miracles sitting inside the hypos she carried in her
med-kit.
“Thank you, Lauren.” B’Elanna smiled wanly in appreciation, but
the smile didn’t carry to her eyes. “I know you did your best. Becca,
sweetie, why don’t you go into to see him first?”
Becca nodded in agreement and blinking so that the tears were
pushed back, she went to see her grandfather for what could be the last
time in this linear existence.

**********************

“Becca,” said Tom, his voice barley audible. “Sit down.”
She sat, telling herself over and over she would not cry, she
would not cry.
He took her hand in his larger, more wrinkled one. “You’re my
youngest grandchild, so I won’t get to spend as much time with you as I
wanted. I won’t be able to tell you about my unfortunate mishap as
Lieutenant Leola...not that I wanted to anyway.” He paused, his face
going blank, obviously having forgotten was he was about to say. “Did
you know how long it took for your grandmother and I too come up with
names we both agreed on for your mother and uncle?”
“No, you never told me. Tell me now, Fafa,” she said, calling him
by the nickname only she used, the Ferengi word for father.
“The minute we found out we were going to have twins, I called up
all the databanks on matching male/female names. I wanted Elvis and
Priscilla, but your grandmother rejected it. Then there was George and
Gracie, but she said only over her dead body would her children be named
after a pair of humpback whales. I tried to convince her that the names
originated from two humans, but she still said no. I tried Rorg and
M’nea, but she stamped her foot and said that her children would not be
named after a pair of Klingon lovers. My very favorite were these two
Bolian names; Zarbonex and Zerbonnut—but B’Elanna threatened to shove
me in the brig until after she named the twins.” He smiled, not at her,
but at the memory.
“How did you finally name them?” Becca finally understood what her
grandfather was trying to do for her, make her laugh and not cry. She
loved him even more for caring about her happiness more than his.
“Priya was the name of one of my mother’s best friends, my god
mother, whom I absolutely adored.. Lauren came from the woman who was
just in here, Dr. Lerner. She became a really good friend to the both of
us and it seemed only right.”
“I never knew Mom was named after your god mother and Dr. Lerner.
Does she know?”
“When both of the twins were younger, I told them about what I
wanted to name them, yes and how they got their names,” remembered Tom.
“After I did, they went to their mother, hugged her and told her that
they loved her very much for not giving them Bolian names.” He
harrumphed, but it was with a slightly amused air.
“And Uncle Gene, how did you name him?”
“Most people assume that Eugene came from my own middle name,
which is half true. They don’t know why I got my middle name, however. I
was named after Admiral Eugene Wesley Roddenberry.”
“Admiral Roddenberry?”
“Just the most respected man in Starfleet. He seemed to be
everywhere, helping design starships, assigning personnel, working out
the details of the Prime Directive, enforcing laws—the man was an
absolute genius. One of the movers and shakers of our times. Anybody who
had a chance to know him should be honored. He was even nicknamed “The
Great Bird of the Galaxy.”
“Uncle Gene should be honored to be named after Admiral
Roddenberry—and you,” decided Becca.
“Thank you, darling. And his middle name was Marcos, just a name
both of us liked.” He let out a soft sigh. “I was hoping I could help
you pick out names for your children soon.”
“Grandpa! I’m not even seeing anyone right now,” admonished Becca.
“Maybe not...but I saw the way Zek Grakar looks at you.” He
waggled a finger at her. “You can’t fool me. I know you have feelings
for him.”
She turned a slight pinkish color. “Maybe..just a little bit. But
that doesn’t mean I’m going to have a child with him, Fafa.” She leaned
in closer to him and whispered,” I’ll tell you what, Grandpa. If I do
have children with him, I’ll give one of them the middle name of
Zarbonex, all right?”
He beamed, his eyes glowing. “I knew I could count on you.” He
opened his arms. “I love you, sweetie.”
She hugged him tightly. “I love you too, Fafa. Thank you for
telling me how Mom and Uncle Gene got their names.” She embraced him
again, with the feeling that she was doing it for the last time and
walked out of the room.
One thing was for sure, however. She wouldn’t be too upset to
think of this day years from now. She would always remember her
grandfather as a man who cared more about his family than he did others.

***************

He kept his eyes open until she was out of sight and then let them
close. His eyelashes felt as if they had lead weights attached to them,
and it was torture trying to open them.
But he was going to let them see him like this, pitiful, weak and
helpless. He didn’t want them to stand around feeling sorry for him. He
wanted them to remember the good times they had all shared.
It was strange how he could almost feel his life ebbing away. His
bones felt extremely heavy and stiff. Despite the tri-ox compound Lauren
had injected him with, it was becoming harder to get enough air into his
lungs.
There were so many things he would never be able to do again. Help
his children and grandchildren with personal problems, something he had
gotten quite proficient at. See how many great grand kids he would have.
Or be there when Voyager finally pulled into a Federation Starbase. With
only 10 more years of their journey left, it was almost certain they’d
make it.
If there was such a thing as an afterlife, he might be able to see
it happen. Not be able to participate, but just observe. That would be
ironic, considering he was still supposed to be nothing more than Tom
Paris, ex-con, the official observer.
Each species, each religion had its own definition of an
afterlife. The Hindus said that after the dharama was performed, the
raison d'être, as it were, the soul would reach atman, peace with the
universal soul. Buddhists believed in something similar, the wheel of
life. In Klingon culture, there was Sto-Vo-Kor, the road that had to be
traveled on the way to the afterlife. Vulcans had katras, souls was the
closest Terran translation, that were kept in the Hall of Thought.
But the point was, anything could happen after death. He might
dissolve into nothingness, or be trapped in an eternal hell.
The approach of his daughter-in-law pulled him away from his
morbid thoughts.
“Naomi,” he grinned, reaching out to grasp her hands. “It’s good
to see you.”
“It’s good to see you too, Dad,” she replied. She hesitated,
obviously unsure of what to do or say.
“Naomi, will you promise me something?” There was a serious note
to his voice. “You are the most level-headed of the entire family. I
trust you to watch over them for me. Make sure they don’t do anything
crazy, all right?”
“I promise,” she said solemnly, knowing that her father-in-law
didn’t ask for favors lightly.
“Watch over Janaki closely...she’s going through a rough time
right now. I know she’ll make the right decision, whatever it may be for
her. And Becca...she needs a little push toward finding the right guy
for her. And Mike...make sure he doesn’t do anything impulsive. Remind
him of what happened to Lieutenant Leola, and tell him that if he really
loves Katarina, he’ll talk it over with her. And Keiko, it might have
been a year since Martha died, but getting over the death of a loved
one, especially a sudden death isn’t easy. Don’t push her into
anything.” He stopped to gulp down some more desperately needed air.
Naomi was finally struck with a sense of loss. All this time, she
knew, in her head, that he was dying. That his cells were deteriorating
and he wouldn’t survive much longer. But in her heart, she hadn’t been
able to believe it. But now, looking at him, listening to him give her
instructions for the last time, the knowledge finally hit home. "Listen
to me,” she said gently. “I understand. I promise, with every ounce of
power I have in me, that I will try to keep this family running as
smoothly as you did. But one thing I don’t understand is why you’re
telling me all this instead of B’Elanna.”
“I—I don’t want to burden her. She doesn’t deal very well with
loss. When Chakotay and Kathryn died...she could barley keep herself
together. I want you to swear to me that you will make sure, that above
all else that B’Elanna is okay.”
“I swear it. And while you were talking to Becca, you had a deluge
of communiqués from all over the ship. Priya managed to contact Mohan,
but there’s no way that’ll he be able to make it back in...in time,” she
finished awkwardly.
“When he does get here…and if I’m not...here...tell him that he’d
better treat my daughter and grandkids well, or I’ll come back just to
haunt him.” He attempted to look menacing but he was too tired to shape
his features into something reasonably scary looking.
“I think B’Elanna scares him more than you ever could,” commented
Naomi trying to lighten the mood.
“She always had that advantage over me,” grumbled Tom. “Just cause
she could make better inarticulate sounds than I could.”
She laughed but her heart wasn’t really in it. “I just want to
tell you, one more time, how much I thank you for influencing my life
the way you did.”
“It was nothing,” Tom dismissed the remark casually.
“You were a surrogate father to me, and even before I married
Gene, I felt like I was part of the family. You’ll never be able to tell
how much I appreciated that, and I’ll never be able to show enough
gratitude.” She kissed him on the cheek, and hugged him. “Thank you.”
And with a parting smile, she slowly left ,waiting until she was out of
sight to slump against the wall and take in a long shuddering breath.
This was one of the most painful experiences she’d been through,
emotionally. And if it was this tough on her, how much harder was it on
his immediate family?

*********************

Priya and Gene went to see their father together. They hadn’t
discussed it, but it only seemed natural that they would face it
together. Despite the fact that they were more than half a century old,
had children of their own and were each happily married, when a crisis
arouse they always worked together. It was an unspoken tradition, one
neither seemed to realize consciously.
“My beautiful twins,” whispered their father, looking more pale
and frail than he had a mere hour ago. “How fast you two grew up.”
They each took a seat, Priya to his left, and Gene to his right.
“Dad, I can’t believe that this…this is it,” said Gene, suddenly
looking like a frightened young child.
“I wish that I could tell you something encouraging, that Dad’s
just going to a better place where everything is good and peaceful.. I
really wish I could. But it would just be a bucket of lies, and you
wouldn't’ believe me anyway. I want you both to know that aside from
your mother, you were my reasons to live. Every time I was feeling
upset, or things weren’t going right, I’d look at you two; and I knew I
couldn’t give up hope, that things would be okay.” His eyes were closed,
but he re-opened them and his lips curved up in a small smile.
“You did so much for us, Dad. So much. I don’t know what to say,”
whispered Priya.
He patted her cheek gently. “I only did what any good father would
do.” Memories from his own past, his own father swam to the front of his
consciousness. “I didn’t want you to have a childhood like mine.”
“I know this sounds stupid...but I wish I could stop you from
dying,” said Gene. “It may sound childish, but if I had any one wish,
that would be it.”
“I know. I remember when you two were growing up—your mother and I
wanted to do everything we could to protect your pain. We wanted to keep
you safe, but it was impossible, especially on board a ship like
Voyager.” He began to regale them with memories of their childhood and
his courtship with their mother. They listened with rapt attention for a
half hour until Tom began to run out of energy.
“Dad, we’ve kept you long enough. Just remember that we both you
love you,” said Priya, sniffling and wiping away the tears at the corner
of her eyes.
“We both love you very much,” echoed Gene in a hushed voice. “Very
much.” As the others before him, he hugged his father and Priya did the
same.
They left the room quietly and didn’t let the tears come until
they were well out of Tom’s earshot.

**********

After Priya and Gene left, Lauren went back in to check on Tom’s
condition. She was only gone a few minutes and when she came back it was
with a solemn expression of her face.
“His condition is deteriorating fast,” reported Lauren. “He keeps
fading it and out of consciousness. I wish I didn’t have to say this—
but the plain fact is that within a matter of minutes, the most likely
probability is that he’s going to be dead.” She bit her lip to keep it
from trembling. *Damn, I’m a doctor, I have to act professionally* she
screamed at herself. *But he’s my friend.* Clearing her throat, she met
B’Elanna’s gaze. “He’s calling for you, B’Elanna.”
B’Elanna wasn’t digesting the news that well. First she had been
told he had a few days, then a few hours and now a few minutes. It was
too much to take, things were happening to quickly for her to completely
comprehend everything. “I can’t...I,” she stammered.
Harry was at her side in an instant, helping her stay on her feet.
“B’Elanna...remember what I told you earlier. You’re still reeling
from shock, I know. But spend these last few moments with him, otherwise
you’ll regret it for the rest of your life. I know it for a fact. I have
always wished that I had been able to tell my grandmother how much she
meant to me, how much I wanted to thank my parents for all they had done
for me. Don’t leave things un-finished between you two.”
“That means I have to let him go...I don’t know if I can do
that,” she said softly. “I don’t know if I can let go.”
“If you don’t, it’ll haunt you for the rest of your life.” He gave
her a comforting smile.
She didn’t return the smile, but a look of determination crossed
her features. “I’ll tell you....when.....it happens,” she told her
family. They nodded in understanding and B’Elanna left the room a heavy,
unpleasant feeling resting in the pit of her stomach.

**********

Everywhere he looked, it was black. He could hear, sense, touch,
probably even taste, but he could no longer see anything and for some
reason, that didn’t scare him at all. He knew it was almost time, almost
but not quite. He had one more thing to do....
Tom couldn’t see her, of course, but he smelled her familiar
perfume and felt the bed shift slightly as she sat next to him.
“B'Elanna?” he asked, unsure if he could still trust his other senses.
“It’s me, Tom. I’m here,” came her familiar voice from the
darkness. He felt her take his hand in hers, and with his other, he
traced the contours of her face with his fingertips.
The simple, loving gesture made her breath catch in her throat.
“Tom...I....”
There was no need for words. “I know,” he whispered. “There are so
many things I want to say, but not enough time. Never enough time....”
He seemed to drift off, but reopened his eyes and stared into the void
that had taken over his eyes. “Read my personal logs...so many things I
wanted to say....”
She kissed his pale hand gently, for his bones felt paper thin, no
more substantial than a feather. “I will. I’ll listen to everyone of
them.”
“Bella...you remember the poem I read at our wedding?” His voice
sounded distant, as if he were already fading away.
“Of course.”
From somewhere in the depths of his memory he managed to bring it
to the front of his memory and recite in a voice choked with emotion:

“How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use....

He stopped unable to recall the rest of it, feeling the
irresistible call of eternal sleep. All he wanted to do was close his
eyes, but he couldn’t, not yet. Never enough time...
B’Elanna started to say the rest, forcing the lump out of her
throat.
“In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with love I seemed to lose..”
Tom remembered the rest clearly. For the last time, with his blue
eyes staring unseeingly he repeated the words he had said on the most
important day of his life: “With my lost saints, -- I love thee with the
breath / Smiles, tears, of all my life! -- and, if God choose,” he
paused for a moment, but only a moment. And with his last breath of air,
and last ounce of strength, he squeezed his wife’s hand and said the
final words,” I shall but love thee better after death.”
And as B’Elanna, her vision blurred with unshed tears, watched,
his chest rose once more and then fell, never to rise again.
And for the last time, she rested her head on his chest, releasing
her tears. “Goodbye, Tom,” she cried softly, missing the familiar thump-
thump she usually heard when her head was on his chest. “Goodbye.”

**********************


Epilouge

Tom wasn’t sure where he was anymore. He certainly was no longer
alive, that was quite obvious. He was disembodied, looking down on the
lifeless shell that had housed his body and wife from up in the air.
He had no body, but he knew he was there. Was this what the after
life was? Just hanging around as a ghost? Or was it something more?
Somewhere in the back of his consciousness he knew that this wasn’t
permanent either.
Would he become a non-corporeal entity as Kes had? Or like the so-
called prophets of the Bajoran Wormhole? Would he live a non-linear
existence, interpreting time as something completely different?
*Patience, child, you have plenty of time* came a voice with no
source.
That was what he had wanted all along. More time…but somehow, in
this new existence, things felt different, not just from the lack of a
physical body.
He watched as his wife’s head rose from his body’s chest and hit
her comm badge, summoning the family.
They all came in and their eyes filled up with tears, no matter
how hard they tried to resist.
He wanted to comfort them, but couldn’t. He saw Lauren Lerner run
a tricorder over his body, confirming his death and noting the time on
his medical record. She was trying to be as professional and as
efficient as possible but she was just as distraught as the others.
Of all the stories he had heard about the after life, only one had
really intrigued him. There was an old tale that when the living thought
of the dead, the dead could hear their thoughts. Would he be able to do
that?
*Try and see, child*.
Tom didn’t know how, but somehow, he managed to hear their voices
in his head. Keiko’s thoughts were first:
*Grandpa, I can’t believe that you’re actually gone. You helped me
so much after Martha’s death, but I wasn’t able to help you. I’m so
sorry. I wish I could have.*
Help B’Elanna he tried to tell her. On some level, he must have
gotten through to her, for as he observed, his eldest grandchild went
over to help her grandmother.
One by one, he heard his grandchildren and childrens’ thoughts and
tried, as subtly as he could, to help them. As far as he could tell
there was no prime directive against it.
Abruptly, B’Elanna’s thoughts began to sound in his head. *You
left my heart in a million pieces, you know that? Why did you have to
leave me? I wish I could have told you how much I loved you. When you
were here, I didn’t tell you enough. Now you’re....dead. I never
realized how much I hated that term until now.
It’s ironic how much this hurts me. After all those times I tried
to kill you for being a pig, you’d think I’d be singing in joy. But with
that cocky Paris grin, you worked your way into my heart even with all
my defenses up. And even now, I can’t fully accept that you’re gone.
It sounds ridiculous, but I wouldn’t be reciting all this in my head if
I didn’t think that in some way, somehow you would find a way to hear
these thoughts. That’s how much I know you. Where ever you are, I’m sure
you’ll have the place running under your jurisdiction in no time.
I don’t know what else to say, especially since I don’t know if
I’m just talking to myself or if you can actually hear me. But if you
are hearing this...I’ll love you always and forever. I suppose this is
my final goodbye, even more so than the memorial service. If I don’t
say it now, even if I have said it out loud, I’ll never be able to
accept it.
Goodbye, Tom.
And just like that, her thoughts disappeared out of her head. And
as he saw, she passed her hand over his body’s eyes closing them
forever. Kissing him on the cheek, she left the room.
The other voice in his head, the one that belonged to no one,
beckoned him. *It is time, now Thomas. You’re duty here is finished.*
“Where am I going?” he demanded. There was no reply, but he felt
his consciousness being dragged somewhere, further and further away from
Voyager.
And for the last time, he looked down at his family, his beloved
wife, B’Elanna, his children, Priya and Gene, his daughter-in-law, Naomi
and his grandchildren, Keiko, Janaki, Rebecca and Mike. *Goodbye* he
whispered, and then he was gone.

****************


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© 1997 – 2001 Aurora Khan (ltrotsky17@hotmail.com)

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