i've alwas had a drream of being a producer. the time has come for it to come true! first, i needed a script. the gods must be smiling on me because my bookeeper has always wanted to write, and when he presented me with his script, chubby rain, i knew it was a surefire hit!!! it just needed two things: me to pruduce and it ramsey to star. the firs was alot easier to obtain than the second. i found out where one of hollywood's hottest producers was having lunch and made a show of talking on a hastily pulled car hpone turned cell phone. everyone has onw but me. after a successful meeting, which basically consisted of, "get kit and the script will be worth making", i headed to kit ramsey's ouse. cna you believe that little ingrate actually threw me out of his limo? you try to rtelate to ta a guy and he throws you out ont he street! well, mr ramsey didn't know it, but this made me even more determined to be in it. so when i got back to the office, i told everyone the good news: kit was going to star in chubby rain!! never had i been so excited in my life! so what if he threw me out of the limo. he's not getting out o it. but the crew and his costars didnt' need to know he had never agreef to be in it in the first place. we simply did things like when we shot the parking garage scene, we put my dog, betsy, in high heels. when kit walked, i motioned for betsery to coem. when he stopped, i motioned for betsey to stop. you ge tthe idea. and for the chase, we used an ice cream truck with tree on top. we put the camera guy in the tree and he started filming away! my dream was coming true! i was not only producing, i was directing! and then there's oiur leading lady, daisy. i needed start up captiol to gert chubby rain off the ground, so we hired immigrants to be the crew. best group of ninm english speakingpeopel i ever worjked with! they actually cauht ion fast! daisy got off the bus from ohio. and she walked in, since we needed cash., i was charging $25 in cash for open auditions. you read that right. i sharged them to audition for me. if things went the way i wanted them to go then i maight actually pay them. daisy wasn't even famous, bt she mae a fan out of her costar who footed her $25. sio she auditioned, and she got the part. she really was good. so you have daisy who will sleep her way to the top, kit qwho doesn't even want in on this sweet deal, (fortunately i know what's best for him and what's best for him is to be int hsi movie!), and we have...jiff. jiff is our errend boy.close up man. he coes the shots that i can't get kit to inadverdantly do. like crossing a busy highway. now jiff is not the bright one of te two of them, so getting him across was touch and go. i was pleasantly surpfised when he actually did i twic! (we had to do a retake.) afterwards, he swore up and down that he wasn't doing it again. it took a little imagination, but telling him the busyt cars were all stunt drivers soeemed to convince himt hat it was safe to crodss. poor nieve kjiff. he actually looks alot like kit for someone of no relation. well, filming has been going well. since our funds wer dwindleing, we came up with what i like to call creative lighting. you knwo those guys who stand ont eh side of the roads qwith signs? well, we had the lighting guy do that, only the sign, to make it reflective, was done up all in duct tape. as soon as kit's companion left, i sent carol in to say her lines and to get kit to say his. h yeah. i forgot to tell you about that. well, the caST AND CREW DON'T KNOW WHAT HAS REALLY BEEN GOING ON. WHAT i to,s them was that kit would not work with cameras and he didn't want to see anybody wcept the people he was currently shooting with (like, he didn't want to see daisy when he was supposed to shoot with carol.) since i knew all kits places, we were able to follow him around we lost kit, and we neded him for one last scene. that's whenjiff convfided that he was kit's twin vrother. hmm... i stioed that info away. i knew it woul;d be usefu; later. sure enough, i lost kit, and had jiff do some errands. coffee, find otu where kit's going next, and et some pencils. jiff was very happy. i've never seen anybody as anxious to run errands as jiff. there must be something wrong with that boy. jiff called back after he talked to kit and he reported where kit would be next. i said "good! and don't forget to get those pencils extra sharp!" jsut to make it seem like finding his brother was simply another errand that had to be run. well, after months of shooting, i had the edit jgn crew put the film togethe. actually, i did nore of it than they did. but they do good work. my men have been filming kit in his off time, in case we needed the footage. and it's a god thing too, because when we ran the film by kit's agent after we got caught, he reminded us of the little legality issue. simply put, my people were shocked that kit had no idea we were filming. well, anyway, my crew showed me the film and tiold me that it was good wenoguh to use. disheartedly, i took a look. there was kit playing tennis. and WHOA!!!! "boys, we just got our permission!" I showed thwe clip. you see, kit always had this fantasy of showing kit jr, as i will call him, to the laker girls/. the camera cut to the lakers game, and after the game, kit put a bag over his head and calle dthe laker girls. he dropped his pants when they turned around and looked, and they laughed. man, kit jr must be small to evoke that kind of response. asnyway, the film was made, we got permission, and everybnody but kit and jiff got to be int eh front row at the premier the film did so well at the premier, my fantasy FedEx truck pulled into my driveway with an offer for a new move starring me and jiff ramsy. i was not only directing, but also starring in fake purse ninjas! Name: Robert "Bobby" Bowfinger faamily: none sinifigant other: none movie: bowfinger