Author: Lady Angel the Part-time Succubus (Angelia Sparrow)

Email: valarltd@hotmail.com

Rating: NC-17.

Summary: Lady Angel has overdosed on Focus on the Family and lost her erotic nature.  Can the
folks restore it before she erases them from her hard-drive?  A Mystical Monkey production.  Deliberate
Mary Sue fic.

Spoilers: Wesley.  That's about it.

Disclaimer: These are not my characters, for the most part.  They belong to Joss Whedon,
Mutant Enemy and WB.  I receive no monetary gain for these stories.  Mojo and Jojo are the
property of UCSL and listmom Kate.  I am Lady Angel, and that organza dress is copyrighted.
it's the same one I wore to the Democratic convention in '92.  And no offense to Anita Bryant.

Distribution: Any and all.  You want it, you got it.

Feedback: Here's where I get paid, in applause.  If we poor shadows have offended, think but
this and all is mended, etc

Author's note: Sorry, I really did read too much Christian Conservative stuff lately, and it
brought out my latent fundamentalist.  (Which is rather uglier than my latent dyke) This story is
an attempt to exorcize her.  And Numbers is the census of the Israelites who made the Exodus
from Egypt.  The one where everyone gets seriously bogged down.  There is no plot, just endless
droning genealogy.  And the books Willow and Oz are reading are real, as is the Malleus (the
definitive witch-hunter's handbook)

Dedication: For Dr. James Dobson.  May his anti-porn hobby horse never wear out.

The gang sat around the table in the library, waiting for the fic to start.  Nothing much seemed to
be happening, which was odd, because by the second sentence Lady Angel usually had
something going on.  Giles leafed idly through a big Latin book.  Xander furtively examined his
for frolicking nymphs, but had to be satisfied with sexy demonesses.

A tall woman in a brown shirt-waist strode into the library.  Her red hair was caught into a
severe knot which emphasized her strong jaw and cleft chin.  Sensible flats sounded sharply on
the marble floor.  Her glasses caught the light disturbingly making her appear to have blank
Orphan Annie eyes.

"Ah, Lady Angel.  We were hoping you'd get this fic moving.  What's it to be tonight?" Giles
asked, eager but apprehensive.  He knew he was her big weakness.

"I am not 'Lady Angel,'" responded the newcomer sternly.  "I have nothing to do with that smut-
monger, that harlot, that succubus in insomniac's clothing!  And I've come to clean you all out
of her hard drive.  You're being erased.  I'm starting a five volume allegorical fantasy based on
the book of Numbers in the morning."

Willow put down her copy of _The Harlot by the Side of the Road_ and nudged Oz.  He closed
his copy of _The Ethical Slut_ and paid attention.  Buffy and Faith stopped sparring in the
corner, and hauled their sweaty half-dressed Slayer bods to the discussion.  Angel dropped in
from the skylight, wondering what was in store.  Wesley and Cordelia looked up from playing
footsie while pretending to be interested in a big book.

"Right! All of you clear out.  I'm revamping this place completely."  Xander snickered.  "No pun
intended, you bisexual, autoerotic idiot.  You are an extremely bad rolemodel and should not be
allowed around impressionable adolescent minds.  You promote at best promiscuity, and at
worst a deviant lifestyle."

"That doesn't even sound like our Lady Angel," Willow whispered.  "She looks like her, well
sorta, but what's wrong?"

"And you!  You promote false religions, encourage disobedience to parents, and chase anything
male.  How dare you sit in judgement on me!" came the assault on the hacker.

Angel pulled Giles out into the hall.  "Her eroticism and sense of humor are gone, leaving us
with only the shrill, legalistic shell.  We have to find a cure.  I've seen it happen.  Not quite as
bad as me losing a soul, but if I ever want to snuggle Xander again, we've got to fix it."

"And she's still trying to get that wedding fic to jel.  And I really do want to marry Willow."

"Funny, I thought you were more interested in the one she's writing involving the handcuffs."

Giles ignored the barb and set about looking through the book in his hand.  "Ah, here it is,
Possession.  Oh my."

"What?"

"It's worse than we thought.  She's possessed by Anita Bryant.  A simple exorcism should.... Oh
dear."  He patted himself down and came up with a pen and a scrap of paper.  "Angel, be a dear
and run to the store for this stuff.  It's vital to the spell.  And let's see if we can talk her into
some G/A smut soon."  Angel vanished as silently as he had come.

"Ma'am, you really don't want to do this," Oz was protesting, the others having fallen silent
from the verbal assaults.  "Think about all the stories you're still working on.  I mean there's the
fairy tale, where the most that happens is a kiss.  Or your 'Life by Moonlight.'  You can't leave
them all soulless horrors.  You have to finish and redeem them.  And Mr. Gordo is still waiting
for his moment of fame in 'It's a girl thing.'"

"Avatar of chaos, demon-spawned whelp.  You are a mere cipher.  Lady Angel uses you when
she can't think of anyone else for the job.    Now, all of you, get your things.  You're off this
hard drive."

"Are you going to back us up on disk, at least?" asked Willow hopefully.

"Silence, witch!"  The long family history of Catholic priests and Protestant preachers welled up
into her voice.  "Or I will be finding a dunking stool."  She thumped a nearby copy of the
_Malleus Maleficarum_.

Angel reappeared at Giles' side (I know, quick, but this fic is getting to me) and handed him the
spell ingredients.  Quickly the librarian moved behind the intruder and sprinkled her with orange
juice.  "By Tropicana, Dole and Minute Maid, I command thee depart this woman and leave her
in peace."

"See, exactly what Dr. Dobson rails about, use of the supernatural to combat the supernatural."
She whirled on him, only to be confronted by a square of pink satin.

"Spirit avaunt, vacate this vessel.  Peace between thee and me, by Eloi, tetragrammaton and
Adonai."

The intruder collapsed in a heap, a stocky, perky brunette spirit rising away from her, to be
enfolded in the pink satin.  "Angel, be a good fellow and dispose of this?"  Giles handed the
captured spirit to the vampire.  "If she tries possessing you, your demon can eat her."

Slowly, Lady Angel gained her feet.  The brown shirtwaist was thrown over one arm.  Her usual
diaphanous red organza had replaced it.  Her hair was free and flowed over her shoulders and
onto her batwings, barely concealing the small horns on her head.

She kissed Giles.  "Thank you for getting rid of her.  I promise something nice as a reward.  I'll
finish 'Myths' and 'We come to this place' for you."  She smiled wickedly showing small fangs.
"And Ripper, darling," she whispered, "you also get your shot in 'Never tell me.'"

"Yay!  We got her back.  Can we play?"  Xander said.

"Not yet.  I'm still not feeling quite myself.  Tell you what, everyone report bright and early
Monday and we'll finish 'Gamesmanship.'"

"Ewww!" came the collective groan.

"Would you rather I put you through the end of 'Oxygen Issues?'" Xander and Faith gulped and
looked at each other.  "I mean at least everyone has sex in 'Gamesmanship.'  Or maybe, I can
see about some PWP..."  Everyone looked interested.  "But be here first thing Monday.  We'll
see where it goes.  Or what comes of it."

She took to the air by her batwings, "Until Monday.  I'll be at the Den of Debauchery if you
really need me."

"Bye, Lady Angel."

"Well, she's back.  Shall we get on with the shagging?"  Giles grabbed Angel and propelled him
toward the utility closet where they'd consulted about the problem.  Soon, demoniacal moans
issued as the two men turned their darkest sides loose on each other.

"Good thinking, G-man," Xander announced, launching himself over the table at the two sweaty
Slayers.  They pounced on him and shoved him under the table.  Orgasmic moaning ensued from
the Zeppo sandwich on Slayers.

"Oz?"  Willow said looking around, only to find her lycanthropic sweetie busily removing
Cordelia's Gucchi clothing and buckling a collar and leash around her throat.  As she watched,
Cordelia crawled meekly along, as Oz led her to his cage and shut the door.  She could see his
head above the towels and hear Cordy's whimpers and yelps as they did it doggie-style.

"Your puppy is busy with his bitch," came a surprisingly cultured voice in her ear.  "If you
would be so good, Miss Rosenburg, as to bend over the table, I will take care of all the matters
he is leaving, shall we say, unsatisfied."

Willow bent over the table and felt her skirt flipped up and her tights pulled down.   A smooth
hand caressed her bottom before spanking it sharply.

"Have you been a naughty girl, Miss Rosenburg?  Have you been a very naughty girl?"

"Yesss," she hesitated.

"'Yes, Headmaster.'  For insolence, and for sheer naughtiness, I shall have to spank you.  After
that, you will be given a reminder to be a good girl."

As Wesley's hand came down hard, pausing in-between to stroke Willow to wetness, Lady
Angel peered into the skylight and smiled.    "I think that will keep them busy for the weekend.
Mojo!  Jojo!  You can stop piping in the crack smoke."

The two monkeys scampered over to her, and one climbed onto each shoulder.  She stroked their
heads.  "Yes, my pretties, I think that will do nicely."  She gave her best Margaret Hamilton
cackle, and took to the air.  "Fly, my pretties, fly!  Back to the Den of Debauchery."

Slayerettes lent their Power to the exorcism.