*****
Myths
c 2000 Angelia Sparrow
*****

"Oh man, this is so lame," Xander griped.
 

"Shut up, Xander.  We all pretended to be interested in your thing."
Cordelia kicked him under the table.  "Act interested in Giles'."

The librarian stood up and cleared his throat.  "When we started this
challenge, I gave serious thought to my ‘thing.'  Should I make you all
learn cross-referencing?  Or perhaps the Dewey Decimal system?"  Buffy
rolled her eyes.  This was going to be dull.  "Or better, just stuff you
with scones.  On third thought I decided a games of ‘Myths' would be the
most enjoyable and enlightening thing I could show you.  It's a game we used
to play back at Oxford.  The challenge is to select a myth and fit the
others in the room into it.  It must be well known.  No obscure Etruscan
pantheons.  No single book novels.  I'll go first as a demonstration."

He glanced at the group.  "I believe I can fit everyone into the Arthurian
mythos.  Buffy is our Arthur, the hero, one who brings us together as Arthur
united Britain."  She perked up under his praise, and then remembered what a
wuss Richard Harris always played Arthur as.  "Angel is her Guenevere, the
one true love, sometimes helpful, other times the source of trouble."  He
paused,
"Did I mention gender is not an issue?"  He went on.  "Xander is our Sir
Bedivere, the Gryphon.  Loyal, Arthur's right hand.  The one he entrusted
Excalibur to upon his death.  Willow, you are a problem.  In some legends,
Morgan le Fay is Arthur's ally, in others his adversary.  We'll use the
former in naming you Morgana.  Faith, unfortunately, has played Mordred to
us all.  Cordelia, you are Isolde, one the great beauties of the legend."
She preened.  " Oz, our Sir Kay the Seneschal.  You work the background, but
are indispensable.  Wesley, you have the dubious honor of Lancelot, ever
striving for perfection and ever failing.  I of course am Merlin."

Silence as they took in the words.  Most were flattered by Giles' perception
of them.  He seemed to see their best sides.  Then Buffy broke the silence.

"Ewww.  Angel and Wesley?"

"Oh, Buff, don't go there.  Scary visual place," Xander cautioned.

"That's scary?  How about _Excalibur_ where Merlin and Morgan le Fay are
lovers?"  Willow asked, sending a suspicious look at Giles.

"And the Freudian implications of Mordred's attempted usurpation, which also
include laying claim to Guenevere, his father's wife, are frighteningly
parallel," put in Wesley.

"Scarier visual place, Buffy, the bit in _Mists of Avalon_ where Arthur and
Lancelot get into it, after Guenevere falls asleep on the other side of the
bed," Willow threw in.

"Big ewww!'  Buffy and Cordelia harmonized in the sentiment.

"My turn," Angel said.  "As the one who got ‘ewwed'.  I say Greek mythology.
  Willow, of course is Athena, virgin goddess of wisdom, while Giles is Zeus
from whose forehead she springs.  Cordelia is our lovely Aphrodite,
occasionally Eris.  Buffy is Artemis, the huntress.  And Xander is Hermes
the trickster.  Oz is Dionysis, with his dual nature.  Wesley, you are
Prometheus, bring us fire from the council, being chained to the rock of our
indifference, while the vulture of scorn gnaws at your liver.  Me, I'm
Janus."  He offered a quick shift into game- face and back to normal.  "The
two faced one, looking both into the past and present."

"Nice metaphor, Angel," commented Xander, still cringing about the vulture
bit.  "Can we be any more graphic about innards?"

"Eww again," Buffy said.

"Oh, I've got one!"  Cordelia piped.  "Dark Shadows, OK?  Giles is like Dr.
Elizabeth whatsername, the brilliant one.  And Buffy is Victoria Winters,
who falls for Barbanbas, which is of course, Angel, our resident vampire.
Willow, you're a witch like Angelique, and Oz is Quentian the werewolf
cousin.  Xander, you're comic relief like Willie Loomis the handy-man.
Wesley, I can't really fit you in, so I'll just make you the mortal version
of Barnabas.  Me I get to be Josette."

"Cordelia, I can't believe you live in Sunnydale and still watch that show,"
Buffy said.

"But it's so romantic."

"I don't want to be a bad witch!"  Willow wailed.

"Well you did curse Angel, just like Angelique cursed Barnabas."

"Actually, exactly the opposite."  Angel put in.  "She gave me back my
humanity, while Angelique stole his."

"Angel!" Buffy protested.

"I watched it in first release, back in the 60's.  Grasping at straws,
hoping for a cure."

"My turn," Oz said quietly.  They looked at the werewolf in surprise.
"Norse mythology.  Giles, Odin Allfather, sees and knows everything.  Buffy,
Thor, the champion.  Angel is brooding Hela, half-living, half-corpse.
Wesley is Frey, not an Aesir, but a Vanir, an outsider.  Symbolized by a
boar."  He had to wait until Buffy and Xander quit snickering.  "Willow is
Freya, Xander Loki.  Cordelia is Frigg, goddess of love, and I'm Fenris."

"Great," commented Xander.  "Not enough that I'm chucking swords into lakes,
delivering flowers, and  waking vampires.  Now, I'm Angel and Oz's dad.  I'm
next."

Giles, getting into the spirit, raided his office and came out wearing a hat
pulled over one eye.  "Anybody got a pair of ravens handy?"

"Do I have to grow a beard?" asked Buffy.  "And eat raw salmon and guzzle
gallons of beer at gulp?"

"And you get a lovely blonde wife," Xander chirped.  "I liked the Norse
myths because I could pronounce the names."

"Didn't Loki get chained to a rock too?  With a poisonous snake dripping in
his face?"  Willow asked.

"He did," Wesley said.  "His wife took position beside him, and caught the
drops, but every now and then she had to empty the bowl."

"Definitely my turn," announced Xander.  "Before you give anyone ideas.  If
Cordy can go modern, I'm gonna say Star Wars."  The group groaned.  "I plan
to mix time-lines too.  G-man, you're Qui-gon Jinn, Jedi Master
extraordinaire, while Willow gets to be a young Obi-Wan, still studying but
learning fast.  Buffy is,of course, Luke, the hero.  While Angel gets the
dubious honor of Darth Vader.  Bad guy, but redeems himself at the end.
Wesley is too prissy and stuffy to be anybody but C-3PO.  Oz, man, I'm
sorry, but you gotta be Chewbacca.  No way around it, buddy.  But on the
bright side we get to starhop together, because I'm obviously Han Solo.
Cordelia, my darling, you can be no other but the lovely Princess Leia."

"Bicker, kiss, bicker, kiss.  Xand, you summed you two up perfectly."

"Oh, oh, my turn!" piped Willow.  "I've got it.  Celtic myth: Buffy, you're
Nuadu of the Silver Hand.  He was the great champion of the People of Dana.
Giles, you're more Lugh the all- crafted ‘cause you're good at everything.
Faith is the Morrigen, the Raven Queen and Goddess of Battles.  Xander,
you're Bricriu, the Bard of the Poison Tongue. Cordelia is Epona, who was
worshiped the most widely.  She was the Goddess of the horse but also a
patron of fertility.  Beltaine bonfires were lit in her honor, even as the
festival was named after Belenus the sun God.. Wesley, you're like Miach,
who was fine in his own right, but got killed for usurption.  Oz is
Cernunnos, half human,-half animal. Angel is Bles who followed Nuadu, but
was half Danu, half formori, just like you're human harboring a demon.   I
am Brigit."

"Color me confused,.  I'm not sure that was flattering.  I'm going to pass,
since the only thing I'm getting is Star Trek: Next Generation or the Brady
Bunch."

"Do the Trek, do the Trek!" Xander insisted.

"If you must choose one of those, please take the more literate one," Giles
added.

Buffy sighed.  "It's not very good. Okay, Giles, you're Data.  You have all
the answers when we need them and are willing to listen when we don't.
Angel, you're more like Q.  A being of powers we don't really understand who
wanders through our lives for your own purposes.  Oz, you're like Worf.
Stoic, but with a raging beast below the surface.  And I've seen you fight.
Cordy, you're like Troi.  But without the empathy.    And Xander is Riker.
He gets sent on all the dangerous missions, and still isn't the boss.  Not
to mention the "Will Riker: interstellar sex drone aspect.  Willow, you're
like Geordie.  Once Giles comes up with the answer, you can usually manage
it.  Wesley, you're, well, Wesley.  Perfect, but annoying.  I guess that
leaves me being Captain Picard, even if I do have more hair."

"You're right, Buff.  Not the best we've heard tonight."

"Very well, since everyone else has had a go, perhaps it is my turn.  The
only thing I can mention that you obnoxious colonials will understand is
Tolkien."

"Oh Wes, come off it," Buffy sighed.

"Good choice," Giles commented.  "Although I hardly qualify under your
condemnation, I cannot dispute it."

"Giles!"  Willow snapped.

"Onward," Wesley insisted.  "Giles is the Gandalf of this group, propelling
them into adventures.  Angel, you're a quandry.  Shall we say Saruman, and
leave it lie?  Oz is the ever helpful, ever in the background, Legolas.
Cordelia is at least as useful as Merry.  Xander rates a mention as Pippin.
Willow is more Samwise, while Buffy is Frodo, the pivot point of the story.
Lest you say I am over-inflating my importance, call me Tom Bombadil."

"Who?" asked Cordy who had seen the movie under Xander's insistance.

"Minor woodland deity type figure.  Rescues the heroes about twice, then
fall into obscurity," answered Angel.  "What?  I read it back in the 50's."

"Well, that was," Buffy searched for a description.  "Difficult and more
interesting than I thought it would be."

"Enlightening," chirped Cordelia a bit too brightly.

"I enjoyed it," said Willow.

"As did I.  Tea, anyone?"

*end*