The ways it didn’t happen
(a Star Wars/Persian Boy/UC:Undercover crossover)
The way it didn’t happen en route to Yavin
Leia felt fouled from the inside out. She took the pilot’s offer of
a shower and gone into the first
cabin she could find that looked like living quarters. The spare pair
of pants flung over the desk told
her it was Solo’s and not the wookiee’s. She locked the hatch behind
her.
She stripped out of her fouled dress and tossed it in the autovalet, following
it with her belt and boots.
She just hoped it worked better than the rest of this rustbucket and could
get the smell out. A flash of
scarlet caught her eye. The trusilk robe only confirmed what she had
already known: a mercenary, and
one who liked luxuries.
The water option was disabled since they were in flight, but the sonics were
unsatisfying. She turned it
up as high as it would go, and stayed under–scouring herself--until the shower
shut down with the
warning: “Dermal damage in two minutes. All sonics will be disabled
for the next twenty-four hours.”
She stepped out and looked in the mirror. Finding a good comb by the
sink, polished scented lerv wood
inlaid with tkil shells, an odd thing for a man like Solo to have, she ran
it through her hair, reforming the traditional
double buns. It pulled through her hair like a dream and she was tempted
to take it, since he most likely had
stolen it himself.
She padded back out to see if her dress was done and stifled a yell.
A...person of indeterminate sex, but all golden skin and long black hair,
was sitting on the edge of the bunk.
She grabbed the robe beside the door and wrapped herself in it for modesty.
“I thought I locked the door!”
The person looked at her oddly. “That my robe.” The voice was
higher than her own, and sweet. He stood,
wearing a pair of sleep-pants with cartoon spaceships on them. They
were clearly too large, and had been cuffed
several times. No breasts were on the bare chest, but his movements
were graceful and as delicate as a woman’s.
Leia demanded her dress from the autovalet. “Let me get my dress back
from this piece of junk, and you can
have it,” she snapped.
“I sorry, my lady. Did not mean to disturb.”
She ducked back into the fresher with her dress, and emerged to hang the
robe on its hook. “How did you get in
here? I know I locked the door.” She looked more closely at him.
“But I guess the captain’s pleasure slave has the
code to all the doors.”
“I not slave!” he protested hotly, drawing himself up to his full height,
which was the same as hers. “I navigator.”
A rueful grin marked this last. “Spacesick navigator. Next time
Han tell me not eat something, I not eat. You
think after fifteen years, I learn better.” His next smile was sweet
and just for her. “You lock door. I have
secret hiding place under bunk. Han tell me, hours ago, to go there
and stay. I hear sonics and know it safe. I
Bagoas, Navigator and Comm of Millennium Falcon.” He put out his hand
to shake.
“Leia.” She offers her own, but he doesn’t shake. Instead, he
lifts her knuckles to his lips and smiles.
“You very beautiful. Thought we in danger and not finding beautiful
ladies.” A sly smile played over his lips. “I get
dressed now.” He gathered some clothes and vanished into the ‘fresher.
Leia looked around the cabin. It was definitely a double occupancy.
There were boots too small for Solo, clothes
that were too fine for what she had seen of the man, even the comb made sense.
A small two-dee sat on the desk.
It showed the navigator, much younger, and Han looking no more than
in his teens, holding hands in fancy clothes
with flowers pinned to their chests.
“We go?” Bagoas wore boots, insulated pants, a shirt under a fur sweater
that looked like it had been knitted from
Chewbacca and had lined his eyes in black. A blaster, in a quick-draw
holster identical to Solo’s rode on his thigh.
He unlocked the door and offered her his arm.
Leading her into the passenger lounge, he announced, “Look what drop in my
lap, Captain. Is beautiful present from
you?” The young blonde man who had been moping on the gameboard
was on his feet in an instant, a look of fury
on his face.
Han looked up from the wiring he was working on. “Nah, she’s just mouthy
supercargo.” He left the wiring, gently
detached Leia from Bagoas’ arm and looked him over. “You feeling better,
Beautiful? I warned you about
Corellian food.”
“You know I not listen, old pirate.”
“Who is this?” Luke demanded. “And why was he with the Princess?”
“Princess?” Bagoas spun around and dropped to one knee before Leia.
“Your highness, forgive. I not know.”
“On your feet, navigator. She’s a paying passenger, and not princess
of anything anymore. Alderaan is gone.” Han
had turned back to his work.
Bagoas got to his feet and raised both of Leia’s hands to his lips.
“I so sorry. Very beautiful place. Han take me
there many time. Very romantic, even if have no moon.”
“You’re gonna ruin my reputation, Beautiful. You better go check the
nav ‘board. I think the old lady is missing
you. We’re headed for Yavin 4.”
Leia stared, wondering how such a lovely, well-mannered man as Bagoas had
ended up with a rough and ready
sort like Solo. But Luke looked after him, intrigued...
*********
The way it didn’t happen at Bespin. (First bit shamelessly cribbed
from the novelization)
Vader turned to the bounty hunter. “Put him into the carbon-freezing
chamber.”
“What if he doesn’t survive?” the calculating Boba Fetta asked. “He’s
worth a lot to me.”
“The empire will compensate you for the loss,” Vader said succinctly.
Anguished, Leia protested, “No!”
Chewbacca threw back his maned head and gave out a bellowing Wookiee howl.
Then he charged
directly at the stormtroopers guarding Han. More had come in and joined
the fight. Some began to club the
Wookiee with the butts of their rifles, banging against Threepio in
the process.
Over the sounds of the fray, Han shouted, “Chewie, no! Stop it, Chewbacca!”
Only Han Solo could deflect the maddened Wookiee from his battle. Straining
against his own guard, Han broke
away and rushed over to break up the fight. He gripped the massive
frearms of his hairy friend and gave him a stern look.
For a moment, they embraced tightly, then Han told the Wookiee, “Save your
strength for another time, pal, when the
odds are better.” He mustered a reassuring wink, but the grief-stricken
Wookiee barked a mournful wail.
“Yeah,” Han said, trying to crack a grin, “ I know. I feel the same
way. Take care of the Princess for me.” He gave his
partner a final farewell hug, then turned to the Princess, taking her in
his arms.
She pressed her lips to his in a lingering kiss of passion. Tears were
in her eyes when they parted. “I love you. I couldn’t
tell you before, but it’s true.”
He gave the familiar cocky smile. “Just remember that, because I’ll
be back.” He pressed his lips to her forehead, tenderly,
only to be pulled away by his guard and dragged to the platform. Leia
moved into Chewbacca’s arms, taking his strength
as a substitute for Han’s.
.Laserfire rang through the carbon chamber, picking off the stormtroopers
before they could turn. A pair of figures by the
door were shooting expertly into the gloom. No defense was fast enough
and all of Vader’s men were gone before they
could get off a shot. Fett did a fast fade and Vader melted back into
the shadows and stilled his respirator.
“Luke?” Leia let go of Chewbacca and dashed to the edge of the platform.
The two men, one no larger than she, confused her.
“You didn’t make the rendezvous, old friend,” said the taller man, his generous
mouth curling up under a salt and pepper
goatee. “We got worried.” He smirked at the binders. “Always
was a good look on you, boy.” He turned his attention
to Leia as he worked at Chewbacca’s cuffs and gave her his most charming
smile, one that sent lesser women weak in the
knees. “Pleased to be of service, dear lady.”
Leia Organa was not a lesser woman, but even she felt a twinge of desire.
“Leia. Please.”
The smaller man had no such reserve. He had seized the keys to Han’s
binders and speaking a mix of broken Basic
and Persian.
“Hey, hey, Beautiful, slow down. Just take the binders, and the explanation
a little slower.”
“We wait, like you say. And catch message you coming here. But you
take too long. Frank say we go find you, drag
you out of whoever’s bed and haul you to Jabba. Naked if necessary.
This bounty, very bad thing, Han.”
“And here you are, my beautiful Bagoas. Just in time to save my skin.”
As soon as one wrist was freed, Bagoas threw himself into Han’s arms.
From the darkness, a black gloved hand
twitched. The platform dropped and the last thing Han saw was Leia
screaming. His last conscious act was to wrap
himself around Bagoas as if to protect him.
The hoist hauled the carbon block out of the pit. It fell flat with
a hollow CLANG. Calrissian rushed to the side of it.
“It wasn’t calibrated for two. We’ll be very damn lucky if they survived.”
He checked the monitors as man, woman
and Wookiee stared over his shoulder. “Luckiest son of a hwimat in
seven sectors. They’re alive and in perfect
hibernation.” He affixed gravlifters and Chewbacca guided the block
down to the medicenter
In the shadows, Vader smiled. They had forgotten him, thinking him
downed in the first attack. They were unimportant.
He reset the chamber and waited. Now, all was in readiness for his
wayward son.
*****
The other way it didn’t happen at Bespin.
The smaller man had no such reserve. He had seized the keys to Han’s
binders and speaking a mix of broken
Basic and Persian.
“Hey, hey, Beautiful, slow down. Just take the binders, and the explanation
a little slower.”
“We wait, like you say. And catch message you coming here. But you
take too long. Frank say we go find you,
drag you out of whoever’s bed and haul you to Jabba. Naked if necessary.
This bounty, very bad thing, Han.”
“And here you are, my beautiful Bagoas. Just in time to save my skin.”
From the doorway, another voice cut through the darkness. “Lord Vader,
show yourself!”
“Luke!” Leia left off being charmed by the piratical man and flew down
the stairs. But instead of her much-loved
friend, there was only a grim warrior with a face that promised death.
“Leia, take the others and get out. This is my fight. Vader killed
my father. His troops killed my aunt and uncle.
He murdered Biggs. He tortured you and Han and Chewbacca. It
is mine to avenge.”
The three men and the Wookiee followed the princess out of the room.
Luke cast a pained look as he saw the slim,
dark-haired man still half-wrapped around Han, but put such things out of
his mind. “Baron, go to. I have no quarrel
with you. Vader, show yourself!”
The lights came on at the top of the freezing platform and the armored figure
loomed. The dance was about to start.
*****
The way it didn’t happen above Tatooine
(first part shamelessly cribbed from the radio scripts)
“I’m going to go change into something that doesn’t require a cabaret permit,”
Leia said, getting up
from the comm board.”
Lando, still in the pilot’s seat, smiled over his shoulder at her.
“A crime against art.”
“You. You’d flirt with your own executioner if she was a woman.”
“Her especially. Maybe I could convince her to botch the job.”
He laughed, the sound of a man freed
from the prison of his own guilt. “Go change. But hang on to
those. Han will want to see you in them.”
Leia snorted, but made her way back to the captain’s cabin, which she had
commandeered in Han’s
absence. He was dozing, still recovering from the hibernation sickness.
She tried to move quietly, but
the metal of her slave clothing rattled.
“Sweetheart, that you?’ Han’s voice was muzzy.
“Yes, Han.” She sat on the edge of the bed, knowing he couldn’t see
her nakedness. “It’s Leia.”
He reached up and pulled her in beside him, but did not grope her body.
“We all made it out alive.”
“Yet again, thanks to Luke and Lando.”
“Thanks, sweetheart. I...I know you had to do a lot of things you shouldn’t
have had to.”
There. He’d opened it up to her. “A few. Would you believe
me if I said it wasn’t all horrible?”
“Not a word.”
“It wasn’t you know. Turns out, Fett has a code of honor. He didn’t
hurt me when Jabba gave me to him.
He let me sleep in the bed and spent the night sleeping, in his armor, against
the wall. There was one pair,
though... A dancing boy and his owner. Most beautiful boy I ever
saw, and Jabba rewarded them with me
for the performance.”
Han’s ears pricked up. Them. After all this, all these years,
and a few hard feelings, they were still keeping
an eye on him. “The owner. Tell me about him.”
“Older than you. Going grey, but it made him looked distinguished,
not old. Taller than you too. He had
the most tempting mouth I’ve ever seen and some of the coldest eyes.”
“Uhhuh. And the dancing boy had skin almost the color of gold, and
long black hair, right? Long, elegant nose
and wore black liner around his eyes. Did he dance naked?”
Leia was nodding along with the description but startled at the question.
“No. Not quite naked. Just a pair of
loose pants and a set of bracelets. And a hairclasp that matched them.”
Han sighed with a small smile.. “He still has it.” He added,
“The dancer is a eunuch, right? And they didn’t sleep
on the floor. If I know them, and I do, you were a very happy and relaxed
lady for the next day or two, even
in that place.”
She bit her lip and said nothing.
“It’s been a long time, Leia, but I knew them very well. And they are
the best you will ever have, and that
includes me.”
“Han? Who are they? They weren’t on the sailbarge. They
took their own speeder out to the Sarlacc, and I
didn’t see them get destroyed.”
“They wouldn’t have. Frank thinks too far ahead to let a slug like
Jabba take him down. They’re some very
old friends, who still keep an eye on me. The deadliest, sexiest guardian
spirits a man could have.”
She lay in his arms a long while, until his breathing was regular.
Then she dressed herself, putting the slave
clothing very carefully in the back of his locker. She would wear it
for him, someday.